Stage Two Burn

I giggle, my hair lightly tickling my face as it cascades down, enshrouding his face, cocooning us in my own little private world. My world, his world, our world. For awhile... just... awhile.

My knees are cold against the grass in the park, I hardly notice, I'm focused on my prey. My plaid schoolgirl miniskirt rides high on my hips as I straddle him. I can feel his want, his desire to give himself... to me.

I whisper, softly, "Are you ready to spurt for me baby?"

"Why did you spank me? You shouldn't have done that!"

I raise off him, pressing my hands into his shoulders so I can assess him, I'm mildly annoyed. Nope, he isn't ready. He's close but not quite yet. He still wants to play, prolong the pleasure before submitting to the oh-so addicting, inevitable release.

"You were acting like a turd, you had to be spanked mister!"

He's staring into my eyes, flat silver disks that reflect the full moon, listening to the rhythm of my voice, losing himself in the fantasy, "But you're the babysitter! You work for me!" He pouts.

"Oh really?" I can't help but smile. We're playing one of his favorite games where he's driving me home after babysitting the kids and we have to stop by the park so I can pee. That sets the scene but then he starts getting a bit too frisky so out comes the paddle. In short he wants to be dommed by a teenager.

I can play that game.

Honestly, I can't believe I get paid for this, I'd do it for free. Just to feed the need. He has needs and so do I but he'll never know mine; however I'll strip him down to the core, I'm good at it, and more importantly, he wants me to.

He's been to see me several times now. Giving himself, knowingly allowing himself to become addicted to me, to the pleasure I give him. What the heck, if one thing's for certain, we're all adults here.

"Yes really! I have a good mind not to pay you for watching the kids..." He reconsiders this gambit, "I mean, you won't tell anyone... that you spanked me... right?"

It's over. I nuzzle his neck and whisper, "Can you be any cuter? I had to spank you baby. A little bit of pain makes this part feel so much better doesn't it?"

He floats out a tentative, "Yes..." His breath becoming increasingly bated as I whisper his brand of perversions into his ear before switching to my little girl voice, my Shirley Temple voice, "And besides you needed reminding that I'm the boss."

I sense his excited eyes are darting around looking for escape. It's far to late for that, poor little mouse.

I murmur, "You know you want to... spurt... just... for... me..." I nuzzle his neck, waiting.

"Yes."

"Yes what baby?"

"Please!"

"Please what?"

"Please let me spurt... just... for... you... please..."

"Mmmmmmm, OK, spurt for me!" and I bury both fangs deep into his carotid artery.

He spurts for me. I fill with warmth, it starts from my belly and slowly spreads out. My clit hardens from the heat of it and I giggle wondering, 'Oh my, I think I just might cum!' before suppressing a quiet little 'eeek' as a tiny orgasm passes through, waving on its way out the door.

He's still spurting and I have to be careful here. Some of my dark sisters like to drain their clients leaving nothing but a broken husk. That's not my style. Most of my clients are bright, intelligent men who I actually build a relationship of sorts with. Others move on, eventually they all do.

Like I said, we're all adults here.

"I'm all sticky and messy... that was a big one!" he proudly states.

Good he's starting to settle down, I smile, "Yes, it was a very big one."

He yawns already emotionally distancing himself, getting back to 'normal' whatever that is, "I'm sorry, I'm getting sleepy."

"Well you lost a lot of fluid. Maybe you should clean up, drink something and go to bed."

"Will I see you again?"

Goodie. "I hope so, you know where to find me."

And he's gone.

I curl up in the clearing where we played by the bike path, laying on the grass, idly staring at a picnic table, feeling the warmth flow through me. I listen to the night sounds, I doze.

My eyes snap open at the sound of a match flaring. Even before it touches its intended cigarette I've moved with inhuman speed the quarter of mile or so to the tree where that weird girl hung herself. I relax, my mind dialing down from murder to annoyance. If I thought this guy saw anything, knew anything about one of my clients he would have to go - as in die. A bit of a problem perhaps since he has no neck. But if one thing is certain, this dweeb doesn't know anything.

"Oh, it's you..." I put all my weight on my right leg, cock my head in the same direction and stare inquisitively.

"Have you seen ace?"

The little blue dork has decided to dust off his little blue dick and parade it around town, I muse.

"What did you see?"

"What do you mean?"

"What did you see?!"

He looks down and mutters, "Nothing." He gets my meaning.

"Look at me."

He does, staring frankly into my hypnotic eyes. Nothing there, he's not lying. I break the gaze. If you were to take only one thing from me, I'm aggressively discrete.

"Have you seen ace?" he repeats.

"I saw him over at lucky's a few days ago."

"Yeah, I heard that too. I went over and checked it out and all that's there now is the governor of Texas standing at the door calling everyone a 'mo-fo.' Go figure."

I burst out laughing, "Well that sounds like lucky. I could have sworn I saw ace there. Why are you looking for him?"

"Well he's gone, he left some cryptic message and just disappeared. I miss him, his humor and his kindness. I want to know what happened to him!" He sighs, "You probably think I'm gay."

Actually I could care less, "Well you both confessed to your mutual 'guy love.'" I tease.

"No girl understands guy love goddammit! You get so jealous about it!"

Oh pluhese, I barely avoid rolling my eyes, "Look, people frequently just disappear from this place. It happens, don't take it personal."

"Oh fuck that noise! Of course you take it personal. This is admittedly a very weird place but you make friendships, what seems like real friendships or as real as it can get when you're spread out all over the globe and it doesn't take much to occasionally keep in touch, you know?"

He has a point but after awhile you just get callused to it, accept it as the norm, "You mean you haven't heard from ace at all?"

"Well I occasionally get some sort of message from someone claiming to be ace. It sounds like him anyway."

I stare at him, cocking an eyebrow.

He sighs, "I just want to know what happened... that's all."

"He owes you, huh?"

"No."

The poor dear looks positively demoralized, I steer him back to safer ground, "What do you think happened to him?"

He brightens, "Oh he was MURDERED, there's no doubt!"

"Murdered?! Who did the deed?"

"Well he was last seen with Sassa, I need to talk to her."

"Who?" The name dances on my synapses like a drop of water on a hot skillet, I feel like I should know, or knew whats-her-name but I just can't recall. Weird.

He smiles gently, "Never mind. Can I tell you something... well two things?"

He can see I'm growing impatient, I sense fresh prey on the night breeze, "Sure."

"You told me once that you appreciated having me around. That you enjoyed my particular form of madness, I just wanted you to know the feeling was mutual even though you're prone to beat me. Paradoxically there's a gentleness to you that I find, well, pretty."

"Um, thank you?" I'm confused, what's he mean? "You're not planning on taking a powder are you Billy, er, Tracer? This isn't some backhanded goodbye is it?" There are so many of 'him' I get confused at times on who I'm talking to, the little blue cockroach.

Another grin, "I'm learning things. I will say only this, I'm not planning on 'taking a powder' and if I do I'll drop dime and let you know."

OK, I'm starting to hop from foot to foot, it's time to go! "What was the other thing?"

"Well maybe you've just eaten a side of ribs or won a hot dog eating contest but there appears to be a whole lot of ketchup all over your chin," he smiles evilly.

I blush furiously. The jerk, I'm busted. I whirl, putting my back to him, grabbing a baby wipe (tools of the trade) from my purse wishing I could see myself in a compact mirror! I scrub the 'ketchup' off.

"Uhhhh, I was at Rib King and..."

He's gone.

I dance off. I own the night and it owns me. I cavort, prance, dance and romp in it's stillness, its quiet, where secrets lie waiting to be uncovered and encouraged.

What's this?

Fresh prey!

I'm on him inside a second, grabbing his arm and twirling him around to face me. He stares into my eyes, startled. Yes, look into my eyes, I mentally giggle at the cliche, look deep, let me get a read. I've changed from schoolgirl to twenty something, tight lowriders and a t-shirt, you can just barely see the edge of my white panties peeking out from the waistband of my jeans. Perfect.

"I saw you take them, now give them back you pervert!" I say in a loud angry voice.

"What are you talking about?! Let me go!"

A few bars of Tom Petty's Don't Come Around Here No More float through my head,

Stop walking down my street,
Who did you expect to meet?

Oh pluhese. You put yourself out here, you came here of your own volition. You already know all about this neighborhood. Honestly, did you expect me not to pounce? A girl's gotta eat and nothing's for free. Grow up, time to pay the piper.

"You took my panties out of my laundry basket! I saw you! I bet you put them on didn't you?!"

"I did NOT!"

"Well let's just see..."

He's already growing still, like a mouse under a cat's paw. He's looking at me, listening to me, he doesn't notice his belt being undone, his fly being pulled down.

"My, my, my, what do we have here?"

"Listen..."

"Hush. You stole my pinkest, frilliest, girliest panties! You like girl things don't you pervert? Never mind, I can see you do, sissy-boi. I just love secret sissies!"

I lead my secret sissy off into the park where we can be alone and later as he stares into my silvered disk eyes and listens attentively to my soft voice he hears, just like you will hear one of these nights, my sweet mouse,

"Are you ready to spurt for me baby?"

Stage One Burn

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TWENTY-FOUR!

We interrupt this TracerBullet Billy story with the following news...

Lucky's blog will self-destruct in about twenty four hours!

I'm sad, your sad, we're all bummed out by it but there's nothing we can do about it (when Mr. Bullhead makes up his mind it's made up, GOSH DARN IT). Well except drop by and say something nice, a remembrance. I mean this is one gentle spirit and so if you harbor evil, keep it to yourself.

It would be kind of fun to jack up his comments on his last post to some lofty number with that sort of stuff (nice fun remembrances).

Intrepid BillyBear has already at 'ground zero' feverishly trying to diffuse the situation by egging lucky on with thoughts on the great times they've had together giving lucky more reason to do it.

I'll hush now... go to licky... er... lucky and say adios and thanks for the blog. If he's gonna do this help him do it right.

Lift Off

I step out of the house into the cool evening air. Paradise is a town like any other town filled with phonesex Mistresses and pervs. It's my town and something has gone very wrong here. I plan to get to the bottom of it, Tracer style.

Snapping open my cell I punch a number in my Friends and Family Circle... That always makes me smile, I have no friends, nor family.

"Yeah, meet me at PhukaDuk's Vietnamese Steak House of Sushi Delight!

Mom?!

I'm sorry, I misdialed. NO I DID NOT TELL YOU TO FUCK A DUCK! Stop crying! Look I gotta go! ... I ... HAVE ... TO ... GO!"

Sheesh.

I complete the two calls I needed to make and walk towards the restaurant. I'm hungry and I get cranky when I'm hungry. You wouldn't like me when I was cranky cuz then I get whiny and no one wants that. Nope these kind of cases are best solved on a full gut... of cheap whiskey.

I like to walk, ever since Friday plowed my car into the rear of a parked squad car screaming, "Where the FUCK did that come from??!!" at the top of her lungs, her eyes already blackening from the airbag, I've pretty much had to walk. Or bike. The thing is my trench coat creates so much drag on a bike that I might as well sail and I hate the water, plus my fedora flies off on the bike and I look like a total dork in a bike helmut. The gloves are cool though.

Fuck it, PhukaDuk is five miles away.

I turn 180, strut by with as much dignity as I can muster past a smirking GothGirl muttering, "Not one word" and come back out with my mountain biking shorts (they have pockets), t-shirt, commuter windbreaker, and two panniers packed with my Tracer stuff.

Sigh, and yes my bright yellow bike helmet.

Covered in sweat, I get to the restaurant about thirty minutes later. I chain my bike up, remove the panniers and head in. I've developed a chemical shake and my pupils are so constricted it's hard to see.

PhukaDuk is similar to any Vietnamese sushi steakhouse you'll find in hundreds of cities, towns and bergs across this fair land. Family owned it's a little run down after its heyday two years ago. Its clientele devolving from Paradise elites to the most sordid middle class pervs who haven't shot their wad on phonesex and can pay the tab.

The restaurant is long and dimly lit to help conceal what 'naugties' you might be wearing, it replaced some other store in the strip mall as the strip mall itself starts its death throws of increasingly 'Vacant' storefronts. Along the left hand side is a tiny bar and behind it a much longer sushi bar. Along the right hand side are a series of tables and behind all that are the restrooms and kitchen. Surprisingly, PhukaDuk serves remarkably good food as long as you don't order a steak, they're clueless about steak... and pizza.

Squinting for focus I stare myopically around the joint until I spot them about five feet from me at a corner table by the window, they watched me come in.

Lucky, a towering behemoth of a bass player, legendary with masterful powers of persuasion, once convincing the entire town to pay him a nickel when they said his name smirks and says, "Could you look any dorkier?"

Jem, her long blond hair obscuring her face in her never ending quest for 'heroin chic' having only recently mastered one half of that fashion statement, giggles.

"BothOfYouCanKissMyButteredBellyIfFridayHadn'tWreckedMyCarWeWouldn'tBeInThisPickleNowWouldWe???"

"Huh?"

I rip out a chair and plop down before immediately standing back up thinking, sitting's for fags. I reach over and shakily grab jem's glass of ice water slopping half of it across the table before chugging the rest of it down.

"GawdI'mThirsty!" I chortle while eying lucky's glass greedily.

Jem signals a waiter, "Bring us a bottle of Wild Turkey."

Lucky looks questioningly at jemmie. Jem nods in my general direction, "Look at his eyes."

"Oh boy," Lucky gets up and lumbers towards a waitress. While he's gone I grab his water glass and chug it down. I seem be be creating something of a scene. The waiter arrives with the bourbon and I'm trying to convince some woman at the next table that it would be in all of our best interests if she'd part with one of her Marlboro Reds while gritting my teeth and gently pressing a fork against her carotid artery.

Suddenly I'm picked up by the scruff of my neck by a pissed off jem and slammed back into my chair. Jem says calmly to the alarmed woman, "He's harmless, ignore him."

I'm trying to figure out how I feel about that when jem sits down next to me, half fills the water glass in front of me and says, "Chug it!"

"You'reSoFunnyWhenYouTryToBeAllDommieJem!" I giggle.

Jem just stares at me, she's not kidding around.

I pick up the drink and swallow it one burning pull after another, "ThereAllDoneWeGonnaSettleDownNowHUH?!" before I belch.

Sheesh.

Then I'm grabbed by the arm by a pissed off lucky and dragged like a recalcitrant three year old to the restrooms. Jem follows with my panniers.

He tosses me into the middle of the rest room and waves a long white object so close to my face I can't focus on it, "Smoke this."

"WhatIsIt?" I ask suspiciously.

"Thai stick." Lucky doesn't talk much.

"UmmmmmOK!" I grin, toking down a monster hit after jem lights it. "HowMuchDidThatCostYou?" I grunt out.

"I have to stroke for the waitress."

"OK, how much did that cost you?!" Jem and I laugh out loud although jem was about a full measure behind me since she talks so s-l-o-w and all. What's up with that?

Lucky heads for the door. Over his shoulder he says, "I'll watch the door. Jem, make sure he smokes all of it and changes out of that stupid outfit!"

"Heyyyyyyyyyy!"

I continue to drag on the joint while eyeing jem with puppy dog eyes, "Why are you being so mean to me?"

"Because you're acting like a Total Asshole!"

"Asshole is my middle name."

"Yeah but 'Total' isn't."

I feel the pot coming on, glance down and see the joint is about three fourths done. I hand it to jem, pick up my panniers and head into the stalls, "Here hold this for me."

After I get back into my Tracer attire I feel better, I have a grip. I'm certain I can convince that woman to give me a whole pack of cigs with one of my 45s where the stupid salad fork failed me. I pick up my panniers and head back into the restroom, looking forward to finishing that joint.

Jem's putting lipstick on in front of the sink, partially hidden by a huge cloud of smoke.

"Give me the joint. Gimme, gimme, gimme!!!"

"You smoked it."

"I did not!"

"Did too!"

"I so totally did NOTTTTTTTTT!!!"

"Did"

"NOT!"

"DID!"

"I did?" I honestly can't remember for sure, I mean I might have.

"mmhmm"

Whatever, never mind, "OK."

We head back into the restaurant. It's remarkably more empty then when I went into the bathroom. Go figure.

We sit down at the table and a sullen Japanese waiter comes over saying with that weird condescending tone, "What would you like to order?"

Lucky pipes in with, "I'd like twenty-seven pieces of uni and some green tea."

"Excellent choice sir!" says the waiter, brightening at the thought of his upcoming tip.

"UNI??!!! It tastes like rancid pussy!" I blurt out.

"What's your point? I like the taste of rancid pussy."

"Fine!" I glance at jem, who's next to order.

"I'd like a cheesecake please and a diet Mountain Dew."

"You mean a slice, right?"

"No."

"I so did NOT finish that joint!"

"Yes, Billy, you did," said jem while squirting more Visine into her eyes, "if I'm to get the bubble butt I long for I must make these sacrifices."

"Fine! But promise you'll stop talking like you're in an Emily Brontë novel!"

Dabbing her mascara jem replies, "Oh Heathcliff!"

The waiter turns to me, "And you?"

"The last time I was here I had this great cooked salmon dish, I just can't remember what it was..."

"Our salmon is raw."

"No, it was cooked and had asparagus spears..."

"OUR SALMON IS RAW!"

I'm shocked by his vehemence, like I've just insulted him and every single member of his family. My hand inches towards my gun while I fumble through the menu, "Oh! Here it is, Salmon Teriyaki!"

"Well of course we have many types of cooked salmon," he glares at me like I'm some idiot.

"Well I'd like that one, " I say while shoving the menu at him.

Fucker.

Lucky turns to me, "So why did you call us?"

"I'm going to find ace. I thought maybe you two could help me generate some leads."

"Ace is gone. It happens around here."

"No, I owe him. He took a bullet for me in Nam."

"Blood debt," says jem.

"Blood debt," says lucky.

"Plus he's our friend."

"Trueeeeeee" they say.

Jem looks over at me, "Tell us about the blood debt. How'd it happen?"

In an instant my mind flashes back to that Green Crotch... Viet Fucking Nam...

Ignition

"What are you doing?"

"Suiting up, enough is enough."

Stroking mittens, Goth Girl watches quietly as Billy dons his trench coat and trademark fedora. They're covered in dust and she grins with amusement as dust particles swarm about him, "Are you sure you want to wear that hat, it dumbs you down a fair amount - literally."

Wincing from the tight straps of his shoulder holsters, old scars and pulled muscles Billy glances at the fedora sitting on the hallway table with something akin to love, "In order to catch a crook you must first think like one!"

"Uh-huh. And what heinous crime has drawn you from retirement oh master sleuth?"

"Huh? That should be obvious. Look, did you reach Friday?"

"Nope. Line's disconnected."

"She'll show up, she always has. Run the Assassin while I'm gone."

"What Assassin? Other than the dread vampire Tara no one is writing much... well jem got blown apparently."

"REALLY? Jem finally got blown. That is news!"

"Ike."

"Figures some dude would do it."

"Mmhmm, there it is. She's been bragging about it in her blog. You don't have to do this you know." Goth Girl mutters quietly.

"Yeah, I do. He took a bullet for me in Nam, it's a blood debt and anyway he's a friend."

"The trail is cold." She tries one last time.

Billy dons the fedora, his eyes slit with suspicion, pupils contract to pinpoints, and his voice pattern changes "I'll find him, schweetheart. It shouldn't take long to break that Sassa chick."

TRACER

"Oh yeah, she's an easy one to crack," says Goth Girl stepping into Billy's personal space, "Cool. How'd you do that with the pupils?" picking him up and kissing him on the cheek before reluctantly setting him down.

BULLET

"Methamphetamine, cocaine, a military stimulant of some sort and coffee."

BILLY

IN

"oh boy..."

WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO BABY ACE?

Hallelujah

Goth Girl stares in disbelief, "So, I too want to cut my wrists."

BillyBear turns his doll eyes towards her, "It just goes to show you what can be done with a song. I first heard him play this in some dinky bar in Ohio. Blew me away. This version is close though it lacks the intimacy of being there, ya know? I got hooked with his Paris 1919 album, loved the title song."



"I'm so glad jem weathered the storm. I was never really that much concerned like I've said before, she's a tough little fucker. Plus she owes me money. My mind has been drifting more to Ace of late, I'm not sure why."

Goth Girl lights a cig and sips her coffee studying BillyBear, "Is this why the sudden interest in dirge music?"

"You have no idea how much I want a cig at the moment."

"Yeah, I do."

"Nah, I've always liked Cale, I personally thought he was the backbone of The Velvet Underground but that's neither here nor there. I've pretty much given up hope on ace's return. He was so funny!"

"He still is."

"How do you know? He might be incredibly unfunny and is hiding in shame because of his unfunniness. All we have is that comment but that was funny."

"So, Cale?"

"I suppose you'd rather me grab some bongos and start hammering out Yeats?"

"Nooooo."

BillyBear's eyes drift away, "There was a moment in time where we hit our stride the four of us. When we had more time to devote to it all, now we're pretty fragmented."

"Like the Beatles?"

"Yeah, cept we're all still alive."

"I always thought lucky was Ringo."

"Me too."

"So..."

"So I've been sitting here thinking of ace and that moment in time when we were a force to be reckoned with and uh smiling at it all. I'm grateful I got to experience that."

"Hallelujah"

"Yeah, hallelujah..."

For the Turnstiles

So, how was it?

Your summer. How did it go? Was it a good one? Did you have fun? Do anything new?

Yeah ... summer. It's over. It should role back around again though, it has in the past.

All the bush league batters
Are left to die
On the diamond.
In the stands
The home crowd scatters
For the turnstiles,
For the turnstiles,

For the turnstiles.
(Neil Young)

Time of Death 3PM Eastern

CLEAR!

buzzzzaaapppppp!

Oh for shits sake jem shocked herself again, pantysue give her mouth to mouth until she comes around, she seems to like that.

Lucky keep running on that goddamn gerbil wheel, when Giantess Gretchen finds out we stole it there will be hell to pay but we need the power and a lot of it.

Ewwwwww! pantysue there's no tongue in mouth to mouth, I mean REALLY!

Faster lucky, FASTER!!!

Good jem is coming around and jem when I say clear I mean it --- GOD --- DAMN --- IT. Now this is the third fucking time and if you do it again I may start wondering about you!

Faster lucky!!! Banky get on the thing and run, RRRUUUUNNNNNNNNNN!

JEM! Crank the mestabilator to eleven!

Yes, I SAID ELEVEN! AS HIGH AS IT GOES!!!

I know, jem, I know BUT IT'S OUR ONLY CHANCE, there's been no activity since July 18th!

CLEAR!

BBBUUUUZZZZZZZAAAAPPPPPPPP!

Oh for fucks sake, pantysue do your thing on jem.

NOW LIVE!!!

LIVE DAMN YOUR EYES!!!

... ... ...

shit

Alright lucky, call it.

No?

Fine!

Time of death 3PM Eastern, August 29th in the year of our Lord 2008. Princess's blog is dead. Dead, dead, dead. It's been too long and I'm a certified blogtologist, got a diploma and everything! Where? K-Mart. Where did you get yours smarty pants?

Oh for Christ's sake, poking it with a stick isn't going to change anything banky, SHEESH.

The Wall

Yeah so I'm sitting in this quiet room talking to the wall. The wall and I are pals, buds, long time acquaintances. Like a bad marriage I use to hit it all the time, sometimes flailing out of control, arms akimbo like a ice skater on acid, just lost. Other times I'd smack it with with intent, with malice, with forethought.

Hitting the wall.

I use to do it all the time but I seem to have gotten bored with it. Maybe I'm in touch with my inner control freak but the bigger rush is turning out to be missing the wall. To fire up whatever sensors you have installed, doing a deep scan and missing that bad boy.

I'm probably just getting old(er), more brittle.

So I wander upstairs, pour two fingers of single malt something and sit on the back patio listening to night sounds and the vengeful ghost whispers of poisoned chipmunks. Immediately I jones for a cigarette but manage to beat that back through sheer desire not to do that again. There are some places BillyBear can't go, he doesn't have the right stuff to smoke just one or two cigs a month when drinking. So be it.

The ice clinks in my glass as I examine my fiefdom, my chipmunk Auschwitz. Yes, chipmunks are not welcome here and they're starting to get the message. One had the temerity to scamper across my yard and leap into this little fountain of mine for some cool, cool water. Fine by me since I saw he made his run from under the neighbor's deck. If I see a burrow though, well, open season.

If it would rain here I'd have a problem with mosquitoes but not at the moment. The lawn has gone completely dormant, all brown and I don't have to mow it. I have mixed emotions about that - it kinda annoys to walk across it barefoot but running around with the sprinkler in some pattern every twenty minutes is beyond me at the moment. I just don't care. Crickets are chirping and on this Wednesday night, mid August, I seem to be the only one out here. I consider testing that hypothesis by masturbating but honestly, I'm not into it at the moment. Maybe after a few months of serious cabin fever when winter hits. Right now I'm just enjoying a summer night type, type typing on my little laptop here.

I haven't been posting much of late but I have been writing, mostly letters to those left behind when death's stillness steals a loved one. They need it I think, that touch when a week or so after the funeral they come home to an empty house and it hits them, the quiet. That's when it's time to cowboy up, they don't need another flower arrangement, they need contact, distraction, something to do until new patterns take hold.

Hmmm, the moon is mostly full and my battery indicator is past the halfway mark. Time is running out before I once again enter the fray of work and its unrelenting pressure.

I can't wait to retire.

I've started riding my bike into work. I'm a far cry from some tree huggers I know and the price of gas isn't going to kill me. I have no agenda to push I guess is what I'm saying. I think I do it simply because I can and the endorphins, I'm too tired to get dangerously excited at work. I hope I keep it up because it is sorta good for me but at 5:30am it's just me and the bike. At that time in the morning I look like a demented disco ball, covered in blinkies and reflective tape. If I get smacked by a car well they can't say they didn't see me, they'll have to work for an answer.

I have to hit the sack, big day tomorrow, riding my bike into work again, all that jazz. Maybe I'll work up enough will to hit the local pool tomorrow or Friday. Labor Day is nigh upon and time is running out.

I love these summer evenings and thought I'd look up from the Olympics and say to those of you that I miss and love,

Hello out there, how are you?

Well I hope.

TeaseTime (17 Jul 08)

I arrived about fifteen minutes late. Princess had just let everyone cum and was now letting them listen to her latest MP3 Milk It Boy Become My Underbitch!!! I'd post the URL but she pulled it right after letting us listen, saying something down the lines of, "I wont release this one into the wild, it's too dangerous and I'm a responsible adult!"

Uh huh.

Anyway it was full of sissy bondage and forced fem and was made special for jem's birthday and was a one time thing. I can't remember much of it since it immediately sank you into some sort of trance. I recall hearing mooing though and bitching. As the MP3 finished I saw I was covered in cum (mine, I was alone this time - Thank God! I hate bukakke MP3s let me tell ya).

So Princess laughed at us and told us we were even bigger fools than she thought since the MP3 was filled with hidden triggers! Then she typed (this won't work - it has to come from her) "Asparagus!" and her wookie started shooting copius wads of uncontrolled cum. Giggling like a stony she then typed, "Marshmallow Watermelon Pie!" and suddenly I'm in this black evening gown with with these black pumps TO DIE FOR, a rose clenched in my teeth dancing the tango. My webcam was on and Princess was watching all of us - I don't know how she affords the bandwidth. When I got to the part in the tango where you get dipped backwards I lost my balance and my head crashed into the coffee table, I was alone remember. Anyway the judges took points for that the bastards.

As I came to Princess was typing in "Grand Finale" and the next thing I know I'm tied to this iron cross thingy (I have no idea when I found the time to build that - no wonder I'm sore today!) with one of those gags in your mouth that has the hole in it all dressed up in sissy stuff.

I guess Princess was checking us out on the webcams because she's muttering, "Yessssss," and stuff then she goes, "Sing! Sing for Me and become My UNDERBITCHES!!!" I start tooting out:

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, dear Jemmie!!!
Happy birthday to you!

And since it was all of us it took on this weird kind of mushmouth tooting chant, well all of us except for banky who was making those squeaky noises that Maggie Simpson makes on The Simpsons because of the binky in his mouth. You'd think Princess was going to have a coronary she was laughing so hard, it probably would have given new meaning to 'The Stroke Princess' if she had huh?

Then she says something like, "Well believe it or not but there's some boy who wants to cum and I want to do him since I'm too busy partying my ass off this weekend, byeeeeeeee." And she was gone.

It took me awhile to get out of the iron cross thingy.

It was the BEST BIRTHDAY PARTY EVER!!!

EVER!!!

FUCKING EVER!

Sorry you missed it jemmie...

We thought of you though...

::serious look::

mmhmm, we did ... honest

um Anyway I hope you have a wonderful birthday and all your wishes (except those that do me physical or financial harm) come true!!!

Dang what a party!!! Thanks Princess!!!

My Where has the Time Gone?

Usually about this time I would start giving Princess shit about the interval in her posting. A casual glance at my blog and I'm scratching my head, June 17th? Really? Go figure. As I sit here stealing a few minutes I know I've got nothin'

I'm not horribly alarmed, nor mopey about it. I am so consumed with RealWorld crap that my imagination has shut down for a bit. I see that jem is being tortured by Princess (jem must hate that) and lucky has entered the window cleaning business. MsTara is still in denial about her wicked vampiric ways and pantySue turned one while bankyboo works hard on... well do you want to convince those Mistresses or not banky? I don't think you're trying, are you? Anyway all is well.

So what am I doing with my copious free time? Well unlike jem I'm not hanging out at gas stations fondling hoses and fantasizing about gas pumping drag queens. No time for that.

What did I do today? Hmmmm, well I worked. At the moment I'm living Le Tour de France, commuting to work and back, ten grueling kilometers round trip. That's six miles for you non bicycling pansies. I doubled it today since I had to ride home on some mindless lunch errand. Twenty fucking kilometers! mmhmm! They did 195.5km in the tour today, the fuckers.

Does Princess let me cum since I've quit smoking and am biking all over the place?

No.

She detests bicyclers, "BillyBear bicyclers are only good for mowing down in traffic and fucking their girl asses with pine cones. Pshaw, yes BillyBear, PSHAW on your gay bicycling ways! NO CUMMIES!" Personally I think I just brought it up at a bad time for her. Maybe she was having her monthly visit with 'Mr. Cranky Pants.'

Unfortunately when I say I work I actually mean it. I'm still sporting that bulls eye and getting sorta use to it. The bike kicks my ass so I come home, shower, veg out in front of the TV and hit the sack about 9PM rising again around 5:30AM to do it all over again.

OH! I did something new today after getting home, just to shake things up a bit.

I mowed the lawn.

Yep - ALL of it. Took about ninety minutes.

I hope to make TeaseTime tonight if I don't just fucking fall asleep. Right now I'm sitting on the couch plotting ugly deaths for the telemarketers that keep fucking calling and trying to make 10PM.

If I DO make TeaseTime Princess will be delighted to see the taciturn, zombie BillyBear, I'm certain of that.

Oh yeah, I'm a riot right now.

Oh well, shit happens and I'll either gut through this or I wont. The one thing I can't do is avoid it. ::shrug::

I miss you guys, hope you're having fun and all. Me? Couldn't be better! Thanks for askin'

Enslaved

The harsh crack of the whip shatters the quiet of a thousand keystrokes clicking.

BILLYBEAR WHERE IS THAT THING??!!

Stoically standing before one of his many insect overlords BillyBear ignores the fresh welt rising across his back, one of many. He quietly stares into the rabid but dead eyes of his current master, "Which thing lord?"

"THE THING - THE THING!!!!!"

"Today's thing or yesterday's thing?"

"WORK SMARTER NOT HARDER YOU FOOL! ADAPT AND EMBRACE 'AGILITY'!!!"

"Of course. I'm also endeavoring to think outside the box and do more with less, lord."

BillyBear watches one overlord storm off while another approaches.

"WHERE'S THAT STUFF?!"

It's endless. They've painted a large bullseye on him so he can be more easily 'noticed.' He's responsible for 'the thing' and 'the stuff' that goes with it and they wanted it yesterday but are willing to wait until no later until September. The biggest problem is that they don't know what they want. He's sat in one meeting after another while they pounce from one idea to the next like kittens on speed.

He's been enslaved and all the little pleasures like writing in this blog have become fond memories. He wants to write about the BSG half season finale, he wants to resume operations at the Assassin but 'the thing' stands in his way. His car is no longer his and now he must bike to work, he's tired and misses causing trouble. Misses his pals. He grabs a pen and dashes off a quick note destined for the ether. He tosses it out the window when no one is looking. A robin carries it off, oddly lightening his load.

Jem, I'm sorry, this is the best I can do at the moment. I will try and write more often but thanks for the kick in the pants. MsTara even if I had oodles of time I would not gloat you silly vampire! Friends recommend and I was hoping you would enjoy BSG - it's quite a character driven show. Ace, just get better. But when you do, best come 'round for a bit. Lucky I had a panic attack and just had to check to make sure your blog was still there! Banky regale us with some deviant thing, pantysue post something wierd. Princess, I hope you're hanging in there! You're in my prayers along with another couple of souls I just wanted to say thank you for the MP3 that you did special for wittle ol' me. I listen to it when I can - it calms me lmao go figure.

BillyBear

A Brief Update

Mr. Bear wishes to thank all of you for the kind words, cards and cash after his recent bout of 'illness.' As Nurse GothGirl changed his IV at his super secret location, he was asked how he felt after his historic Princess call.

Weakly raising a paw and sliding it up GothGirl's inner thigh all he could manage was, "drained."

He has no idea how jem ended up the size of The Fifty Foot Woman on top of a Vegas casino but wishes her, "Luck with that."

We at the Assassin would like to know exactly what gas jem 'hoofed' and hope her relationship with Panty Kong yields numerous children and a long, loving partnership. If the bottom falls out of that there's always Tony D Shrimp.

We're all relieved that Lucky is on the scene dealing with yet another jam jem has managed to get herself into. She couldn't be in better hands. Well except for her Panty Kong's hands who's afraid of heights and doesn't love jem enough to go up and get her. And where is Giantess Gretchen when you need her?

Green With Envy

Breaking News: Major acts of prankiness are occurring across the fair town of Paradise. Lucky's and jem's blogs were hit with graffitti along with MsTara's beloved car.

In each case a message was left in green spray paint:

billyHulk and greenPrincess NOT do this maybe pantyRoss

The graffiti has since been cleaned up. MsTara's car was cleaned by a pet since the crimes occurred around noon and she was "sleeping the sleep of the damned" whatever that means.

Then near 4 PM the most monstrous act of prankiness occurred. As a frightened jem relates, "Well I had just gotten into my car when I heard this giggling coming from the bushes. As I started the car all this green gas came out. Next thing I know I awoke here!"

jem waves from what's left of her car

"Can someone strap some wheels on this thing so I can get home?!" Again the cryptic message blaming pantyRoss while exonerating billyHulk and the greenPrincess was found.

The top dicks Tracer and Friday were immediately assigned to the case. They found Princess Grace and billyHulk at an outside bar next to the tower where part of jem's car was located. Our intrepid reporter mittens taped the following exchange:

Tracer: Princess, billyHulk we have a few questions.

billyHulk: billyHulk not know nothing about jem's car or green paint! Ask pantyRoss person!

Princess: "Put a cork in it billyHulk," said Princess while slapping a pink object in his mouth, billyHulk fell silent. "How can we help you two officers?"

Friday: Why are you green?

Princess: Picking up Friday with one hand and pulling her close, "Why? You don't like green people?"

Tracer: Where were you two around 3:30 to 4PM today?

Princess: Turning to Tracer while simultaneously curling Friday, "We've been here. Just chillin'. billyHulk and I have a 'date' later this evening when I plan to turn him back into billyBear. So we thought we'd have "one last fling while green."

Tracer: Thanks.

billHulk and Princess Grace don't know nuttin!

As Friday was released after fifty reps of each arm she caught up with the famed dick, "That's it? My God Tracer both of them are strong enough lift a house. They could of easily done this and their alibi is shaky as hell!"

Trying not to be condescending Tracer turns to his partner, "Friday, look at the evidence goddammit! The notes at the scene of each and every crime clearly indicate that billyHulk and Princess Grace did not do this and that maybe this mysterious newcomer pantyRoss did! Sheesh! Criminology 101!"

"But Tracer..."

A "person of interest" has been named: Betty Ross AKA Betty Sue Ross AKA pantyRoss AKA SniffyBear. All we have on this former East German shot putter is this grainy passport picture. Any information leading to this person's capture, er, ability to be interviewed should be left in the comment section of this post.

"Can someone help me get out of here???"

Is that you Lord?

"No it's me jem!"

Uh Oh!

Don't you think it would be much more fun to snuggle with me...

Weird pantyRoss woman coming on to billyHulk???!!!

Ummmm... think we should let anyone know he's out and about?

Me either we have enough lawsuits as it is. He'll be back... mmhmm.

A Little Patience

As you all know billyHulk is having a tough time of it. We all respond to the pressures of life in different ways. jem robs banks, lucky deforests large areas of the amazon, pantsue gets lap dances, banky does well whatever he does and MsTara slakes her blood thirst on innocent victims. Billy well Billy gets increasingly confused.

It was a bad idea to inject BillyBear

BILLYHULK SMASH PUNY PROJECT PLAN!!!

Yeah smash it billyHulk.

The effects of the untested, never been tried anti-denial drug went horribly wrong transforming him into the incredible billyHulk. We've constructed a special cage to contain him but it wont last long. As his rage increases so does his power... there were other unforeseen side effects.

billyHulk DESTROY STOOPID CAGE

Yes, billyHulk has become The Incredible Shrinking billyHulk just like poor Scott Carey except he's a hulk and all. At the labs we've tried everything but really there's nothing we can do.

BillyBear...

BillyHULK!

BillyHulk will soon fade away to nothing, ceaselessly battling increasingly smaller problems that beset him until he's... just... gone.

Sure he's always been a bit concerned with his height. As a carebear he towered in at four feet. He's about half that now. He tried to compensate by invading Poland, but honestly, who hasn't invaded Poland if they wanted to. And he's always been so filled with compassion and love...

BILLYHULK HATE LOVE!

that we hope you can return some of it as we know you will. Showing your concern and kindness as only you can.

As his rage at his RealWorld problems (very bad news on another very close relative there) and work noticing him coupled with MsTara baring her legal fangs and jem (one of his closest allies at one point, giving him the "back door route" for the conquest of lucky's blog providing hers was spared) pointlessly suing him... well last Friday's BattleStar and his inability to hook up with Princess along with lucky's mindless love of PCs was just too much.

As billyHulk's rage increases so does his power but he also shrinks. We've managed to slow the rate of shrinkage by allowing him to destroy small lego cities. He gets so confused, thinking since he's green...

billyHulkZilla DESTROY SAN FRANCISCO!!!

that he's Godzilla. He usually urps allover the city thinking some radioactive fire will come out before smashing it to pieces. Then the roboMittens come in and rebuild it during his nap.

So cut him some slack. There's only one thing left to try, one thing left that might save him, the one pleasure he's denied himself for months.

Princess Grace

Lucky, jem, banky and pantysue each of you have recently been enveloped in the sweet caress of Princess Grace. Billy too wished for a little sugar only to have those wishes crushed by shitty BattleStar writers and RealWorld events. If a similar fate awaits him this Friday then...

Well we also have a few comments to recent comments in the blog.

Erratum

Lucky with regards to Imagine we've always preferred BillyBear's version:

Imagine no possessions,
Said the multi-millionaire

but your mileage may vary. Billy has always been a tad cynical about being lectured by idiots from Lennon to Al Gore. Now Lennon was a fine musician and Billy enjoys quite a bit of his music but Imagine particularly sticks in his craw and don't EVER think he wont stop giving you shit about it.

jem, a lawsuit over Across the Universe lyrics? REALLY? Well we suggest you sue these folk and leave the Assassin out of it but what's another lawsuit? Take a number.

billyHulk SMASH silly roboMittens!

Gotta go ...
mittens

Temperature Rising...

Well that's just super! First Battle Star Galactica blew beets all over the screen. If lucky is looking for the definition of gay he should look no further then a Lee Adama episode. If that fucking Hamlet Handwringer can bring down a character as cool as Romo Lampkin then...

GROAN I'm getting angry...

I'm really upset! Then I had to spend half the night on the phone with the Law Offices of Wolfram and Hart listening to their endless whining about poor MsTara's delusions. You are SUCH a Vampire MsTara and we are SO staking you!!!

DAMMIT

And then not only was it the arguably the suckiest Battle Star EVER Natalie died.

poor dead Natalie killed by MsTara's and jem's indifference!

ARRRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

When I finally hook up with Princess in IM well it's too late for Billy. Not Princess' fault.

BILLY HAS NEEDS!

She signed off her IM with, "It looks like another week of denial poor baby ::giggle::"

Another week? And I had such a shitty one at work and now jem, lucky and even pantysue are either suing or giving me shit. Fourteen days? That would be a record for billy. I totally imploded at thirteen last time. I mean Princess had to deal with me SPECIAL!

GothGirl hand me that never been tested, we don't know what it does syringe. YES INJECT IT IN ME! It might give me strength to go fourteen days!

Honestly GothGirl you wouldn't like me when I'm in denial...

ARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

What's happening???? NO! NO! It's enhancing the denial effects!!! It's jem's evil boobs fault! I will so stake them too! NOOOOOO

Why jem, lucky, Tara vampire mean to billy?

billy MAD!

billyHulk SMASH jem's and lucky's puny blogs!!!!!!

Words are flying out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy
are drifting thorough my open mind
Possessing and caressing me

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Succubi and Vampires - OH MY!

Princess Likes to Suc?

We're not sure what a succubus is but Princess admitted to being one at last night's TeaseTime. Wait for a second and we'll check with the all knowing internet and see if she needs a good staking like tragic MsTara. What are you talking about GothGirl? You're a succubus too? You take victims using a demonic sexual death trance Really??? NO WAY! Prove it girl!



Pretty convincing. Is it fun? Succubusing? It looks fun. We can see more naughty bits in glorious QuickTime? That's awfully kind of you GothGirl! Lucky is going to love (in the biblical sense) all the boots! What?! I have to wear black panties, boots and wear semi-automatic handguns on my freshly shaven hips whenever I go forth to battle 'the evil that never rests'? How about Winnie the Pooh panties in a manly blue? Evil hates Winnie the Pooh. I'm not much of a fan of black. Cool! Do these Glocks make my hips look fat?

Speaking of Succubi

I have a call set up with Princess tonight BIG GRIN.

What a Week!

Did you come out of Memorial Day thinking, cool, they put a cap in Monday so one day down, only to find out that noooooo they compressed Monday into the rest of the week so you have the same amount of work in less time? (work smarter BillyBear... ROLL) And then get viciously attacked by one of your best buddies simply because you dare to be proud of your Macintosh while simultaneously being sued by your other bestest pal simply because you reported the truth?! And then your other best friend is hurting so bad that it's been too long since we've heard from him and miss him in a total guy love way?

sigh

Me too.

This is one of my most favorite videos of all time. Lucky will probably pronounce it a Macintosh abomination and jem will figure out how to sue me over it. bitter oppressed sigh Peep it out, and relax - it's Friday :-)

Newspaper Biz

pantysue was meandering through a day or so ago and asked a very good question!

And just what does a pet have to do to get on your friends list?

In our biz we have no friends. In order to shine the harsh light of objective truth and bring you the high quality of News (yes with a capital 'N') you've come to expect from The Occasional Assassin we can have no friends.

We're bummed out about it. On the staff we don't even like each other... much. And two of the three staff members are imaginary which means we don't like ourselves... OH! That reminds me to take my Thorazine! Screw it, I'm fine.

Glancing at our sidebar in a nervous, skittish way we see that pantysue has pointed out an artifact from a bygone era. A time when we had friends. We'll correct that oversight in due time.

Pantysue Continues to Run Amok

Imaginary sources close to the mysterious ('psoo'? best we can come up with is phone sex operator ophthalmologist) pantysue indicate that she's going to pierce herself with a railroad spike. In fact this railroad spike:

"It's been in the family since the well I don't know, but I know, well I think I heard somewhere great grandpa BraLoverLenny pulled it out of a railroad derailing a train carrying stuff which lead to a lot of noise... and..." pantysue trails off under mittens' doubtful glare, "OK, OK I bought it on eBay... quit staring at me!"

Pantysue, looking somewhat pensive but putting on a brave face and too much mascara said, "Once I ram this puppy through, that cage is never coming off! Ha jemmie! HA! HA! HA!"

In other pantsue news she's either gotten a boob job or is consumed with, how you say? wishful thinking but she's asking for breast form sizes so she can wear a third world bra where they can't afford cups. What are breast forms? We thought you were a serious sissy pantsue and got the boob job since you were doing the spike thing and the needles and stuff now we have to retract the first sentence of this paragraph and we don't want to - too much work so get the boob job you sissy you and pert ones that might be explainable in the locker room!

Bankyboo Dishes

Well bankyboo decided to let us know what perversions he's been indulging in of late and managed to get caged again to boot. Check it out! One particular comment gave us pause:

i mostly ended up with a little mess on my tummy before pulling my diaper back up over my little sissy cock

Diaper? The reason I somewhat nervously bring it up is that I recently turned fifty and note that banky's 'About Me' section informs me that he's fifty-six. So I'm nervously asking, uh, banky this is a turn on thing for you right? The diaper? Because... well... anyway I hope that's what it is! Feel free to lie to me if necessary!

jem Finally Posts About Last Thursday's TeaseTime

Well, about time. Anyway jem is suing us apparently. For slander. ROLL. We'd say more about the post but since we're getting sueeeeeeeed.

Sticks tongue out at jem...

Weekend - Enjoy the Extra Day!

Yeah so I've got this work thing going on and all you BASTARDS decide today is a good day to post.

sigh

SIGH

So now I have to rush about and get something out! Sheesh.

So let's get ON IT!

Sullen Reviews

Well thank God V decided to stroll into work today to pick up her paycheck so that I could uh remind her of exactly WHY she's getting paid! Sheesh, teenagers! She reviews several films (Juno, Sweeny Todd, Hard Candy, 27 Dresses, and Fallen - not bad V!) and I'll leave it to the reader to figure out how to actually read them. Put your thinking caps on and check it out. When you're done with that read her poems, they're quite good really! And after that cut your wrists - V would respect you.

Bankyboo Remembers

He's remembered his password and then puts up this sorta teasy post wondering if we'd be interested in some of his calls. Hmmmmm banky, leave the teasing to the professionals and DISH! Also check out soon to be pierced pantysue's Ode to Banky in the comments section.

Lucky's Enthrallment Continues

Yep, he's still fixated on that map even with my legions poised on his borders he continues to fiddle while Rome starts to burn. In what must feel a lot like drinking a mess-o-saltpeter before your Princess call he first shows there is no electricity in Africa before wanting us to send refurbished computers to them for porn. Huh? Are they solar powered? Princess comments that a non profit should be formed to "Give Africa The Internet Porn They Deserve!" Hmmmmm

The Occasional Assassin Forms Nonprofit to Aid Africa

We're proud to tell you that we've just formed a non profit to aid those in Africa called Give Africa The Internet Porn They Deserve! or GATIPTD for short! It's a lot like Live Aid but better! No whiny, spoiled rock stars for example! Send your money to The Occasional Assassin or gift us the money in Princess calls and we'll make sure those in Africa get what they deserve!

Why? Because we care! Think of the children! Give till it hurts you financial dom guys!

Jem Still Withholds TeaseTime Report

Lucky was saddened by this news but jem refuses to post about it until more of you give to GATIPTD. "It's the principal of the thing BillyBear" says an adamant jem.

Princess Wants You to Stop Touching the Monkeys (No, not the band though they're kinda old so ewwww)

In a heart rending video Princess Grace tries to warn us of the various issues facing us today. Though she remains strangely mum on the high cost of phone sex - go figure. She got two guys to sing a song about all of this madness in the world. Listen to them... yeah NOW!

An End to Hostilities

Finally I have to postpone the invasion of lucky's blog because I have this barbecue thing I gotta do. I'll try and get back to it next week, but work ya know? I hope you have lots of fun during this extended weekend and if you don't have a party to go to well drop by, I'll make room. Seriously. twiddles thumbs

I mean WTF?

Well I don't know which of you rat bastards spilled the beans but I have been noticed, yes NOTICED at work. Darn it! Work was 'me' time and now it's, "Where's that review BillyBear?" and "What's the project status of blah?" and "I need that goddamned report yesterday or the very wheels of the corporation will grind to a halt even though I've never heard of server transaction rates across the network before!" and the dreaded, "Are you giving me 'the eye' BillyBear?"

Well I need a plan of attack if they're actually expecting me to get this crap done. A methodology would be nice to make sure that I'm focused and in tune with the corporate mission statement whatever the heck that is. Let me look...

We want to help people.

We do? When did that sappy crap happen? I thought we wanted to make money hand over fist. I know I do. My mission statement is 'Don't get your ass fired, you need that insurance copay!'

What to do? This book should help me become more productive in the work place and at home! Yeah, I'll have to study that for a few days and make sure I'm doing it right, probably need some software to help keep track of my deep thoughts. OH! And less stress??? Cause I'm kinda stressing right now. So I'm going to hunker down in my cubicle and read this thing and when people walk by they'll see me reading this thing and be comforted by the fact that BillyBear is on it! And if I stay on it! long enough eventually I'll be permitted to slide back down off of everyone's radar into the warm, pee filled pool of anonymity.

So I wont be able to keep up my typical break neck speed in the posting arena delivering to you the in depth, quality news as often as you've come to expect. It would be a BIG help if you SOBs would get noticed at your jobs too so that the likely hood of anyone posting interesting things would go down.

Super! I just got a paper cut. GothGirl would you fill out this disability form? This cut is keeping me from doing my job.

Lucky's Peaceful Easy Feeling

Well someone forgot to lock the door and lucky got into the medicine again. He's been looking over Princess' visitors map and noted she's getting quite a few hits from war torn uptight countries. Then he gets sorta misty about peace breaking out all over the place not realizing he's shot himself in the foot right off the bat. Lucky, if President Bush and Condie are tying up Princess' time how is she going to enslave others? Huh?

Anyway we appreciate the sentiment but if we don't finish our bi-weekly-monthly status update our manager is going to throw such a hissy! Which are kinda fun to watch but not when directed at yours truly.

Pierced Chaste Feeling His Oats

As you know we tend to keep an eye on chaste and his musings. I only know him through the chatroom and he seems like a nice enough bloke but I'm not sure what he meant by this:

One thing i have been thinking about - if one takes submission to a logical conclusion, the sub should request, in fact beg, for this treatment [P/A piercing] from his Mistress.

Really??? And if the sub doesn't request/beg for this treatment are they less of a sub? That's the inference I'm getting from the statement. Anyway I disagree. I think it's between the sub and the Mistress on 'level of devotion' and what works best for them. I will make the assumption that each Mistress/sub pairing is unique and so what works for one sub might not work for another. I guess I would have felt better if you had some sort of 'for me' inclusion in your statement above.

As written it reads like you're throwing down the gauntlet and assuming the oxymoronic title of 'King Sub' if no one else opts for this P/A piercing thing. I'm relatively certain that's not what you intended chaste but I can see pantysue over there nervously picking up a railroad spike to keep her cage on more securely and take her submission to its logical conclusion with Princess.

Is this how subs fight?

For Those of You Into Panty Pics

Enjoy!

MsTara Sighting!

Word on the street is that MsTara has returned from rehab or someplace. We can't recall, we seem to have forgotten something important about her, what was it? Oh well I have a very important email to write... bitter sigh

Princess Continues Settling Down Uptight Countries

Lucky once again staring into the abyss of Princess' pet map has noticed further outbreak of well something and has called it a trend. Something to do with peace or Turkey. Check it out and let me know if you can make heads or tails of it but he seems to think Princess is calming these boys down and in his comment section it appears that MsGrace agrees.

NewsFlash: The Occasional Assassin Invades Poland!

Reich Marshal BillyBear reports a successful blitzkrieg into Poland and is now marching on Lucky Bastard's blog, "Ace was a pushover, being sick and all. He probably doesn't even know we're there. PantyPlastyBankysue's blog fell in seconds after Warsaw's collapse. Once we take out lucky we'll move on jem's blog, she's tougher than she looks unless we catch her in those ballet boots. We're not worried about bankyboo until he remembers his password. Timing is everything in war!"

Screaming into a microphone Das Furry Reich Marshal BillyBear said, "We'll continue to march on blogs and act like uptight assholes until someone comes over and settles us down!" He stared pointedly at Princess Grace before sticking his tongue out at her.

Check out MY map lucky!

Take Care Ace!

Well after our our weekend we're pretty tired so we appreciate everyone not posting much this weekend while we try to recover.

Ace is apparently having problems and we wish him a quick and speedy recovery! We suspect it has to do with his trying concentrating on lucky's dinky Wank Picture of the Moment. We too have found ourselves, x-ray goggles pulled down, eyes inches from the monitor trying to get a better looksee at what currently is occupying his, um, fancy. Lucky calls his hand fancy right? Like banky calls his Fist of Fury? When did everyone name their hand? Mine is just called hand which is really boring!

In all seriousness though we hope ace can get on top of this headache thing in a hurry and get better! He's always missed when not about!

Chaste4MsCass Takes Another Step

Towards his total enslavement. I don't really understand it, meaning exactly how this is suppose to work but chaste gave further explanation and apparently once this chastity device is in place it will take a scalpel to remove it (or a key from MsCassandra which I've formed the impression is statistically less likely). CRINGE - we told you that chaste plays hardcore and I wish him well. I've got an old dissection kit with a scalpel (might have some dried frog guts on it) laying about if chaste needs it! We at the Occasional Assassin have got your back chaste!

News Flash: Lucky Spanks the Monkey

OK, Okaaaayyy it's a slow news day and that's not really news - sigh

Sleepy jem Phones in Tease Time Report

Well she did. Read it and tell me I'm wrong. Lucky isn't going to like this jem, nope. You're in big trouble now missy!!!

Envy

We're consumed with it at the moment. Well what is it? Wikipedia informs us that, Envy may be defined as an emotion that "occurs when a person lacks another’s superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it."

YAWN - I'm sorry what were you saying professor? Anyway we're picture people and this pretty much summed it up for us:


Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. So what are we envious about? Well there's this:

The Occasional Assassin's Recent Visitors after one week

Princess Grace's Recent Visitors after twenty hours.

Go visit Princess' blog (particularly if you're from Africa, the former Soviet Union or Antarctica) though we suspect that all too soon her map will look like a pink nightmare. Click on the map, the close up is pretty cool!

We're also envious of the fact that lucky completely and totally scooped us, the prick! He has YouTube footage of jem stumbling around in those boots of hers. GAWD those things look painful!

Check it out! We'll just be over here in the hallway, wearing our coats and hanging out.

TeaseTime and a High FIVE!

We'll leave most of the details for jem but Princess dealt with a room full of horny ones and she kicked out not one, not two, not three, not four, but FIVE MP3s!!! She has everything from stroker to bondage sissy so we're certain you'll find something you like off this smorgasbord of perversion. On a minor note we got busted by Princess when we were a tad overzealous in keeping the MP3s coming having to admit we weren't actually listening to them at the time.

In unrelated news jbauling remained a horses ass. We fear there is no cure!