Tracer Bullet Billy PI

You're probably wondering how I got my first case. Well it happened shortly after I found my chat avatar and the photo that now graces my blog. I knew it was a wise choice but I had no idea how exciting it would make my life.

It started on a lazy Saturday morning, I was pining for my Mistress. Yep I got a Mistress and a damned fine one at that. Her name is Grace, you might have heard of her. So on a whim I opened up my IM client and marked myself "Available" and a little while later a window pops open and it's MsGrace. We chat and I'm telling her about my fun encounter with Giantess Gretchen on GiantessIsland when this dame walks into my office.

She's a long cool glass of water. Nice gams. I pour my usual beverage, bourbon and light another cig. Fixing her with a steely gaze I ask, "You got a problem sister?"

She reaches over and takes a cig from my pack, lights it as I pour a splash of bourbon into her glass. She fixes me with her cold blue eyes and says, "I hear you're a dick."

"That's what the shingle says lady"

"Yeah, I got a problem, my man is cheating on me with Giantess Gretchen. Ever heard of her?"

"Maybe"

"Well I've heard she's not what she seems, that she's actually two people. I want to find out who she really is!"

I take a slug of bourbon and a drag on my cig, pondering the repercussions, "You know she's a giant, right? As in enormous? This little fact will effect my rates."

Billy? Billy where are you? What are you doing?
Damn it!! I hate the holidays filled with a house full of relatives! Grabbing my laptop I rush for the bathroom. I want to continue chatting with MsGrace (you didn't think I'd spill any of that did you? Sheesh) but while I'm IMing with her this little story is unfolding in the back of my head. The problem is the battery life on this Mac is crappy. I wont have much time.

"Um, I'm in the bathroom but I'm not looking at porn and jacking off, I'm IMing with my Mistress, OK?!" I tell Msgrace how lame I am, she laughs and tells me to stop at "I'm in the bathroom." Which I do, buying time.

She pulls a wad of cash out of her purse and tosses it on the table. I glance at it and say, "You'll have to do better than that, I have expenses and a classy Mistress with great taste." Two more wads of cash follow.

"That's better," I say, "OK what happens after I identify this Giantess?"

She takes a long drag on her cig and exhales a plume of smoke, "Don't worry about that, I just need a name."

"Oh no sweetheart, it doesn't work that way, no one gets hurt or Tracer Bullet Billy won't take the case."

She sighs and says, "No one will get hurt but you can't reason with a giant woman and I need my man back. Can you find her?"

Billy! Billy?! Where are you?!
"I'm in the bathroom!!!"
Billy?
At what age do people go deaf?
"I'm in the bathroom - OK??!!!"
Sheesh
I have to end the chat with MsGrace which disappoints me to no end.

"If I can't find her no one can. I'm a man of peculiar talents. I'll take the case."

Tracer Bullet Billy picks up the cash, holsters his 45s, dons his fedora and trench coat and heads to the chat room to get to the bottom of this mystery.