It's Mighty Funny. The End of Time has Just Begun.

"He's back!"

"Who?"

"I'm not gonna say."

"Well thanks for the heads up you dork."

"Well it costs money to say his name and times are tight!"

"Oh my God - his house blinked back into existence???"

"Yep this is the third time the ancient one has returned ..."

Billy The Perverted Elf nearly looses his grasp from the garter of assuredly NOT Princess Grace's thigh. He's been busy wiping precum off of her thigh praying like a mantis that she wouldn't notice. She's been, he suspects, walking like a runway model on purpose to increase the friction of him pressing against her trench coat and then her stocking covered thigh. The bouncing up and down isn't helping much either.

With bated breath he calls down to lucky scurrying around in her boot ::tosses a slug hoping he wont notice::, "Is it true? Your house has returned?"

All he gets back are the fevered sounds of repeated edging and plaintive whispers, "Right now I am Your bitch. Your slut and Your whore. Use me for Your amusement. Make me fuck a melon while You Fuck me up the ass! Make Your whore cum hard then lick it all up after You ruin that orgasm all over my face! I am a filthy whore ... "

Oh great, lucky ::tosses a buck - this is going to be one long call:: has overstimulated himself, again. He's worthless in this state.

Billy releases his grip from definitely NOT Princess's garter and drops to the sidewalk. He defiantly returns the stares of the people around him. Perverted Elves are feared and loathed, even by shrimps who simply call them the demeaning 'perv!' Surprisingly in Paradise perverted elves are scorned. His people enslaved by Santa, he fled that tyrant swearing to liberate his people but he's busy, right now he's trying to figure out who blew his brains out just a little ways down the street. He has eighteen days ...

He returns to the shattered hole that once comprised BillyBear Labs, his crowning achievement. Finds that someone has dug open his secret cigar box where he kept his CareBear porn. "What sort of perverted freak would steal a Care Bear's porn?" he wonders. Praying frantically that they didn't dig deeper his panicky elf fingers scrape away the well packed dirt lying below the cigar box.

Sighing with relief he pulls out a shrink wrapped cigar box and rips it open. Carefully packed in it lies

The Book of Certain Doom

by the prophet BillyBear

A book he had written when he was lost in the wastelands. He flips to the chapter, It's Mighty Funny. The End of Time has Just Begun and begins to read:

a tattooed thigh
the ancient one returns
the master race arises
while paradise burns

mistresses enslaved
a bullet softly gleams
tombs close on those
better left unseen

the blink of a cat's eye
all that was is not
two riders approach
a bear loudly shot

it's mighty funny
the end of time has just begun
when dream's collide
there can be only one

Billy The Perverted Elf watches the wind flip the pages of The Book of Certain Doom. Softly he mutters, "I know who shot me."