The harsh crack of the whip shatters the quiet of a thousand keystrokes clicking.
BILLYBEAR WHERE IS THAT THING??!!
Stoically standing before one of his many insect overlords BillyBear ignores the fresh welt rising across his back, one of many. He quietly stares into the rabid but dead eyes of his current master, "Which thing lord?"
"THE THING - THE THING!!!!!"
"Today's thing or yesterday's thing?"
"WORK SMARTER NOT HARDER YOU FOOL! ADAPT AND EMBRACE 'AGILITY'!!!"
"Of course. I'm also endeavoring to think outside the box and do more with less, lord."
BillyBear watches one overlord storm off while another approaches.
"WHERE'S THAT STUFF?!"
It's endless. They've painted a large bullseye on him so he can be more easily 'noticed.' He's responsible for 'the thing' and 'the stuff' that goes with it and they wanted it yesterday but are willing to wait until no later until September. The biggest problem is that they don't know what they want. He's sat in one meeting after another while they pounce from one idea to the next like kittens on speed.
He's been enslaved and all the little pleasures like writing in this blog have become fond memories. He wants to write about the BSG half season finale, he wants to resume operations at the Assassin but 'the thing' stands in his way. His car is no longer his and now he must bike to work, he's tired and misses causing trouble. Misses his pals. He grabs a pen and dashes off a quick note destined for the ether. He tosses it out the window when no one is looking. A robin carries it off, oddly lightening his load.
Jem, I'm sorry, this is the best I can do at the moment. I will try and write more often but thanks for the kick in the pants. MsTara even if I had oodles of time I would not gloat you silly vampire! Friends recommend and I was hoping you would enjoy BSG - it's quite a character driven show. Ace, just get better. But when you do, best come 'round for a bit. Lucky I had a panic attack and just had to check to make sure your blog was still there! Banky regale us with some deviant thing, pantysue post something wierd. Princess, I hope you're hanging in there! You're in my prayers along with another couple of souls I just wanted to say thank you for the MP3 that you did special for wittle ol' me. I listen to it when I can - it calms me lmao go figure.
BillyBear
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
A Brief Update
Mr. Bear wishes to thank all of you for the kind words, cards and cash after his recent bout of 'illness.' As Nurse GothGirl changed his IV at his super secret location, he was asked how he felt after his historic Princess call.
Weakly raising a paw and sliding it up GothGirl's inner thigh all he could manage was, "drained."
He has no idea how jem ended up the size of The Fifty Foot Woman on top of a Vegas casino but wishes her, "Luck with that."
We at the Assassin would like to know exactly what gas jem 'hoofed' and hope her relationship with Panty Kong yields numerous children and a long, loving partnership. If the bottom falls out of that there's always Tony D Shrimp.
We're all relieved that Lucky is on the scene dealing with yet another jam jem has managed to get herself into. She couldn't be in better hands. Well except for her Panty Kong's hands who's afraid of heights and doesn't love jem enough to go up and get her. And where is Giantess Gretchen when you need her?
Weakly raising a paw and sliding it up GothGirl's inner thigh all he could manage was, "drained."
He has no idea how jem ended up the size of The Fifty Foot Woman on top of a Vegas casino but wishes her, "Luck with that."
We at the Assassin would like to know exactly what gas jem 'hoofed' and hope her relationship with Panty Kong yields numerous children and a long, loving partnership. If the bottom falls out of that there's always Tony D Shrimp.
We're all relieved that Lucky is on the scene dealing with yet another jam jem has managed to get herself into. She couldn't be in better hands. Well except for her Panty Kong's hands who's afraid of heights and doesn't love jem enough to go up and get her. And where is Giantess Gretchen when you need her?
Friday, June 06, 2008
Green With Envy
Breaking News: Major acts of prankiness are occurring across the fair town of Paradise. Lucky's and jem's blogs were hit with graffitti along with MsTara's beloved car.
In each case a message was left in green spray paint:
The graffiti has since been cleaned up. MsTara's car was cleaned by a pet since the crimes occurred around noon and she was "sleeping the sleep of the damned" whatever that means.
Then near 4 PM the most monstrous act of prankiness occurred. As a frightened jem relates, "Well I had just gotten into my car when I heard this giggling coming from the bushes. As I started the car all this green gas came out. Next thing I know I awoke here!"
jem waves from what's left of her car
"Can someone strap some wheels on this thing so I can get home?!" Again the cryptic message blaming pantyRoss while exonerating billyHulk and the greenPrincess was found.
The top dicks Tracer and Friday were immediately assigned to the case. They found Princess Grace and billyHulk at an outside bar next to the tower where part of jem's car was located. Our intrepid reporter mittens taped the following exchange:
Tracer: Princess, billyHulk we have a few questions.
billyHulk: billyHulk not know nothing about jem's car or green paint! Ask pantyRoss person!
Princess: "Put a cork in it billyHulk," said Princess while slapping a pink object in his mouth, billyHulk fell silent. "How can we help you two officers?"
Friday: Why are you green?
Princess: Picking up Friday with one hand and pulling her close, "Why? You don't like green people?"
Tracer: Where were you two around 3:30 to 4PM today?
Princess: Turning to Tracer while simultaneously curling Friday, "We've been here. Just chillin'. billyHulk and I have a 'date' later this evening when I plan to turn him back into billyBear. So we thought we'd have "one last fling while green."
Tracer: Thanks.
billHulk and Princess Grace don't know nuttin!
As Friday was released after fifty reps of each arm she caught up with the famed dick, "That's it? My God Tracer both of them are strong enough lift a house. They could of easily done this and their alibi is shaky as hell!"
Trying not to be condescending Tracer turns to his partner, "Friday, look at the evidence goddammit! The notes at the scene of each and every crime clearly indicate that billyHulk and Princess Grace did not do this and that maybe this mysterious newcomer pantyRoss did! Sheesh! Criminology 101!"
"But Tracer..."
A "person of interest" has been named: Betty Ross AKA Betty Sue Ross AKA pantyRoss AKA SniffyBear. All we have on this former East German shot putter is this grainy passport picture. Any information leading to this person's capture, er, ability to be interviewed should be left in the comment section of this post.
"Can someone help me get out of here???"
Is that you Lord?
"No it's me jem!"
In each case a message was left in green spray paint:billyHulk and greenPrincess NOT do this maybe pantyRoss
The graffiti has since been cleaned up. MsTara's car was cleaned by a pet since the crimes occurred around noon and she was "sleeping the sleep of the damned" whatever that means.
Then near 4 PM the most monstrous act of prankiness occurred. As a frightened jem relates, "Well I had just gotten into my car when I heard this giggling coming from the bushes. As I started the car all this green gas came out. Next thing I know I awoke here!"
jem waves from what's left of her car"Can someone strap some wheels on this thing so I can get home?!" Again the cryptic message blaming pantyRoss while exonerating billyHulk and the greenPrincess was found.
The top dicks Tracer and Friday were immediately assigned to the case. They found Princess Grace and billyHulk at an outside bar next to the tower where part of jem's car was located. Our intrepid reporter mittens taped the following exchange:
Tracer: Princess, billyHulk we have a few questions.
billyHulk: billyHulk not know nothing about jem's car or green paint! Ask pantyRoss person!
Princess: "Put a cork in it billyHulk," said Princess while slapping a pink object in his mouth, billyHulk fell silent. "How can we help you two officers?"
Friday: Why are you green?
Princess: Picking up Friday with one hand and pulling her close, "Why? You don't like green people?"
Tracer: Where were you two around 3:30 to 4PM today?
Princess: Turning to Tracer while simultaneously curling Friday, "We've been here. Just chillin'. billyHulk and I have a 'date' later this evening when I plan to turn him back into billyBear. So we thought we'd have "one last fling while green."
Tracer: Thanks.
billHulk and Princess Grace don't know nuttin!As Friday was released after fifty reps of each arm she caught up with the famed dick, "That's it? My God Tracer both of them are strong enough lift a house. They could of easily done this and their alibi is shaky as hell!"
Trying not to be condescending Tracer turns to his partner, "Friday, look at the evidence goddammit! The notes at the scene of each and every crime clearly indicate that billyHulk and Princess Grace did not do this and that maybe this mysterious newcomer pantyRoss did! Sheesh! Criminology 101!"
"But Tracer..."
A "person of interest" has been named: Betty Ross AKA Betty Sue Ross AKA pantyRoss AKA SniffyBear. All we have on this former East German shot putter is this grainy passport picture. Any information leading to this person's capture, er, ability to be interviewed should be left in the comment section of this post."Can someone help me get out of here???"
Is that you Lord?
"No it's me jem!"
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Uh Oh!
Don't you think it would be much more fun to snuggle with me...
Weird pantyRoss woman coming on to billyHulk???!!!
Ummmm... think we should let anyone know he's out and about?
Me either we have enough lawsuits as it is. He'll be back... mmhmm.
Weird pantyRoss woman coming on to billyHulk???!!!
Ummmm... think we should let anyone know he's out and about?Me either we have enough lawsuits as it is. He'll be back... mmhmm.
Monday, June 02, 2008
A Little Patience
As you all know billyHulk is having a tough time of it. We all respond to the pressures of life in different ways. jem robs banks, lucky deforests large areas of the amazon, pantsue gets lap dances, banky does well whatever he does and MsTara slakes her blood thirst on innocent victims. Billy well Billy gets increasingly confused.
It was a bad idea to inject BillyBear
Yeah smash it billyHulk.
The effects of the untested, never been tried anti-denial drug went horribly wrong transforming him into the incredible billyHulk. We've constructed a special cage to contain him but it wont last long. As his rage increases so does his power... there were other unforeseen side effects.
billyHulk DESTROY STOOPID CAGE
Yes, billyHulk has become The Incredible Shrinking billyHulk just like poor Scott Carey except he's a hulk and all. At the labs we've tried everything but really there's nothing we can do.
BillyBear...
BillyHULK!
BillyHulk will soon fade away to nothing, ceaselessly battling increasingly smaller problems that beset him until he's... just... gone.
Sure he's always been a bit concerned with his height. As a carebear he towered in at four feet. He's about half that now. He tried to compensate by invading Poland, but honestly, who hasn't invaded Poland if they wanted to. And he's always been so filled with compassion and love...
BILLYHULK HATE LOVE!
that we hope you can return some of it as we know you will. Showing your concern and kindness as only you can.
As his rage at his RealWorld problems (very bad news on another very close relative there) and work noticing him coupled with MsTara baring her legal fangs and jem (one of his closest allies at one point, giving him the "back door route" for the conquest of lucky's blog providing hers was spared) pointlessly suing him... well last Friday's BattleStar and his inability to hook up with Princess along with lucky's mindless love of PCs was just too much.
As billyHulk's rage increases so does his power but he also shrinks. We've managed to slow the rate of shrinkage by allowing him to destroy small lego cities. He gets so confused, thinking since he's green...
billyHulkZilla DESTROY SAN FRANCISCO!!!
that he's Godzilla. He usually urps allover the city thinking some radioactive fire will come out before smashing it to pieces. Then the roboMittens come in and rebuild it during his nap.
So cut him some slack. There's only one thing left to try, one thing left that might save him, the one pleasure he's denied himself for months.
Princess Grace
Lucky, jem, banky and pantysue each of you have recently been enveloped in the sweet caress of Princess Grace. Billy too wished for a little sugar only to have those wishes crushed by shitty BattleStar writers and RealWorld events. If a similar fate awaits him this Friday then...
Well we also have a few comments to recent comments in the blog.
Erratum
Lucky with regards to Imagine we've always preferred BillyBear's version:
Imagine no possessions,
Said the multi-millionaire
but your mileage may vary. Billy has always been a tad cynical about being lectured by idiots from Lennon to Al Gore. Now Lennon was a fine musician and Billy enjoys quite a bit of his music but Imagine particularly sticks in his craw and don't EVER think he wont stop giving you shit about it.
jem, a lawsuit over Across the Universe lyrics? REALLY? Well we suggest you sue these folk and leave the Assassin out of it but what's another lawsuit? Take a number.
billyHulk SMASH silly roboMittens!
Gotta go ...
mittens
It was a bad idea to inject BillyBear
BILLYHULK SMASH PUNY PROJECT PLAN!!!
Yeah smash it billyHulk.
The effects of the untested, never been tried anti-denial drug went horribly wrong transforming him into the incredible billyHulk. We've constructed a special cage to contain him but it wont last long. As his rage increases so does his power... there were other unforeseen side effects.
billyHulk DESTROY STOOPID CAGEYes, billyHulk has become The Incredible Shrinking billyHulk just like poor Scott Carey except he's a hulk and all. At the labs we've tried everything but really there's nothing we can do.
BillyBear...
BillyHULK!
BillyHulk will soon fade away to nothing, ceaselessly battling increasingly smaller problems that beset him until he's... just... gone.
Sure he's always been a bit concerned with his height. As a carebear he towered in at four feet. He's about half that now. He tried to compensate by invading Poland, but honestly, who hasn't invaded Poland if they wanted to. And he's always been so filled with compassion and love...
BILLYHULK HATE LOVE!
that we hope you can return some of it as we know you will. Showing your concern and kindness as only you can.
As his rage at his RealWorld problems (very bad news on another very close relative there) and work noticing him coupled with MsTara baring her legal fangs and jem (one of his closest allies at one point, giving him the "back door route" for the conquest of lucky's blog providing hers was spared) pointlessly suing him... well last Friday's BattleStar and his inability to hook up with Princess along with lucky's mindless love of PCs was just too much.
As billyHulk's rage increases so does his power but he also shrinks. We've managed to slow the rate of shrinkage by allowing him to destroy small lego cities. He gets so confused, thinking since he's green...
billyHulkZilla DESTROY SAN FRANCISCO!!!that he's Godzilla. He usually urps allover the city thinking some radioactive fire will come out before smashing it to pieces. Then the roboMittens come in and rebuild it during his nap.
So cut him some slack. There's only one thing left to try, one thing left that might save him, the one pleasure he's denied himself for months.
Princess Grace
Lucky, jem, banky and pantysue each of you have recently been enveloped in the sweet caress of Princess Grace. Billy too wished for a little sugar only to have those wishes crushed by shitty BattleStar writers and RealWorld events. If a similar fate awaits him this Friday then...
Well we also have a few comments to recent comments in the blog.
Erratum
Lucky with regards to Imagine we've always preferred BillyBear's version:
Imagine no possessions,
Said the multi-millionaire
but your mileage may vary. Billy has always been a tad cynical about being lectured by idiots from Lennon to Al Gore. Now Lennon was a fine musician and Billy enjoys quite a bit of his music but Imagine particularly sticks in his craw and don't EVER think he wont stop giving you shit about it.
jem, a lawsuit over Across the Universe lyrics? REALLY? Well we suggest you sue these folk and leave the Assassin out of it but what's another lawsuit? Take a number.
billyHulk SMASH silly roboMittens!
Gotta go ...
mittens
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
