Impact

Sign here ...

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and here ...

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Initial here

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and here and here

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Are we done?

Yes we are

FINE! I just love having my ass handed to me by you legal shyster fucks!

Perhaps you shouldn't represent yourself in the future Mr. Bear.

Perhaps you should shut the fuck up Larry! Now shoo!!!

So I'm hanging out on the corner of the chatroom crying into a beer, while alternating between bong and cig hits minding my own damned business when this mushroom cloud of pissyness erupts from the west.

::billy tosses a roll of nickels into the bucket::

Apparently lucky didn't read the post thoroughly. I left instructions with roboMittens to set the comment thingy to one week after departure. It actually ran a little later than that, but at 7AM yesterday commenting was turned off.

Well lucky didn't like that. Nope. Not one bit. He voiced his displeasure with a comment in jem's blog and I knew my days were numbered.

Now listen up all you newbies and wanna bes in the Princess Grace realm of influence - take notes, PAY ATTENTION and dear sweet Lord take heed! After Princess Herself and tightpants the one person you do NOT want to irritate is lucky. Got that?

Irritate lucky ==> BAD.

Now everyone in the chatroom always starts chiming in at this point, "Who is this lucky?"

It doesn't matter you sniveling worms! He is a lumbering (and face it lucky you do lumber when the mood's upon you) mountain of a Pet (with a capital 'P') who crushes anything in his path. So make nice with lucky not because he's one of Princess's first pets but because he's a hell of a nice human being and I'm proud that I'm considered someone worthy enough of actually irritating him. I miss his blog though.

While this was going on I was watching with fascination jem's latest attempt at suicide over in Princess's blog. The banter between lucky and Princess was moving a little too quickly in the comment section and I figured they were either in IM or on the phone (I hope phone for them and Princess was having lucky do something particularly pervy!) but I figured he might be giving Princess an earful on this comment thing. It would boil down to, "Oh and by the way Princess I'm really not too happy about not being 'team member' on billy's blog." For the record, no one was a team member. It was the only way to turn off comments.

So let's fast forward to TeaseTime...

If you missed TeaseTime last night well too bad. Princess produced three MP3s for her adoring fans. The Stroke Princess Takes a Pet, Tease a sissy - which is just wrong if you think about it, sissies HATE being teased by hot chicks like Princess - though amnesty international doesn't seem to give a glorious goddamn about it after hearing the MP3 and Stroke Princess shows you how to fake. Princess 'requests' that you comment on those MP3s. I plan too. You should too.

Yeah so TeaseTime is hopping and Princess tosses out there that lucky says 'hi' and I ask her to relay 'hi' back and She mentions that she will but lucky is none too pleased with me at the moment. I mull this over while TeaseTime takes off, the particulars I'll leave to jem to report.

So my time is winding down and I toss out to Princess, "So how do I make nice with lucky?"

Do you know what I think? I think you need homework. Vacation is over billy, now get off your fat ass and open that blog back up like now.

Fat ass? Fat ass??!!! I'll have you know the webcam adds ... ... FORTY pounds to my ass PRINCESS GRACE! sheesh! Anyway Princess frequently speaks gibberish and I understood Her better back when I was a prophet but I'm pretty sure She's saying, "Let's not have a case of the pot calling the kettle black, billybear" - She might have a point - soft smile.

Then she tosses out that she'll be looking for me tonight. Well that may present problems but She is a Princess and more importantly to me, a friend so I'm going to do my damnedest to be there. If it happens it should be around the usual time Princess, if not I'll IM that too.

Princess knows I'm prone to fiiiiiiits, yes fits. It happens to super-geniuses such as myself and there may be something with the inbreeding too but I still dispute that! My sister-aunt-cousin-mom agrees with me 100% but Princess seems more than willing to toss me out into the blogosphere knowing full well my mind is not clear. Billy glares at lucky and jem, never at Princess the way he's seen them glare at Her when her back is turned. No, billy is the goooood pet.

So I ask Her what to blog about.

Well why don't you finish what you started?

That can be taken on so many levels. I've been staring at this fork in the road for about a week now. Let's go right, see what's down there. Here we go ...

Okay... cardboard box, Cylon base star, five near light speed nuclear missiles, roboMittens counting down to a blind jump

ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

What are you doing?

Larry what are you still here for? I shoo'd you!

I thought you were talking to me.

Well I wasn't! This is a blog and I was talking to myself wondering if anyone would actually take the time to read this drivel.

So what's with the ommmmm thing?

It's some hippie thing MsTara yaks about when trying to get back into the flow of a story.

---

... relay to zero, one, zero, zero

BANG BANG BANG BANG ...

end of line.

ju..

Impact. Five nuclear warheads silently blossom death in the void.

The end.

---

Well, I should have just wrapped that up on the other post. I feel kind of embarrassed now.

ahem

Ahem WHAT Larry?

You can't do that.

I just did.

Larry shows billybear the contract he just signed guaranteeing that there would be no sudden cliff hangers or dramatic 'is he dead?' endings for this post.

Oh for crying out loud! FINE! FINE! FINE!

---

A gentle breeze ruffles the curtains near his bed. His eyes blink open to afternoon light and a powerful headache. A man in an odd suit sits across from him.

Who are you?

You are number six.

Oh MY GOD not my wookie! Hey if I'm number six where's my rack and hot body? I've always wondered about multiple orgasms ...

You are not THAT number six.

Give me a mirror! Billy stares intently into the mirror, oh thank God, I thought I was Patrick McGoohan for a second.

You will be given many tasks and challenges to complete.

I am a carebear NOT a number!

You are number six, we will now begin ...

Where am I? roboMittens? Shhhhhhh, she hasn't noticed us. MY GOD! I wonder what tonydshrimp would make of THIS! OH! OH! I really didn't need to see up THAT dress! Maybe if we just creep away we can get out of this jam ...


DANGER! DANGER! WILLIAMBEAR DANGER!

Hush roboMittens! Oh for shits' sake...

Somebody needs a swishy queen makeover!

billySix RUNS!

Episode One: Escape from Giant Barbie Faggot Island

Come see billybear in his exciting new series:

billybear! The Prisoner Lost in Space

sigh, I look like a dork don't I? I just hate that!