The Man Trap

An enraged wolverBilly pauses for a photo-op on the planet M-113 while lucky cowers behind his shield and Og begs for them to "Stop the madness"

"Take that, billyboy!" lucky shouted with renewed enthusiasm. "Capitan America's Shield is impervious to adamantium!!! En garde!!!"

Bent over and panting heavily wolverBilly gasps, "Give me a second here ... sheesh ... who knew adamantium was so darned heavy? Dang, chopping through that eleven foot pole of balsa wood of yours really took it out of me."

WolverBilly and lucky are battling on the Star Trek set of planet M-113. Princess Grace being a total Star Trek geek has all of the various sets erected around her castle grounds. She even has her own 'Captain's Chair' where she watches TV from in her private room along with a phaser remote control. Her fluency in Klingon is unparalleled, her 'DaHjaj'oH QaQ jaj CuMQ' ('Today is a Good Day to Stroke') being considered the penultimate in erotic Klingon MP3s! In short, Princess is hot.

"Who ... gasp ... knew ... pant ... oxygen was ... cough ... slow thin ... rasp ... on this planet?" wheezes wolverBilly while digging a crumpled pack of Marlboro's from his boot, "Toss me that bag of Doritos would ya jem? I need to carbo-load for this battle. A beer wouldn't hurt either."

The sound of lucky cracking a beer from behind his shield can be heard.

"You shouldn't have defiled my woman lucky!!! I'm going to come at you like a spider monkey!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!!!"

"I had to channel Og or ..."

"ENOUGH!!!" calls out a voice devoid of all emotion, a voice of pure, heartless logic.

Princess T'Pring Grace rises from her captain's chair (she had PantySue lug it down earlier). Her face bereft of feeling she says, "You have entered Pon farr. One of you must die!"

Using that high, whiny voice wolverBilly gets when he's not getting his way he complains, "But I don't want to die Princess! I just want to come at lucky like a spider monkey! I thought that might look cool! Do you want to die lucky?"

"No."

"See Princess, no one's keen on dying here!"

A lackey of MsAva's, Stephanie Marie walks by jabbing wolverBilly with some sharp pointy thing.

"Owww! Motherfu.." snarls wolverBilly before the healing factor stops his oozing.

Flipping open her pink cell Stephanie Marie sashays off reporting success not noticing wolverBilly extending a razor sharp claw cleanly slicing the back of her dress open. Everyone stifles giggles at her Duke Blue Devils boxers.

In a voice deviod of all humanity T'Pring Grace replies, "Then to have entered Pon farr was illogical. Fucking another's fiancee was illogical. Fighting someone who fucks your fiancee (who permitted it) is illogical. Being illogical is stupid. We thin the gene pool of idiots by making them fight to the death. We are a very logical people."

The Star Trek fight music wells out of a boombox pantysue (dressed as Seven of Nine because she's been assimilated) is holding. Jem is dressed as an Andorian for obvious reasons, and all are so focused on the battle that on one notices Og crouching behind a bunch of cinder blocks.

Wheeling, wolverBilly throws a half eaten bag of Doritos at lucky's shield while lucky's panicky fired beer bottle goes wide striking jem in the knee.

wolverBilly pats his hands on his head, then starts hopping left to right, right to left while shrieking, "Ooo eeek eeek acka oookie aga eeek eek eek!"

Lucky peers from behind his shield in flabbergasted wonder.

"That's right lucky, like a spider monkey!!!!" screams wolverBilly, sparks flying from his claws as they drag ineffectually down lucky's shield.

Lucky smacks the shield down on wolverBilly's foot.

"Owwwwwww! You son of a bitch!!!" shrieks wolverBilly holding his foot while hopping on one leg before lucky smacks him in the head with his shield, dropping wolverBilly like a sack of potatoes.

Raising the shield high over his to deliver the coup de grâce lucky says, "Better you than me wolverBilly!" before wolverBilly rolls into lucky's legs knocking him on his ass, jabbing a claw into lucky's sole of his foot.

"Owwwwwww!"

"Feel the burn lucky!" wheezes wolverBilly.

"That hurt billy!"

"So did that shield lucky!"

"Look I'm sorry I messed with Og but Princess was on trial and I needed to help her! Og was the only one who could reach you and prove you were still alive."

"You mean other than me strolling into the court room and testifying?"

"Yeah! Other than that!"

"Like I could do now?"

"Well you weren't there at the time."

From behind her wall Og cries out, "Stop!!! Stop the madness!!! You can both have me!"

wolverBilly smiles ruefully at Og, "You said you'd wait for me Og ..."

"Billy I have needs, needs that must be fulfilled. Dark desires that must be realized almost hourly ... in fact ..."

"Hush lucky!" everyone says.

"Enough!" giggles Princess T'Pring Grace, "It's getting late, the fire is warm and we have food and music. Let's party!"

Everyone breaks and gathers around the fire. Og brings wolverBilly a beer and sits next to him while everyone stares into the fire. WolverBilly takes a sip and scoots away from Og not making eye contact.

Only jem and Og notice, both thinking, "Uh oh."