Mecca

I got the call a few weeks ago. At the time I thought nothing of it but now, now it just feels right. Convergence. Nature aligning in harmony, it all coming together.

This Thursday I leave for the holy land. No, not San Antonio you sillies - Chapel Hill! Mecca. From there me and my fellow Carolinians will beam good karma and strong manly three pointers into the Carolina team while sapping the will to live from first Kansas and then whoever won the Memphis/UCLA game (most likely those Memphis mutants - I was agog (yes, agog!) at how they dismantled hapless Texas. Kansas wrists shall go limp(er) and their eyes shall cross while they become vexed by the Carolina defense and offense before kowtowing to the wrath of Hansbrough, He Who Shall NOT Be Denied! There shall be much wailing and gnashing of beaks from the Kansas bench. If the unthinkable happens and we lose then we go over to Duke and riot (we don't shit in our own backyard). If we win we go over to Duke and start riots by asking innocuously, "Who won?" and "How'd you do in the tourney?" all innocent like. It's a mutual loathing so don't worry about it.

Normally I would look to MsGrace for Carolina's overall chances in the tourney but she appears to be on one of her legendary three week benders after UConn's ignominious defeat in the first round to USD and is reportedly inconsolable. She was last seen heading towards Storrs with an overinflated basketball muttering, "I'm gonna ram this up Calhoun's ass and make him bounce on it till it pops!" Maybe it hasn't popped yet, who knows? She might be in the slammer, uh, has anybody checked? Anyway most of all I hope she's gotten over the Huskies spanking and is happy and well.

I like to wear my x-ray specs during the game. First of all people tend to leave you alone in the sports bars but mainly because I look cool as hell in them. Now that Carolina has done so well it's become part of 'the ritual' along with eating three oranges during the game so that the Heels can tap extra energy should they need it. They rarely do and I grow plumper.

They're also nifty for checking out the cheerleaders on TV! Oh my those girls are bouncy - yum yum!

Yesterday, during the Davidson/Kansas game I glanced up at the ceiling while rolling my eyes at Bill Self's constant lamentations as Curry lofted another three from Nebraska. He sounded remarkably like I imagine a Princess Grace call sounds, "Dear sweet Lord I'll do ANYTHING to get into a Final Four!"

Normally my ceiling looks like this:


But through my awesome x-ray specs it looked like this!

An omen? No, probably too much mescaline again. I've been struggling with the proper dosage of late. My gaze turns westward and not just because that hot chick bent over to pick up a pencil in the hallway. San Antonio ... looking forward to it from the heart of Carolina's Mecca.

BSG: The Final Cylon Revealed?

I detect certain religious overtones in this pic that I just can't place. What's it mean??? Does it mean that the final cylon might have been inadvertently revealed in this photograph (look closely, it's subtle)? As we all know (right?!) the final season of BattleStar Galactica starts Friday, April 4th at 10PM Eastern on the SciFi channel.

For those of you not up to speed on the series (MsTara, jem) go here for a higher quality recap of the previous three seasons of what you see below. I mean surely you have eight minutes and it's funny! "Helo tells Kara he has a bun in the toaster" LMAO.

NCAA Basketball

As I gaze at the burned out ruin that was Kc's Coffee House I wonder if he's still about. About this time last year he and I were trading banter over the NCAA's - both of us fanatical about our teams. If Carolina wins one more game and Kansas wins two we'll finally get to square off and let the healing begin.

Carolina has to win two more times and Lucky's Texas three more times to face off in the finals.

A long way to go, for all of us.

I hope it happens and naturally I hope Carolina wins it all. They definitely have a shot at it, they're playing quite well but I don't trash talk other teams. All you need is one bad night and it's over. Mainly I hope.

I hope Carolina hits their opening basket.
I hope they play the best team each step of the way.
I hope they play Kansas
I hope they play Texas
and I hope they hand their asses to them - lmao

Good luck guys - up to a point :-)

Jem's Trailer Trash Love

Yeah OK I'm old. I was goofing around with jem in IM this morning and reminiscing and jem will never pass on an opportunity to lift my spirits started calling me grandpa.

It's true well except I'm not literally a grandpa but I was thinking about weird shit that runs down the damaged neural highway that comprises the ruins of what could have been a fine mind and I was bitching to jem over the little things (It's the little things that get you when you weren't paying attention) that suddenly bitch slap you into awareness, the fucking clock is running nimrod. And for all you youngsters out there, are you starting to notice that the clock is running faster and faster? If not, you will.

Do you realize that 1968 was forty years ago? That the Stones and Beatles are now in that classification of 'Golden Rock' along with Bill Hailey and that you can't (or shouldn't) hear the Beatles on any of those 80's 90's now stations?

I remember 1968 ... clearly. In 1968 I use to talk to one of my uncles about the War in the Pacific which was one of my interests and he actually fought in it. In 1968 WWII had ended only 23 years ago, His mother, my grandmother, was directly related to, and KNEW a Civil War veteran who fought at Gettysburg, for the South.

Someday some doofus will be staring at me with wide, wide, eyes, "You actually knew someone who was in the Battle of the Coral Sea?"

That's why jem wants to fuck Britney Spears more than hang with Keith Richards. OK that's not exactly true, jem finds Britney 'better looking.' Because she's young I guess. But of course jem is wrong, jem is blinded by Britney's trailer trash ways, seduced by the twinkie as they say in the porn and fetish sites jem must frequent.

So I ask you, my gentle readers, who's better looking and to be kind to Mr. Richards I'll use a picture from the sixties when he was of a similar age as Ms. Spears.
Whatcha think?

Some might argue that Keith is the better musician (I'm in that camp) than Britney. I've posted a comparison of the two artists playing their instruments. As you can see the years have been hard on Keith, but harder on Britney I fear. I love this pic of Keith playing that blonde Telly tuned to open G (you can tell by the five strings instead of six) a tuning he might not have invented but did popularize.
So I remain unconvinced that Britney is better looking than Keith, AT ANY AGE. Even this one:
Since I know I won't have time later - Happy Easter everyone!!!

You're old (you're old...)
Groaning like a geezer
Yourself a-crackin' like an old has-been
Look at yourself, old man, you've got multiple chins
'Cause you're old
Mmm...

You're old (you're old...)
A wheezing, decrepit windbag
Where you once had muscle, you've got jelly rolls
Buddy, you're as ancient as the Dead Sea Scrolls
Man, you're old
Mm-hmm...
(You're old...)
You're old

ARTIST: Spongebob Squarepants
TITLE: You're Old

Weird Scenes Inside the Bedroom

"I'm so HORNY!" screams teenaged angst ridden wolverBilly as he slams close the front door to his house.

It had been a bad, bad night for Wolver who had started the evening off with high hopes of finally seducing V in a local graveyard. On their way to the graveyard, V's nipples pointing upward like light switches, this weird chick hung herself right in front of them from Bairn's Tree before springing back to life. Wolver shudders at the memory of that girl. V got kinda weird when asked a few simple questions and went running off sobbing... again. Wolver looked for her in some of her usual hangouts but couldn't find her. He did find this pretty cool girl's bicycle in the bushes. It was spray painted black, even the basket on the handlebars, the reflectors, all of it, but a pretty pink peeked out where the spray paint had chipped off. He decided to leave it there, it looked well taken care of.

His wookie demanded attention so he decided to drop by gothGirl's apartment. Maybe she would be in the mood for him even though he'd blown her off in pursuit of V. As he approached he saw an eerie blue light coming from one of the windows. Peering in he saw gothGirl lift the device from a badly twitching cock. It was that weird old man who sicked his dog on wolverBilly when he was lying helpless in jem's bushes! Wolver barely has time to duck below the window before she activates the device, a bright flash filling the room. A moan comes from the room. When Wolver cautiously peers over the windowsill he sees a naked, buck toothed teenager standing at the foot of the couch.

"Now may I stroke for you?" he asks, his voice cracking.

GothGirl lays back on the couch, fully clothed and smiles at the eighteen year old kid, "Sure fortunate guy but no cumming!"

"My name is lucky!"

"No, I believe you said you were Princess's naughty whore. Now stroke and then fuck me before I send you naked into the night to tell your Pretty Princess what a naughty, bad pet you've been but that you didn't cum in my nineteen year old pussy!" She checks her watch, "You've got about two hours before you revert back to that quirky old guy. I've made some modifications to my device after my first experiment went a little wrong. Now stroke it and tell me what a whore you are!"

Pathetic moans and whimpers come from the room as gothGirl laughs and taunts the dude frantically whacking off in front of her before she looks out the window and sends Wolver a pretty clear message on his chances with her tonight.


Having just slammed to door to his house in frustration Wolver doesn't notice V duck back into the shadows of the foyer, his cry of horniness making her nervous. The last thing she wants to deal with is a horny Wolver, she wanted to see what he thought of her poem, Now that you're gone ... Wolver trudges past on his way to the master bedroom, so occupied with that bulge in his pants he doesn't even notice her!

Wolver's wookie is inflamed, straining against his leather pants. He's completely consumed with want and need. He simply must cum but not alone, not again. He wants to be with someone, anyone. Well not anyone - quickly adjusting his thoughts down those lines. Someone young maybe, like V but a whole lot naughtier! Naked, he sits on his bed and does google search on 'phonesex.' About a billion hit results come back. "This is going to be tougher than I thought," he thinks.

V cautiously peers around the door seeing Wolver sitting on the end of the bed with a cordless phone next to him, looking at his laptop. His wookie both fascinates and grosses her out at the same time. She sees him pick up the phone and jab in a bunch of numbers. She creeps back to the kitchen and picks up a cordless phone there. She presses the talk button, followed by the mute button before heading back to the bedroom, the phone plastered to her ear.

"Strict but Nice Teenage Trailerpark Mommy Denial Submissive Mistress Babysitters from London Who Need an A From Teacher After Going to the Bondage Principal Will Do ANYTHING to Make You Cum!" says a bored female voice, "What is your credit card number?"

"uh"

"In order to place a call you have to give me your credit card number."

"How much is it?"

"You purchase in blocks of time, a minimum of thirty minutes for $75. What is your name?"

"Ace Papadopolis"

"And the name as it appears on the credit card?"

"If I tell you that you'll know who I am!"

Reluctantly Wolver gives out the needed billing information including his home number.

"A girl will call you back in five minutes," and the line went dead.

About ten minutes later the phone rings. Wolver answers, "Hello."

"Hello," answers a cigarette, whiskey soaked voice. A TV can be heard in the background.

"Um, who's this?"

"Stacy from the service."

"Oh! How old are you Stacy? I asked for a young girl." wolver asks suspiciously.

"Eighteen."

"Mmmhmm and what are you wearing?"

"I just got out of the shower. I'm naked and I'm so wet for you baby! Fuck my hot teenage pussy!" rasps the voice sounding more and more like Mrs. Karbunkle the town librarian.

"Well I was hoping that we could talk about ..."

"Ohhh yeah baby! Give it to me hard!"

"Wait a second would ya? I was really hoping to fuck you in your ass!"

"Ohhhhh baby, that's it ohhhh baby baby cum in my teenage pussy. Oh yeah" suddenly the phone goes quiet, Wolver can hear the TV. It sounds like some cop show.

"So, yeah I was hoping that maybe we could do this fantasy where you're my girlfriend and you really want me to fuck your virgin ass before cumming all over your face!" says Wolver in a flood of anxious embarrassment.

Silence.

"So maybe your name could be um 'U' instead of Stacy and you just can't stop yourself from wanting me!"

Silence.

"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME OR WATCHING CSI?!"

Startled the voice starts droning, "Oh yeah baby! That's it fuck my pussy you big strong manly man! Cum, cum right now! Cum! Cum! Cum!"

Five minutes into his seventy-five dollar call Wolver quietly hangs the phone up on ,"Ohhhhh that's it baby! Cum for me cowboy!"

V watches Wolver sigh. He goes back to his laptop and almost at random picks a site, reads a bit about it and then calls 877-518-3575. A voice, sounding a lot like sunshine answers, "Hellooooo"

"Look, I'm not really interested in having an orgasm denied or my cock controlled at the moment!"

"Bad day huh? I'll need some information from you and then you can tell me all about, okay?"

Groaning Wolver spats into the phone, "I suppose I'm going to have to buy a block of time?"

"Well it's a ten minute minimum at $1.99 a minute but after that you can talk as long or as little as you like!"

There's something in her tone or attitude that relaxes Wolver. He idly pulls up a hidden pic on his hard drive, one of his 'little helpers' and says, "So we can talk about um anything?"

"If your credit card clears, sure!"

Feeling his wookie stir with renewed interest Wolver gives out his billing information. A few minutes later she comes back on the line and says, "OK, we're good to go! The clock starts now. Why don't you tell me a little about your bad day Wolver?"

Without realizing it Wolver opens up and tells this stranger all about his crappy day. Finally he asks, "What's your name?"

"Grace."

"That's a pretty name, what are you wearing?"

"Right now I'm in my nightie sitting in my office, it's late on the east coast. I hope you don't mind me saying this Wolver but your girlfriend sounds like a real twat!"

"No she isn't, but she wont have sex with me!"

"Wont take care of her man huh? You know what you should do Wolvee..."

"What?"

"The next time you see her you should bend her over your bed, yank her pants and panties down and fuck her ass!"

"Fuck her naughty teenaged virgin ass?" echoes Wolver the words seeming to come from nowhere his fist suddenly wet with precum.

"She soooooo deserves it!"

"Ohhhhhhh yeah, I would love to do that!"

"Then do it!"

"You want me to really fuck her ass?"

There's a pause on the line and then Grace says, "Honey, this is a phone sex line. No, I don't want you to grab your girlfriend and fuck her in her ass if she doesn't want you to. What we're talking about here is fantasy. You know what that means... right?"

"Yes."

"Good, tell me what you're doing!"

"I'm bending her over the bed. She's complaining about it but not doing anything really. I can smell her pussy, her excitement through her jeans."

"What color are they?"

"Black."

"Go on."

Starting to pant, Wolver continues while staring at some girl getting nailed in the ass off the internet, "I unbuckle her pants and pull them down around her ankles!"

"Is she wearing panties?"

"Yes."

"What do they look like?"

"They're cotton and have little duckies on them." says Wolver taking a pair of V's panties from his pocket and them on the bed where he can see them, "I tug them to her knees because she's such a naughty slut!"

Grace bursts out laughing, "Duckies?! How old is your girlfriend Wolvee?"

"Eighteen."

"OK. Duckies like rubber duckies?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well they actually sound cute. I bet you slide that cock right up that virgin ass don't you?"

"Wookie."

"Wookie? Oh my god ... you're a carebear?"

"Yes ..." says wolver tentatively. He's heard of the carebear invasion but can't remember it. Some people look at him oddly making him feel like a freak.

"I love carebears! I hope you don't addict her with that wookie of yours! You have the head pressed right against that tight pink asshole don't you? Is it covered in lube?"

"Oh god yes! Right against it! So slippery... she's clinching, fighting it - the little tramp!" whispers Wolver whacking even harder.

"She is a slut isn't she, Wolvee? But she can't fight that wookie, can she? No, the head is starting to slide right in isn't it? She wants it Wolvee, GIVE IT TO HER!"

Moaning, Wolver can actually feel his wookie sliding deeper into V's ass, "OH! OH! She likes it!"

"Of course she does! Girls love and need a serious cornholing from time to time, it's a well kept secret. Fuck her faster but don't cum!"

"Ohhhhh I'm a naughty nasty carebear! UNNNGGGGGHHHHHHHH"

"Whoa! Slow down there cupcake!" she giggles and then her voice grows increasingly stern, "Let it go. LET IT GO!"

Wolver's head is swimming in perverted images all involving V. He's right on the edge, he forces himself to let it go.

Grace giggles, she can tell by his breathing that he's obeyed, "Mmhmm such a good boy for me. Now listen. You're with a woman now, not some pimple faced girl and women always take care of their boys. You will cum tonight but you want to come so very hard don't you?"

"yes" whispers Wolver, surprised at how submissive his voice sounds.

"And you want to be such a naughty boy for me don't you, Wolvee?"

"Yes."

"Do you have a pair of your girlfriend's panties?"

Wolver pauses.

"Oh! Oh! You doooooo have a pair! I bet you stole them, didn't you?!" she taunts.

"Well actually she came over one day in this black sweater. She said something about being late because she had to do her laundry but rushed right over once it was done. I guess the duckie panties had stuck to the back of her sweater from static cling... so I just sort of plucked them off and stuck them in my pocket."

V is mortified. She remembers that day clearly and had run many errands before dropping by Wolver's house and nobody said a word about her ducky panties being plastered across her back?! Those are her favorite pair!

Grace erupts in laughter, "Oh my god Wolvee this is such a fun call! I'm laughing so hard! I can't imagine how she'd feel if she ever found out. Put on her panties."

"I can't they're too small."

Giggling she says, "Well that wasn't a 'no' was it you panty pervert."

Wolver blushes.

"Lay them out in front of you and start stroking just the way I tell you to"

Wolver listens intently to her instructions. Soon he's panting hard as she wraps a fantasy about V around the stroking.

"That's right Wolvee she's just laying in front of you in those cute panties watching you stroke for her. Encouraging you to cum all over the crotch of those cute cotton panties you nasty little pervert. She wants you to shoot doesn't she? Get her all sticky down there because if you dooooo..."

Wolvers hand is flying, he's rapidly approaching the point of no return. His voice in stitches he gasps, "Wha? Wha happens if I cum???"

"She's gonna slide that pretty pink strapon she hides in her panty drawer right up you butt!" giggles Grace, "And you want her to, dontcha Wolvee?"

"Unnnngggghhhhhhhhhh"

"Say it honey bunny and then cum all over her panties! Say, 'fuck my carebear bottom! fuck it HARD"

"OH! OH! FUCK MY HOT CAREBEAR BUTT! FUCK IT HARD YOU STUCK UP TEENAGE TEASE!!!!!!"

Wolver looses it. He grunts in pure pleasure as he watches a huge wad of cum smack squarely into the crotch of V's panties. This is followed by a wave of unanticipated embarrassment.

At that moment V has had enough of this weird bullshit. When did sex get so yucky? It's just kisses and hugs right? She walks around the corner of the bedroom door and in a mature voice says, "Wolver, give me my panties back and..." before seeing a monster load of sperm splash on her panties. She screams, "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" before dropping the phone and fleeing down the hallway.

Upon hearing V's voice Wolver releases his wookie, ruining the orgasm. Face filled with shame he turns towards V his mind an utter blank on what to say and watches her run out of the bedroom.

He stares down at the coated panties and breathes into the phone, "I'm sorry, I've got to go." before disconnecting the line.

What a perfect day!

In the Pale Moonlight ...

Corruptrix sits high in a tree hidden by leaves. She watches the two idiots approaching, overhearing their banal conversation. Soon they'll be in range of her little surprise. She smiles at the voodoo doll clenched in her fist. Soon chaos shall reign.

"Oh Wolver! Hanging out at the cemetery smoking cigs and writing dark poetry is just so goth! I'm excited!"

Glancing down, Teenage Angst Ridden Goth WolverBilly can see V's nipples rise from her wife beater like the first shoots of spring flowers. V might not have much of a chest but she has nipples to die for and WolverBilly is hoping for a taste like no tomorrow and maybe even ... third base? Having scouted out the graveyard earlier he knows where there's one recently dug. He could care less about her weird fascination with death - if it gets her worked up then it's fine by him. He licks his lips and fights the urge to batten on her boob like a starved infant.

Watching, Corruptrix couldn't be more disgusted. She raises the voodoo doll, takes its arm and makes a slapping motion. Her expectant chortle doesn't cross her lips when WolverBilly fails to slap V. What's wrong? Maybe it's out of range or something. Corruptrix repeats the motion with the doll. They're close enough now that it should work. Peering like a vulture she watches wolverBilly intently.

Across town pantySue marches up to Princess Grace and bitch slaps her.

"pantySue??!!!" cries out MsGrace in surprise.

"Princess I have no idea what just happened!" sputters an equally surprised pantySue.

Rubbing her cheek and eying pantySue distrustfully Princess Grace says, "What has come over you? Just don't let ..."

PantySue slaps Princess Grace again and stares at her hand in horror, "Princess I really have no idea what's going on!"

Grinning, her teeth red with blood Princess Grace rubs her jaw thoughtfully and says, "Awwww it's OK ..." before clocking pantySue with a roundhouse that sits her firmly on her ass, "You wanna play? Well fucking bring it bitch!" Princess screams while launching herself at a cowering pantySue, her manicured fingernails extending like Wolverine's claws.

Corruptrix stares at the voodoo doll in frustration once again promising herself that she really must master Latin before dropping the useless thing to the ground. She watches the love struck teens approach and decides on a different course of action. Her foot slips off of a branch as she starts her descent sending her crashing through the tree until the bow in her dress catches on a branch arresting her fall with a loud crack as one branch snaps under the weight and another takes it. The sudden stop knocks the wind out of Corruptrix causing her to black out, her long dark hair flowing downward like a shroud.


"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKK! Oh my God Wolver that girl just hung herself right in front of us!" shrieks V, her nipples growing harder if that was possible, "We should so do that! End it you know, end our pain! We can title the poem we tie around our broken necks, Death Tree!"

"Uh ..." mumbles Wolver staring up at the hung girl, her body gently swaying, the creak of the rope against the branch. Suddenly it's very still as if 'quiet' will hide others from Death's notice.

"Well you should cut her down and fuck her while she's still warm anyway! How goth is that?!" whispers V excitedly while clutching Wolver's arm.

"V!!!"

"What Wolver? I keep teling you, you're not tapping this and I don't mind if you fuck a dead girl, that's not threatening to me ... much. Just don't cum in her OK? Cum on her so I can tell if you enjoyed it too much or not." As her excitement increases V looks around for a branch to poke the girl with, "Why isn't she peeing Wolver? I read that dead people's bladders let go. Do you think that she peed right before she hung herself? That's what I would do! Who wants to go into the eternal void wearing yucky panties?"

"I am NOT fucking a dead girl V!" sputters Wolver, "The whole idea freaks me out! We have to get out of here, we're probably busted anyway when they call in a CSI team. We should just go ahead and report it so we're not suspects in her murder or anything."

V visibly blanches at that, "Uh ... you gotta keep me out of this Wolver!"

"Why? You told me that you're living in that abandoned subway tunnel and have been since your parents kicked you out when you were eighteen, what will the authorities care? You're an adult. And when are you going to let me see your cool goth abode anyway?"

"Uh ... I lied."

"You lied? You lied to me? Oh V! I might as well just hang myself right now! How could you lie to me V? I thought you loved me! I thought our dark, brooding love actually meant something! God I am such a fool!"

Eyes darting everywhere V looks for a way out of the grave she's dug, "Look Wolver, I robbed a bank, OK??!! Now fuck off! I'm not proud of it, theft is soooo not goth but there are warrants and I don't want to go to jail, but I needed the money! And you'll never see my abode, you'll probably just try to fuck me in it anyway and to think I was maybe going to let you go to third base tonight and now you've ruined EVERYTHING!"

"What bank?"

"Banks."

"Banks?"

"Yes Wolver, banks! And I can't recall. I've been so alone for so very long and then I found you ... or so I thought!"

"V ... I'm sorry, it must have been dreadful for you my dark darling raven of the night."

Having come to awhile back but listening to the two goth posers, Corruptrix can take no more. She quietly slides a razor sharp carpet knife from her boot. She knows the girl is lying through her teeth, 'bank robber my ass' and thinks the idiot wolverBilly could figure it out if all of his blood wasn't pooled in his dick. She might be able to use this to her advantage. Reaching behind her she flicks her knife and cuts herself free. Floating down she lands softly next to the two bickering imbeciles now arguing over if wolverBilly is going to get to third base tonight or not. Smiling her best smile, she says, "Hi there, what did I miss?"

Her barely hidden sneer is lost on the two. One utters a small 'eeep' the other just stares.

Billy unconsciously takes V's hand while staring at the girl. She's not a girl really, more of a woman, maybe in her mid twenties. He thinks she's quite beautiful but the harder he stares at her the more undefined she seems to become. He thinks she has long, dark hair that appears to move from a gently blowing breeze that isn't there on this still night. If he doesn't look directly at her he can see her better. She's quite beautiful, with large eyes and a pale complexion. A small but well proportioned bust. She's wearing a pale, ragged dress of some sort with army boots. A wounded malevolence dances with a chip on its shoulder behind her eyes making him look away. It's almost like the sea on the cusp of a storm, nothing to fear unless you enter its waters.

In wolverBilly's eyes she defines goth. V hates her instantly and clutches Wolver's hand tightly, "My boyfriend can kick your ass, you weird fucking zombie chick and I totally own him! Don't I Wolver? We're going to third base tonight!"

Corruptrix smiles, "Do I look like I give a shit if you get finger fucked?"

"Wolver, if you fuck her when she's alive I am so dumping you!" sputters V, tears welling in her eyes.

"V ..." trails off wolverBilly his head starting to spin.

"Fucking relax poser suburban goth chick wanna be!" mutters Corruptrix, her eyes blazing with anger. "I'm a witch, a powerful one and I can cast a spell on your boyfriend that will forever make him young, you too if you wanna. Continue to bitch and I will place the Curse of the Bukakke upon you! Your face covered with heaping mounds of gooey boy cum at the worst times... like your wedding when you husband lifts the veil to kiss his bride."

"Ewww, yuck, gag me with a shovel, that is so GROSS" says V managing to look both grossed out and intrigued at the same time, "Could you cast it on Stacy Marginelli? She's this bitch in my honors maaaa ... never mind."

Corruptrix just smiles, saying nothing, deciding not to press... yet. She turns to Wolver, "So, you wanna? This spell is a freebie."

WolverBilly rubs his chin trying to look adult. He can see nothing wrong with the offer and to be forever young, immortal, would be pretty cool! He nods his head, hoping he looks sage, while V whispers in his ear, "Don't do it Wolver, it's a trap!" because this Corruptrix person is a bitch of the highest order - how dare she come on to her man, the 'C' cup whore with her big, big boobies! Even though it's kinda yucky V realizes she might actually have to jerk Wolver off tonight if she's gonna keep him around. Eeeewwww! Maybe she can just watch him do it himself. She wonders, why are men like this? It's so grossiness and messy! What's the point?

Corruptrix is about fed up with both of them and is considering gutting them with the carpet knife, "You must say 'Yes' or 'No' wolverThing for us to have a pact. Rules is rules."

Without thinking Billy replies, "Yes."

"Good! Meet me at the entrance of the abandoned subway tomorrow at 11:30 PM!" says Corruptrix, springing the first of her many traps.

"Where V lives?"

"Yep."

"Now wait a minute, why there?" asks a surprised V.

"There is a very powerful ley line there and I need it to summon a demon for this spell to work." says Corruptrix who's also quite capable of lying through her teeth, "So we'll have to crash your pad, so sorry!"

"Oh V I'll get to see your gothly goth home!" says a happy wolverBilly, wondering if he can ditch Corruptrix quickly and get V in the sack!

"I moved."

"Moved?"

"A gang of stinky winos moved in and tried to rape me Wolver! I barely escaped after beating them with a baseball bat, not that YOU CARE!"

shing - wolverBilly's claws extend of their own volition. Staring at them in wonder he eyes V with a newfound menace, "Point them out and they die tonight. I forgot I could do this!" He holds his clawed hand before his face.

Hoping to distract wolverBilly from remembering more, like their past encounter, Corruptrix chimes in, "Who's Stacy Marginelli?"

"NONE OF YOUR BEESWAX!"

"V, I will clear those guys out for you and you can move back in!" chimes in wolverBilly excitedly.

"Wolver it's OK... I found this..."

"How many banks did you rob?" asks Corruptrix, starting to press. She hates both of them and wants them to spend an eternity in misery. She doesn't like people in general but posers and fake wanna bes particularly get under her skin.

"Yeah V I would think you could afford a better place with the money, what happened to the money?" wonders wolverBilly.

Continuing to press, hoping to expose what she percieves V to be which is a poor liar Corruptrix shifts again, "This Stacy Marginelli, I'll need to find her to place the Bukakke Curse. You said sumtin about 'Honors maaaa' what's that?" Corruptrix smiles as she notices wolverBilly's claws retract in confusion.

V looks back and forth between them, her lower lip trembling and tears welling in her eyes. She cries out, "I thought you understood me Wolver... I THOUGHT YOU CARED! WELL FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU BOTH!!!"

Burying her face in her hands V runs off into the night, sobbing.

"See ya tomorrow night..."

WolverBilly stops taking the half step towards V and turns to Corruptrix. Nothing is there. He turns back towards V, both of them are gone.

While My Rectum Gently Weeps

I look at the Colyte and see it needs drinking
While my rectum gently weeps
I look at the toilet and see it needs flushing
Still my rectum gently weeps

I don't know why nobody told me
how nasty this Colyte was
I don't know how I could control you
you keep me shitting here

I look at the nurse and I notice she's grinning
While my rectum gently weeps
She pumps me full of Demerol till the room it's spinning
Still my rectum gently weeps

I don't know what they did or inserted
but I was perverted sure
I don't know if anything squirted
no one alerted me

They rammed a pipe up my bottom for a look-see
While my rectum gently seeped
I look at you all
Still my rectum gently weeps

Oh, oh, oh
oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah

PS: For those that care - I'm good :-)

As Tears Go By ....

There is a a hidden addiction darkening the land. Stealing our souls, destroying our children. At first I only heard whispering from the cockroach infested corners of our land, relayed from the places Tracer frequents. I refused to believe it. That our deepest secret had gotten out. Now I've seen proof, the rumors are true. Lucky has posted the graphic truth and now we, all of us must face it full on.

Wookie addiction.

The power of the carebear wookie is beyond the comprehension of your puny minds! It is not to be trifled with, it's healing powers are legendary. Its ability to induce continual, intense, ungodly orgasms in females was once a well guarded secret, but now the secret is out.

Once again I must rise to defend a persecuted people. Once again I must lead a people to dignity. Once again I shall bear the burden proudly but I ask, no I beg for your help.

Now in his post lucky identifies this poor bear as billyPrincess. He's wrong. I know we carebears all look the same to people. I've taken many a beating in the chatroom for the crimes of others but I digress. That's not billyPrincess, that's poofyBear, my college roommate.

As this horrific still shows, we see a female in the grips of wookie addiction. She's already worn down poofyBear's once majestic wookie to a nub of it's former glory. Poor poofyBear is so totally stoned, so thoroughly drugged that she even has to 'fluff' his wondrous wookie before feeding her dark demonic desires. At times she even resorts to beating the pitiful poofyBear and forcing him to 'eat her pussy' so completely enslaved she's become to the wookie. Now that she's hooked she'll spend the rest of her life in search of more wookie, never satisfied, consumed, enthralled by the wookie. She might have been a brain surgeon, but no more. Her mind has been shattered.


Please help me help my people. Send whatever cash you can to BillyBear c/o BillyBear Labs and I'll make certain it gets into the proper hands! This terrible addiction can be stopped in its tracks. Send as much money, car titles, free phonesex minutes or nude photos of Princess Grace as you possibly can! Every little bit helps and you can write it off your taxes.

Please help me protect the wookie and in doing so protect yourselves!!!

Remember ...

A wookie is a terrible thing to waste! Please help!!!

Be My Valentine - DAMMIT!!!

Now that we got that out of the way maybe one of you bastards can help me get down from this contraption! I seem to have gotten myself stuck - DAG NABBIT!

Hey ... HEY!!! Don't walk away from me ... PLEASE ...

Special Valentines wishes to all my friends out there (you know who you are ::blush::)

And a little extra sugar for Princess Grace -

psst Be my Valentine Princess Grace You know you wanna :-)

Runaway

"How could you wolver?? I thought this was special??" V slams the door even louder this time and I can hear her sobbing from the bathroom. Depressed and completely misunderstood I approach the door but can't think of anything to say. My poem said it all. Maybe if I start our plan of making the two 'moms' in the kitchen do the chicken dance she'll know I love her!

I hear MsTara and Princess Grace laughing over my broken heart. Well, I can fix that! I head into the kitchen where their horrid giggling grows even louder. Don't they know my life is over?

Princess Grace is talking about some dude in bunny ears, who just can't seem to get hard enough to fuck a cantaloupe for her while MsTara tries not to snort herbal tea through her nose, "I mean I'm telling you Tara you should have seen this thing! Talk about UGLY! So he starts stabbing it with a knife! I swear to God!"

Sheesh. What will these geezers talk about next? I begin randomly opening cabinets until I find the brownie mix and a pan. Keeping my back to them I carefully dump the entire bag of pot into the mix, stir it up and toss it into the oven.

"Awwwww poor baby! What's the matter?" asks MsGrace, pretending to care.

"V dumped me." I can barely hold back the soul wrenching pain!

"Well she was NOT FOR YOU," chimes in MsTara. "What are you making?"

"I thought some brownies would be good."

"Chocolate always helps," one of them says. At that age they all sound the same to me anyway.

I head back to the foyer but the bathroom door is open along with the front door. V is gone. FOREVER! I sit on the stairs wondering what I can do next until I hear the buzzer sound indicating the brownies are done.

I cut up the brownies and bring them to the two geriatric cases who can't find the energy to get them themselves. Sitting on a chair, completely bummed out, I watch them dig in. MsTara is suspicious. I guess she gets poisoned a lot. She picks up a huge piece and makes me eat it, followed by another. Satisfied she wolfs down one, then another. Yakking about how brownies always get her into trouble but she'll just hit the gym even harder and 'we' girls should have some fun every now and then and blah blah blah. Princess Grace is keeping pace on the brownies. Before I know it the plate is gone.

MsTara is yakking about how these jeans she's wearing are her favorite pair. How can they stand it? I mean they're just blue jeans. Princess is staring intently into a candle when suddenly her head pops up and she says, "I have this one pair of jeans that just fit me perfectly! I can't find them anywhere. Do you think my pets are trying to kill me?"

MsTara starts laughing and can't seem to stop. Her face is getting kind of blue. Princess doesn't seem to notice muttering, "If those fuckers kill me then they're facing an eternity of denial!" Causing MsTara to laugh even harder.

I can't take it. I manage to get up and stagger to the couch. Whoa that pot was strong! I flop into the couch, plug in my iPod and start listening to Jesus Christ Superstar, the most goth musical of all time, though others argue Sweeny Todd is - assholes.

I come out of some stupor about when Pontius Pilate is screaming at Jesus, "Don't let me stop your great self destruction! DIE IF YOU WANT TO YOU MISGUIDED MARTYR!" As if. I glance over and both girls are dead asleep with their heads on the table. I start to giggle, rising from the couch, despair incarnate.

The next thing I know I'm shivering in some treehouse, the afternoon light causing me to blink. It's cold. I can't remember much of anything but oh my God!!! I check my pockets and find a wad of cash and three huge bags of pot. I've got to get back to MsTara's house! If I can creep in I might be able to fix this before they wake up! I shudder at the thought if I'm too late.

Cautiously approaching the house I peer in. I almost scream out loud when MsTara comes in, her hands firmly on the hips of her jeans, looking totally flustered and pissed off.

"I am not ripping these jeans! Elton John gave me these jeans and I will not destroy them! Ohhhhh I have to pee!"

Oh shit.

"If I get ahold of that fucker billyBear there will be hell to pay! That little blue asshole!" She screams while working a pencil into her mouth. She begins to type on the keyboard of her computer before flipping a switch on her microphone and bellowing, "Mayday, mayday, mayday!!! This is MsTara and if anyone is listening on cockradio PLEASE contact MsAlly and have her send me some help! The rat bastard BILLYBEAR has crazy glued my hands to my jeans and I need help! Mayday, mayday, mayday!"

Sobbing with frustration she collapses on a chair not noticing the remote. The Chicken Dance begins blasting out of her speakers. She throws back her head and screams.

"AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!"


She's busy. I best come back later when she's calmer. I head into the woods towards the castle. Maybe if I can explain things to Princess Grace everyone will calm down and get a good chuckle out of things.

It's dusk by the time I get to the castle. All the lights are on and lots of people seem to be entering. I can see MsGrace moving about in some downstairs room. I cautiously approach, slide open a window and hide behind some curtains. She wanders into some room before coming out in this light blue bikini.

"PantySue have you heard from Tara yet? I sent over a jug of pure acetone so she could free her hands. I so hope she isn't too upset to come to my Finding Nemo party! We'll deal with billy later. BOY will we deal with billy!"

Some maid comes wobbling in on these monster high heels with training wheels on the back of them keeping her upright. I think I invented those! I can't remember much from when I was old. Just bits and pieces.

"Yes Mistress. She said She'd be a bit late but She plans on coming."

Placing this weird fish hat on her head MsGrace asks, "Does this make me look stupid?"

"No Mistress. I don't know how but it makes you look even cuter."

"Are you trying to kill me?"

"WHAT?!"

"Oh sheesh, I'm sorry - I guess I'm still a little paranoid, and stoned," giggles Princess Grace while she adjusts her hat. "Thank you pantysue, please attend to the guests. I'll be out in about thirty."

Oh super. If she gets together with MsTara before I can explain things I might as well just flee the country, join the French Foreign Legion. Screwing up my nerve I step from behind the curtains.

"Uh ... MsGrace?"

Smiling she turns to me before going going completely pale. Her brows knit and a frown darkens her sunny disposition, she whispers, "You monster!" Before fainting to the floor.

What to do??? I have to talk to her. Maybe if I get her home I can keep her isolated until she understands that this whole thing really wasn't my fault! HEY! I have a home! I completely forgot that. I open a sliding glass door, carrying her into the night.

No one seems to be home, although there's a light on upstairs. I quietly approach my house. The night sky indicates it's going to rain.


As I quietly open the front door, I see Goth Girl standing in the hallway. She's staring at the ceiling like she's trying to recall lines she's practiced a million times. Her words come out in a rush.

"I'm sorry teenage Goth Billy! I let myself in. I was so worried! I mean like the sex we had was so incredible that I knew we were meant to be together forever. It was my first time. I really do love you so much! I ... who's that?" Her voice trails off.


"Uhhhhhh this is Princess Grace." I begin to feel her stir in my arms.

"You sick freak!"

"Wait! I can ..."

"What is it with you guys? So you're into old chicks with fish on their heads huh? I could have worn a fish on my head, I would for you, you twisted fuck!"

"I'm not into chicks with fish on their heads! There was this incident and ..."

"Oh I see so you like older girls huh? What is she like thirty? She's old enough to be your mommy. Is that what you're into? The mommy thing? I bet it is! Maybe she'll let me come over and babysit you sometime! GOD DAMMIT!!! Why are guys so weird?!"

"I am NOT into the mommy thing and you suck your thumb by the way when you're in the throws of orgasm!!! Maybe you're into the daddy thing!"

"You said you thought that looked hot!" She starts to cry.

My heart is pounding and my head is spinning. Princess has managed to regain consciousness and is standing next to her watching the conversation like a tennis match.

"It does look hot GothGirl and vulnerable and ..."

The door behind me creaks open.

"Wolver? Listen, like I thought about it and I really don't care if you jack off as long as I can watch and you know maybe encourage you a little? That wouldn't waste our ... dark ... love ... ???"

V stands in the open doorway looking a Princess Grace, Goth Girl who's now frantically sucking her thumb and me.

I look at all three of them.

Nervous giggle, wrings paws

I don't know what to say. How to make this right! I am doomed. No one can save me now!!! I WISH I WAS DEAD! Tears running down my face I push past V and run into the rainy night. Del Shannon taunts the monster Teenage Goth WolverBilly as I stumble alone into darkness.

As I run along,
I wonder what went wrong,
With our love, a love that was so strong.
And as I still run on,
I think of the things we've done
Together, a-while our hearts were young.

I'm a-runnin' in the rain,
Tears are fallin' and I feel the pain,
Wishin' you were here by me,
To end this misery
And I wonder--
I wah-wah-wah-wah-wonder,
Why,
Why, why, why, why, why I ran away,
Yes, and I wonder,
A-where I will stay-ay,
My little runaway,
Run, run, run, run, runaway.

Tonight on Awwwwww Poor Baby!!!

Tonight on Awwwww Poor Baby a special pet checks the mail.

Will a package allowing a phone call be there or will you hear a taunting giggle followed by, Awwwww Poor Baby!!! Tune in tonight during TeaseTime with Princess Grace at 10PM Eastern in the main chatroom!

Goth Girl - A Horror Story

I see her. A vision of rarest beauty, her pale skin almost translucent, her fashion sense impeccable! What mystery surrounds her? What delights hide within?

I mentally shrug, always mystified that Princess even gives me the time of day, I shuffle by close enough that I hope to peek a little further up her skirt while idly humming a snippet from a Jethro Tull song, "Yes, and her legs went on for ever. Like staring up at infinity ..." She must be ... what ... nineteen?

She lights a cig and strikes such an over acted pose of indifference that I almost laugh out loud. Well 'what the heck' I think, "She wants to play." Stopping and staring up at her, I open with my best pickup line!

"I really like your panties!" nervous giggle, wrings paws.

She exhales a cloud of smoke, ignoring me.

Amused I head to my trailer which Princess had set up for guests of her Star Trek - Better than Veronica Mars but not as Good as BSG party.

She says, "Slaughtering that cow was cool. The way you just sort of waddled it down ..."

"Well it was asleep ..."

" ... and then drove those claws of yours deep into its' flank. Its plaintive wail of despair as it slowly collapsed realizing its life was over, more grist for the mill."

"Uhhhhh ..."

"And the bright red arterial spray coating you, softly growing weaker as the heart lost its battle with death, like a cock cumming."

"I get that a lot!"

"What?"

"Arterial spray."

"Well it was beautiful, you know? It made me very ... very ... wet! The meaninglessness of it all ya know?"

"uhhhh ... yeah ... and your name would be ... weirdo? DeathChick?"

Giggling she replies, "I like DeathChick but no silly, it's Liz, I go by GothGirl or GG for short."

"Well GothGirl I can't express how interesting it's been meeting you! I have to get to my trailer and shower, you have no idea how sweaty I get in this thing after Kal-if-fee and killing a cow. Good luck with whatever you're selling there."

Smoking her cig GothGirl watches wolverBilly enter his trailer.

Being a member of the Order of the Melon my guest trailer is a full thirty feet longer and fifteen feet wider than lucky's but smaller than jem's who possesses the penultimate Order of the Bad Ass Tat. Still I can't help but smile, my wookie has tasted the sweet sting of citrus, the gentle kiss of the cantaloupe seed. Perhaps one day lucky too will become a member, all the while performing under Princess's giggling taunts as she observes him on a webcam.

Frowning I head to the bathroom, ripping the door open I shout, "Dammit lucky this is the third time today, get out of the fucking shower!!!"

"But you have hot water billy!"

"Lucky, even if you get the Order of the Melon your trailer will never have hot water! You know the rule, 'Nothing but cold showers when on the castle grounds for lucky!'"

Wrapped in a towel lucky flees back to his minuscule trailer. I take a sauna, followed by a massage by Princess's personal masseuse before a quick shower. Pulling on my black, silk jammies and popping the tab on a diet Mountain Dew I settle down to watch PTV - All Perversions All the Time. A quiet knock on the door breaks my concentration on Awwwww Poor Baby!!!

Grumbling I cautiously open the door figuring it's some one trying to kill me.

"Um ... Mr. Bear, would you like to buy my invention? I think you'll find it ... stimulating."

GothGirl stands at the door twirling her hair around her finger trying to look both pensive and tragic at the same time. She utterly fails.

"What is it?"

"If you let me in I'll show you."


I sit on the couch and watch GothGirl take a Fleshlight out of her bag, "You didn't invent that!"

Undressing GothGirl giggles, "No silly but I modified it."

"Why are you undressing? WHERE DID YOU GET THAT RACK??!!" I practically scream when her yummy B cups are exposed.

"I'm nineteen, it's impossible to have a crappy rack and I'm undressing because I intend to fuck you silly after you recover from my device here."

"Really??!! What's the device do?"

"Well I don't screw old dudes like you. This device will turn you into a vibrant eighteen year old! It's based off of your transmorgafier but I inverted the Riemann's Zeta function which accounts for fractional charge subatomically just for the Higg's boson with an involucral matrix of ogdoad parity."

"Well any idiot knows that. But in order for the inversion to occur you would need huge amounts of power, what are you using for power?"

Down to her fishnets and garter, GothGirl kneels before me tugging down my silk jammies, taking my wookie in her hand she begins to 'fluff' me, "Mumph Ibth wabba lupth if!"

"I'm sorry?" I whisper, my eyes half-lidded in pleasure.

Smacking her lips GothGirls says, "I said, 'I think you're really going to like this!'" as she slides the device over my wanty/needy wookie and begins a slow, rhythmic up down motion.

I nearly faint from the pleasure. Increasingly panicked as I begin to feel the helpless submissive feelings overcoming me I pant out, "Stop! You never told me what powered the device!"

"Boy cummies supply the needed power."

"But that's illegal!!! The Mistresses know not to tap such raw masculine power lightly, MsTara talks about nothing else, that 'the power of boy cum must never be used for evil, only good!' Which is why she never lets boys cum. Have you tested this device?"

"I'm testing it on you silly! I know it will work, you'll be eighteen and I'll be your girlfriend and lead scientist. We'll have a family and live in a nice house ... there may be some side effects when you orgasm but we can work through those through the power of teenage love!"

"You're insane! I actually kind of dig that but you have to stop! We can test the device on ace or somebody!" I plead, now so completely consumed with pleasure I can't move. My eyes drift up to a wall clock, I'm already fifteen minutes late for Princess's Teasing Treats post dinner buffet. In another fifteen or so I know Princess will come looking for me. If I can just hold on, help will be on the way! I concentrate on the clock, watching the second hand.

"Look at me Billy ..." whispers GothGirl in a sultry voice.

"No!" I moan, I'm looking everywhere but at her, finally settling on a ball of light blue energy forming above the FleshLight. "Please don't tell me that's a Feynman ball!"

She murmurs, "You know it is, naughty boy! It's your thoughts bringing it into existence. It's power will be used to trigger the inversion."

"It's ... it's ... wrong!" my eyes drifting to the clock. Ten minutes, thank God Princess has trained me to be a legendary fighter, to deny pleasure! It feels so good though! So naughty!

"You are a fighter Billy and when you give in you'll cum even harder, feeding the Feynman ball. That's so naughty!" taunts GothGirl.

Licking my lips, my eyes locked on the clock I say, "I said that out loud huh?"

Her voice going teasy GothGirl says, "Billeeee ... look at me Billeeee ... you know you want to!"

"No." I'm completely paralyzed with desire.

Increasing the rhythm of her hand she continues to tease, "But think about it Billeeee, I want to tell you about how I'm gonna bend over the arm of this couch and have you take me doggy. Don't you want to take me Billeeee? Aren't there things you want to 'do' with me? To me? Look at me ..."

"Awwwwww"

"Shhhhhhhh, that's it baby."

I look at her. Her eyes are bright with excitement, her lips slightly parted. She's staring intently into my eyes, knowing I'm close, reading me. I notice my hips pressing into the device, as my body further betrays me.


"You're pretty." I whisper sadly, knowing I've lost, the brightness of the Feynman ball growing stronger, filling the room.

She giggles, missing the sadness in my voice. "Thank you!" she says as she climbs up and sits next to me, her hand moving faster and faster, "You know what Billeee? I think you're gonna cum!"

Her perfume is wafting into my mind, her shampoo, her femininity. She's smiling at me and then moves closer, her lips so close to mine I can feel their warmth. Somehow I'm cupping her breast and I wonder, 'how did that happen?' her nipple hard in my palm. I'm babbling any pervy crap that comes to mind while she eggs me on.

She whispers, "Tell me Billeeee, tell me every naughty thing you want to do! Because I'll do it Billeeee, I'll do ANYTHING you desire!"

I tell her everything, except one thing, the special game(s) Princess and I play, that's Hers!

Then she completely stuns me by kissing me which pushes me over. My eyes closed I see the room completely fill with cold blue light through my eyelids before incredible pleasure followed by indescribable pain shoots through my body as inversion takes hold. I'm changing, oh dear God I'm changing!!!

Blackness.

The repetitive sounds of, "Ungh, ungh, ungh" first fill my consciousness as my eyes slowly open on GothGirl bent over the arm of the couch. I'm standing on a stool behind her, fucking her silly as she bucks and moans on my throbbing wookie. I'm dressed in my black wolverBilly outfit, fly down. Black is my color!

She whips her red hair over her left shoulder and smiles back at me, "I can't stop cumming on you my love!"

My love??!! Oh my god she loves me! She really does! She said so! And I ... I love her too!!! We were meant to be together forever! I moan back, "I love you SO MUCH!"

She cums even harder as she moans, "I love you MORE!!!"

"No I love YOU more!"

"Prove your love and cum in my hot pussy bad boy! Fill me with your love!!!"

I explode inside her, each of us screaming our undying love for one another. Our moans and grunts being replaced by someone banging on the trailer door.

I hop off the stool and zip up while kicking the stool behind the couch. GothGirl is splayed out on the couch frantically sucking her thumb. OK that's kinda weird but oddly hot too. I'm conflicted! I don't know how I should feel about that! I hate myself, I truly do.

"Eyebf wubth youth soooth muth!" GothGirl sleepily mutters around her thumb.

"What was that my true love?"

"I love you so much! Don't ever leave me ... promise!"

How could I ever leave her? My universe, my everything! "I promise!"

Suddenly the lock of the trailer door explodes as Princess Grace comes charging in waving her pink Glock like she's starring in a cop show, "Billy! Billy!!! Are you OK?! I was so worried ..." She trails off as she stares at me, "Bat wing eyebrows?" She starts to giggle.

I proudly pick up my DeathCane (GothGirl got it for me as a reminder of our true love - isn't she dreamy!) and put on my hat, maturely staring at Princess Grace.

Her giggles are shifting to full fledged laughter as she says, "Lipstick? Why are you so pale?"

She just doesn't understand!!!

As she peers more closely at me her laughter shifts to a full throated scream of horror! She wheels on GothGirl, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??!!"

I'm mortified! I don't know what to do! I feel like screaming, I feel like running. I want her to go! I can't figure it out! Why do they hate our love? It's pure!

I scream out, "PRINCESS GRACE YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME!!!"

No one understands me. No one can. I'm a hideous monster, a freak! Tears blinding me I stumble into the night. I wish I was dead!!!

They're hunting me now. Hunting the monster BillyBear. I can hear the blaring of their bullhorns, "Come back Billy! We can help you!" The baying of the bloodhounds. They can't help me, they don't understand. For I had become ...

Become ...

Dear lord help me.

For I was a ...

Teenage Angst Filled Goth WolverBilly!!!

The Man Trap

An enraged wolverBilly pauses for a photo-op on the planet M-113 while lucky cowers behind his shield and Og begs for them to "Stop the madness"

"Take that, billyboy!" lucky shouted with renewed enthusiasm. "Capitan America's Shield is impervious to adamantium!!! En garde!!!"

Bent over and panting heavily wolverBilly gasps, "Give me a second here ... sheesh ... who knew adamantium was so darned heavy? Dang, chopping through that eleven foot pole of balsa wood of yours really took it out of me."

WolverBilly and lucky are battling on the Star Trek set of planet M-113. Princess Grace being a total Star Trek geek has all of the various sets erected around her castle grounds. She even has her own 'Captain's Chair' where she watches TV from in her private room along with a phaser remote control. Her fluency in Klingon is unparalleled, her 'DaHjaj'oH QaQ jaj CuMQ' ('Today is a Good Day to Stroke') being considered the penultimate in erotic Klingon MP3s! In short, Princess is hot.

"Who ... gasp ... knew ... pant ... oxygen was ... cough ... slow thin ... rasp ... on this planet?" wheezes wolverBilly while digging a crumpled pack of Marlboro's from his boot, "Toss me that bag of Doritos would ya jem? I need to carbo-load for this battle. A beer wouldn't hurt either."

The sound of lucky cracking a beer from behind his shield can be heard.

"You shouldn't have defiled my woman lucky!!! I'm going to come at you like a spider monkey!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!!!"

"I had to channel Og or ..."

"ENOUGH!!!" calls out a voice devoid of all emotion, a voice of pure, heartless logic.

Princess T'Pring Grace rises from her captain's chair (she had PantySue lug it down earlier). Her face bereft of feeling she says, "You have entered Pon farr. One of you must die!"

Using that high, whiny voice wolverBilly gets when he's not getting his way he complains, "But I don't want to die Princess! I just want to come at lucky like a spider monkey! I thought that might look cool! Do you want to die lucky?"

"No."

"See Princess, no one's keen on dying here!"

A lackey of MsAva's, Stephanie Marie walks by jabbing wolverBilly with some sharp pointy thing.

"Owww! Motherfu.." snarls wolverBilly before the healing factor stops his oozing.

Flipping open her pink cell Stephanie Marie sashays off reporting success not noticing wolverBilly extending a razor sharp claw cleanly slicing the back of her dress open. Everyone stifles giggles at her Duke Blue Devils boxers.

In a voice deviod of all humanity T'Pring Grace replies, "Then to have entered Pon farr was illogical. Fucking another's fiancee was illogical. Fighting someone who fucks your fiancee (who permitted it) is illogical. Being illogical is stupid. We thin the gene pool of idiots by making them fight to the death. We are a very logical people."

The Star Trek fight music wells out of a boombox pantysue (dressed as Seven of Nine because she's been assimilated) is holding. Jem is dressed as an Andorian for obvious reasons, and all are so focused on the battle that on one notices Og crouching behind a bunch of cinder blocks.

Wheeling, wolverBilly throws a half eaten bag of Doritos at lucky's shield while lucky's panicky fired beer bottle goes wide striking jem in the knee.

wolverBilly pats his hands on his head, then starts hopping left to right, right to left while shrieking, "Ooo eeek eeek acka oookie aga eeek eek eek!"

Lucky peers from behind his shield in flabbergasted wonder.

"That's right lucky, like a spider monkey!!!!" screams wolverBilly, sparks flying from his claws as they drag ineffectually down lucky's shield.

Lucky smacks the shield down on wolverBilly's foot.

"Owwwwwww! You son of a bitch!!!" shrieks wolverBilly holding his foot while hopping on one leg before lucky smacks him in the head with his shield, dropping wolverBilly like a sack of potatoes.

Raising the shield high over his to deliver the coup de grâce lucky says, "Better you than me wolverBilly!" before wolverBilly rolls into lucky's legs knocking him on his ass, jabbing a claw into lucky's sole of his foot.

"Owwwwwww!"

"Feel the burn lucky!" wheezes wolverBilly.

"That hurt billy!"

"So did that shield lucky!"

"Look I'm sorry I messed with Og but Princess was on trial and I needed to help her! Og was the only one who could reach you and prove you were still alive."

"You mean other than me strolling into the court room and testifying?"

"Yeah! Other than that!"

"Like I could do now?"

"Well you weren't there at the time."

From behind her wall Og cries out, "Stop!!! Stop the madness!!! You can both have me!"

wolverBilly smiles ruefully at Og, "You said you'd wait for me Og ..."

"Billy I have needs, needs that must be fulfilled. Dark desires that must be realized almost hourly ... in fact ..."

"Hush lucky!" everyone says.

"Enough!" giggles Princess T'Pring Grace, "It's getting late, the fire is warm and we have food and music. Let's party!"

Everyone breaks and gathers around the fire. Og brings wolverBilly a beer and sits next to him while everyone stares into the fire. WolverBilly takes a sip and scoots away from Og not making eye contact.

Only jem and Og notice, both thinking, "Uh oh."

It's a Wicked Life But What the Hell

MarshmallowBilly

Emerging from the fiery pit, his body rapidly healing wolverBilly waddles up to his friends. Smoke curls around him.

"Another s'more Princess? No? MsTara? Sassa? lucky? jem? ace? How about a freshly grilled hotdog? No, it's not a 'lucky' dog! I haven't dealt with him yet!"

Glaring at lucky, wolverBilly can't help but smile while hanging with his pals.

But I Can Hear Another Drum Beating for the Dead That Rise

An improved transmorgifier (build 7.432a) sits in a secret lab. Thirty roboMittens man various consoles and devices, a large photonigenerator (build 2.1845c) is humming at thirty percent capacity, its' beam passing through a window in the transmorgifier door. If you were to follow the long orange extension chord coming from the back of the photonigenerator through the caverns, up across the fields and through the woods you'll find it plugged into the back of ace's mansion; his electric meter dials spinning like so many airplane propellers.

"Check ... check ... can you hear me roboMittens? Good! Then the photonic beam is locked on me. You've placed the Adamantium skeleton inside the transmorgifier along with the healing factor? Use lots of ..."

incoming message from the eighteenth dimension ...

"Yes Og I still love you my little virgin! Kiss-kiss! I'm a wittle busy here muffin ... talk to you soon!"

"Sheesh, what is that like the fourth time this hour? OK, look just dunk the care bear in the healing factor would ya? I KNOW it's a lot but I'd rather have too much than too little, toss in some extra Adamantium too I'm thinking of putting a few additional layers around my skull based on what happened ..."

incoming message from the eighteenth dimension ...

"Oh for crying out loud! What now Og?! I'm sorry ... please don't cry ... I know you're trying to get everything set for the wedding, hold the pattern up so I can see it. What's it called? Hopping Bunnies? Yeah that's cute Og, sure fine by me ... why is the sales girl saying 'Take it BITCH!'? I'm not fond of 'the hard sale' Og ... WHAT POWER FLUCTUATIONS roboMittens?!! Og, yes yes hop for me Og - I gotta go."

"Yeesh roboMittens that pattern should have been called An Affront to God instead of Hopping Bunnies! I know, I know roboMittens but any leftover Adamantium or healing factor will just sit in the chamber after I reintegrate, we'll clean it up later. We've got to find the source of those power fluctuations! That's most important at the moment!"

Purrrrrrrr

"Oh I'm sorry roboMittens, Princess is petting her naughty little kitty. HEY! I really am her pet! In your face lucky and jem!!! Yummm, she's hand feeding me Meow-Mix at the moment, she gives me treats all the time cause I'm so adorable. Awwww now she's holding up a saucer of cream. Yummy! Can't get enough of that!!!"

Purrrrrrrr

"Oh jeez there she goes! Back to the rocking horse ... you should see her, you'd think she was entered in the Preakness Stakes the way she rides that fucker! GO PRINCESS GO!!

What? A bad coupler? Well replace it and that should stop the power fluc ..."

incoming message from the eighteenth dimension ...

"roboMittens would ya just fix the gosh darn coupler then. I'd do it myself if I wasn't stuck in this cat's head ... WHAT IS IT OG and how did you get this number? This is the sixth time in five hours, I already said that china pattern was fine! ... Look roboMittens we need more power, if we cant get the photonigenerator in the two petawatt range then we might as well shut down and say fuck it all! ... well tap into the town power grid then!

Oh super! NOW Princess decides to break out the catnip. Get it away from me! Git! Oh drat I got a pretty good whiff that time ... heh ... this is fun isn't Princess? Oh yes I am! I'm Princess's naughty kitty, I'm SUCH A NAUGHTY kitty ...

I've got to get a grip ... there's plenty of time to hit-the-nip when I'm back...

Og, I'm really busy right now trying to get back into your dimension, I'll call ya back ... IS THAT LUCKY? Normally all I see is some office wall ... Hey lucky ... what are you doing? I'm not listening to one of your scripts ... lucky? ewwwwwww

Awwww come on Princess make your kitty purr just one more hit of that sweet, sweet catnip darling, mmmmmmm yeah ... who left this phone off the hook?"

More Van Der Graph generators are coming online. The photonic beam waves wildly out of line before stabilizing on the transmorgifier, the brightness of its' beam increasing. Minutes pass.

"You left my suit in the transmorgifier right roboMittens? We ready? OK! Let me say goodbye to Princess, kiss kiss Princess - I'm not suppose to be here - thanks for taking such good care of your naughty kitty! roboMittens initiate!"

incoming message from the eighteenth dimension ...

"Hurry up! I can't handle another call!!!"

A gigantic flash of light fills the transmorgifier as all power is lost. A stillness fills the lab, the soft ticking of cooling generators can be heard while emergency lights begin to blink on.

"I'm baaaaccckkkk! I gotta try this out ..."

Shing Shing

"Owwww that hurts like a ... too cool though! Let me get this suit on .... UNNGGGGHHHHHH! God dammit roboMittens I told you a XXL for a suit size, to hold my incredible musculature ... it is? UNNGGGGHHHHHH! that fucker's tight, I bet I look hot as hell! I guess I might have overindulged at Princess's. Well let's take a look at the new, improved BillyBear."

Across Paradise bad guys and evil collectively shudder! Subconsciously they realize a new force for goodness has arrived to fight them or anyone who annoys BillyBear!

Behold ...

"I do look hot don't I?! Oh I can hear the Mistresses cumming all over themselves when they take a gander at this! Poor babies! I can't wait for Princess to see me! Come on you guys, I've got a hankering for some of ace's patented triple double stuff gooey fudge cookies and a couple of boxes of his thin mints! What do you mean he shut the factory down?! For a sex shop?! Paradise needs another one of those?"

Shing Shing

"I'm annoyed already! In fact I'm vexed, sorely vexed indeed!!! Hey slow down you guys, I'm getting winded here. Anyone got a smoke?"

The ticking of the cooling metal can be heard once again in the empty lab when suddenly there's another bright flash in the transmorgifier. Nothing can be heard as it softly pads out, it's new Adamantium skeleton and body with healing factor incorporated into it at the genetic level helping it form in this dimension.


mittens goes in search of her master ... BillyBear!

Princess Grace gasps in surprise as she watches her pet dissolve into nothingness. She quietly asks, "mittens?" a tear slowly rolling down her cheek. In order to resolve the paradox the universe makes her forget she ever had a cat named mittens because she never did.

She giggles, eying her rocking horse 'Lucky.' She's gonna win the race this time, she can feel it!

It's a new year everyone, new changes, new things to do! Let's Ride!