But I Can Hear Another Drum Beating for the Dead That Rise

An improved transmorgifier (build 7.432a) sits in a secret lab. Thirty roboMittens man various consoles and devices, a large photonigenerator (build 2.1845c) is humming at thirty percent capacity, its' beam passing through a window in the transmorgifier door. If you were to follow the long orange extension chord coming from the back of the photonigenerator through the caverns, up across the fields and through the woods you'll find it plugged into the back of ace's mansion; his electric meter dials spinning like so many airplane propellers.

"Check ... check ... can you hear me roboMittens? Good! Then the photonic beam is locked on me. You've placed the Adamantium skeleton inside the transmorgifier along with the healing factor? Use lots of ..."

incoming message from the eighteenth dimension ...

"Yes Og I still love you my little virgin! Kiss-kiss! I'm a wittle busy here muffin ... talk to you soon!"

"Sheesh, what is that like the fourth time this hour? OK, look just dunk the care bear in the healing factor would ya? I KNOW it's a lot but I'd rather have too much than too little, toss in some extra Adamantium too I'm thinking of putting a few additional layers around my skull based on what happened ..."

incoming message from the eighteenth dimension ...

"Oh for crying out loud! What now Og?! I'm sorry ... please don't cry ... I know you're trying to get everything set for the wedding, hold the pattern up so I can see it. What's it called? Hopping Bunnies? Yeah that's cute Og, sure fine by me ... why is the sales girl saying 'Take it BITCH!'? I'm not fond of 'the hard sale' Og ... WHAT POWER FLUCTUATIONS roboMittens?!! Og, yes yes hop for me Og - I gotta go."

"Yeesh roboMittens that pattern should have been called An Affront to God instead of Hopping Bunnies! I know, I know roboMittens but any leftover Adamantium or healing factor will just sit in the chamber after I reintegrate, we'll clean it up later. We've got to find the source of those power fluctuations! That's most important at the moment!"

Purrrrrrrr

"Oh I'm sorry roboMittens, Princess is petting her naughty little kitty. HEY! I really am her pet! In your face lucky and jem!!! Yummm, she's hand feeding me Meow-Mix at the moment, she gives me treats all the time cause I'm so adorable. Awwww now she's holding up a saucer of cream. Yummy! Can't get enough of that!!!"

Purrrrrrrr

"Oh jeez there she goes! Back to the rocking horse ... you should see her, you'd think she was entered in the Preakness Stakes the way she rides that fucker! GO PRINCESS GO!!

What? A bad coupler? Well replace it and that should stop the power fluc ..."

incoming message from the eighteenth dimension ...

"roboMittens would ya just fix the gosh darn coupler then. I'd do it myself if I wasn't stuck in this cat's head ... WHAT IS IT OG and how did you get this number? This is the sixth time in five hours, I already said that china pattern was fine! ... Look roboMittens we need more power, if we cant get the photonigenerator in the two petawatt range then we might as well shut down and say fuck it all! ... well tap into the town power grid then!

Oh super! NOW Princess decides to break out the catnip. Get it away from me! Git! Oh drat I got a pretty good whiff that time ... heh ... this is fun isn't Princess? Oh yes I am! I'm Princess's naughty kitty, I'm SUCH A NAUGHTY kitty ...

I've got to get a grip ... there's plenty of time to hit-the-nip when I'm back...

Og, I'm really busy right now trying to get back into your dimension, I'll call ya back ... IS THAT LUCKY? Normally all I see is some office wall ... Hey lucky ... what are you doing? I'm not listening to one of your scripts ... lucky? ewwwwwww

Awwww come on Princess make your kitty purr just one more hit of that sweet, sweet catnip darling, mmmmmmm yeah ... who left this phone off the hook?"

More Van Der Graph generators are coming online. The photonic beam waves wildly out of line before stabilizing on the transmorgifier, the brightness of its' beam increasing. Minutes pass.

"You left my suit in the transmorgifier right roboMittens? We ready? OK! Let me say goodbye to Princess, kiss kiss Princess - I'm not suppose to be here - thanks for taking such good care of your naughty kitty! roboMittens initiate!"

incoming message from the eighteenth dimension ...

"Hurry up! I can't handle another call!!!"

A gigantic flash of light fills the transmorgifier as all power is lost. A stillness fills the lab, the soft ticking of cooling generators can be heard while emergency lights begin to blink on.

"I'm baaaaccckkkk! I gotta try this out ..."

Shing Shing

"Owwww that hurts like a ... too cool though! Let me get this suit on .... UNNGGGGHHHHHH! God dammit roboMittens I told you a XXL for a suit size, to hold my incredible musculature ... it is? UNNGGGGHHHHHH! that fucker's tight, I bet I look hot as hell! I guess I might have overindulged at Princess's. Well let's take a look at the new, improved BillyBear."

Across Paradise bad guys and evil collectively shudder! Subconsciously they realize a new force for goodness has arrived to fight them or anyone who annoys BillyBear!

Behold ...

"I do look hot don't I?! Oh I can hear the Mistresses cumming all over themselves when they take a gander at this! Poor babies! I can't wait for Princess to see me! Come on you guys, I've got a hankering for some of ace's patented triple double stuff gooey fudge cookies and a couple of boxes of his thin mints! What do you mean he shut the factory down?! For a sex shop?! Paradise needs another one of those?"

Shing Shing

"I'm annoyed already! In fact I'm vexed, sorely vexed indeed!!! Hey slow down you guys, I'm getting winded here. Anyone got a smoke?"

The ticking of the cooling metal can be heard once again in the empty lab when suddenly there's another bright flash in the transmorgifier. Nothing can be heard as it softly pads out, it's new Adamantium skeleton and body with healing factor incorporated into it at the genetic level helping it form in this dimension.


mittens goes in search of her master ... BillyBear!

Princess Grace gasps in surprise as she watches her pet dissolve into nothingness. She quietly asks, "mittens?" a tear slowly rolling down her cheek. In order to resolve the paradox the universe makes her forget she ever had a cat named mittens because she never did.

She giggles, eying her rocking horse 'Lucky.' She's gonna win the race this time, she can feel it!

It's a new year everyone, new changes, new things to do! Let's Ride!

I Offered Up My Innocence and Got Repaid With Scorn

Rising to her feet, adjusting her torn sundress MsTara confidently replies, "Yes Your Honor, the defense calls OfficeGirl!"

A large television is wheeled in and placed in front of the courtroom. The screen is activated.

"Hi MsTara! It's me Og! I can see you perfectly, can you see me?"

"Yes, but please wait until your sworn in. Do you have a bible?"

"I think they keep one in these nightstands, oh here it is!"

The bailiff shuffles forward, chains clanking and addresses OfficeGirl, "Please repeat after me, 'I swear by Almighty God ...'"

OfficeGirl shyly replies, "I swear by Almighty God."

"That the evidence that I give ..."

"That's right." says OfficeGirl nodding her head up and down.

Sighing, the bailiff says, "Repeat it."

"Repeat it."

"No! Repeat what I said."

"What you said when?"

"That the evidence that I give ..."

"That the evidence that I give."

"Shall be the truth and ..."

OfficeGirl excitedly replies, "It will, and nothing but the truth!"

Groaning the bailiff says, "Please. Just repeat after me, 'Shall be the truth and ...'"

Sounding sad OfficeGirl says, "I'm not a scholar, you know."

"We can appreciate that. Just repeat after me, 'Shall be the truth and ...'"

"Shall be the truth and."

"Say, 'Nothing ...'"

"Okay." OfficeGirl remains silent.

Growing frustrated the bailiff says, "No! Don't say nothing. Say, 'Nothing but the truth ...'"

"Yes."

"Can't you say, 'Nothing but the truth ...?'"

"Yes."

"Well? ... Do so."

"You're confusing me."

"Just say, 'Nothing but the truth ...'"

"Is that all?"

"Yes."

"Okay. I understand."

"Then say it."

Exasperated, OfficeGirls says, "What?"

"Nothing but the truth ..."

"But I do! That's just it."

The bailiff says hotly, "You must say, 'Nothing but the truth ...'"

"I will say nothing but the truth!"

Struggling for patience the bailiff says, "Please, just repeat these four words 'Nothing,' 'But,' 'The' 'Truth.'"

"What? You mean, like, now?"

"Yes! Now. Please. Just say those four words."

"Nothing. But. The. Truth"

"Thank you."

Popping her gum OfficeGirl replies, "I'm just not a scholar you know."

"Can I talk to you now MsTara?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so."

OfficeGirl motions with her hand towards the screen and stage whispers, "Psssst, your boobie is showing! Are you going to help channel BillyBear too?"

"No." says MsTara while taping up her torn sundress, "Now, for the record, your name is OfficeGirl?"

"Yes but MsTara call me Og. I'm really sorry I couldn't make it to court, I'm pretty busy channeling BillyBear. We're making arrangements for our wedding!"

"And would that naked gentleman behind you be Raoul?"

"Let me check ..."

"What did you say your name was? What?! That's a goofy name!"

"He says his name is 'lucky bastard' isn't that a goofy name MsTara?"

"Wooooooooo! HEY! You didn't have to goose me you jerk!"

"MsTara he didn't have to goose me! That was mean!"

"Yes it was Og. Why are you naked? The last time I saw you, you had your clothes on."

"I've discovered that it helps me channel pumpkin"

"Pumpkin?"

"That's sorta my nickname for BillyBear MsTara. He hates it, he gets all huffy about it, he says in this deep voice, 'I'm a big strong bear!' It's so cute!"

"How's the whole virginity thing going there Og?"

"HaHaHaHaHa snort, MsTara of course I'm a virgin! I must remain pure for sweet BillyBear muffin bunny!"

"I'm sure he'll be dazzled with your resolve. Og, we're having a trial for the murder of your future husband. We're hoping you can help."

"Oh! When is it? I want to take out a big insurance policy!"

"It's already happened Og."

"Already happened? But I was just channeling him! He's not dead MsTara!"

"Well both Princess Grace and I are hoping pretty hard that you can prove that! Can you do that?"

"Sure! lucky weird guy, can you dance The Channeling Dance a little faster back there? No, I wont say it in a robot voice, what's up with that?"

"Og, OG! I think you're a bit too far from the camera, can you get a little closer to it?"

"Oh, I'm sorry MsTara! Here lucky ... NO I'm not giving you a nickel, boy you're demanding ... hold this camera."

"How's that MsTara?"

"Much better Og. Go ahead and let the magic of channeling happen!"

"I'm getting really good at it MsTara, practice makes perfect my mom use to say ... she was talking about knitting though ..."

MsTara checks her watch.

"OH! It's happening! ... Incoming message from the eighteenth dimension."

::The sound of a distant phone ringing can be heard::

"OH! Yes my master BillyBear! I receive your commands! Your every wish, desire and need I must fulfill for you my future husband and twue wuv! Any perversion, ANYYYYTTTHHHIINNGGG master BillyBear desires!!!"

"roboMittens would ya just fix the gosh darn coupler then. I'd do it myself if I wasn't stuck in this cat's head ... WHAT IS IT OG and how did you get this number? This is the sixth time in five hours, I already said that china pattern was fine! ... Look roboMittens we need more power, if we cant get the photonigenerator in the two petawatt range then we might as well shut down and say fuck it all! ... well tap into the town power grid then!

Oh super! NOW Princess decides to break out the catnip. Get it away from me! Git! Oh drat I got a pretty good whiff that time ... heh ... this is fun isn't Princess? Oh yes I am! I'm Princess's naughty kitty, I'm SUCH A NAUGHTY kitty ...

I've got to get a grip ... there's plenty of time to hit-the-nip when I'm back...

Og, I'm really busy right now trying to get back into your dimension, I'll call ya back ... IS THAT LUCKY? Normally all I see is some office wall ... Hey lucky ... what are you doing? I'm not listening to one of your scripts ... lucky? ewwwwwww

Awwww come on Princess make your kitty purr just one more hit of that sweet, sweet catnip darling, mmmmmmm yeah ... who left this phone off the hook?"

::The sound of a phone being hung up can be heard::

A relaxed Og asks, "Did it happen MsTara? Did I do good?"

"Oh yes Og, you did good! Tell me, why is lucky crying?"

"Oh, he said he saw 'something unspeakable' and burst into tears. It's OK whatever your name is, Og is here ..."

"... billyPrincess will take care of ... billyPrincess? Who's billyPrincess MsTara? Now what's his name is crying even harder ... MsTara do you ..."

The screen and the courtroom go dark.

"Thank you dear merciful lord!" says MsTara.

Judge kookie says, "Well I guess we'll have to reconvene tomorrow since the power ..."

"ENOUGH!"

Everyone gasps looking over to the jury box as MsAlly rises, "I've had enough of catfights, weird supernatural chicks, and whores who channel and the people who believe them. Is billy dead? No, so no murder was committed. Both MsGrace and MsTara are found innocent of all charges! Case dimissed!"

"I'm suppose to say that!" says judge kookie. Watching the storm clouds gather over MSAlly he quietly says, "But please be my guest ..."

PS: I wish I could take credit for OfficeGirl's swearing in testimony, but it was pulled from actual court transcripts along with some of Princess Grace's when she was on the stand.

And There are no Trials Inside the Gates of Eden

Approaching the stand in her long flowing robes Princess Grace waits while the heavily chained bailiff approaches with the town bible.

"Please repeat after me, 'I swear by Almighty God ...'"

"You forgot to curtsy."

Going pale the bailiff stammers out, "OH! I'm so sorry MsGrace, please don't tell on me!"

"I don't have to, She's sitting in the crowd back there."

After curtsying like a frog on a skillet and swearing MsGrace in the sobbing bailiff joins Friday in the corner.

Sitting on the stand the Princess turns to the judge and says, "Judge, I want you to appoint me another lawyer."

"And why is that?" asks a somewhat annoyed judge kookie looking up from his crossword puzzle.

"Because the Public Defender isn't interested in my case."

The judge turns to MsTara who's brushing up on her skills by reading a Grisham novel and asks, "Do you have any comments on the defendant's motion?"

Glancing up from her book MsTara replies, "I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening."

"She seems fine to me. Your motion is denied."

MsTara rises from her desk and approaches MsGrace, her hippie sundress flowing about her.

"MsGrace, Did you kill the victim , gentle, sweet, and loving Saint BillyBear?"

"No, I did not."

"Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?"

"Yes, I do. And they're a hell of a lot better than the penalty for murder!"

"Trueeeee - I have no further questions for this witness."

Looking up from his crossword the Judge asks Friday, "What's a five letter word for 'deviant'?"

Picking up another icepack from the bucket and holding it to her flaming cheeks, Friday replies, "lucky"

"Oh! Thanks! That works. Do you have any questions for the witness on cross?"

Tits to the wall, Friday softly replies, "No."

Blanching and leaning into the microphone Princess Grace starts to cry, "Back off Friday!!! You don't have to be so harsh about it! I mean, sheesh! You know how I hate negativity!"

"But all I said ..."

"I mean it was fourteen hundred yards! An impossible shot with the wind and that crowd! And with that moron Corruptrix casting the spell on lucky's stroking wrist instead of Billy's head, I had to keep lucky locked up in a closet so he wouldn't fuck the whole thing up! Got him good and needy and kept him there. Better keep off the firing range for uh like forever lucky!" MsGrace proudly states.

Enraged MsTara glares at Friday, "Friday! Get your ass over here - NOW!"

WHACK WHACK Wackie-dah-WACK-A-WHACK

Tears rolling down her cheeks MsGrace continues, "I felt really bad about it afterwards you know? That's why I helped billy transform into his perverted elf persona. I thought he might be able to transmorgify himself or something and keep alive. He had no idea at the time ... but he wondered off somewhere, and then that stupid care bear invasion ... that was a pain in the ass, oh sorry Friday!"

spankAwhackSMACK SMACK!

"OWWWWWWW MsTara WHY? All I said was ..." pleads Friday.

"Why?" asks MsGrace. "Well billy can get so confused you know? I mean did you read those Two Riders posts? Tara and I figured a 175 grains of lead through billy's cranium might clear out his mind a little! Focus him. Since Tara had to be on the radio ... she really wanted to at least act as the spotter ... we decided that I should take the shot since I've been practicing on deer. My loathing for those giant squirrels is well documented let me tell you! But Tara was devastated, she wanted to watch him while she gutted him like a fish, laughing while he flopped on her razor sharp Fillet Knife of Fondness, giggling over his agonizing death throes. But did you see his head snap back when I nailed him?! Oh my god! And that stuffing he calls brains puffed out like so many dandelion seeds I was laughing my ass off, I have no idea how Tara kept from bursting out laughing on the radio! But she's a pro ..."

WHACK-A-SMACK-SMA....

Driving a paring knife deep into Friday's buttock in frustration and dumping her from her lap MsTara screams, "You BITCH!"

"Well I'm not frying alone on this co-conspirator TARA!"

The two Mistress launch themselves at one another. The resulting catfight is too horrible for words so an artist's rendition has been provided.

MsTara and MsGrace cat-fight before a stunned courtroom (artist's rendition)

It took awhile for the bailiff to clank over to the two combatants and since all he could do was curtsy while asking them politely to please stop pulling each other's hair quite some time passed before everyone simmered down and order was restored.

Finishing his popcorn the judge asks, "Are there anymore witnesses for the defence?"

Rising to her feet, adjusting her torn sundress MsTara confidently replies, "Yes Your Honor, the defense calls OfficeGirl!"

Behind Every Beautiful Thing There's Been Some Kind of Pain

"Hear ye! Hear ye! The Paradise court is now in session, judge kookie presiding."

"You forgot 'the honorable'."

"Pardon me?"

"As in THE HONORABLE Judge kookie presiding, and would you look at that? You forgot to capitalize 'Judge' as it always is in a title. What are you some sort of Yankee wetback? Now do it right this time or I'll throw a contempt of court at you dammit!"

"Hear ye! Hear ye! The Paradise court is now in session, the honorable Judge kookie presiding."

"Better."

"prig"

"What is the case brought before us today?"

"The people vs. The Butcher of BillyBear the Meek"

"How does the butcher plead to this senseless slaughter of BillyBear?"

"Objection your honor!"

"Yes MsTara?"

"Under no circumstances is my sweet and loving client a 'butcher' - the term 'butcher' is prejudicial to my beautiful client!"

"Would you prefer 'annihilator?' I quite like that one! Or maybe Death Dealer ..."

"The defense requests a trial by jury your assholiness!"

"What did you just call me?!"

MsTara picks up a large, studded paddle. Casually examining it she asks, "Will the court stenographer please read back my question?"

A nervous stenographer replies, "The defense requests a trial by jury your honor!"

"That's what she said?"

"Yes your honor."

The jury of MsGrace's peers was quickly empaneled. Some of the illustrious jurors were MsAlly, the foremistress, sitting with a laptop going over spreadsheets and whispering into wireless headset. MsHeather who was currently not taking calls but blowing kisses at MsTara. MsAva who was softly whispering into her cell and MsRyan who was watching YouTube on her iPhone when not reading a book.

In short the jurors were not paying attention.

"The prosecution may call the first witness."

Friday nervously stands, wipes her sweaty palms down her skirt and says, "We call Corruptrix to the stand."

Nervous whispering and gasps of alarm fill the court room as the doors slam open, cracking the plaster walls and an eerily beautiful woman, looking like a heroin model, floats down the aisle way, her army boots hovering six inches above the floor.

Oozing malevolence she halts before the witness stand as a heavily chained bailiff in a nylon bodysuit approaches.

"Place your right hand upon the bible."

"No."

"Um ... OK ... do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you G... er Satan?"

"I do."

"You may be seated."

Friday somewhat confidently approaches the witness, "Ms Corruptrix, before we begin, could you please sit down in the witness chair instead of floating a foot above it? And could you maybe lose the hood?"

"Yeah, sure... I guess..."

"Thank you. Now, would you please state your full name to the Court?"

"Yeah, it's Corruptrix."

"Your full name please."

"Corruptrix"

"Don't you have a first name?"

Sighing wearily, Corruptrix replies, "Not anymore. All of my birth records disappeared after I got run out of town and disowned by my parents after the incident at my parent's church. I was taken in by my Auntie Ava, and she changed my name to Corruptrix. She also gave me the nickname Tuesday, because she said I acted just like little Tuesday Addams when I was a child. You know, I had a headless doll, played with spiders, all that kinda stuff. So I guess you could say my full name is Tuesday Corruptrix if that makes you feel better."

"OK Ms Addams ... erm ... Ms Corruptrix ... I'm glad you mentioned 'The Church Incident', as it's referred to in your hometown's records. Why don't you tell the Court what happened?"

Jumping to her feet MsTara shouts, "Objection! That's irrelevant to the case!"

Friday replies, "Your Honor, actually, it will reinforce a point I will be making later in the testimony."

Staring frostily at Friday the judge mutters, "It had better! Objection overruled ... for now ..."

Friday continues, "Ms Corruptrix, please tell the Court a little about 'The Church Incident'."

"It wasn't a freakin' big deal. I'd been learning some stuff from my Auntie Ava about magic and the occult when she would come to visit, and as I came to find out later when I lived with her, she was pretty much of an expert on those things."

"Did you just say she practiced witchcraft and black magic?"

Glaring at Friday, Corruptrix says, "I didn't say that, you jerk.... but yeah... she could do amazing things, and she taught me stuff whenever she had a chance."

Judge kookie interjects, "I must caution you to be more respectful, Ms Corruptrix ... What??? Did you just shoot me the bird?"

"No, Your Honesty, I have a hangnail and I was just looking at it in the light."

Friday plods on, "Will you please continue about 'The Church Incident'?"

"Oh yeah... well, I was bored... small towns bore me... and the people were all so straightlaced. I decided to liven up the services at my parents church one Sunday, so I came up with a special potion and dosed the communion wine. Within about 5 minutes, everybody got as horny as goats, and they all started throwing each other down in the pews and fucking each other like bunnies, right during the services. The preacher drank more wine than the rest, and he was totally out of control. It was pretty funny if you ask me. I only got caught because the neighbors heard all the noise and called the cops. When they came in, I was standing there giggling and was also the only one not fucking, so it wasn't hard for them to figure out who did it. After the effects of the potion wore off, they had a secret town meeting that I wasn't invited to, and the next thing I know, I'm being dropped off on the outskirts of town and told never to come back."

Trying to hide the triumph from her voice Friday says, "So to summarize, you made a workable magic potion."

"Yeah... so what?"

"Let's move on. How have you been making a living these last 6 months or so? I understand that your last real job was as an apprentice witch at the now defunct Freaky Friday chat events. You worked there for a few months with your Aunt Ava, and later, if my information is correct," Friday checks her notes, "With the esteemed Defense Counselor Miss Tara over there, who also worked at Freaky Friday for awhile, is this correct?"

Glaring at Friday, MsTara says, "Watch it, Prosecutor!!"

Corruptrix continues, "Yeah, that's correct."

Starting to perspire, Friday says, "And isn't it true, that it was at Freaky Friday where you first encountered the deceased, Mr BillyBear? And isn't it also true, that he once caused you great embarrassment at the chat event when he tampered with another potion of yours?"

"Yeah, I was pretty pissed off about that, but even worse, the rat bastard somehow turned my beautiful shoes to lead, laces and all, and I couldn't get them off and it grounded me for a week. That's a big deal for somebody who levitates around as their main means of transportation."

"So it would be safe to say that you are a little bitter about the demise of Freaky Friday and that there was no love lost between you and the deceased?"

"Yeah, I'm bitter... and I'm glad the fat little scumbag bought it."

"I see... and so it seems that Ms Grace wasn't the only one who had a good motive to take out the deceased!"

With a innocent smile Corruptrix asks, "Are you losing weight, Friday? Your blouse looks a bit loose."

Glancing down Friday says, "Hmmmmm... well maybe..... I haven't been ea..... OK... Moving on... after Freaky Friday shut down, where were you employed?"

"I floated in the unemployment line for months until that finally ran out. Then I had to take a paper route to make enough money to eat once in awhile."

"How do you like that job?"

"I hate it. I don't like the sunlight and the paper's an afternoon edition."

"And so, you would probably listen to any reasonable offer somebody made to you if it meant that you might make some money, right?"

"Yeah, I suppose..."

Trying not to rush her words and looking pointedly at MsTara Friday says, "And so.... if someone were to approach you, for example, the Defendant, Ms Grace over there... and ask you to make a potion or a spell that would help ensure the accuracy of the fatal shots, you would help her out with no questions, right?"

"You know it! I would go and shoot the bastard myself.

Jumping to her feet in triumph MsTara says, "Your Honor, the witness is confessing to the murder! My client is exonerated!"

The judge turns to the court stenographer, "Would the court stenographer please read back the confession just made by Ms Corruptrix?"

Going through the reams of paper finding the right place the stenographer says, "Ms Corruptrix states: You know it! I ..." when the stenography machine collapses into peices and that section of the transcript blackens before bursting into flames.

A small smile crosses Corruptrix's face.

Giggling like a mental patient Friday says, "Well, so much for Corruptrix' confession ..."

MsTara commands, "Friday! Get over here!"

"Yes Miss Tara"

"Pull that skirt up, panties at your ankles! Bend over this bailiff here ..."

"But Miss Tara... I was just trying to show that there was some reasonable doubt regarding MsGrace's involvement. I didn't mean to ..."

Picking up the studded paddle like the pro she is MsTara administers the first blow!

Whack!

"Owwwwwwwwww... But Miss Tara, I ..."

WhackWHACK!!!

"But ..."

WhackidieWhackaWACKWACK SMACK

"Owwwwwie! Miss Tara, I'm ..."

SMACKWhackidieSMACKWHACKSPANKWHACKWHACK WHACK!!!!!

The force of the spanking launches both of Friday's cheaters out of her now loose bra, and everyone watches in amazement as they skitter and bounce across the courtroom floor.

"EEEEEEEEK! My boobies! Nooooooo... what happened to my boobiessssssss???"

Corruptrix cannot hide her wicked smile.

Mildly winded MsTara commands Friday, "Never mind your boobies. Get over in that corner, nipples to the wall, show that red ass for everyone to see."

"Yes Miss Tara ..."

The judge sternly addresses Friday, "Madam Prosecutor, are you going to continue with your questioning of the witness or do I have to spank you for contempt?"

MsTara looks hopeful.

Rubbing her ass, standing in a corner, staring at her 'cheaters' on the floor Friday blubbers, "Your Honor, my ass hurts like a motherfucker. Now somebody get me some ice! The prosecution rests!"

MsTara calls from her chair, "Let's wrap this up. The defense calls Princess Grace!"

PS: A very special THANKS to jem for writing the Friday/Corruptrix dialog!

Interview With A Butcher

Bawbwaa Waawaa interviews an obviously distraught Princess Grace

Pwincess Gwace youw're too kind to do this interview with me here in my studio ...

Look you've gotten me kicked out of seven shoe stores, if I do this interview will you uhhh ... how do you say ... oh yeah ... fuck off?

Cwertainly.

And since when is gift shop your studio? I really think I should be on The View! I always loved the friendly camaraderie between you and your co-hosts!

Wealwee?

Well, yes, the giggling and the girl talk. You seem to get along so well together ... don't you?

I wesent the vomit from those fuckers, tell what do they know? Wosie with her fat ass and twendy clothes said she hated Hasselbeck, tell me why Hasselbeck should have to take that kind of shit? Shit from those fucking bwain dead bitches? Whoopie said Hasselbeck gave off 'evil vibes'. I should have beat the fucking shit right out of her, her with her fucking wroot extensions!

Uh ...

Oh, I'm sowwy, did I over-share? We're not hear to talk about The View are we Pwincess Gwace. No we-ah heawah to tawk about you and youwa welationshwip wif a wery spwecial, wemarkable idiwidual. But fiwst I must ask ... waaa wa wee wo wadiddy wedom waa woo woe wa?

::stunned silence:: I'm on record several times saying I would NEVER discuss that particular incident ... EVER! And if you ask me that again or anything that comes as close to being as offensive as that question I'll break your fucking hip with a baseball bat! Got it?

I see ... so no comment. Tewll us about your pain Pwincess ... a Pwincess's pain ... I mean surely it must hurwt to be known as The Butcher of Biwwy-Bear ...

Why are you dicing onions?

For the soup of course ... The Destroyer of All That is Good in This World ... The Wrecker of Humanities Last Hope ... Satan's Satan ... it's OK to cwhy Pwincess Gwace ... wealwy it is ... Amerwica can help you wif the healwing.

Well I've heard the butcher thing ... not the others ... what's that?

Oh this? My new pwerfume - here smell ...

Oh dear merciful God!

Oh I've mistaken it for my pwepper spway. How siwwy! That's it Pwincess, let the teawrs flow ::Charlie get a close up on her:: wet the heawling begin ... UNNNGGGHHHHHH ... Sylvia! ... SYLVIA!!! Come hither for I hath shat myself anon! Bwing fworth a depends and lawger butt pwug and set up my changing table ... Now tell Amerwica Pwincess ... You blew Biwwy's bwains all over the pavement because of abuse in Catholic High School by angwy wesbian nuns didn't you ... Cwhy for me ...

I was never in Catholic High School - Byeeeeeeee

And so a visibly shaken Pwincess runs cwhying fwom another Emmy worthy interview. Back to our studios ...

Next former cookie magnate Ace Papadopolis explains why he was found naked with a sniper rifle on the rooftop of a nearby office building.

A defiant ace as he was brought in for booking New Year's Eve 2007

Only on ABC - Angry Bitter Cocks!

Countless Visions of the Other She'd Reflect

These disturbing images were captured by the Committee Tasked With Defending the Butcher Princess Grace. The interview was taped and one frame of these chilling stills give credence to this lovely lady's claim that BillyBear might still be alive. The interview was conducted by jem, lucky (tosses nickel) and MsTara.

lucky: You've come before the Committee Tasked With Defending the Butcher Princess Grace miss ... ?

"OfficeGirl. That's my name but people call me 'Og' for short. I hope you don't mind if I lay across your table, it helps me channel BillyBear."

MsTara: Channel BillyBear? You claim you're in touch with the martyr BillyBear?

"Well of course I am. Do I look like some sort of promiscuous fuck-toy whack job to you? Nothing could be further from the truth, I assure you! BillyBear owns my heart, him and him alone do I truly love!"

jem: And that gentleman standing behind you would be ... ?

"Ummmmm, that would be Raoul, my bodyguard, personal trainer and BillyBear enabler."

MsTara: I'm sorry but I'm not exactly sure what sort of freak you are but is there any reason I should sit here and watch some bimbo get fucked doggy with her pants around her ankles while claiming to be in touch with with the former prophet BillyBear?

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that."

MsTara: I said I don't believe you, and lucky quit whacking off!

lucky: Hush!

MsTara: Did you just hush Me?!

lucky: No MsTara, jem's pathetic whimper and moans were distracting me.

"Don't believe me?! Look at my honest, innocent face. No one fucks me MsTara. I'm a virgin I'll have you know! I'm saving myself for when my future husband BillyBear returns! We're getting married!!! We certainly seem to be getting off on the wrong foot here."

MsTara: The only people getting off are you, Raoul. jem and lucky. I'm outta here!

"Please wait MsTara! You have to believe me! I'm not insane!"

"Oh, OH! Something's happening! .... OH!"

"Clench my hips Raoul! This is gonna be a big one ... incoming message from the eighteenth dimension ..."

::the sound of a distant phone ringing can be heard::

lucky, jem and Office Girl simultaneously: "OH MY GAWD!"

"Yes my master BillyBear! I receive your commands! Your every wish, desire and need I must fulfill for you my future husband and twue wuv! Any perversion, ANYYYYTTTHHHIINNGGG master BillyBear desires!!!"

"ROBOMITTENS! Execute program deux ex machina two two four Dylan override zebra!!! Princess would you stop waving that yarn in my face?! It's pissing me off! Wait for me Og! Wait for me my beautiful, celibate future wife, my one twue wuv!!! Allow no one to defile you! Stay pure for me virginal Og! Damn that yarn, I must annihilate it .... DIE YARN ..."

"LOOK AT BILLY'S BUNNY HOP! I hop for Billy, only Billy! Ohhhhh my gaaawwwwdddd!!!"

::the sound of popcorn being munched can be heard::

"I live for BillyBear! Og must hop for her master! hop hop HOP!!! I cum for BillyBear, only BillyBear can make me cuuuummmmm!!! I'm Billy's naughty girl ..."

MsTara: OfficeGirl ... I mean ... really ::rolls her eyes::

"Excuse me MsTara, I have to take this call!"

MsTara: By all means ...

"Mmmmmmmm, that's it ... give mommy Og her treat! mmmmmmmm ... so yummy ... mama was a hungry girl ..."

"It happened again didn't it? Give me a second to catch my breath here ... those visions are so intense! Oh My Gosh did you hear MsTara? I'm getting married!!! I'm the future Mrs. BillyBear! I'm blushing aren't I? I'm always so shy ... I think a Spring wedding would be best, sometime in May ..."

lucky: BOY I'd like to fuck her!
MsTara: Well lucky I'm no lezzie but ...

Meanwhile deep in the super secret labs no one knew he had four RoboMittens constantly monitoring the Cocks News Network suddenly go active, executing thier programming.

Princess Grace Expresses Her Concern!

This exclusive photograph of Princess Grace was taken as she was seated for preliminary hearings on her upcoming trial for the savage murder of Saint BillyBear. When asked by our intrepid reporter Crouching Wanker Hidden Upskirt (he's Navajo OK?!) how she felt about irreproachable BillyBear and if she could spread those knees a bit and quit being such a goody-goody, the uncaring, prudish Princess replied:

You Can Back Out of Every Deal Except One

Cross hairs slowly settle down on the well lit, perfect forehead of Princess Grace. The town clock begins to chime midnight, a second hand unwinds. A soft exhale of breath as the pull on the trigger tightens...

A lariat of spray painted gold rope floats soundlessly through the darkness, wrapping itself around the barrel of the silenced rifle and yanking it away just as the trigger is pulled. The high velocity bullet ricochets off of a a series of parking meters much like a pinball before smacking hard into lucky's stroking wrist, causing it to be of no use for the next several days.

The sniper wheels her hooded cloak billowing while simultaneously activating her light-ninjatō and snarling, "YOU!"

A perfect form silhouetted by the full moon, it's awesome black mane flowing through the breeze, thighs to die for, replies, "Yes, it is I!"

"My arch-nemesis ...

WONDERACE!!!"

WonderAce begins to sputter, "Oh, jeesh! Would you keep it down?! I just had to settle out of court for twenty billion bucks. I even had to put my Lariat of Hestia up on eBay, I got one hundred and thirty eight bucks for it. That will teach me to set a minimum bid next time. So look I'm a little tapped here, keep it DOWN would ya??!!!"

"wonderace wonderACE WONDERACE WONDERACE WONDERACE!!!!" the sniper's voice rising from a whisper to a scream.

Majestic dignity enfolds WonderAce who mutters, "OK, have it your way," while pulling a large boom box from behind a wall. "Let me introduce you to The House of Pain!" WonderAce sets the volume to eleven, punches play and says, "Shall we dance?"

Fifty poison tipped shurikens of certain death come in reply. The evil sniper ninja follows them with a blood curdling satanic scream, her ninjatō raised high over her head.

Down on the street the incredible caterwauling can be heard over the deafening rap music suddenly blasting from the rooftop. Tracer smirks, "Sounds like quite a cat fight! I wonder who's fighting over me now?"

Small explosions and bright flashes of light can be seen and heard coming from the rooftop when the plaintive wail of, "ooooowwwwwUUUUUUUuoooo oww OOWW wow wow WOW mmmmm" rises above the cacophony.

"Somebody just got mounted. I'd recognize that sound anywhere," says lucky while paramedics wrap an ace bandage around his wrist. The others turn and stare at him.

"Look, I have myriad interests in the field of perversion and that is definitely the sound of a big cat and a small cat getting it on! ... uh ... I think I might have seen it on the Discovery Channel ... yeah ... or .. Animal Planet? That's a channel isn't it?" lucky trails off. A nickel smacks him in the forehead, "OUCH!"

"We'll definitely be talking about that lucky! Oh yes indeed," says Princess Grace primly before muttering, "Weirdo ..." to no one in particular.

Tracer nods to Friday and two uniform cops, "Go check it out," before resuming escorting Princess Grace into the station house for booking. Friday takes off like a shot, relieved she wore sensible flats today. The two uniform officers try to keep up.

WonderAce falls back under the deadly shuriken barrage shrieking, "Sweet heavens!!! " before blocking them with the Bracers of the Aegis, "Be careful with those things!"

Charging WonderAce the ninja-sniper scatters a series of small balls which begin to erupt in bright flashes of light and smoke. Weaving through the smoke clouds and flash bombs with feline grace the ninja-sniper brings her light-ninjatō down with a crushing one arm overhead blow!

WonderAce casually blocks the blow with a crossed forearm maneuver allowing the evil ninja-sniper to duck under and deliver a wicked slash across WonderAce's magnificent thigh with a razor sharp tantō!

"ooooowwwwwUUUUUUUuoooo oww OOWW wow wow WOW mmmmm," screams WonderAce in dismay. "I just had those waxed you dirty, dirty little ninja! And that was a lucky shot! Darn it!!! I can't afford this right now," WonderAce moans before pitching a nickel over the roof while simultaneously delivering a savage wheel kick to the ninja-sniper's head knocking off it's hood while smashing the ninja into a wall!

"YOU! But ... you're not evil! You've always been so sweet and innocent!"

"You obviously have me mistaken for another, kind sir," smirks the ninja-sniper picking up her rifle, "for I am ..."

grendelMittens!

Cocking her head grendelMittens detects someone coming up the stairwell, "Ta!" she chuckles, flinging the rifle at WonderAce before disappearing in a cloud of smoke.

Catching the rifle WonderAce barely has time to transform into kind multidollaraire ace before the door to the rooftop crashes open and a wheezing, gasping Friday covered in sweat barrels in.

"Six floors, sheesh, bet I have buns of steel now!" she pants while leveling her pistol at ace, "Freeze you weirdo! DROP THE WEAPON!!!"

Dropping the rifle a naked, flustered ace replies, "I can explain everything!"

"Ace?! Why are you naked holding a sniper rifle listening to rap music on a rooftop?" wonders Friday as she's joined by two equally exhausted cops.

"Well er ... that's really a good question ..." trails off ace thinking, "I really need to figure out the clothes thing ..."

"And where did you get that eyeshadow? It's to DIE FOR!"

"Oh boy" mutters ace.

So Let Us Not Talk Falsely Now, The Hour Is Getting Late

Once the decapitated corpse of Funshine Bear was found in the smoldering ruins of Paradise the care bears quickly departed town, leaving stunned townsfolk to rebuild. All they wanted to do was care but discovered without BillyBear they had no stomach for being the master race, not of Paradise anyway.

Everyone was disappointed having looked forward to a total occupation and complete domination by a master race. Some thought Christmas was totally wrecked.

Until the Mistresses reminded them that they already were dominated by a master gender.

The burning of the town was never adequately explained, the three Mistressteers remaining mum. It was quickly forgotten when a team of engineers showed up, funded by a mysterious donation of billions of nickels.

Jem was found in the local Cheescake Factory. She said she was in hiding after explaining to her 'tender' that her ass was too small and needed care.

By Christmas Eve most of the town was rebuilt.

Princess Grace was sitting by a large fire pit filled with roaring logs on the outskirts of the castle grounds with her friends enjoying an evening of eggnog and play on Christmas Eve. The party is winding down, nearing midnight when she hears a series of car doors slam, looks across a field and sees a series of flashing blue lights and a group of cops, led by Tracer trudging towards her.

"Uh oh"

Billy the Perverted Elf is deep inside boob mountain working his way towards The Heart of the Nipple as described in The Book of Certain Doom. He's been pouring over the book during rest breaks. He's not concerned about his killer, the one who set this in motion. He has bigger fish to fry and little time.

His headlamp illuminates what appears to be a dead end. He consults the book, moves several stones and twists a rock formation before pressing it into the wall. A deep rumbling is heard along with what sounds like rushing water, a door slides upward ...

Stopping mid-track in the field Tracer, the cops and the party guests look towards a moonlit Boob Mountain. Even though they're miles away the ground is shaking and what appears to be milk is shooting from the nipple high into the Paradise sky. Snow begins to gently fall. Tracer catches a flake on his tongue and mutters to the cops around him, "Looks like it's going to be a white Christmas," before continuing towards a visibly shaken Princess Grace.

The door in the cave finishes it's loud ascent. Billy cautiously enters the dark, unidentified tomb. He places a Coleman lantern on the floor, lights it and looks around. The walls are made of white marble with a mysterious writing carved into them. It takes him a minute to realize they're mathematical equations. He proceeds to the first wall and begins to study them closely. "Wait a minute," he thinks, "if these are true then a consciousness could jump ..." a sharp pain rips through his head, much like a bullet through gray matter. Clutching his head and screaming he falls to the floor unconscious.

He's in that half state of consciousness between awake and asleep. He hears a thought not his own, "I like it here in Paradise. So much mischief!"

"Wha?" thinks Billy.

He feels the thought presence pull back and from a distance say, "For me to stay in Paradise you must remain ... here."

Bright sunlight fills Billy's eyes. Across from him a young girl naps on a couch. She slowly awakens from her deep sleep, sees him and smiles. She knows him.

Tracer stops in front of Princess Grace looking sad and careworn.

"What's this about Tracer?"

"I think you know MsGrace."

"Not a clue."

Sighing heavily Tracer states, "You're under the arrest for the premeditated murder of BillyBear."

The guests gasp and back away except for jem, lucky and pantysue who edge forward. Tracer looks at them so sadly they stop in their tracks.

"I have to cuff you Princess."

"Can you use jem's?" asks a quiet Princess Grace.

Tracer inspects the high quality cuffs and nods affirmative after receiving the key from jem.

Softly Princess says, "I didn't do this. I have my suspicions on who did but it wasn't me. Can someone get me a lawyer on Christmas Eve?"

MsTara replies, "Don't worry about it. I'm a lawyer I'll help get you processed and out. In the meantime don't say a word!"

Tracer stumbles, his whole field of vision filling with a smiling little girl before clearing to this sad scene.

"Are you OK Tracer?" asks MsGrace.

"I've had better days Princess, I'm so sorry I have to do this."

Taking her gently by the elbow he leads her back to the waiting squad cars. Jem. lucky, pantysue, MsTara, ace and MsKate race to follow.

Cold and shivering Billy awakens on the cave floor. His head is pounding, he looks at his watch. 11PM!? If he's right about the Cylon base ship's missile exploding right when he blind jumped, and the cross-linking of roboMittens then it could be possible ... He begins scribbling equations on The Book of Certain Doom.

Arriving at the police station Tracer swears. It's covered with camera crews and news reporters. It's three minutes till midnight. He helps MsGrace out of the car, a group of cops begin shoving the reporters out of the way. The bright lights of the camera crews blind Princess Grace, but she's determined to hold her head high. She hears someone call out, "Why did you do it?!" She replies in a calm voice, "I am only a patsy!"

Across the street atop an office building a bullet softly gleams before being chambered in a high powered sniper's rifle. Cross hairs slowly settle down on the well lit, perfect forehead of Princess Grace. The town clock begins to chime midnight, a second hand unwinds.

Billy finishes his equations screaming and writing "NO!" at the same time. He feels the transformation back to his care bear self occurring. He runs for the door, knowing there's no time as he watches it descend. Suddenly all is quiet once more in the tomb as a lifeless blue paw releases a pencil, it rolls across the floor only to be crushed by the descending stone door.

"What is wrong with you?" The young girl stares into Billy's face with concern. "You know I hate it when your eyes get all crazy like that! They look like buttons, like doll eyes ... you're scaring me!" She peers closer at Billy before wheeling and running down the hall, her ringlets bouncing along with the pretty pink bow on the back of her pink, checkerboard party dress. Billy glances down at his white, kitten paws, catches his tail out of the corner of his eye, "Oh no, I'm trapped, trapped inside ..." before his fevered brain overloads and he passes out.

"Mom! MOM!!!" screams five year old Princess Grace in a farmhouse somewhere in Connecticut, "Something is wrong with Mittens!!!"

---

Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion coming next year! Or maybe the year after that ... lmao.

But It's Alright, Ma (It's Only the Master Race)

As the care bears began setting up their stages for 'BearStock - Care for Billy as He Cared for You!' the town gathers at the festive lights and happy sounds. Shortly the thumps of helicopters can be heard as various musical acts arrive.

Everyone had lots of fun drinking electric pink kool-aid and stumbling around talking and listening to the groups. The concert went on all day and all night closing with the legendary band, It Really Doesn't Smell Like Fish!

"Gimme an 'H'"

"H!" roars back the ecstatic crowd!

"Gimme an 'A'"

"A!"

"Gimme an 'N'"

"N!"

"Gimme a 'D'!"

"D!"

"Whats that spell?"

"HAND!!!"

"Whats THAT SPELL?"

"HAND!!!"

"And it's one-two-three,
What are we jacking for?
Don't ask me I don't give a damn,
Just give me a lube covered hand,
And it's five-six-seven,
Open up those sticky pages.
Well there ain't no time to wonder why,
Whoopee, just let the cum fly!"

As the song progressed the care bears came wafting through the crowd riding on soft clouds of love and caring. Near the edge of the huge crowd at a tree line sat Princess Grace, MsKate and MsTara. They had been tormenting PantySue for sport and fun, "Go ahead sweetie edge for us again, good girl" giggled Princess Grace. The three mistresses had the side benefit of NOT letting lucky, jem or ace edge though they kept begging to.

MsTara mildly distracted since no one was being beaten was the first to notice, "Somethings wrong!"

All seven peer into the increasingly thick clouds observing various town folk cumming their brains out while dimly seeing a care bear approach saying, "That's good, go ahead and cum, let it all out and sleep. I'm here for you now, I'll always be here for you. I care for you!" As each townie falls into a deep slumber.

"LUCKY!" shouts an alarmed Princess as she sees him edge towards the fog, "COME HERE!"

The group retreats into the tree line. "What are we going to do?" asks jem.

"We need a fortified place to lay low!" says MsKate.

"Well I do have a castle just up the road a bit," replies MsGrace. They head for the castle.

The next morning ace extends a massive telescope towards town. It's one he just happened to have for 'bird watching.' He watches intently before reporting back to the depressed group.

"Best I can tell everyone is being escorted around by a care bear. Otherwise it looks peaceful."

"We need more information!" says MsTara, "Anyone get any calls?"

"All lines are down, the town is under a total blackout." replies MsKate.

"I'll go."

They turn and see jem standing there. She's decked out in too tight camouflaged short, shorts. A midriff t-shirt in a matching pattern and a large sun hat with pink sneakers.

Lucky gapes at this mixed message, "You might consider cargo pants and boots."

"And cover my tat? No way."

They discuss it for a bit before deciding that jem should do some recon. Jem heads out promising to return that night. The night goes by, no jem.

That morning there's a large contingent of care bears standing at the castle gate. The remaining group peers down at them over the ramparts. MsTara calls down, "What do you want? You sons of English K-niggets!" MsGrace stands next to her with Betsy.

A bright pink care bear calls up, "We want to care for you. Jeremiah said we could find you here."

"Jeremiah?"

"Once called 'jem.'"

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH JEM?!" screams a frantic Princess Grace, sighting the bear with Betsy.

"Jeremiah is being cared for. His thought patterns have been deemed not ordinary and so is in one of our hospitals undergoing therapy. You will have to do the same since we care so much about you and your well being."

"Your saying jem's insane?"

"Until he complies with our therapy he will remain under our constant care. He seems to see himself as a girl and genetically speaking he's not. Until he admits to this under his own volition we will continue to punish him. Jeremiah will not be permitted to experience the wonder and beauty of orgasm until he complies!"

The group huddles behind the parapet, "We've got seventy days at least!" giggles Princess Grace, "Thank God it wasn't Billy ... or maybe that would have worked, he'd be wrecking the place from the inside out inside of five days."

The group ignores the care bear contingent and starts to plan in hushed whispers and giggles.

Around two AM that night the three Mistresses head out through a secret passage PantySue had designed but had forgot to mention to Princess. The three Mistressteers as they called themselves entered through a full length mirror next to Princess's panty drawer, looped around her dressing room, past her bedroom, her shower stall, and her shoe closet. All of which contained full length mirrors of the two-way variety.

She wheels on Tara and Kate when she hears the snickers, "Well what should I have expected? I'm in a castle full of perverts!"

Tara and Kate, giggling, reply in unison, "We're sorry Grace, but it is funny!"

They head down a few levels and there's a door. Princess opens it into a hallway with jem's, lucky's, pantysue's and billy's bedrooms off of it, "Figures," she mutters, making a mental note. They continue down and outside through some bolted door and around some bushes hiding it. They creep into the night towards Paradise before heading in three different directions.

Princess is hiding in some brush near Bob's BigG Assed Buttplugs Emporium when she sees what appears to be a small kitten, dressed as a ninja, scurrying down the alleyway between two stores. She watches it as it quietly slides its samurai sword from its scabbard. A yellow care bear goes past the alley when the kitten thing suddenly leaps up and beheads the hapless bear before darting back into the shadows.

"What the fuck?" whispers Princess before remembering what she's here to do. She arranges the two Molotov's, lights their wicks and pitches them at two of the stores. Out of the corner of her eye she sees the arcs of other cocktails. The dry wood of the stores catches almost immediately.

Paradise starts to burn.

And if my thought-dreams could be seen
They'd probably put my head in a guillotine
But it's alright, Ma, it's life, and life only.

So All You Newsy People, Spread the News Around

"She's a sucker for tinsel," giggles MsTara as she adorns the Christmas tree in her tea party room before hanging a tiny wreath in a tiny cage. In the background is MsAva's interview with MsKate on CockRadio.

"Well that's just horrible! Who would do such a thing?"

"Oh, ace is not taking it well, I mean who would? The poor dear sent me the longest IM, says he can smell it through his aseptic bubble."

"Well, what sort of monster would spray ace's mansion with cat urine?"

"Perhaps someone thinks ace, my harmless ace, blew a big monster hole in BillyBear's head! Ace loved billy, but you know, not in a gay way."

"Guy love?"

Both Mistresses giggle ...

MsAva says, "So I see you brought a friend along. She's quite cute sitting on your shoulder like that."

"Oh, this is my pixie gal pal 'little Bella Hella" ...

Across town Princess Grace stands atop a stepladder ramming a toy care bear on it as its' star. The tree is covered with bright blue Christmas ornaments in the shape of balls. They make her giggle. Looking at her handy work and thinking of a missing elf she smiles wryly and whispers, "Hurry home BillyBear ..."

A quiet tap on her door breaks her reverie.

"Enter."

Dressed as the frilliest maid you ever did see, PantySue enters and proclaims in a drill sergeant voice, "A Friday and TracerBullet to see you MISTRESS!" Then while delivering her unnecessarily deep curtsy she slips on her seven inch heels, grabs for a table holding beautiful gingerbread houses that model the town made by Princess's pets and pulls the entire thing on top of her.

"PANTYSUE!"

"I'm sorry Princess! It wont happen again!" begs PantySue, frantically trying to get the table upright and the houses sorta put back together.

"That's the seventh time you've said that! I think 'corrective' actions are in order. Report to the dungeon and wait for Me."

"Nooooooooo"

"No?" Princess giggles with malice, "No? But that panty clad clitty betrays you My dear. Look at it PantySue, that's a good girl. See how much it wants to obey Me?" Princess Grace's voice goes pouty, "You do want to obey don't you pantysue? Need to obey? ... Me."

"Yes Princess ... anything."

"Off ya go then! But take those heels off, you haven't earned them yet. Nice sensable flats for you, but I wonder ... where can I stick those heels in the meantime? Oh I'm sure something will occur to me. Now show those two dicks in on your way out!"

She faintly hears The Party That Never Ends wafting from further down in the castle. She flips on CockRadio to drown it out. At the moment she's not in the mood.

Tracer saunters in with Friday following on her hands and knees. Oh sheesh, Princess thinks as she smiles fondly at Friday, "Get up you dork, now isn't playtime!"

"Thanks Princess, my knee was killing me!" says Friday while glaring at Tracer.

I'm NOT gonna go there, there aren't enough minutes in a day thinks Princess as she smiles at the two dicks, "How can I help you?"

Tracer lights a cig, inhales and then exhales a large cloud of smoke, "Nice tree."

Under Princess's stony stare he drops his eyes looking frantically for an ashtray. She makes him so nervous he always forgets about her hatred of cigarettes. He finally ends up snuffing it out on the shattered remains of a ginger bread house, "Sorry about that MsGrace. We were just wondering where you were when BillyBear bought it."

"Oh, I was at the parade."

"Anywhere in particular?"

"I was up on the university observation deck. I had a great view of the parade and the surrounding area!"

"Alone?"

"Well Betsy was with me."

"Betsy? Can we talk to her?"

Princess grins and heads over to a cabinet where she hands Tracer an unbolted rifle, "Meet Betsy, ask her anything you want."

Tracer examines the rifle carefully, "Hmmmm an M40A3 Marine issue sniper rifle. Do you have any bourbon?"

"Sure!" says Princess, "On the rocks?"

"Nooooooooo Tracer!" says Friday while rubbing her knee, "We TALKED about this."

Princess puts two and two together and says, "How about a Freska?!"

Tracer glumly replies, "No thank you."

Friday chimes in with, "I bet you have a perfectly good reason for being alone on an observation tower with a rifle easily capable of blowing away BillyBear at 1,100 yards dontcha Princess Grace!"

"Nope."

"Good enough for me! Come on Tracer this nice Mistress had nothing to do with Billy's untimely demise!" says Friday while she grabs Tracer's arm and limps towards the door.

Tracer holds his ground and raises an eyebrow at Princess, "Why the rifle?"

Princess sighs heavily, "Deer."

"Yes?" Tracer blushes.

"Not dear you nimrod, deer! I hate them! Ever since one decided to make a hood ornament on my car I've had nothing but contempt for the over bred bastards! They're just giant squirrels to me. I was hoping to take a few out with Betsy."

Moaning and whimpers can be faintly heard coming through a door adjoining the den. Princess cocks her head and listens before smiling at the two detectives, "I'll be right back."

As she strolls across the floor she seems to change, becoming stronger, more controlling, more beautiful, as she opens the door the two can hear, "I am Your slut ... Your toy ... use me for Your amusement ... make me ..."

Princess calls into the room, "You will edge for Me fifty times you naughty little stroke slut!" before slamming the door. She blows a wisp of brunette hair from her face and strolls back up to Tracer, "Anything else?"

Tracer smiles wryly, "The things that you make those boys do ..."

Princess's face hardens but she masks it with a smile, "You like to play with me dontcha Tracer? Some say 'exclusively' in fact I think I may have even heard you say, 'anything Princess' during our little chats."

Tracer stares at the floor blushing hard, "Yes, Mistress."

Princess's voice goes soft and commanding, "We play lots of games, have lots of secrets and you'll do annnyyyything for Me, wont you?" Tracer is breathing hard, Her fingers are brushing lightly against his face, his lips, his crotch. He moans.

"Awwww Tracer is something rubbing you the wrong way sweetie? Can I help you? Do you want to cum baby?"

"Yes I want to cum for You!"

"mmmmmmm Tracer I like that. And I want you to cum for me but what will you do? Anything?"

"Oh God yes, ANYTHING!"

"Goodie! Go in the other room and fuck lucky in the ass!" They can dimly hear lucky stop edging, followed by the sounds of the door being barricaded.

Tracer goes white, looks at the floor and quietly says, "No."

"No? But Twacy Wacie said he'd do ANTHING for Me." Princess is smiling at Tracer, "Rob a bank then?"

"No."

"Well then you can't cum."

"Of course I can."

"But you choose not too."

"Yes I choose ..."

"EXACTLY - You choose and there's not a thing I can do about it. In fact Tracer I don't WANT to do anything about it. I've said it once, I've said it twice, I'm a pleasure domme. I'll dominate for your pleasure and in dominating you I get pleasure. But I'm not going to get you to do something you don't want to do. As we know each other over time I'll find buttons you weren't aware of and push you in directions that you might think you don't want to go but I can't make you do something you don't want to do! Nor would I ever want to! Jesus when billy first talked with me do you think he ever imagined I'd have him hopping around in his back yard with the most ridiculous set of self made pointy bunny ears on his head trying to screw a melon? Ask him if he didn't have a blast! Go on, ASK HIM!"

"Well he's dead."

"Good point."

"But I get your meaning, I guess my choice of words was a poor one."

"Bingo!"

Billy The Perverted Elf is climbing the first of a series of hills that lead to boob mountain. He's high enough that he can see Paradise in the valley below and a series of colorful flags headed down the road towards the town. He peers hard at the flags, mutters, "Oh no! They'll come bearing gifts ..." and increases his efforts.

Suddenly the world goes topsy-turvy and he's creeping slowly down a sun lit hallway. His senses totally alert, almost as if he's stalking something, or someone. He catches a glimpse of brunette ringlets and the giggle of a child before his head hits the path and he passes out cold.

Jemmie sits down on her couch with a wince, slowly raises her skirt and gently peels off the protective bandage covering her new tattoo. She looks at it a bit, gets up from the couch and starts decorating her Christmas tree. She couldn't be happier. She's so happy humming Christmas Time Is Here that she doesn't hear MsTara on cockradio:

"We interrupt this broadcast! One hundred thousand care bears are outside of town. They are erecting large stages and tents for 'BearStock - three days of caring' for their fallen BillyBear..."