Mecca

I got the call a few weeks ago. At the time I thought nothing of it but now, now it just feels right. Convergence. Nature aligning in harmony, it all coming together.

This Thursday I leave for the holy land. No, not San Antonio you sillies - Chapel Hill! Mecca. From there me and my fellow Carolinians will beam good karma and strong manly three pointers into the Carolina team while sapping the will to live from first Kansas and then whoever won the Memphis/UCLA game (most likely those Memphis mutants - I was agog (yes, agog!) at how they dismantled hapless Texas. Kansas wrists shall go limp(er) and their eyes shall cross while they become vexed by the Carolina defense and offense before kowtowing to the wrath of Hansbrough, He Who Shall NOT Be Denied! There shall be much wailing and gnashing of beaks from the Kansas bench. If the unthinkable happens and we lose then we go over to Duke and riot (we don't shit in our own backyard). If we win we go over to Duke and start riots by asking innocuously, "Who won?" and "How'd you do in the tourney?" all innocent like. It's a mutual loathing so don't worry about it.

Normally I would look to MsGrace for Carolina's overall chances in the tourney but she appears to be on one of her legendary three week benders after UConn's ignominious defeat in the first round to USD and is reportedly inconsolable. She was last seen heading towards Storrs with an overinflated basketball muttering, "I'm gonna ram this up Calhoun's ass and make him bounce on it till it pops!" Maybe it hasn't popped yet, who knows? She might be in the slammer, uh, has anybody checked? Anyway most of all I hope she's gotten over the Huskies spanking and is happy and well.

I like to wear my x-ray specs during the game. First of all people tend to leave you alone in the sports bars but mainly because I look cool as hell in them. Now that Carolina has done so well it's become part of 'the ritual' along with eating three oranges during the game so that the Heels can tap extra energy should they need it. They rarely do and I grow plumper.

They're also nifty for checking out the cheerleaders on TV! Oh my those girls are bouncy - yum yum!

Yesterday, during the Davidson/Kansas game I glanced up at the ceiling while rolling my eyes at Bill Self's constant lamentations as Curry lofted another three from Nebraska. He sounded remarkably like I imagine a Princess Grace call sounds, "Dear sweet Lord I'll do ANYTHING to get into a Final Four!"

Normally my ceiling looks like this:


But through my awesome x-ray specs it looked like this!

An omen? No, probably too much mescaline again. I've been struggling with the proper dosage of late. My gaze turns westward and not just because that hot chick bent over to pick up a pencil in the hallway. San Antonio ... looking forward to it from the heart of Carolina's Mecca.