Interview With A Butcher

Bawbwaa Waawaa interviews an obviously distraught Princess Grace

Pwincess Gwace youw're too kind to do this interview with me here in my studio ...

Look you've gotten me kicked out of seven shoe stores, if I do this interview will you uhhh ... how do you say ... oh yeah ... fuck off?

Cwertainly.

And since when is gift shop your studio? I really think I should be on The View! I always loved the friendly camaraderie between you and your co-hosts!

Wealwee?

Well, yes, the giggling and the girl talk. You seem to get along so well together ... don't you?

I wesent the vomit from those fuckers, tell what do they know? Wosie with her fat ass and twendy clothes said she hated Hasselbeck, tell me why Hasselbeck should have to take that kind of shit? Shit from those fucking bwain dead bitches? Whoopie said Hasselbeck gave off 'evil vibes'. I should have beat the fucking shit right out of her, her with her fucking wroot extensions!

Uh ...

Oh, I'm sowwy, did I over-share? We're not hear to talk about The View are we Pwincess Gwace. No we-ah heawah to tawk about you and youwa welationshwip wif a wery spwecial, wemarkable idiwidual. But fiwst I must ask ... waaa wa wee wo wadiddy wedom waa woo woe wa?

::stunned silence:: I'm on record several times saying I would NEVER discuss that particular incident ... EVER! And if you ask me that again or anything that comes as close to being as offensive as that question I'll break your fucking hip with a baseball bat! Got it?

I see ... so no comment. Tewll us about your pain Pwincess ... a Pwincess's pain ... I mean surely it must hurwt to be known as The Butcher of Biwwy-Bear ...

Why are you dicing onions?

For the soup of course ... The Destroyer of All That is Good in This World ... The Wrecker of Humanities Last Hope ... Satan's Satan ... it's OK to cwhy Pwincess Gwace ... wealwy it is ... Amerwica can help you wif the healwing.

Well I've heard the butcher thing ... not the others ... what's that?

Oh this? My new pwerfume - here smell ...

Oh dear merciful God!

Oh I've mistaken it for my pwepper spway. How siwwy! That's it Pwincess, let the teawrs flow ::Charlie get a close up on her:: wet the heawling begin ... UNNNGGGHHHHHH ... Sylvia! ... SYLVIA!!! Come hither for I hath shat myself anon! Bwing fworth a depends and lawger butt pwug and set up my changing table ... Now tell Amerwica Pwincess ... You blew Biwwy's bwains all over the pavement because of abuse in Catholic High School by angwy wesbian nuns didn't you ... Cwhy for me ...

I was never in Catholic High School - Byeeeeeeee

And so a visibly shaken Pwincess runs cwhying fwom another Emmy worthy interview. Back to our studios ...

Next former cookie magnate Ace Papadopolis explains why he was found naked with a sniper rifle on the rooftop of a nearby office building.

A defiant ace as he was brought in for booking New Year's Eve 2007

Only on ABC - Angry Bitter Cocks!