Princess Junkie

Have you read MsGrace's TeaseTime post? If not read it. She is completely serious. If you were to have read that to me a year ago I would have laughed in your face. Such utter nonsense. As if!

Now I sit here typing this blog entry, Aimee Mann's sad Lost In Space playing quietly on my laptop, intruding on my thoughts, while I ponder what's happened to me in such a short amount of time. How I've gone so completely from slut to devoted pet. How wonderfully surprised I've been at how ready I've been for this, for Her. I wonder if She's equally pleasantly surprised. I hope so, I love pleasing Her.

These are happy thoughts and Thursday's are melancholy days for billy, always will be for reasons that only MsGrace needs to know, already knows. I play very very hard in the RealWorld and even harder on Her playground partially because of this unmentioned RealWorld event, partially because I like it.

I dread the RealWorld most when I'm on the playground. Take it away Aimee ...

You paint a lovely picture,
But reality intrudes
With a message for you
And it's real bad news

If you were to see a post or email from me with the subject, "RealWorld Event: ..." you can pretty much bet I haven't won the lottery. That something has happened which will either temporarily or permanently remove me from Her and Her playground. The RealWorld fucks with us in ways we can not control. Life happens. So what I do is ignore it. I refuse to wonder about what if scenarios, well that's not true, I refuse to obsess about them. But it is there in the background but I remain forever optimistic. MsGrace helps with that by just being there.

I play, I play really hard for Her, for us. Because this pet business is a two way street and it is a relationship, it is what you make of it. I plan, want and need to experience all MsGrace has to offer. To totally give myself over to Her. I want to know, I don't ever want to look back on my time here and say what if? I want to grow old with her ::soft smile:: That sounds silly but I think She knows what I mean, and if not I'll spell it out, I'm not going anywhere MsGrace! You're stuck with me for as long as You'll have me, which I hope will be for a very long time. MsGrace writes,

I will care for you, I will control you, I will demand of you. You will drop to your knees and beg to worship Me as I deserve. You will wait, wanting and needing.....

Keep in mind the first part of the sentence. She will care for you if you're chosen as a pet and don't forget you're chosen, you can't make it happen. You can't buy your way in. I'm still filled with awe that She chose me and I will never disappoint Her. I do wait for Her because not waiting, going somewhere else, just doesn't cut it for me. I so very much want Her, I so very much need Her and that makes it so worth it to wait for Her. Keep in mind She is moody but more importantly She is a natural born tease and you will be teased. She will make that want and need grow in you.

I consider how completely and totally happy I am to be Hers. That She has allowed me to be part of Her world, Her playground.

Now the Paxtons out there are laughing and chortling and even snickering at this little post. You should read my emails to Her ::smile:: And you know what? Laugh away. Laugh in my face in the chatroom, in the comments section of this blog. Cause you will never understand, you aren't wired that way and that's fine with billy. Billy is a very happy boy and you can't touch that.

So my Princess, my Mistress, my Playground Everything you write,

I am going to teach you to be the pet I long for. I am going to teach you how to honor and worship an amazing Princess as Myself...and you will be grateful to Me for it. You will be My pet, My toy....

Your "already pets" know how completely accurate Your TeaseTime post is. Teach me how to be the pet You long for, I want and need to become that. I will learn, I will become a better pet for You.

In closing I'll mildly alter the lyrics from Aimee Mann ...

So Gracie kiss me like a drug, like a respirator
And let me fall into the dream of the astronaut
Where I get lost in Grace that goes on forever
And She makes all the rest just an afterthought ...

So very grateful to be able to sign off with
Your billy

Thank you MsGrace, Your pet is soooo happy and hopes You are too!

Repeaters

Well I don't know how you feel about it and I really don't know how the Mistresses stand it but I'm finding myself getting increasingly annoyed with some folk in the chatroom.

Ace had to trank me a few nights ago. Sheesh was that embarrassing!

This is most likely an early to mid indicator that I must speak with MsGrace soon so that I can blow off some ... um ... steam. This teapot must be reaching a full boil.

I've started to mentally refer to them as repeaters. They seem to run the same script over and over again, usually two or three of the same tired lines trying to get a nibble from one of the Mistresses. The fact that I'm noticing is probably another warning sign maybe billy is hanging out in the chatroom a bit too much but the repeaters are always, always there.

Just to be clear I'm speaking of a select few and not the chatroom in general. There are regulars there that I enjoy seeing every single time; there are more of them then the repeaters (we seem to currently hold a numerical superiority but will they drive us/me out over time?). So, I've taken to occasionally sniping at some of the repeaters for sport. I should just shut up but I can't seem to help myself. I try so hard not to notice them ::bitter sigh::

Then there was a guy hanging out in there threatening to commit suicide because of impotency. What's billy suppose to do with that noise? Is this chat room now some sort of suicide prevention kink room? Did I miss another memo?

MsGrace, "heads up" ::soft smile:: I think billy needs to talk to ya - bad! Apparently I've become dangerously annoyed :-) Must be the holidays ...

Well I Thought It Was Funny

I'm considering how to modify this conversation so that MsGrace can turn it into a billy type fantasy. I would appreciate any help you might provide. You've probably already heard this but I found it funny ...

MsGrace: Hello?
billy: May I speak with MsGrace?
MsGrace: Who's calling?

Tracer Bullet Billy PI

You're probably wondering how I got my first case. Well it happened shortly after I found my chat avatar and the photo that now graces my blog. I knew it was a wise choice but I had no idea how exciting it would make my life.

It started on a lazy Saturday morning, I was pining for my Mistress. Yep I got a Mistress and a damned fine one at that. Her name is Grace, you might have heard of her. So on a whim I opened up my IM client and marked myself "Available" and a little while later a window pops open and it's MsGrace. We chat and I'm telling her about my fun encounter with Giantess Gretchen on GiantessIsland when this dame walks into my office.

She's a long cool glass of water. Nice gams. I pour my usual beverage, bourbon and light another cig. Fixing her with a steely gaze I ask, "You got a problem sister?"

She reaches over and takes a cig from my pack, lights it as I pour a splash of bourbon into her glass. She fixes me with her cold blue eyes and says, "I hear you're a dick."

"That's what the shingle says lady"

"Yeah, I got a problem, my man is cheating on me with Giantess Gretchen. Ever heard of her?"

"Maybe"

"Well I've heard she's not what she seems, that she's actually two people. I want to find out who she really is!"

I take a slug of bourbon and a drag on my cig, pondering the repercussions, "You know she's a giant, right? As in enormous? This little fact will effect my rates."

Billy? Billy where are you? What are you doing?
Damn it!! I hate the holidays filled with a house full of relatives! Grabbing my laptop I rush for the bathroom. I want to continue chatting with MsGrace (you didn't think I'd spill any of that did you? Sheesh) but while I'm IMing with her this little story is unfolding in the back of my head. The problem is the battery life on this Mac is crappy. I wont have much time.

"Um, I'm in the bathroom but I'm not looking at porn and jacking off, I'm IMing with my Mistress, OK?!" I tell Msgrace how lame I am, she laughs and tells me to stop at "I'm in the bathroom." Which I do, buying time.

She pulls a wad of cash out of her purse and tosses it on the table. I glance at it and say, "You'll have to do better than that, I have expenses and a classy Mistress with great taste." Two more wads of cash follow.

"That's better," I say, "OK what happens after I identify this Giantess?"

She takes a long drag on her cig and exhales a plume of smoke, "Don't worry about that, I just need a name."

"Oh no sweetheart, it doesn't work that way, no one gets hurt or Tracer Bullet Billy won't take the case."

She sighs and says, "No one will get hurt but you can't reason with a giant woman and I need my man back. Can you find her?"

Billy! Billy?! Where are you?!
"I'm in the bathroom!!!"
Billy?
At what age do people go deaf?
"I'm in the bathroom - OK??!!!"
Sheesh
I have to end the chat with MsGrace which disappoints me to no end.

"If I can't find her no one can. I'm a man of peculiar talents. I'll take the case."

Tracer Bullet Billy picks up the cash, holsters his 45s, dons his fedora and trench coat and heads to the chat room to get to the bottom of this mystery.

Bored ... How 'Bout You?

I was rapidly turning a comment I made in Princess's blog into a tome when I realized I'm bored. Billy finds that suddenly he has too much time on his hands. This is generally not a good thing.

Wednesday hung out with jem in the chatroom and that has been the high water mark except when Princess IM'd me for a minute (those are such a thrill for this pet) and She showed up in the chat room but then boytoy called which was cool. I tried to hang out way past billy's bedtime but the Princess was occupied and didn't make a return within my window of opportunity.

Jem and I had fun however (or at least I did jem) and I learned all about jem's "stove" and this person is now becoming son of stove to me. I was so blissfully unaware until jem pointed out what I should be looking for, now I can't help but notice. Jem's evil - LOL.

MsTara showed up thank God and livened things up a bit. Though she foolishly put me on restriction (I may have been whining too much, but I dispute that!) until tonight. Apparently she's not a fan of my little blog and hasn't read The Way of the Billy. She isn't fully informed on the consequences. Jem, naturally was delighted by this development. I haven't checked with MsGrace on this (I'm a little afraid of Her answer) but I'm not sure MsTara is allowed to do that. Poor billy is always so confused ::bitter sigh::

Apparently my little blog here took a hiatus and concerned quite a few of my friends. The only solution I could find was clearing the cache. I have no idea what happened.

So I experimented with my blog a bit. Went to blogger beta. Threw up an image of a brain for my profile (billy's brain - get it?) decided that may be letting you guys look a little too far up my skirt. Switched the images for the current one. Played with the fonts and the color. Got everything looking just so ...

bored

I wrote a blog entry that I hope to publish soon.

bored

Hung out in the chatroom late last night but no one I knew was there.

bored bored bored

Hung out with family and friends (not bored) but I'm doing all this other stuff in my copious free time.

Checked my email about a million times.

So, what has billy learned? That he's suddenly found that there is a population of online folk that have very rapidly become a large part of his life. Billy is very, very thankful for that. Very thankful and grateful to have met you, got to know you a bit and had fun with you (except you Paxton - you fuck!).

As always MsGrace heads that list - I just wuv her, can't help myself.

So, I hope this holiday you haven't found yourself with too much time on your hands and a little bored ...

Be well

BattleStar Moving to Sundays

Now what is this happy horseshit?

::poor billy's Tourette's syndrom flares up::

This irritates me to no end. I was having the most wonderful Fridays, I hate changes of this type. I have schedules and routines all in place to aid in Princess phone calls. Shit! Shit! Shit!

Read the SciFi channels pack of lies here.

Sunday's at 10PM beginning 21 Jan 07?

And what's this crap about viewer-ship falling? ::billy glares around::

You guys better park your asses in front of the TV and start watching now! We'll have none of this declining viewer-ship noise God damn it to hell!!! And don't get all whiny on me about, "But billy, BattleStar isn't on right now" Do you think I care?! You'll sit there and wait for it and I better start hearing about how great it was real soon now!

::billy pops about eight blood pressure pills and starts hunting around for his imaginary cat "mittens"::

Here mittens, time for your kick! You know it won't hurt since you're imaginary and all.

I'm a Little Teapot

I'm MsGrace's teapot, short and stout
She owns my handle, She owns my spout
When She gets me all steamed up, and hears me shout
She tips me over and pours me out!

Sheeeesh, that was embarrassing - but OH SO worth it!

Originally published on 18 Nov 06 at 1:30AM - wanted to keep it at the top of the blog for MsGrace. She won fair and square and deserves some gloat time before I bury this entry below the fold of this blog - LOL

Kissed

Ever been kissed by MsGrace? I have, twice now. Now just to be clear this is all in the mind sort of stuff and not what I call a "Real World Event." Being actually kissed by Her will never occur and I'm quite comfortable with that.

I referred to it earlier in the blog as a "blackout." It happened last night as a culmination of our little battle. Wanna hear about last night's call? OK

We had our chit-chat session and I think both of us were glad to have it. At about the thirty minute mark of my time with MsGrace she began to roll the fantasy. I want you to picture a movie scene for me, so that I can illustrate the depths of this battle, how intense it was. Exactly how hard I fought and how long it lasted!

Picture MsGrace standing in a field of flowers, wearing whatever you desire, (I was kind of holding a mental image of her in that pink number she posted for this marathon) holding Her arms open and me sprinting across the field as fast as I can towards Her, arms out stretched, screaming, "Oh Take me dear merciful Mistress, take me! Please, please please"

She takes me down with a fireman's carry and I'm on my back and She's on top (where she should be) staring down into my eyes, her hair tickling my cheek. Her perfume ... perfection. She gives me an easy smile and starts to teeeaaase me and plaaay with me. I open my mind wide to Her, no defenses, I want Her deep in my head.

I have no idea how long this went on but it was really nice. She was running off a fantasy I had sent her but She was modifying it which is what I hoped She would do. Taking me deeper, plaaaaying, teaasing, and then deeper still. I know at a certain point well within the thirty minutes She could have got me off but She's taking Her time. I think, no, I know she was enjoying me, the state I was in, all my "little whimpers and moans" as she said in a comment in the teapot entry.

She's also studying me, and I don't mean in a cold way, judging by the feedback I'm providing when to plant the kiss. And then She leans down and kisses me. She says something that I can't quite recall but She also said later that She was going to blog it or something. But this phrase (something about being Hers forever) set off a chord of buttons/triggers in my head and I'm just gone. I know I said things to Her that I meant but I'm not going to share, except that yes, I do want to be Hers forever (duh). My orgasm was intense but oddly distant (no less pleasurable) because all these synapses were firing off in my head. A kind of fugue state maybe?

Her kiss is clean, fresh, and very erotic. Can't describe it really and it's different for you I'm certain anyway. MsGrace is a great kisser.

It takes me a minute or two to recover, come out of that fugue state, catch my breath and then ...

I start to sing ::big smile::

PS: I already feel that I've given too much about my time with MsGrace. So why am I doing it? Because the next time I say I got kissed you'll know exactly what I mean and because I want to try and convey to you exactly why I hold these times and conversations with MsGrace so close to my chest. They are all so very very special to me and they're mine and MsGraces only. If you found this description vague well I'm going to get vaguer - LOL that reads pretty funny for poor already lucid billy.

PSS: Hey I think I just got my own *hiccup :-)

Countdown

I don't know how many of you participated in the initial rush to call a Mistress last night but it was fun to watch for a bit. While I waited for MsGrace I bebopped over to the chat room to see what was going on.

The place was pretty busy and MsHannah was in there being funny and everyone was flirty. People kept throwing up count down numbers 45mins ... 30mins. I was clowning around and said something like, "Strokers and Sissies start your engines!" Envisioning fingers poised over their redial buttons. I don't think anyone was taking calls and then at the 15min mark my IM pops open from MsGrace checking to make sure I'm ready.

I babble something back about being oh-so-ready and She hits me back with the dreaded "brb." I figure She's shaving her legs, painting Her nails, and getting Herself so very, very pretty for Billy. I'm anxious and bored at the same time which is weird to feel so I decided to pass the time on this IM screen. I can't remember exactly what I typed, I was in a bit of a state but here's the gist:

• Billy: 10mins cold sweat breaks out across billy's forehead
• Billy: 7mins billy notices MsGrace's pic on IM saying "Worship Me" Billy does as he's told
• Billy: 5mins billy's heart is racing
• Billy: 3mins billy starts fondling himself, he's all "leaky" and "dribbly"
• MsGrace: You just pull those pants up and settle down!
• Billy: yes MsGrace
• Billy: 1min billy dies
• MsGrace: settle down! You can make it.
  
• Billy: Midnight OMG OMG may I call?! ::finger poised on the redail button::
  
• MsGrace: just give me a sec to sign on ...
• MsGrace: Call! Hurry before the phone rings!

I gotta tell you. That countdown was erotic as hell to experience from this pet's point of view.

::humming "I'm MsGrace's teapot ..."::

Hope

One of Princess's pets I consider more and more a friend and I so enjoy his playful banter and gentle readership. This comment of his, followed by the Princess's filled me with such hope. This will sound a little corny perhaps but I have a very dark side and we constantly battle. I can't really defeat it or come to terms with it because it's the nature of who I am. What I don't need is for it to overwhelm me but I need it there too, one aspect of it that comes to light is a lot of my humor comes from that space. Your mileage may very but I think I can be pretty funny at times.

You can see through this blog my constant struggle to express where I came from in Fantasy Land and where I'm going. Who I am. Billy's Brain is a rambly "quirky" place filled with good times, insecurities and well ... lots of other stuff. I can be difficult to follow when trying to communicate what's banging around inside this noggin.

Now I was a phone-sex slut for twenty years before finding MsGrace. I'm a little ashamed of that stat. I should probably join phone-sex-sluts anonymous but I've found something better.

Here.

I'm making good friends in cyberville. The best Mistress. I'm building a history here and I feel liked and "wuved" (which is a coded term to indicate love in Fantasy Land, that you haven't crossed over the two worlds which would be very bad).

A professional slut's life is lonely. You may not realize how lonely it can be. You look at your pictures, you get a little high or a little drunk or a little both. You get into whatever state you need to convince yourself to make the call. You talk to the girl about whatever fantasy is on your mind, you get off. Hang up, clean up and go to bed.

Over and over and over again.

You don't realize and might not ever realize the sheer monotony of it. It might work for you, it did for me for a very long time, but then ignorance is bliss.

Then I found Grace (and the double entendre is intentional).

This lifestyle change works so very well for me on so many levels. I have "clicked" so strongly with MsGrace and I know exactly what happens if I loose that. I can't go back to the life I led. not after a taste of this! And Princess is so incredibly wonderfully unique that she can't be replaced. I'm frequently filled with insecurity.

But never mind that. I hope you understand this is one of the major reasons why I plan to live life so very large on this playground. I feel like the skeleton from A Nightmare Before Christmas, filled with joy and wonder when he discovered Christmas Town, "What's this? What's this?!" Another? MsGrace is just pure fun!

Then this one pet tosses up this comment:

Your rules that you have listed are right but its really much more basic than that. You can't try to be a pet. You just be yourself. If you try to be respectful and honest and trustworthy then Princess will see through it. She is great at seeing through bullshit. So be yourself. If a part of being you is showing respect, being honest and trusting then you will do just fine. Remember you don't chose to be a pet, she choses you. I never in a million years expected, wanted or dreamed that I could be a pet. Princess will attest to this but I refused to believe it for a very long time. I kept thinking that there must be some catch, some agenda on ther part that would come out. I thought it was an act on her part. There is no agenda and it is not an act but it took me a really long time to figure this out.

And MsGrace tosses this in:

And almost 2 years later, here we are....still clicking as good as ever.

And Billy fills with hope. I am being myself. I am respectful, honest and trustworthy. Don't get me wrong I'm not some sort of Boy Scout but the statement is true for me in general and very accurate for MsGrace in particular. I'm not trying to be a pet. I'm not exactly sure what a pet means for me yet, cause I think there are different flavors. And what makes me oh-so-happy is that I was chosen! She picked me!!! I can be around here two years from now!!!

Hope, ya gotta love it!

Public Challenge to MsGrace!!!

I have an upcoming call with MsGrace and I thought it might be fun to issue a public challenge. The call is strictly limited to thirty minutes so here are the rules:

If I cum within the thirty minute time limit then I have to sing, in my blog "I'm a Little Teapot" to MsGrace. If She looses and I don't cum then she has to sing it to me in Her blog. Only the first verse.

Additional rules:

All trash talk must be kept in the comments section of this blog entry! So everyone knows where to look.

The participants of this (Billy, MsGrace), are only allowed to post their trash talk once per twenty four hour period!

All observers, side bet takers and hecklers can post to their hearts' content.

The final rule is most critical: This is suppose to be FUN! If things get heated, ugly etc. I will pull this blog entry and it just didn't happen. MsGrace and I are the sole judges of that. So play nice! I'm not worried about MsGrace but sometimes in the spirit of fun these comments can be misconstrued. Keep that in mind when posting. I want to open this up to everybody who cares to join in.

So, is MsGrace up for the greatest challenge She has ever faced in Her life?!

I will post to the comments section first ... and wait for MsGrace's response to see if She accepts my challenge!

You'll know when the teapot entry goes up who lost!

Spelunk

MsGrace told me to go sleep in a cave until I got my shit together. Nah, this has been a planned overnighter and I've never slept in a cave before. Might be cool. It might suck, let's find out!

Anyway I was fortunate enough to get to hang out with MsGrace in the "blow your mind" chat room. I tried to send a smoke signal to jem, hope you caught up jemster. We pets should probably work out a notification system of some sort when there are MsGrace sightings. The IM thing works for me, so jem if you see Her holding court in some room, I'd appreciate an IM. Then you should probably set your neighbor's car on fire in case I'm not online. I'll do the same.

We almost had an incident in the chat room last night. I'm beginning to believe Billy is an acquired taste. There was this guy who strolled in and started chatting with MsGrace. He said he hadn't seen Her in quite awhile or something like that. Naturally I chimed in ...

Billy: So what was the problem? Were you in jail?

I mean, I figure if you haven't seen MsGrace for a while you'd better have a damn good reason. Just trying to help, you know.

He chimes back: Why would you think that Billy - a person of whom I've never met.

I'm staring hard at the line a person of whom I've never met and thinking ... Paxton?!! Anyway I made nice and avoided offending him, which really wasn't my intent. I was just trying to get a chuckle out of him, but things could have gotten very interesting very fast! LOL Also an IM window pops open from the Princess telling me to behave. That's so difficult to do ::smile:: but not when MsGrace asks.

She began to distract poor billy with her feet and toes, and I'll tell ya true I'm not a foot guy! Except for Her's ... yummy!

Well if you guys aren't laughing your asses off tonight at poor covered in bat guano Billy, I'll be mildly offended.

BattleStar - Salvation

Hmmm, so there's a virus that will eliminate the entire cylon race. There's a moral struggle going on among the humans but I think I agree with Rosolyn's decision - kill 'em all and let God sort them out. I know even though the show isn't over yet that this won't happen so I'm comfortable with the sentiment at the moment.

Far more intriguing to me is a possible reenactment of the Baltar torture scene with MsGrace. I'd make some adjustments of course. First there's no reason to actually be tortured nope just me and MsGrace and some of the talk that went on in that scene. It was a hot scene. I love having MsGrace in my head.

All in all I wasn't too crazy about this episode. I don't think anything plot wise was advanced. We already knew about the infection. The writers of course can't kill off the Cylons it would end the show. The one interesting thing they might have tried was to have the human plan work and the Cylons get infected and then have them deal with that. But still the end result would have been the same.

So, I'm tepid on this one. Your thoughts?

The Way of the Billy

Hello my dumpling,

So you want to practice The Way of the Billy when it comes to denial. Ha ha ha ha ha, are you sure you're man enough my little french fry? If so then you must complete these simple, ten steps:

Step One: Make sure you have no idea what denial really is. It can't be that bad really, you've gone for days without orgasming before. Ho hum. So you may feel a little more needy ... no big thang

Step Two: This is critical. Make sure that you don't consult with your Mistress before embarking on your little journey of self discovery. Why bother? You're doing it for Her anyway. She'll appreciate it. If you can, try and set it up so that your Mistress will be out of town during your trial, that's the best! You really won't need Her during this time anyway.

Step Three: The days you've gone without orgasming before making your decision don't count. The clock starts now, anything previous just doesn't matter! It will have no effect.

Step Four: Pick some random email, or comment from your Mistress as implicit permission that you're ready for the denial process. Keep "Step Two" in mind, she can't know of your little surprise until you're ready to tell Her. She'll be delighted with the news, particularly if you can time it so that she's just gotten back from a great vacation and has a million things to do!

Step Five: Make sure that you give the impression that you've actually discussed this denial thing with your Mistress so that your chat room buddies assume it and think you know what's going to happen. After all you just want to fit in and be part of the denial crowd.

Step Six: Make sure that you've painted yourself into a corner - that there's no way out without destroying everything you've built in the fantasy world. You can take it! After all it's a promise to yourself, if you've followed step 2 carefully then your Mistress knows nothing about it! Stake everything on success, lock yourself in good and tight! If there's a way out short of your Mistress then you are a pussy and not ready for the Way of the Billy!

Step Seven: As the days and then the hours and then the minutes start to crawl by ignore the fact that you're so mentally consumed with want and need and desperation that you could just die. It's just another slightly unexpected side effect. No biggie.

Step Eight: Realize that this denial thing has now crossed over from the fantasy world into the real world and consumes every minute of your life. You may begin to realize that you've made a mistake and quietly begin muttering to your chat room pals that you're in "real trouble." But not too loudly, not too explicitly! You don't want them to think you're a wimp do you? You don't want them to know that you don't have the slightest clue as to what you've gotten yourself into, right?

Step Nine: My personal favorite. Have a major fucking meltdown in the chat room! Make sure that there's a lot of folk there to witness it. This is the time to reveal all of your insecurities, all of your self-destructive tendencies. Share gosh darn it, let the emotion out! Alienate as many people as you can with your black mood. Laugh as you watch them flee the room. Give 'em a taste of your dark side. Panic your friends!

Step Ten: As klaxons are going off in your head, your fantasy world filling with smoke and you're hand is dangerously hovering over the 'self-destruct' button and you oh-so-badly want to press it (it's so pretty! go ahead push it you pansy!) hope and pray that your Mistress is as experienced as MsGrace. When that IM window pops open from Her asking "What the holy hell is going on?!" get on your knees and BEG for relief. If you're very, very lucky like I was you'll get it!

Now if you follow the Way of the Billy for denial my little mushroom then you're a bigger moron than I was because you've been warned. Trust me on this, denial is a bitch! Not to be undertaken lightly and not without a lot of consultation with your Mistress and Her permission.

I apologize to MsGrace, ace and jem in particular and the chat room in general. Things obviously got out of hand. Everyone run!!! Billy's gonna blow!

You may not know it or think Billy is a bit of a drama queen but this was a very near thing ... some of you may have mixed emotions about that - too bad! - LOL

Now I'm sort of interested in denial. I think it has interesting possibilities but I'm relatively sure that I'm not going to be a marathoner. The next time I decide that I wanna give it a go you can bet that MsGrace will be very much in the loop! I think I might enjoy it more if I don't practice the Way of the Billy!

I Got Better ...

Well this will be a tad rambling not like my other lucid, insightful posts - LOL

When we last left poor Billy he was making his final stand against a bunch of his personal demons. His ship awash, his rudder gone. Yep, Billy had ventured a little too far from the kiddie pool. I love mixed metaphors because it screws with Paxton's study, I'm always aware of you Paxton, who knows what I would have written had I not been aware of you. You fuck!

::sorry, it's obvious I have issues with Paxton::

Anyway I was in real trouble in fantasy land. My self-destructive demon had battened on to my subconscious and was doing it's best to have me destroy my presence in this space. My biggest problem is that after awhile that guy starts to make sense, I was starting to listen ... ::shudders::

So this was the mood I was in when I entered the chat room looking desperately for MsGrace. Jem and ace opened with their usual banter and a few others joined in too. By the time I was done channeling this demon the room was pretty bare.

Sorry room!

So I'm all mopey and bitchy and cranky, a real pain in the ass, er ace and both ace and jem are doing their best to brighten my mood. It's working! Sooo in no particular order

Thank you jem!!!
Thank you ace!!!

So I've got a personal IM opened with jem and we're talking about our favorite subject - MsGrace, and things are looking up when ... an IM from the Princess herself opens!

She's aware that Billy has managed to get himself into a bit of a pickle. Can I use a hand? And I think all I'm capable of typing at that moment in time is "can I call? PLEASE"

She says yes ... she dispatches the demon in about ten seconds using her um powers. She handles Billy's pickle problem. All is well and good ...

Booyah!

I'm not sure what I make of the denial process, I have a few more days to go, apparently there are after effects ::Billy glares at jem and ace, was that what was in the missing pages of the manual you two gave me?!:: I'm not sure I can be a true marathoner, more of a dabbler maybe? I mean unless you guys enjoy Billy meltdowns? ::smile:: Time will tell. But my respect for you two is enormous having just this small taste of what it's like, what you go through.

In closing ... ::stretch, happy sigh::

So, who's on point? Cause it sure as shit isn't me ...

::wicked smile::

PS: Thank you MsGrace!!!

Darkness Rising

::cough:: ::cough::

Is this thing on? Hope so ...

Ace ... Jem ... if you're still out there ... well it's getting pretty bad. I fucked up my friends ::laughs:: I fucked up so badly. You see Billy can't count.

::wild laughter::

I was counting from when I got the Princess's email and I should have been counting from my birthday! ::soft sigh ... that was a great call my Lady:: As of today that's thirteen days ...

::giggles::

Isn't that funny?

Not too bad for a first timer! Not too shabby for a former slut!!!

::He glares at nothing, there's no one to challenge him::

Billy limps over and stares at a picture of the three of them in Tijuana, taken from a time they never speak of. A forty-five hangs from his right hand, a tattered picture of the Princess in his left. He's dressed in his ceremonial death gi, now a worn, ragged thing. A bright red bandanna tied tightly across his head, "Pet Forever" scrawled across the front of it with a sharpie.

Soft shuffling, low moaning can be heard approaching from the hallway. Pounding and banging starts against the door, which begins to crack and splinter. Billy has piled various flotsam from the room against it to brace it. A sound like a pencil against paper can be heard.

Is that you zombie Paxton you fat fuck???!!!

::gunshots::

I love shooting through walls. ::good times ... good times::

Billy crosses the room, sits against the wall opposite the door and reloads the forty-five muttering, "getting low on ammo ..." Places the gun on the floor next to him and lights a cig. Stares at the picture of MsGrace ...

Ace, jem ... I'm running out of time here. You know, perv that I am, that I stole only one pair of panties in my entire life? It was in college. She was a cute girl. Probably still is. It's hard not to be cute when you're nineteen. Anyway I liked her. Well she was doing her laundry in that communal area in the dorms, know what I mean? Putting a load in the dryer, she saw me, waved and left to do something. Don't know what. I rushed over there, gabbed a pair (why is that plural?) shoved them in my jean's pocket. Later in my room I took them out and threw them away. Weird, huh? I felt so bad about that. I stole from her, I had no right. Could never figure out a way to apologize to her. True story.

Billy sighs.

Not sure why I'm telling you that.

The door is starting to splinter badly. Zombie stove pokes his head in, Billy caps him but all it does is knock him back into the hallway. Stupid stove. Billy stands.

Anyway all my personal demons are making some real headway here. Darkness rising. I need for you to get word to the Princess for me, tell her ...

Tell her that her, "wuvs you too ..." comment in the chat room meant more to this pet than she will ever know. ::tears well in Billy's eyes:: I'm not real sure what "wuv" means so I'm taking it in my own way.

Tell her that this miserable excuse for a pet loves Her. In this fantasy space in this world with it's carefully constructed boundaries She owns my heart. My very soul.

Tell her everything I do in this fantasy world, I do for Her.

Tell her that I always thought of Her as my friend and that in some small way I hope She considered me the same.

Tell her ... ::soft, gentle, smile:: - I wish she could see that.

The door has been breached. Horrible, stupid, shuffling things begin to enter. Billy empties the forty-five, tosses it casually across the room without a glance and draws his Japanese long sword, his Katana. Billy looks one final time at the picture of Princess, carefully tucks it into his sash and raises the sword high over his head. He begins to mutter, "I can do this" over and over again.

Gathering the remnants of his strength Billy screams, "For my Mistress!!!" and charges the door...

PS: Everything from this PS on down needs to be deleted. This is my official entry in the blog writing contest. I don't expect it to win, it's too contextual. I wrote it for MsGrace, if She likes it then I'm happy. Her Billy

The Paxton Effect

So jem and I are in the chatroom babbling about God knows what when I observe the following exchange. Now I'm going to name one of the names without permission for what will become obvious reasons.

There was fool in the room who's entire conversational range appeared to be:

bore: Are you jacking off?
bore: Yeah, me too.

Now "Paxton" enters and the following exchange catches my eye:

bore: Hi Paxton, are you jacking off?
Paxton: Well Sir ... I'll have you know that I never. I've never been so insulted in my life!

Or something like that. I swoop in to let Paxton know (since he appears to be a newbie) that this sort of crap happens. Not to sweat it and just go on with his life. He begins some sort of Happy Babble about just trying to do his study and continue his research work. I start to press him because I think I've heard of this guy. But he's squirming and being elusive.

Billy: What study? Are you the guy I've heard about that's studying us in the chatroom for some sort of research project?

Paxton: Billy, might I inquire as to whom told you that?

I'm having none of that noise ...

Billy: everybody, everybody told me that Paxton!!!

He starts yapping about some sort of project and that he's only doing it to help us or something like that and my hackles are way way up now.

Billy: Paxton I don't come here to be studied, to be observed. I come here to relax and chat with my friends.

He starts trying to convince me that it's OK that the study really doesn't have to do with that and that he doesn't even know my name.

Billy: How do you know that Paxton? How do you know that Billy isn't my real name? What you don't know is my full name.

We're going back and forth at this time on the "rightness" of the project how it will better us pervs or some sort of shit and I'm questioning his data at this point. I mention something like, "You don't even want me in the chatroom Paxton I'll fuck up your statistical analysis." I'm trying to explain that fundamentally this room is quite similar to any chatroom in the world with regards to its social dynamic but the bottom line is:

Billy doesn't like being observed, particularly without his permission. Billy is somewhat private.

:: glares at ace and jem who are frantically jotting notes ::

I mean what the fuck? I imagine one of his entries to read, "The tufted tit-mouse Billy preens before the Mistresses who show no interest until he flashes his Visa. Then the females of the species begin preening and cooing back. The mating ritual has begun." Am I some sort of bird?

But where I'm pressing Paxton hard on is that what will this data accomplish, exactly what is this project and he's saying he "really can't say" because it will jeopardize his research and he's a "serious scientist" and that if I'm that uncomfortable maybe he should just leave.

I have him now :: wicked smile ::

Billy: I'm aware of you Paxton
Paxton: Yes, the Hawthorne effect ...
Billy: There it is

Now Paxton has a problem because the Hawthorne effect is all over his face and he can't wipe it off. Briefly the Hawthorne effect is, "the idea that the mere act of observing/studying something can alter it." Now in social interactions I'm not a believer of the Hawthorne effect, in fact I believe that it's largely discredited in general but Paxton doesn't.

I'm much more of the Hunter S. Thompson school of thought when it comes to social interactions and would point my gentle readers to the Billy Button post. How am I going to possibly understand denial if I don't experience it first hand? Read a book? That makes me laugh.

Paxton leaves but then ducks back in with some weepy story about his poor persecuted gay theater friends and that he was (or is - not sure) a drug addict. And studying Billy in the chatroom helps these folk, um, how? He simply wont spill his thesis. He leaves again.

So you've probably seen me mention Paxton in the chatroom, I'm mainly doing it to blow his study because of the Hawthorne effect. Also I find it funny as hell. If Paxton wants to understand even a little of what's going on in that room he's gonna have to expose a kink and call a Mistress (I can't imagine that call - LOL). Then he may get a clue, or at least understand whatever data he's collecting and how worthless the data is.

Then again maybe his kink is to be exposed in chat rooms as the serious researcher he is - LOL. Boy we guys are weird! :: big smile ::

Whatever, 'nuff said on Paxton.

BattleStar - Torn

I'm hoping MsGrace is having too much fun to have watched. Here's a plot synopsis:

• Six in Baltar's head tells Baltar she's, "An angel of god sent here to help you" - sounds like the Princess ::smile:: She also tells him Cylon psychology is based on projection. They're on a beach, she looks hot of course.
• Cylons want to know how to find Earth. If Baltar can't tell them the Cylons will kill him
• Baltar does his thing about keeping alive, coward that he is - he might not know exactly where it is but he has studied a map for hours and has a better idea of where it is then the Cylons.
• Cylons decided that Earth will be their new home
• Starbuck is hot dogging during a training exercise and damages a viper. Looses her flight status.
• Colonel Ty is drinking heavily and hearing his wife's voice in his head
• KC runs up to Starbuck and wants to be picked up. Starbuck ignores KC and Starbuck tells KC's mom to frack off and of course it's hard on a two year old to understand this. Mom and KC leave.
• Geata is trying to duplicate Baltar's work on finding Earth. Investigating a lions head nebula with a pulsar for an eye
• Cylon's have dispatched a basestar to the same location based on Baltar's info.
• Real six tells Baltar that projecting is a form of daydreaming. the Cylon can make these daydreams their reality much like what goes on in Baltar's head with six.
• Baltar, "Am I a Cylon?" - one of the real six's asks "What did you say?" Baltar retracts the question saying, "Just thinking out loud."
• Boomer gets a new call sign "Athena" since she's a different "Boomer"
• Divisions are growing on the BattleStar between those who stayed on New Caprica and those that left with the BattleStars.
• Baltar asks, "The final five who are they?" Six says they never talk about them, it's complicated, but they never talk about them
• The basestar that was sent to the nebula "died." The baseship was infected with something. No Cylon can go there without getting infected and dying.
• Six in Baltar's head tells Balter to volunteer. Baltar volunteers as an act of self preservation.
• Back on the BattleStar division is growing. Colonel Ty and Starbuck are second guessing the rescue, destrying moral. Feeding the divisions among the ship.
  
• There's hybrid humans, there is only one per baseship. She is the baseship. "She swims in the heavens. Maybe she does see God." Some believe the babble out of her mouth others don't. So there are Cylon differences too.
• Baltar approaches the "dead" baseship. And starts investigating. Finds dead and dying Cylons (human form). Takes pictures.
• There is an human made probe on the ship.
• Baltar finds a brown hair six. He tries to help her. She wants to die. Begs him to kill her even though there's not a resurrection ship nearby (because of the potential of the infection spreading).
• The marker/probe looks very old from the original thirteen, probably Earth. The brown hair six blames Baltar, he knew it was there wanted to infect them with this pestulance. He kills her. Baltar tells the Cylons on the uninfected baseship that he sees nothing, nothing of consequence. Deliberately not telling them about the probe.
• Cylons are arguing on the uninfected baseship. They are blaming Baltar too. The hybrid objects to them leaving. They leave. This disease must have come from someplace. six see the probe from Baltar's pictures and says nothing.
• Adama confronts Starbuck and Ty. Puts a round in a gun and tells them to shoot him. Starbuck is "dead" to Adama. Tells her to get off the ship or become a human being and an officer. Ty tells Adama that that man he knew over thirty years doesn't exist anymore. Both leave.
  
• Starbuck goes and cuts her hair with a knife. Goes and visits KC, starts to heal. She did a remarkable job with the self-inflicted haircut :-)
• Ty is in his room still drinking, having a tougher go of it. Not ready to heal.
• A BattleStar scout discovers the lion's head nebula and the dead baseship. Athena channels briefly the hybrid on the dead baseship. They return to the BattleStar.
  

End of part one

The Billy Button

I'm sure I've mentioned it before, I had to of ... MsGrace is ... MsGrace is a ...

Cock Teasing Bitch!!!

MsGrace closed her latest email to me in the following manner (this has of course been edited but you get the gist):

PS: Here's a raging hard-on for you
PPS: Here's a whopping case of blue balls too! I'll let you know when they're the appropriate shade of blue

Oh, and I'm going out of town and will be unavailable for the next five days or so good luck with that ::giggles::

I'm immediately on my hands and knees and my head ... is ... just ... spinning! I start to laugh, really sincere deep laughs. With her casual little drive-by email MsGrace has accomplished the following:

• She's exposed and stomped on a button I didn't even know I had!
• In expanding my horizons She's taken me over to a new area of the playground and said, "Now billy this area is called 'denial', hope you like it" and just left me there. I see a couple of my pals hanging out and shyly wave. They wave back, welcome to the club.
• She's left me in such a state of want and need so total that I can't describe it.
  

I dash off an email saying, "We are so gonna talk about this!!!" And I get no response. Arrrgggghh! Already I'm getting a taste of this area of the playground. Several lessons are being rapidly learned by poor Billy. I now understand what She means when She says that it's Her cock. She gave me this hard on, these balls that are turning bluer by the minute. It's on Her to get rid of it, when She's in the mood. Sure I could sit down and whack off but that would result in what I call an "empty orgasm." It would defeat the purpose of this 'experiment' and far, far worse would be disrespectful of MsGrace. She's chosen this route for me (not that she asked ::smile::), and disrespecting Her will never happen gentle reader, not from this pet. So ... I must endure. I'm kinda digging it, but talk to me in a few days when I've lost sight in one eye and all my hair has fallen out from toxic sperm buildup (it's a killer I tell ya!).

But it gets even better. I'm hanging out in the chat room bitching an moaning about my predicament to a group of folk I have no right to be bitching and moaning to. Those folk are real marathoners and MsGrace has left me in this state for what, about a day?

Well who should pop in but the Princess Herself! It was a great time for all but I'm trying to explain my case to Her and getting:

Why billy, what ever do you mean?
I'm so sorry to have put you in this state ::giggles::
aaawwwww, poor billy ::smile::

I'm finally so worked up I blurt out, "We are SO gonna talk about this!" to which She replies, "Yes we are ..." But when?!! When are we gonna talk about this? Arrrggghhhh!!! - She is so divinely good at this!

She also delivered a bit of tease for everyone else in the room. I was so glad jem was there! That at least a couple of Her pets got to be in the room for this very special chat. Once She left jem said, "::sigh::" I hear that jemster!!! It was wonderful!

An email! my God ... and don't even bother asking me about it, like I'm going to tell you piranhas anything about this button.

Pervert Service Announcement

Ace first pointed this out to me, I've been waiting for him to make his own posting but ... times up baby :-)

reader.google.com

To listen to the google PR hacks or ace for that matter this little reader does just about everything but blow you. I've been playing around with it and it's quite useful.

Stay up to date.
Google Reader constantly checks your favorite news sites and blogs for new content.

Share with your friends.
Use Google Reader's built-in public page to easily share interesting items with your friends and family.

Use it anywhere, for free.
Google Reader is totally free and works in most modern browsers, without any software to install.

Billy says check it out.

BTW ace when I pointed it out to the Princess she was most appreciative. She started to teaaase me and plaaay with me :-)

Thanks for the heads up ace!