Cha-Cha-Cha Changes ...

The soft, casual click-clack of stilettos can be heard echoing down a hospital corridor. It grows quiet as they pause in front of a door labeled 'Morgue'. She pushes the door open and sees a man in a white lab coat bent over a tiny blue figure arrayed on an autopsy table, the lab coated man is holding a whirling skull saw in his hand speaking into a Dictaphone, "Subject is four feet one inch tall, covered in blue fur with what appears to be a large caliber bullet hole in the center of ... ma'am you can't be in here!"

"Did you just call me ma'am?!"

"Um, listen sweetie I'm sure you're all concerned about your teddy bear here but he's beyond caring and ..."

"You must be new to Paradise, where are you from?"

"I'm Doctor Ralph Morganstern I'll have you know! They flew me in from the Mayo Clinic to perform this autopsy!"

"Big deal back in the Real World huh?"

"I'll have you know I'm THE leading forensic pathologist in the country!!!"

"Wow and did all that book learning and practical experience lead you to the conclusion that someone shot in the head with the back of their skull blown out is actually dead?"

"Well yeah but there was never a brain - just stuffing."

"Lot of folks around here will tell you that's billy in a nutshell."

She's standing quite close to him now, staring frankly into his eyes. She looks menacing and vulnerable at the same time. He can't keep eye contact, keeps dropping his eyes down to the hint of cleavage he can see through her partially unbuttoned trench coat and then ping ponging away finally settling on the corpse on the table.

Smiling, her shining lips part as she touches the tip of her tongue to the lower part of her upper lip, "First time here?"

"Yes."

"I think you'll find Paradise ... unique."

"Oh it's just another place ..."

"Said the doctor about to autopsy a stuffed care bear." She titters behind her hand.

"Well ..."

"I think you should take a break Doctor Morganstern. Take a look around town, pay attention to what you see. You'll find a billionaire cookie maven who's allegedly Wonder Woman when he's not a tiger. You'll find a talking shrimp who's wit can shred you like the Ginsu knives he fears. You'll find a dude who'll charge you a nickel every time you say his name. You'll see a woman with the largest boobs you can imagine, flutterbyes, pixies, sissy architects, hockey fanatics, castles and an island filled with giant women and if you're lucky ... shit ... give me a nickel."

The doctor meekly hands her a nickel.

"Thanks, that reminds me I have to drop by the bank later for a couple of rolls, you might want to do the same."

"Why?"

"You'll find out. Anyway ... if you're ... fortunate ... you might even come across the succubi." She smiles primly at him.

"There are no such things!"

"Said the doctor about to open the skull of a care bear. I think you'll find you're no longer in Kansas Dorothy."

"I told you my name is Ralph! I'm no girl!"

"Uh huh." She slowly runs her finger down the center of his shirt, over each button. She whispers, "We all have needs Dorothy, hidden desires - I can help you with that and all just for the smallest taste of your soul - it's not too much to ask is it?"

"My name is ..."

"Unimportant." As he starts to protest again she raises her index finger to her lips, "Shhhhhhh, I'll find you tonight Dorothy-kins and we'll continue our little talk. Now ... go see the sights, you'll find our Victoria's Secret and other shops to be quite well stocked with whatever might catch your fancy. Buy yourself a pretty pink souvenir - you can show it to me later."

"I SAID ..."

"Shhhhhhh ... go! Mommy has work to do."

"Mommy? What ..."

"Go."

Blushing the doctor slams open the swinging doors of the autopsy room and heads out into Paradise.

She sits on the edge of the autopsy table and picks up the lifeless blue paw, "Oh billy ... you really should quit pissing people off. I better hear some nervous giggling and have these paws wringing soon! You have an appointment with a Christmas tree on the twenty-fifth you pervert."

She smiles softly and removes some mistletoe from a pocket in her trench coat, "Tara told me this should work, only I can do it though ..."

Holding the mistletoe over his head she kisses him gently on the lips and then sits back as the transformation occurs. No one, not even billy can explain exactly how he became a were-elf, but from December first till 12AM Christmas day he is an elf of unimaginable perversion. Three feet of leg humping desire.

She smiles as she hears the first ragged breaths and then jumps back from the table as he leaps up with his hands clasped over his head before bowing and blowing kisses. Suddenly he stops, noting his surroundings, "Where am I?"

"In the Paradise morgue. You took a round in the head. BillyBear is dead."

"Who shot me?"

"Don't know. I saw something ... could have been jem. Whoever it was had huge boobs, couldn't make them out for sure though, they were back lit on this grassy knoll."

"Who's on the case and please don't tell me it's Trace ..."

"Tracer and Friday"

"Super. What day is it?"

"December first."

"So I've got about twenty four days huh?"

"Yep."

"Bring me mittens!"

She sits and stares at him.

"Oh my, did I just give you an order? Look my brains were scrambled ..."

"I'll let this slide - once."

Sweating profusely he mutters, "I'll get a hold of mittens, who must have completed her ninja training by now. I need to identify the killer so that I can fix this ... um ... somehow."

"You should go into witness protection - if the killer knows you're alive they'll try again ..."

"Well it's tough to take out an elf, much harder than a care bear. I need to get out of here unseen."

She opens her trench coat, "Climb up my leg and hold on."

Billy climbs up her to her thigh.

"JESUS billy, the outside of my thigh and stop sniffing, you sound like a bloodhound! It's kinda gross and I am NOT in the mood."

"Yes Princess."

"And if you cum, puppy, I SWEAR your suffering will be legendary! You think jem was in a cage for a bit? I wont give a rats ass how insane you'll go in denial if you jizz on these hose! Toughen up buttercup! And be careful I think 'not lucky' is crawling around in my boot and if he gets off he'll suffer the same fate! I hate walking around town in squishy boots! DO YOU HEAR ME??!!!"

"Yes Princess Grace."

"Who said that?!"

"We did."

The soft, casual click clack of stilettos can be heard echoing down the hospital hallway. She giggles at the confused nurse as she strolls on by - a nurse who would later describe to the paparazzi that she could have sworn she heard the most pathetic whimpers and moans issuing from under that mysterious lady's trench coat.