How We Saved Ace's Plants

After barely saving ace's plants, now comfortably stored in cryogenic vats, having escaped the numerous booby traps, land mines and that damned Sphinx with it's stupid riddles BillyBear's head hits his pillow with a thud. What is it with ace and those darned houseplants? He idly wonders, you'd think they were family for crying out loud!

He found jem suspended upside down over a pit of ravenous alligators, water bottle in one hand, water spritzer in the other, righteously pissed. Ace's plants were near death and after killing, cooking and feeding an alligator to jem (its alligator tag read 'Spunky') since she'd been hanging up there for a good week or so they decided the best course of action was to get the plants into a safer environment.

Cut, frozen and stored the plants now safe Billy called in air strike to carpet bomb the mansion and surrounding area.

"Look the place is a hazard just bomb the crap out of it would ya? I'd tell you to nuke it but there's a school right next to it and we don't want a bunch of guff from pissed off soccer moms about their little darlings being unable to sleep because they glow. What? WHAT?! No I'm NOT The Commander in Chief, what's that got to do with anything? I will be come January let me tell ya and I pay taxes just like the rest of you jerks and I demand as my God given right as an American to be able to carpet bomb anything my heart desires! It's in the constitution! Oh Fine, I said FINE DAMMIT and you are so fired once I get elected!"

Peeved jem and Billy bought an Agent Orange bomb from that crazy vet who lives down the street and rolled it into ace's botanical garden then shot at it with forty-fives until it went off. Problem solved.

Exhausted, Billy begins to dream...

He steps out of his tepee and gazes out at the frozen plains of Montana. The coyotes and rabbits whisper their knowledge in his ear, he's one with the land. His wife, Fuck Your Own Fist, stands at the entrance of the tepee filled with foreboding.

The Great Spirit speaks, "LittleBigBilly you shall not be President..."

LittleBigBilly