Showdown in Philly!

A new candidate entered the ring in a last minute effort to win the Democratic National Convention crashing last night's debate and stunning both Clinton and current front runner Obama.

Mostly he remained quiet, just staring into the camera (see picture) while the two candidates tore into each other like rabid dogs. When asked later he said, "Well I got stage fright! Who knew? And the camera girl was wearing a cotton diaper with frilly pink rubber panties, no bra and a binky tied around her neck. She was what? 23? That was distracting as all get out let me tell ya. I had to keep an eye on her to see if she was gonna make wee-wee right? I mean you don't see a 23 year old hottie wet her diaper as much as you want to - not even wearing these puppies, 63 year old not so hotties, yeah, all the time." he proudly pats his x-ray goggles, "You would not BELIEVE what passes for underwear in this nation! Next debate I had better not wear my specs. I couldn't, COULD NOT look at either Hillary or Obama, sometimes you just DON'T want to know, ya know?"

Before turning into a member of the legume family and just staring into the camera a brief glimpse of the new candidate's personality could be seen. Running out, flashing his credentials BillyBear said, "Where's my podium? Huh? Why don't I get a podium? I thought you liberals were all about height equality, now I look short! If this hurts my candidacy ..." before staring stupidly into the blinking red light of camera two.

He seemed to break out of his trance twice before resuming his vapid stare, once when Mrs. Clinton was asked about her erroneous statement that she had braved sniper fire during a landing in Bosnia as first lady in 1996, Clinton issued a first-ever public apology for the error.

"What are you apologizing for? I can sooooo identify with that Hillary! I mean you would NOT believe the shit that goes on in my head, it's perfectly normal to make stuff up so you look better! Your only mistake was getting caught! Boy is it embarrassing when THAT happens! What did you think, no one would check? Ask Dan Rather about that!"

The other time was when Obama commented on the “bitter” remark, he said he was attempting to say that because voters feel ignored by government on economic issues, “they end up being much more concerned about votes around things like guns where traditions have been passed on from generation to generation. And those are incredibly important to them.”

"Are you shitting me? How do you get that out of, 'It's not surprising, then, they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them, or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.' I'm am so sick and tired of you candidates ducking and weaving on this bullshit. We're not idiots either and this happy crap has got to stop! You hate guns, you loathe religion and by golly you despise farmers living in fly over country who believe in both! Give me a break with this 'attempting to say' stuff. Sheesh! Both of you should grow a pair!"

Both candidates ignored him since his current delegate count is zero.