I arrived about fifteen minutes late. Princess had just let everyone cum and was now letting them listen to her latest MP3 Milk It Boy Become My Underbitch!!! I'd post the URL but she pulled it right after letting us listen, saying something down the lines of, "I wont release this one into the wild, it's too dangerous and I'm a responsible adult!"
Uh huh.
Anyway it was full of sissy bondage and forced fem and was made special for jem's birthday and was a one time thing. I can't remember much of it since it immediately sank you into some sort of trance. I recall hearing mooing though and bitching. As the MP3 finished I saw I was covered in cum (mine, I was alone this time - Thank God! I hate bukakke MP3s let me tell ya).
So Princess laughed at us and told us we were even bigger fools than she thought since the MP3 was filled with hidden triggers! Then she typed (this won't work - it has to come from her) "Asparagus!" and her wookie started shooting copius wads of uncontrolled cum. Giggling like a stony she then typed, "Marshmallow Watermelon Pie!" and suddenly I'm in this black evening gown with with these black pumps TO DIE FOR, a rose clenched in my teeth dancing the tango. My webcam was on and Princess was watching all of us - I don't know how she affords the bandwidth. When I got to the part in the tango where you get dipped backwards I lost my balance and my head crashed into the coffee table, I was alone remember. Anyway the judges took points for that the bastards.
As I came to Princess was typing in "Grand Finale" and the next thing I know I'm tied to this iron cross thingy (I have no idea when I found the time to build that - no wonder I'm sore today!) with one of those gags in your mouth that has the hole in it all dressed up in sissy stuff.
I guess Princess was checking us out on the webcams because she's muttering, "Yessssss," and stuff then she goes, "Sing! Sing for Me and become My UNDERBITCHES!!!" I start tooting out:
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, dear Jemmie!!!
Happy birthday to you!
And since it was all of us it took on this weird kind of mushmouth tooting chant, well all of us except for banky who was making those squeaky noises that Maggie Simpson makes on The Simpsons because of the binky in his mouth. You'd think Princess was going to have a coronary she was laughing so hard, it probably would have given new meaning to 'The Stroke Princess' if she had huh?
Then she says something like, "Well believe it or not but there's some boy who wants to cum and I want to do him since I'm too busy partying my ass off this weekend, byeeeeeeee." And she was gone.
It took me awhile to get out of the iron cross thingy.
It was the BEST BIRTHDAY PARTY EVER!!!
EVER!!!
FUCKING EVER!
Sorry you missed it jemmie...
We thought of you though...
::serious look::
mmhmm, we did ... honest
um Anyway I hope you have a wonderful birthday and all your wishes (except those that do me physical or financial harm) come true!!!
Dang what a party!!! Thanks Princess!!!
Friday, July 18, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
My Where has the Time Gone?
Usually about this time I would start giving Princess shit about the interval in her posting. A casual glance at my blog and I'm scratching my head, June 17th? Really? Go figure. As I sit here stealing a few minutes I know I've got nothin'
I'm not horribly alarmed, nor mopey about it. I am so consumed with RealWorld crap that my imagination has shut down for a bit. I see that jem is being tortured by Princess (jem must hate that) and lucky has entered the window cleaning business. MsTara is still in denial about her wicked vampiric ways and pantySue turned one while bankyboo works hard on... well do you want to convince those Mistresses or not banky? I don't think you're trying, are you? Anyway all is well.
So what am I doing with my copious free time? Well unlike jem I'm not hanging out at gas stations fondling hoses and fantasizing about gas pumping drag queens. No time for that.
What did I do today? Hmmmm, well I worked. At the moment I'm living Le Tour de France, commuting to work and back, ten grueling kilometers round trip. That's six miles for you non bicycling pansies. I doubled it today since I had to ride home on some mindless lunch errand. Twenty fucking kilometers! mmhmm! They did 195.5km in the tour today, the fuckers.
Does Princess let me cum since I've quit smoking and am biking all over the place?
No.
She detests bicyclers, "BillyBear bicyclers are only good for mowing down in traffic and fucking their girl asses with pine cones. Pshaw, yes BillyBear, PSHAW on your gay bicycling ways! NO CUMMIES!" Personally I think I just brought it up at a bad time for her. Maybe she was having her monthly visit with 'Mr. Cranky Pants.'
Unfortunately when I say I work I actually mean it. I'm still sporting that bulls eye and getting sorta use to it. The bike kicks my ass so I come home, shower, veg out in front of the TV and hit the sack about 9PM rising again around 5:30AM to do it all over again.
OH! I did something new today after getting home, just to shake things up a bit.
I mowed the lawn.
Yep - ALL of it. Took about ninety minutes.
I hope to make TeaseTime tonight if I don't just fucking fall asleep. Right now I'm sitting on the couch plotting ugly deaths for the telemarketers that keep fucking calling and trying to make 10PM.
If I DO make TeaseTime Princess will be delighted to see the taciturn, zombie BillyBear, I'm certain of that.
Oh yeah, I'm a riot right now.
Oh well, shit happens and I'll either gut through this or I wont. The one thing I can't do is avoid it. ::shrug::
I miss you guys, hope you're having fun and all. Me? Couldn't be better! Thanks for askin'
I'm not horribly alarmed, nor mopey about it. I am so consumed with RealWorld crap that my imagination has shut down for a bit. I see that jem is being tortured by Princess (jem must hate that) and lucky has entered the window cleaning business. MsTara is still in denial about her wicked vampiric ways and pantySue turned one while bankyboo works hard on... well do you want to convince those Mistresses or not banky? I don't think you're trying, are you? Anyway all is well.
So what am I doing with my copious free time? Well unlike jem I'm not hanging out at gas stations fondling hoses and fantasizing about gas pumping drag queens. No time for that.
What did I do today? Hmmmm, well I worked. At the moment I'm living Le Tour de France, commuting to work and back, ten grueling kilometers round trip. That's six miles for you non bicycling pansies. I doubled it today since I had to ride home on some mindless lunch errand. Twenty fucking kilometers! mmhmm! They did 195.5km in the tour today, the fuckers.
Does Princess let me cum since I've quit smoking and am biking all over the place?
No.
She detests bicyclers, "BillyBear bicyclers are only good for mowing down in traffic and fucking their girl asses with pine cones. Pshaw, yes BillyBear, PSHAW on your gay bicycling ways! NO CUMMIES!" Personally I think I just brought it up at a bad time for her. Maybe she was having her monthly visit with 'Mr. Cranky Pants.'
Unfortunately when I say I work I actually mean it. I'm still sporting that bulls eye and getting sorta use to it. The bike kicks my ass so I come home, shower, veg out in front of the TV and hit the sack about 9PM rising again around 5:30AM to do it all over again.
OH! I did something new today after getting home, just to shake things up a bit.
I mowed the lawn.
Yep - ALL of it. Took about ninety minutes.
I hope to make TeaseTime tonight if I don't just fucking fall asleep. Right now I'm sitting on the couch plotting ugly deaths for the telemarketers that keep fucking calling and trying to make 10PM.
If I DO make TeaseTime Princess will be delighted to see the taciturn, zombie BillyBear, I'm certain of that.
Oh yeah, I'm a riot right now.
Oh well, shit happens and I'll either gut through this or I wont. The one thing I can't do is avoid it. ::shrug::
I miss you guys, hope you're having fun and all. Me? Couldn't be better! Thanks for askin'
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Enslaved
The harsh crack of the whip shatters the quiet of a thousand keystrokes clicking.
BILLYBEAR WHERE IS THAT THING??!!
Stoically standing before one of his many insect overlords BillyBear ignores the fresh welt rising across his back, one of many. He quietly stares into the rabid but dead eyes of his current master, "Which thing lord?"
"THE THING - THE THING!!!!!"
"Today's thing or yesterday's thing?"
"WORK SMARTER NOT HARDER YOU FOOL! ADAPT AND EMBRACE 'AGILITY'!!!"
"Of course. I'm also endeavoring to think outside the box and do more with less, lord."
BillyBear watches one overlord storm off while another approaches.
"WHERE'S THAT STUFF?!"
It's endless. They've painted a large bullseye on him so he can be more easily 'noticed.' He's responsible for 'the thing' and 'the stuff' that goes with it and they wanted it yesterday but are willing to wait until no later until September. The biggest problem is that they don't know what they want. He's sat in one meeting after another while they pounce from one idea to the next like kittens on speed.
He's been enslaved and all the little pleasures like writing in this blog have become fond memories. He wants to write about the BSG half season finale, he wants to resume operations at the Assassin but 'the thing' stands in his way. His car is no longer his and now he must bike to work, he's tired and misses causing trouble. Misses his pals. He grabs a pen and dashes off a quick note destined for the ether. He tosses it out the window when no one is looking. A robin carries it off, oddly lightening his load.
Jem, I'm sorry, this is the best I can do at the moment. I will try and write more often but thanks for the kick in the pants. MsTara even if I had oodles of time I would not gloat you silly vampire! Friends recommend and I was hoping you would enjoy BSG - it's quite a character driven show. Ace, just get better. But when you do, best come 'round for a bit. Lucky I had a panic attack and just had to check to make sure your blog was still there! Banky regale us with some deviant thing, pantysue post something wierd. Princess, I hope you're hanging in there! You're in my prayers along with another couple of souls I just wanted to say thank you for the MP3 that you did special for wittle ol' me. I listen to it when I can - it calms me lmao go figure.
BillyBear
BILLYBEAR WHERE IS THAT THING??!!
Stoically standing before one of his many insect overlords BillyBear ignores the fresh welt rising across his back, one of many. He quietly stares into the rabid but dead eyes of his current master, "Which thing lord?"
"THE THING - THE THING!!!!!"
"Today's thing or yesterday's thing?"
"WORK SMARTER NOT HARDER YOU FOOL! ADAPT AND EMBRACE 'AGILITY'!!!"
"Of course. I'm also endeavoring to think outside the box and do more with less, lord."
BillyBear watches one overlord storm off while another approaches.
"WHERE'S THAT STUFF?!"
It's endless. They've painted a large bullseye on him so he can be more easily 'noticed.' He's responsible for 'the thing' and 'the stuff' that goes with it and they wanted it yesterday but are willing to wait until no later until September. The biggest problem is that they don't know what they want. He's sat in one meeting after another while they pounce from one idea to the next like kittens on speed.
He's been enslaved and all the little pleasures like writing in this blog have become fond memories. He wants to write about the BSG half season finale, he wants to resume operations at the Assassin but 'the thing' stands in his way. His car is no longer his and now he must bike to work, he's tired and misses causing trouble. Misses his pals. He grabs a pen and dashes off a quick note destined for the ether. He tosses it out the window when no one is looking. A robin carries it off, oddly lightening his load.
Jem, I'm sorry, this is the best I can do at the moment. I will try and write more often but thanks for the kick in the pants. MsTara even if I had oodles of time I would not gloat you silly vampire! Friends recommend and I was hoping you would enjoy BSG - it's quite a character driven show. Ace, just get better. But when you do, best come 'round for a bit. Lucky I had a panic attack and just had to check to make sure your blog was still there! Banky regale us with some deviant thing, pantysue post something wierd. Princess, I hope you're hanging in there! You're in my prayers along with another couple of souls I just wanted to say thank you for the MP3 that you did special for wittle ol' me. I listen to it when I can - it calms me lmao go figure.
BillyBear
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
A Brief Update
Mr. Bear wishes to thank all of you for the kind words, cards and cash after his recent bout of 'illness.' As Nurse GothGirl changed his IV at his super secret location, he was asked how he felt after his historic Princess call.
Weakly raising a paw and sliding it up GothGirl's inner thigh all he could manage was, "drained."
He has no idea how jem ended up the size of The Fifty Foot Woman on top of a Vegas casino but wishes her, "Luck with that."
We at the Assassin would like to know exactly what gas jem 'hoofed' and hope her relationship with Panty Kong yields numerous children and a long, loving partnership. If the bottom falls out of that there's always Tony D Shrimp.
We're all relieved that Lucky is on the scene dealing with yet another jam jem has managed to get herself into. She couldn't be in better hands. Well except for her Panty Kong's hands who's afraid of heights and doesn't love jem enough to go up and get her. And where is Giantess Gretchen when you need her?
Weakly raising a paw and sliding it up GothGirl's inner thigh all he could manage was, "drained."
He has no idea how jem ended up the size of The Fifty Foot Woman on top of a Vegas casino but wishes her, "Luck with that."
We at the Assassin would like to know exactly what gas jem 'hoofed' and hope her relationship with Panty Kong yields numerous children and a long, loving partnership. If the bottom falls out of that there's always Tony D Shrimp.
We're all relieved that Lucky is on the scene dealing with yet another jam jem has managed to get herself into. She couldn't be in better hands. Well except for her Panty Kong's hands who's afraid of heights and doesn't love jem enough to go up and get her. And where is Giantess Gretchen when you need her?
Friday, June 06, 2008
Green With Envy
Breaking News: Major acts of prankiness are occurring across the fair town of Paradise. Lucky's and jem's blogs were hit with graffitti along with MsTara's beloved car.
In each case a message was left in green spray paint:
The graffiti has since been cleaned up. MsTara's car was cleaned by a pet since the crimes occurred around noon and she was "sleeping the sleep of the damned" whatever that means.
Then near 4 PM the most monstrous act of prankiness occurred. As a frightened jem relates, "Well I had just gotten into my car when I heard this giggling coming from the bushes. As I started the car all this green gas came out. Next thing I know I awoke here!"
jem waves from what's left of her car
"Can someone strap some wheels on this thing so I can get home?!" Again the cryptic message blaming pantyRoss while exonerating billyHulk and the greenPrincess was found.
The top dicks Tracer and Friday were immediately assigned to the case. They found Princess Grace and billyHulk at an outside bar next to the tower where part of jem's car was located. Our intrepid reporter mittens taped the following exchange:
Tracer: Princess, billyHulk we have a few questions.
billyHulk: billyHulk not know nothing about jem's car or green paint! Ask pantyRoss person!
Princess: "Put a cork in it billyHulk," said Princess while slapping a pink object in his mouth, billyHulk fell silent. "How can we help you two officers?"
Friday: Why are you green?
Princess: Picking up Friday with one hand and pulling her close, "Why? You don't like green people?"
Tracer: Where were you two around 3:30 to 4PM today?
Princess: Turning to Tracer while simultaneously curling Friday, "We've been here. Just chillin'. billyHulk and I have a 'date' later this evening when I plan to turn him back into billyBear. So we thought we'd have "one last fling while green."
Tracer: Thanks.
billHulk and Princess Grace don't know nuttin!
As Friday was released after fifty reps of each arm she caught up with the famed dick, "That's it? My God Tracer both of them are strong enough lift a house. They could of easily done this and their alibi is shaky as hell!"
Trying not to be condescending Tracer turns to his partner, "Friday, look at the evidence goddammit! The notes at the scene of each and every crime clearly indicate that billyHulk and Princess Grace did not do this and that maybe this mysterious newcomer pantyRoss did! Sheesh! Criminology 101!"
"But Tracer..."
A "person of interest" has been named: Betty Ross AKA Betty Sue Ross AKA pantyRoss AKA SniffyBear. All we have on this former East German shot putter is this grainy passport picture. Any information leading to this person's capture, er, ability to be interviewed should be left in the comment section of this post.
"Can someone help me get out of here???"
Is that you Lord?
"No it's me jem!"
In each case a message was left in green spray paint:billyHulk and greenPrincess NOT do this maybe pantyRoss
The graffiti has since been cleaned up. MsTara's car was cleaned by a pet since the crimes occurred around noon and she was "sleeping the sleep of the damned" whatever that means.
Then near 4 PM the most monstrous act of prankiness occurred. As a frightened jem relates, "Well I had just gotten into my car when I heard this giggling coming from the bushes. As I started the car all this green gas came out. Next thing I know I awoke here!"
jem waves from what's left of her car"Can someone strap some wheels on this thing so I can get home?!" Again the cryptic message blaming pantyRoss while exonerating billyHulk and the greenPrincess was found.
The top dicks Tracer and Friday were immediately assigned to the case. They found Princess Grace and billyHulk at an outside bar next to the tower where part of jem's car was located. Our intrepid reporter mittens taped the following exchange:
Tracer: Princess, billyHulk we have a few questions.
billyHulk: billyHulk not know nothing about jem's car or green paint! Ask pantyRoss person!
Princess: "Put a cork in it billyHulk," said Princess while slapping a pink object in his mouth, billyHulk fell silent. "How can we help you two officers?"
Friday: Why are you green?
Princess: Picking up Friday with one hand and pulling her close, "Why? You don't like green people?"
Tracer: Where were you two around 3:30 to 4PM today?
Princess: Turning to Tracer while simultaneously curling Friday, "We've been here. Just chillin'. billyHulk and I have a 'date' later this evening when I plan to turn him back into billyBear. So we thought we'd have "one last fling while green."
Tracer: Thanks.
billHulk and Princess Grace don't know nuttin!As Friday was released after fifty reps of each arm she caught up with the famed dick, "That's it? My God Tracer both of them are strong enough lift a house. They could of easily done this and their alibi is shaky as hell!"
Trying not to be condescending Tracer turns to his partner, "Friday, look at the evidence goddammit! The notes at the scene of each and every crime clearly indicate that billyHulk and Princess Grace did not do this and that maybe this mysterious newcomer pantyRoss did! Sheesh! Criminology 101!"
"But Tracer..."
A "person of interest" has been named: Betty Ross AKA Betty Sue Ross AKA pantyRoss AKA SniffyBear. All we have on this former East German shot putter is this grainy passport picture. Any information leading to this person's capture, er, ability to be interviewed should be left in the comment section of this post."Can someone help me get out of here???"
Is that you Lord?
"No it's me jem!"
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Uh Oh!
Don't you think it would be much more fun to snuggle with me...
Weird pantyRoss woman coming on to billyHulk???!!!
Ummmm... think we should let anyone know he's out and about?
Me either we have enough lawsuits as it is. He'll be back... mmhmm.
Weird pantyRoss woman coming on to billyHulk???!!!
Ummmm... think we should let anyone know he's out and about?Me either we have enough lawsuits as it is. He'll be back... mmhmm.
Monday, June 02, 2008
A Little Patience
As you all know billyHulk is having a tough time of it. We all respond to the pressures of life in different ways. jem robs banks, lucky deforests large areas of the amazon, pantsue gets lap dances, banky does well whatever he does and MsTara slakes her blood thirst on innocent victims. Billy well Billy gets increasingly confused.
It was a bad idea to inject BillyBear
Yeah smash it billyHulk.
The effects of the untested, never been tried anti-denial drug went horribly wrong transforming him into the incredible billyHulk. We've constructed a special cage to contain him but it wont last long. As his rage increases so does his power... there were other unforeseen side effects.
billyHulk DESTROY STOOPID CAGE
Yes, billyHulk has become The Incredible Shrinking billyHulk just like poor Scott Carey except he's a hulk and all. At the labs we've tried everything but really there's nothing we can do.
BillyBear...
BillyHULK!
BillyHulk will soon fade away to nothing, ceaselessly battling increasingly smaller problems that beset him until he's... just... gone.
Sure he's always been a bit concerned with his height. As a carebear he towered in at four feet. He's about half that now. He tried to compensate by invading Poland, but honestly, who hasn't invaded Poland if they wanted to. And he's always been so filled with compassion and love...
BILLYHULK HATE LOVE!
that we hope you can return some of it as we know you will. Showing your concern and kindness as only you can.
As his rage at his RealWorld problems (very bad news on another very close relative there) and work noticing him coupled with MsTara baring her legal fangs and jem (one of his closest allies at one point, giving him the "back door route" for the conquest of lucky's blog providing hers was spared) pointlessly suing him... well last Friday's BattleStar and his inability to hook up with Princess along with lucky's mindless love of PCs was just too much.
As billyHulk's rage increases so does his power but he also shrinks. We've managed to slow the rate of shrinkage by allowing him to destroy small lego cities. He gets so confused, thinking since he's green...
billyHulkZilla DESTROY SAN FRANCISCO!!!
that he's Godzilla. He usually urps allover the city thinking some radioactive fire will come out before smashing it to pieces. Then the roboMittens come in and rebuild it during his nap.
So cut him some slack. There's only one thing left to try, one thing left that might save him, the one pleasure he's denied himself for months.
Princess Grace
Lucky, jem, banky and pantysue each of you have recently been enveloped in the sweet caress of Princess Grace. Billy too wished for a little sugar only to have those wishes crushed by shitty BattleStar writers and RealWorld events. If a similar fate awaits him this Friday then...
Well we also have a few comments to recent comments in the blog.
Erratum
Lucky with regards to Imagine we've always preferred BillyBear's version:
Imagine no possessions,
Said the multi-millionaire
but your mileage may vary. Billy has always been a tad cynical about being lectured by idiots from Lennon to Al Gore. Now Lennon was a fine musician and Billy enjoys quite a bit of his music but Imagine particularly sticks in his craw and don't EVER think he wont stop giving you shit about it.
jem, a lawsuit over Across the Universe lyrics? REALLY? Well we suggest you sue these folk and leave the Assassin out of it but what's another lawsuit? Take a number.
billyHulk SMASH silly roboMittens!
Gotta go ...
mittens
It was a bad idea to inject BillyBear
BILLYHULK SMASH PUNY PROJECT PLAN!!!
Yeah smash it billyHulk.
The effects of the untested, never been tried anti-denial drug went horribly wrong transforming him into the incredible billyHulk. We've constructed a special cage to contain him but it wont last long. As his rage increases so does his power... there were other unforeseen side effects.
billyHulk DESTROY STOOPID CAGEYes, billyHulk has become The Incredible Shrinking billyHulk just like poor Scott Carey except he's a hulk and all. At the labs we've tried everything but really there's nothing we can do.
BillyBear...
BillyHULK!
BillyHulk will soon fade away to nothing, ceaselessly battling increasingly smaller problems that beset him until he's... just... gone.
Sure he's always been a bit concerned with his height. As a carebear he towered in at four feet. He's about half that now. He tried to compensate by invading Poland, but honestly, who hasn't invaded Poland if they wanted to. And he's always been so filled with compassion and love...
BILLYHULK HATE LOVE!
that we hope you can return some of it as we know you will. Showing your concern and kindness as only you can.
As his rage at his RealWorld problems (very bad news on another very close relative there) and work noticing him coupled with MsTara baring her legal fangs and jem (one of his closest allies at one point, giving him the "back door route" for the conquest of lucky's blog providing hers was spared) pointlessly suing him... well last Friday's BattleStar and his inability to hook up with Princess along with lucky's mindless love of PCs was just too much.
As billyHulk's rage increases so does his power but he also shrinks. We've managed to slow the rate of shrinkage by allowing him to destroy small lego cities. He gets so confused, thinking since he's green...
billyHulkZilla DESTROY SAN FRANCISCO!!!that he's Godzilla. He usually urps allover the city thinking some radioactive fire will come out before smashing it to pieces. Then the roboMittens come in and rebuild it during his nap.
So cut him some slack. There's only one thing left to try, one thing left that might save him, the one pleasure he's denied himself for months.
Princess Grace
Lucky, jem, banky and pantysue each of you have recently been enveloped in the sweet caress of Princess Grace. Billy too wished for a little sugar only to have those wishes crushed by shitty BattleStar writers and RealWorld events. If a similar fate awaits him this Friday then...
Well we also have a few comments to recent comments in the blog.
Erratum
Lucky with regards to Imagine we've always preferred BillyBear's version:
Imagine no possessions,
Said the multi-millionaire
but your mileage may vary. Billy has always been a tad cynical about being lectured by idiots from Lennon to Al Gore. Now Lennon was a fine musician and Billy enjoys quite a bit of his music but Imagine particularly sticks in his craw and don't EVER think he wont stop giving you shit about it.
jem, a lawsuit over Across the Universe lyrics? REALLY? Well we suggest you sue these folk and leave the Assassin out of it but what's another lawsuit? Take a number.
billyHulk SMASH silly roboMittens!
Gotta go ...
mittens
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Temperature Rising...
Well that's just super! First Battle Star Galactica blew beets all over the screen. If lucky is looking for the definition of gay he should look no further then a Lee Adama episode. If that fucking Hamlet Handwringer can bring down a character as cool as Romo Lampkin then...
GROAN I'm getting angry...
I'm really upset! Then I had to spend half the night on the phone with the Law Offices of Wolfram and Hart listening to their endless whining about poor MsTara's delusions. You are SUCH a Vampire MsTara and we are SO staking you!!!
DAMMIT
And then not only was it the arguably the suckiest Battle Star EVER Natalie died.
poor dead Natalie killed by MsTara's and jem's indifference!
ARRRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
When I finally hook up with Princess in IM well it's too late for Billy. Not Princess' fault.
BILLY HAS NEEDS!
She signed off her IM with, "It looks like another week of denial poor baby ::giggle::"
Another week? And I had such a shitty one at work and now jem, lucky and even pantysue are either suing or giving me shit. Fourteen days? That would be a record for billy. I totally imploded at thirteen last time. I mean Princess had to deal with me SPECIAL!
GothGirl hand me that never been tested, we don't know what it does syringe. YES INJECT IT IN ME! It might give me strength to go fourteen days!
Honestly GothGirl you wouldn't like me when I'm in denial...
ARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH
What's happening???? NO! NO! It's enhancing the denial effects!!! It's jem's evil boobs fault! I will so stake them too! NOOOOOO
Why jem, lucky, Tara vampire mean to billy?
billy MAD!
billyHulk SMASH jem's and lucky's puny blogs!!!!!!
Words are flying out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy
are drifting thorough my open mind
Possessing and caressing me
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
GROAN I'm getting angry...
I'm really upset! Then I had to spend half the night on the phone with the Law Offices of Wolfram and Hart listening to their endless whining about poor MsTara's delusions. You are SUCH a Vampire MsTara and we are SO staking you!!!
DAMMIT
And then not only was it the arguably the suckiest Battle Star EVER Natalie died.
poor dead Natalie killed by MsTara's and jem's indifference!ARRRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
When I finally hook up with Princess in IM well it's too late for Billy. Not Princess' fault.
BILLY HAS NEEDS!
She signed off her IM with, "It looks like another week of denial poor baby ::giggle::"
Another week? And I had such a shitty one at work and now jem, lucky and even pantysue are either suing or giving me shit. Fourteen days? That would be a record for billy. I totally imploded at thirteen last time. I mean Princess had to deal with me SPECIAL!
GothGirl hand me that never been tested, we don't know what it does syringe. YES INJECT IT IN ME! It might give me strength to go fourteen days!
Honestly GothGirl you wouldn't like me when I'm in denial...
ARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH
What's happening???? NO! NO! It's enhancing the denial effects!!! It's jem's evil boobs fault! I will so stake them too! NOOOOOO
Why jem, lucky, Tara vampire mean to billy?
billy MAD!
billyHulk SMASH jem's and lucky's puny blogs!!!!!!Words are flying out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy
are drifting thorough my open mind
Possessing and caressing me
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Friday, May 30, 2008
Succubi and Vampires - OH MY!
Princess Likes to Suc?
We're not sure what a succubus is but Princess admitted to being one at last night's TeaseTime. Wait for a second and we'll check with the all knowing internet and see if she needs a good staking like tragic MsTara. What are you talking about GothGirl? You're a succubus too? You take victims using a demonic sexual death trance Really??? NO WAY! Prove it girl!
Pretty convincing. Is it fun? Succubusing? It looks fun. We can see more naughty bits in glorious QuickTime? That's awfully kind of you GothGirl! Lucky is going to love (in the biblical sense) all the boots! What?! I have to wear black panties, boots and wear semi-automatic handguns on my freshly shaven hips whenever I go forth to battle 'the evil that never rests'? How about Winnie the Pooh panties in a manly blue? Evil hates Winnie the Pooh. I'm not much of a fan of black. Cool! Do these Glocks make my hips look fat?
Speaking of Succubi
I have a call set up with Princess tonight BIG GRIN.
What a Week!
Did you come out of Memorial Day thinking, cool, they put a cap in Monday so one day down, only to find out that noooooo they compressed Monday into the rest of the week so you have the same amount of work in less time? (work smarter BillyBear... ROLL) And then get viciously attacked by one of your best buddies simply because you dare to be proud of your Macintosh while simultaneously being sued by your other bestest pal simply because you reported the truth?! And then your other best friend is hurting so bad that it's been too long since we've heard from him and miss him in a total guy love way?
sigh
Me too.
This is one of my most favorite videos of all time. Lucky will probably pronounce it a Macintosh abomination and jem will figure out how to sue me over it. bitter oppressed sigh Peep it out, and relax - it's Friday :-)
We're not sure what a succubus is but Princess admitted to being one at last night's TeaseTime. Wait for a second and we'll check with the all knowing internet and see if she needs a good staking like tragic MsTara. What are you talking about GothGirl? You're a succubus too? You take victims using a demonic sexual death trance Really??? NO WAY! Prove it girl!
Pretty convincing. Is it fun? Succubusing? It looks fun. We can see more naughty bits in glorious QuickTime? That's awfully kind of you GothGirl! Lucky is going to love (in the biblical sense) all the boots! What?! I have to wear black panties, boots and wear semi-automatic handguns on my freshly shaven hips whenever I go forth to battle 'the evil that never rests'? How about Winnie the Pooh panties in a manly blue? Evil hates Winnie the Pooh. I'm not much of a fan of black. Cool! Do these Glocks make my hips look fat?
Speaking of Succubi
I have a call set up with Princess tonight BIG GRIN.
What a Week!
Did you come out of Memorial Day thinking, cool, they put a cap in Monday so one day down, only to find out that noooooo they compressed Monday into the rest of the week so you have the same amount of work in less time? (work smarter BillyBear... ROLL) And then get viciously attacked by one of your best buddies simply because you dare to be proud of your Macintosh while simultaneously being sued by your other bestest pal simply because you reported the truth?! And then your other best friend is hurting so bad that it's been too long since we've heard from him and miss him in a total guy love way?
sigh
Me too.
This is one of my most favorite videos of all time. Lucky will probably pronounce it a Macintosh abomination and jem will figure out how to sue me over it. bitter oppressed sigh Peep it out, and relax - it's Friday :-)
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Newspaper Biz
pantysue was meandering through a day or so ago and asked a very good question!
In our biz we have no friends. In order to shine the harsh light of objective truth and bring you the high quality of News (yes with a capital 'N') you've come to expect from The Occasional Assassin we can have no friends.
We're bummed out about it. On the staff we don't even like each other... much. And two of the three staff members are imaginary which means we don't like ourselves... OH! That reminds me to take my Thorazine! Screw it, I'm fine.
Glancing at our sidebar in a nervous, skittish way we see that pantysue has pointed out an artifact from a bygone era. A time when we had friends. We'll correct that oversight in due time.
Pantysue Continues to Run Amok
Imaginary sources close to the mysterious ('psoo'? best we can come up with is phone sex operator ophthalmologist) pantysue indicate that she's going to pierce herself with a railroad spike. In fact this railroad spike:
"It's been in the family since the well I don't know, but I know, well I think I heard somewhere great grandpa BraLoverLenny pulled it out of a railroad derailing a train carrying stuff which lead to a lot of noise... and..." pantysue trails off under mittens' doubtful glare, "OK, OK I bought it on eBay... quit staring at me!"
Pantysue, looking somewhat pensive but putting on a brave face and too much mascara said, "Once I ram this puppy through, that cage is never coming off! Ha jemmie! HA! HA! HA!"
In other pantsue news she's either gotten a boob job or is consumed with, how you say? wishful thinking but she's asking for breast form sizes so she can wear a third world bra where they can't afford cups. What are breast forms? We thought you were a serious sissy pantsue and got the boob job since you were doing the spike thing and the needles and stuff now we have to retract the first sentence of this paragraph and we don't want to - too much work so get the boob job you sissy you and pert ones that might be explainable in the locker room!
Bankyboo Dishes
Well bankyboo decided to let us know what perversions he's been indulging in of late and managed to get caged again to boot. Check it out! One particular comment gave us pause:
i mostly ended up with a little mess on my tummy before pulling my diaper back up over my little sissy cock
Diaper? The reason I somewhat nervously bring it up is that I recently turned fifty and note that banky's 'About Me' section informs me that he's fifty-six. So I'm nervously asking, uh, banky this is a turn on thing for you right? The diaper? Because... well... anyway I hope that's what it is! Feel free to lie to me if necessary!
jem Finally Posts About Last Thursday's TeaseTime
Well, about time. Anyway jem is suing us apparently. For slander. ROLL. We'd say more about the post but since we're getting sueeeeeeeed.
Sticks tongue out at jem...
And just what does a pet have to do to get on your friends list?
In our biz we have no friends. In order to shine the harsh light of objective truth and bring you the high quality of News (yes with a capital 'N') you've come to expect from The Occasional Assassin we can have no friends.
We're bummed out about it. On the staff we don't even like each other... much. And two of the three staff members are imaginary which means we don't like ourselves... OH! That reminds me to take my Thorazine! Screw it, I'm fine.
Glancing at our sidebar in a nervous, skittish way we see that pantysue has pointed out an artifact from a bygone era. A time when we had friends. We'll correct that oversight in due time.
Pantysue Continues to Run Amok
Imaginary sources close to the mysterious ('psoo'? best we can come up with is phone sex operator ophthalmologist) pantysue indicate that she's going to pierce herself with a railroad spike. In fact this railroad spike:
"It's been in the family since the well I don't know, but I know, well I think I heard somewhere great grandpa BraLoverLenny pulled it out of a railroad derailing a train carrying stuff which lead to a lot of noise... and..." pantysue trails off under mittens' doubtful glare, "OK, OK I bought it on eBay... quit staring at me!"Pantysue, looking somewhat pensive but putting on a brave face and too much mascara said, "Once I ram this puppy through, that cage is never coming off! Ha jemmie! HA! HA! HA!"
In other pantsue news she's either gotten a boob job or is consumed with, how you say? wishful thinking but she's asking for breast form sizes so she can wear a third world bra where they can't afford cups. What are breast forms? We thought you were a serious sissy pantsue and got the boob job since you were doing the spike thing and the needles and stuff now we have to retract the first sentence of this paragraph and we don't want to - too much work so get the boob job you sissy you and pert ones that might be explainable in the locker room!
Bankyboo Dishes
Well bankyboo decided to let us know what perversions he's been indulging in of late and managed to get caged again to boot. Check it out! One particular comment gave us pause:
i mostly ended up with a little mess on my tummy before pulling my diaper back up over my little sissy cock
Diaper? The reason I somewhat nervously bring it up is that I recently turned fifty and note that banky's 'About Me' section informs me that he's fifty-six. So I'm nervously asking, uh, banky this is a turn on thing for you right? The diaper? Because... well... anyway I hope that's what it is! Feel free to lie to me if necessary!
jem Finally Posts About Last Thursday's TeaseTime
Well, about time. Anyway jem is suing us apparently. For slander. ROLL. We'd say more about the post but since we're getting sueeeeeeeed.
Sticks tongue out at jem...
Friday, May 23, 2008
Weekend - Enjoy the Extra Day!
Yeah so I've got this work thing going on and all you BASTARDS decide today is a good day to post.
sigh
SIGH
So now I have to rush about and get something out! Sheesh.
So let's get ON IT!
Sullen Reviews
Well thank God V decided to stroll into work today to pick up her paycheck so that I could uh remind her of exactly WHY she's getting paid! Sheesh, teenagers! She reviews several films (Juno, Sweeny Todd, Hard Candy, 27 Dresses, and Fallen - not bad V!) and I'll leave it to the reader to figure out how to actually read them. Put your thinking caps on and check it out. When you're done with that read her poems, they're quite good really! And after that cut your wrists - V would respect you.
Bankyboo Remembers
He's remembered his password and then puts up this sorta teasy post wondering if we'd be interested in some of his calls. Hmmmmm banky, leave the teasing to the professionals and DISH! Also check out soon to be pierced pantysue's Ode to Banky in the comments section.
Lucky's Enthrallment Continues
Yep, he's still fixated on that map even with my legions poised on his borders he continues to fiddle while Rome starts to burn. In what must feel a lot like drinking a mess-o-saltpeter before your Princess call he first shows there is no electricity in Africa before wanting us to send refurbished computers to them for porn. Huh? Are they solar powered? Princess comments that a non profit should be formed to "Give Africa The Internet Porn They Deserve!" Hmmmmm
The Occasional Assassin Forms Nonprofit to Aid Africa
We're proud to tell you that we've just formed a non profit to aid those in Africa called Give Africa The Internet Porn They Deserve! or GATIPTD for short! It's a lot like Live Aid but better! No whiny, spoiled rock stars for example! Send your money to The Occasional Assassin or gift us the money in Princess calls and we'll make sure those in Africa get what they deserve!
Why? Because we care! Think of the children! Give till it hurts you financial dom guys!
Jem Still Withholds TeaseTime Report
Lucky was saddened by this news but jem refuses to post about it until more of you give to GATIPTD. "It's the principal of the thing BillyBear" says an adamant jem.
Princess Wants You to Stop Touching the Monkeys (No, not the band though they're kinda old so ewwww)
In a heart rending video Princess Grace tries to warn us of the various issues facing us today. Though she remains strangely mum on the high cost of phone sex - go figure. She got two guys to sing a song about all of this madness in the world. Listen to them... yeah NOW!
An End to Hostilities
Finally I have to postpone the invasion of lucky's blog because I have this barbecue thing I gotta do. I'll try and get back to it next week, but work ya know? I hope you have lots of fun during this extended weekend and if you don't have a party to go to well drop by, I'll make room. Seriously. twiddles thumbs
sigh
SIGH
So now I have to rush about and get something out! Sheesh.
So let's get ON IT!
Sullen Reviews
Well thank God V decided to stroll into work today to pick up her paycheck so that I could uh remind her of exactly WHY she's getting paid! Sheesh, teenagers! She reviews several films (Juno, Sweeny Todd, Hard Candy, 27 Dresses, and Fallen - not bad V!) and I'll leave it to the reader to figure out how to actually read them. Put your thinking caps on and check it out. When you're done with that read her poems, they're quite good really! And after that cut your wrists - V would respect you.
Bankyboo Remembers
He's remembered his password and then puts up this sorta teasy post wondering if we'd be interested in some of his calls. Hmmmmm banky, leave the teasing to the professionals and DISH! Also check out soon to be pierced pantysue's Ode to Banky in the comments section.
Lucky's Enthrallment Continues
Yep, he's still fixated on that map even with my legions poised on his borders he continues to fiddle while Rome starts to burn. In what must feel a lot like drinking a mess-o-saltpeter before your Princess call he first shows there is no electricity in Africa before wanting us to send refurbished computers to them for porn. Huh? Are they solar powered? Princess comments that a non profit should be formed to "Give Africa The Internet Porn They Deserve!" Hmmmmm
The Occasional Assassin Forms Nonprofit to Aid Africa
We're proud to tell you that we've just formed a non profit to aid those in Africa called Give Africa The Internet Porn They Deserve! or GATIPTD for short! It's a lot like Live Aid but better! No whiny, spoiled rock stars for example! Send your money to The Occasional Assassin or gift us the money in Princess calls and we'll make sure those in Africa get what they deserve!
Why? Because we care! Think of the children! Give till it hurts you financial dom guys!
Jem Still Withholds TeaseTime Report
Lucky was saddened by this news but jem refuses to post about it until more of you give to GATIPTD. "It's the principal of the thing BillyBear" says an adamant jem.
Princess Wants You to Stop Touching the Monkeys (No, not the band though they're kinda old so ewwww)
In a heart rending video Princess Grace tries to warn us of the various issues facing us today. Though she remains strangely mum on the high cost of phone sex - go figure. She got two guys to sing a song about all of this madness in the world. Listen to them... yeah NOW!
An End to Hostilities
Finally I have to postpone the invasion of lucky's blog because I have this barbecue thing I gotta do. I'll try and get back to it next week, but work ya know? I hope you have lots of fun during this extended weekend and if you don't have a party to go to well drop by, I'll make room. Seriously. twiddles thumbs
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
I mean WTF?
Well I don't know which of you rat bastards spilled the beans but I have been noticed, yes NOTICED at work. Darn it! Work was 'me' time and now it's, "Where's that review BillyBear?" and "What's the project status of blah?" and "I need that goddamned report yesterday or the very wheels of the corporation will grind to a halt even though I've never heard of server transaction rates across the network before!" and the dreaded, "Are you giving me 'the eye' BillyBear?"
Well I need a plan of attack if they're actually expecting me to get this crap done. A methodology would be nice to make sure that I'm focused and in tune with the corporate mission statement whatever the heck that is. Let me look...
We want to help people.
We do? When did that sappy crap happen? I thought we wanted to make money hand over fist. I know I do. My mission statement is 'Don't get your ass fired, you need that insurance copay!'
What to do? This book should help me become more productive in the work place and at home! Yeah, I'll have to study that for a few days and make sure I'm doing it right, probably need some software to help keep track of my deep thoughts. OH! And less stress??? Cause I'm kinda stressing right now. So I'm going to hunker down in my cubicle and read this thing and when people walk by they'll see me reading this thing and be comforted by the fact that BillyBear is on it! And if I stay on it! long enough eventually I'll be permitted to slide back down off of everyone's radar into the warm, pee filled pool of anonymity.
So I wont be able to keep up my typical break neck speed in the posting arena delivering to you the in depth, quality news as often as you've come to expect. It would be a BIG help if you SOBs would get noticed at your jobs too so that the likely hood of anyone posting interesting things would go down.
Super! I just got a paper cut. GothGirl would you fill out this disability form? This cut is keeping me from doing my job.
Lucky's Peaceful Easy Feeling
Well someone forgot to lock the door and lucky got into the medicine again. He's been looking over Princess' visitors map and noted she's getting quite a few hits from war torn uptight countries. Then he gets sorta misty about peace breaking out all over the place not realizing he's shot himself in the foot right off the bat. Lucky, if President Bush and Condie are tying up Princess' time how is she going to enslave others? Huh?
Anyway we appreciate the sentiment but if we don't finish our bi-weekly-monthly status update our manager is going to throw such a hissy! Which are kinda fun to watch but not when directed at yours truly.
Pierced Chaste Feeling His Oats
As you know we tend to keep an eye on chaste and his musings. I only know him through the chatroom and he seems like a nice enough bloke but I'm not sure what he meant by this:
One thing i have been thinking about - if one takes submission to a logical conclusion, the sub should request, in fact beg, for this treatment [P/A piercing] from his Mistress.
Really??? And if the sub doesn't request/beg for this treatment are they less of a sub? That's the inference I'm getting from the statement. Anyway I disagree. I think it's between the sub and the Mistress on 'level of devotion' and what works best for them. I will make the assumption that each Mistress/sub pairing is unique and so what works for one sub might not work for another. I guess I would have felt better if you had some sort of 'for me' inclusion in your statement above.
As written it reads like you're throwing down the gauntlet and assuming the oxymoronic title of 'King Sub' if no one else opts for this P/A piercing thing. I'm relatively certain that's not what you intended chaste but I can see pantysue over there nervously picking up a railroad spike to keep her cage on more securely and take her submission to its logical conclusion with Princess.
Is this how subs fight?
For Those of You Into Panty Pics
Enjoy!
MsTara Sighting!
Word on the street is that MsTara has returned from rehab or someplace. We can't recall, we seem to have forgotten something important about her, what was it? Oh well I have a very important email to write... bitter sigh
Princess Continues Settling Down Uptight Countries
Lucky once again staring into the abyss of Princess' pet map has noticed further outbreak of well something and has called it a trend. Something to do with peace or Turkey. Check it out and let me know if you can make heads or tails of it but he seems to think Princess is calming these boys down and in his comment section it appears that MsGrace agrees.
NewsFlash: The Occasional Assassin Invades Poland!
Reich Marshal BillyBear reports a successful blitzkrieg into Poland and is now marching on Lucky Bastard's blog, "Ace was a pushover, being sick and all. He probably doesn't even know we're there. PantyPlastyBankysue's blog fell in seconds after Warsaw's collapse. Once we take out lucky we'll move on jem's blog, she's tougher than she looks unless we catch her in those ballet boots. We're not worried about bankyboo until he remembers his password. Timing is everything in war!"
Screaming into a microphone Das Furry Reich Marshal BillyBear said, "We'll continue to march on blogs and act like uptight assholes until someone comes over and settles us down!" He stared pointedly at Princess Grace before sticking his tongue out at her.
Check out MY map lucky!
Well I need a plan of attack if they're actually expecting me to get this crap done. A methodology would be nice to make sure that I'm focused and in tune with the corporate mission statement whatever the heck that is. Let me look...
We want to help people.
We do? When did that sappy crap happen? I thought we wanted to make money hand over fist. I know I do. My mission statement is 'Don't get your ass fired, you need that insurance copay!'
What to do? This book should help me become more productive in the work place and at home! Yeah, I'll have to study that for a few days and make sure I'm doing it right, probably need some software to help keep track of my deep thoughts. OH! And less stress??? Cause I'm kinda stressing right now. So I'm going to hunker down in my cubicle and read this thing and when people walk by they'll see me reading this thing and be comforted by the fact that BillyBear is on it! And if I stay on it! long enough eventually I'll be permitted to slide back down off of everyone's radar into the warm, pee filled pool of anonymity.
So I wont be able to keep up my typical break neck speed in the posting arena delivering to you the in depth, quality news as often as you've come to expect. It would be a BIG help if you SOBs would get noticed at your jobs too so that the likely hood of anyone posting interesting things would go down.
Super! I just got a paper cut. GothGirl would you fill out this disability form? This cut is keeping me from doing my job.
Lucky's Peaceful Easy Feeling
Well someone forgot to lock the door and lucky got into the medicine again. He's been looking over Princess' visitors map and noted she's getting quite a few hits from war torn uptight countries. Then he gets sorta misty about peace breaking out all over the place not realizing he's shot himself in the foot right off the bat. Lucky, if President Bush and Condie are tying up Princess' time how is she going to enslave others? Huh?
Anyway we appreciate the sentiment but if we don't finish our bi-weekly-monthly status update our manager is going to throw such a hissy! Which are kinda fun to watch but not when directed at yours truly.
Pierced Chaste Feeling His Oats
As you know we tend to keep an eye on chaste and his musings. I only know him through the chatroom and he seems like a nice enough bloke but I'm not sure what he meant by this:
One thing i have been thinking about - if one takes submission to a logical conclusion, the sub should request, in fact beg, for this treatment [P/A piercing] from his Mistress.
Really??? And if the sub doesn't request/beg for this treatment are they less of a sub? That's the inference I'm getting from the statement. Anyway I disagree. I think it's between the sub and the Mistress on 'level of devotion' and what works best for them. I will make the assumption that each Mistress/sub pairing is unique and so what works for one sub might not work for another. I guess I would have felt better if you had some sort of 'for me' inclusion in your statement above.
As written it reads like you're throwing down the gauntlet and assuming the oxymoronic title of 'King Sub' if no one else opts for this P/A piercing thing. I'm relatively certain that's not what you intended chaste but I can see pantysue over there nervously picking up a railroad spike to keep her cage on more securely and take her submission to its logical conclusion with Princess.
Is this how subs fight?
For Those of You Into Panty Pics
Enjoy!
MsTara Sighting!
Word on the street is that MsTara has returned from rehab or someplace. We can't recall, we seem to have forgotten something important about her, what was it? Oh well I have a very important email to write... bitter sigh
Princess Continues Settling Down Uptight Countries
Lucky once again staring into the abyss of Princess' pet map has noticed further outbreak of well something and has called it a trend. Something to do with peace or Turkey. Check it out and let me know if you can make heads or tails of it but he seems to think Princess is calming these boys down and in his comment section it appears that MsGrace agrees.
NewsFlash: The Occasional Assassin Invades Poland!
Reich Marshal BillyBear reports a successful blitzkrieg into Poland and is now marching on Lucky Bastard's blog, "Ace was a pushover, being sick and all. He probably doesn't even know we're there. PantyPlastyBankysue's blog fell in seconds after Warsaw's collapse. Once we take out lucky we'll move on jem's blog, she's tougher than she looks unless we catch her in those ballet boots. We're not worried about bankyboo until he remembers his password. Timing is everything in war!"
Screaming into a microphone Das Furry Reich Marshal BillyBear said, "We'll continue to march on blogs and act like uptight assholes until someone comes over and settles us down!" He stared pointedly at Princess Grace before sticking his tongue out at her.
Check out MY map lucky!Monday, May 19, 2008
Take Care Ace!
Well after our our weekend we're pretty tired so we appreciate everyone not posting much this weekend while we try to recover.
Ace is apparently having problems and we wish him a quick and speedy recovery! We suspect it has to do with his trying concentrating on lucky's dinky Wank Picture of the Moment. We too have found ourselves, x-ray goggles pulled down, eyes inches from the monitor trying to get a better looksee at what currently is occupying his, um, fancy. Lucky calls his hand fancy right? Like banky calls his Fist of Fury? When did everyone name their hand? Mine is just called hand which is really boring!
In all seriousness though we hope ace can get on top of this headache thing in a hurry and get better! He's always missed when not about!
Chaste4MsCass Takes Another Step
Towards his total enslavement. I don't really understand it, meaning exactly how this is suppose to work but chaste gave further explanation and apparently once this chastity device is in place it will take a scalpel to remove it (or a key from MsCassandra which I've formed the impression is statistically less likely). CRINGE - we told you that chaste plays hardcore and I wish him well. I've got an old dissection kit with a scalpel (might have some dried frog guts on it) laying about if chaste needs it! We at the Occasional Assassin have got your back chaste!
News Flash: Lucky Spanks the Monkey
OK, Okaaaayyy it's a slow news day and that's not really news - sigh
Sleepy jem Phones in Tease Time Report
Well she did. Read it and tell me I'm wrong. Lucky isn't going to like this jem, nope. You're in big trouble now missy!!!
Ace is apparently having problems and we wish him a quick and speedy recovery! We suspect it has to do with his trying concentrating on lucky's dinky Wank Picture of the Moment. We too have found ourselves, x-ray goggles pulled down, eyes inches from the monitor trying to get a better looksee at what currently is occupying his, um, fancy. Lucky calls his hand fancy right? Like banky calls his Fist of Fury? When did everyone name their hand? Mine is just called hand which is really boring!
In all seriousness though we hope ace can get on top of this headache thing in a hurry and get better! He's always missed when not about!
Chaste4MsCass Takes Another Step
Towards his total enslavement. I don't really understand it, meaning exactly how this is suppose to work but chaste gave further explanation and apparently once this chastity device is in place it will take a scalpel to remove it (or a key from MsCassandra which I've formed the impression is statistically less likely). CRINGE - we told you that chaste plays hardcore and I wish him well. I've got an old dissection kit with a scalpel (might have some dried frog guts on it) laying about if chaste needs it! We at the Occasional Assassin have got your back chaste!
News Flash: Lucky Spanks the Monkey
OK, Okaaaayyy it's a slow news day and that's not really news - sigh
Sleepy jem Phones in Tease Time Report
Well she did. Read it and tell me I'm wrong. Lucky isn't going to like this jem, nope. You're in big trouble now missy!!!
Friday, May 16, 2008
Envy
We're consumed with it at the moment. Well what is it? Wikipedia informs us that, Envy may be defined as an emotion that "occurs when a person lacks another’s superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it."
YAWN - I'm sorry what were you saying professor? Anyway we're picture people and this pretty much summed it up for us:
Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. So what are we envious about? Well there's this:
The Occasional Assassin's Recent Visitors after one week
Princess Grace's Recent Visitors after twenty hours.
Go visit Princess' blog (particularly if you're from Africa, the former Soviet Union or Antarctica) though we suspect that all too soon her map will look like a pink nightmare. Click on the map, the close up is pretty cool!
We're also envious of the fact that lucky completely and totally scooped us, the prick! He has YouTube footage of jem stumbling around in those boots of hers. GAWD those things look painful!
Check it out! We'll just be over here in the hallway, wearing our coats and hanging out.
TeaseTime and a High FIVE!
We'll leave most of the details for jem but Princess dealt with a room full of horny ones and she kicked out not one, not two, not three, not four, but FIVE MP3s!!! She has everything from stroker to bondage sissy so we're certain you'll find something you like off this smorgasbord of perversion. On a minor note we got busted by Princess when we were a tad overzealous in keeping the MP3s coming having to admit we weren't actually listening to them at the time.
In unrelated news jbauling remained a horses ass. We fear there is no cure!
YAWN - I'm sorry what were you saying professor? Anyway we're picture people and this pretty much summed it up for us:
Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. So what are we envious about? Well there's this:
The Occasional Assassin's Recent Visitors after one week
Princess Grace's Recent Visitors after twenty hours.Go visit Princess' blog (particularly if you're from Africa, the former Soviet Union or Antarctica) though we suspect that all too soon her map will look like a pink nightmare. Click on the map, the close up is pretty cool!
We're also envious of the fact that lucky completely and totally scooped us, the prick! He has YouTube footage of jem stumbling around in those boots of hers. GAWD those things look painful!
Check it out! We'll just be over here in the hallway, wearing our coats and hanging out.
TeaseTime and a High FIVE!
We'll leave most of the details for jem but Princess dealt with a room full of horny ones and she kicked out not one, not two, not three, not four, but FIVE MP3s!!! She has everything from stroker to bondage sissy so we're certain you'll find something you like off this smorgasbord of perversion. On a minor note we got busted by Princess when we were a tad overzealous in keeping the MP3s coming having to admit we weren't actually listening to them at the time.
In unrelated news jbauling remained a horses ass. We fear there is no cure!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
The Man in the White Hat
From deep in the wastelands he heard the plaintive wails of pets in dire need of rescue! Pulling his white hat down across his brow he kicks his mighty steed 'Fist of Fury' into a full gallop and charges towards Trouble!
"Yah Fist of Fury YAH!!!"
A desert storm forms in front of him, attempting to thwart his way. While lightening bolts crash down from heaven and the wind screams into his face, The Man in the White Hat remains resolute charging onward, headfirst into the very teeth of Trouble!
Sitting on the edge of the wastelands, Jem watches her boobs continue to melt away while lucky fervently goes through his porn collection muttering, "Darn it, this picture use to always make me hard!" Their dark despair mingling with the approaching storm.
Their heads swivel in unison at the sounds of thundering hoofs of righteousness emerging from the heart of the wastelands, their hearts pound in trepidation. Suddenly he's there! Back-lit by crashing bolts of lightening, his mighty stallion rearing in the dark night is The Man in the White Hat!
"Whoa Fist of Fury, DOWN! I SAID DOWN!!!"
Jem feels her bra cups fill and her nipples harden with lust while lucky feels his manly member suddenly swell and throb as they lovingly gaze at the sight of The Man in the White Hat!
No, I said that wrong. Here let me try this:
Both jem and lucky feel the gypsy curse lift upon the sight of The Man in the White Hat.
Better? Everyone happy now? No panties in a bunch? Good because The Man in the White Hat has no time for this bullshit, he has more pressing demands. Gazing down from his proud beast he says, "Do either of you mopey bastards know where I can find Princess Grace? I've been lost in the wastelands riding my Fist of Fury for almost a year and bankyboo has needs!"
Both pets point in the direction of Princess' castle.
And that boys and girls is how banky came back!
Crawling Through the Wreckage
Jem, who's not our fashion consultant (glares at way overdue on her deadline Teen Fashion Reporter V - hey where is she? Overslept? Again?!) reports on 'the look' that is now sweeping the nation. Jem informs us that this is "more difficult than it looks."
REALLY??!! Because honestly it already looks quite hellish!
To further reinforce her argument jem states, "I could walk a few more steps before collapsing and having to crawl the rest of the way to the kitchen or bathroom and back." Now we feel compelled to just jump right past jem on this one and go straight to mom.
Princess it would be so wonderful if jem would provide YouTube footage of jem doing this! Don't you think so too? It's been a long week for all of us and we (particularly cranky lucky) could use a good chuckle or even a chortle, and what better way then to watch jem careening around her house crashing into furniture while desperately trying to get to the potty in time? Visualize it Princess ... pleassssssseeeee!
Lucky's Big Hissy (Day 6)
Showing no signs of letting it go lucky continues to claim that jem and I are bigger perverts than he is. Showing an unauthorized porno I stared in back when I was in college innocuously singing, "C is for... copulation, that's good enough for me!" - look it was a more innocent age back then. Lucky struck a low blow accusing us, US! of censorship! At least we think so but we were only half reading, we kept getting distracted by his Wank Pic of the Moment. But he's right, we obfuscated by editing out a few details of our conversations with Princess because to let you read the unedited transcript would shatter your puny minds! Look, we're responsible adults here and no one wants to see some traumatized nimrod stumbling around the coffee station tomorrow with a wrecked mind, it's Friday for crying out loud! We wont let you lay that at our feet!
::shrug:: Anyway banky's back. We're all pikers next to that dude, I mean WOW!
The things I've seen, the things I've done... since coming here...
The horror ... the horror ...
"Yah Fist of Fury YAH!!!"
A desert storm forms in front of him, attempting to thwart his way. While lightening bolts crash down from heaven and the wind screams into his face, The Man in the White Hat remains resolute charging onward, headfirst into the very teeth of Trouble!
Sitting on the edge of the wastelands, Jem watches her boobs continue to melt away while lucky fervently goes through his porn collection muttering, "Darn it, this picture use to always make me hard!" Their dark despair mingling with the approaching storm.
Their heads swivel in unison at the sounds of thundering hoofs of righteousness emerging from the heart of the wastelands, their hearts pound in trepidation. Suddenly he's there! Back-lit by crashing bolts of lightening, his mighty stallion rearing in the dark night is The Man in the White Hat!
"Whoa Fist of Fury, DOWN! I SAID DOWN!!!"Jem feels her bra cups fill and her nipples harden with lust while lucky feels his manly member suddenly swell and throb as they lovingly gaze at the sight of The Man in the White Hat!
No, I said that wrong. Here let me try this:
Both jem and lucky feel the gypsy curse lift upon the sight of The Man in the White Hat.
Better? Everyone happy now? No panties in a bunch? Good because The Man in the White Hat has no time for this bullshit, he has more pressing demands. Gazing down from his proud beast he says, "Do either of you mopey bastards know where I can find Princess Grace? I've been lost in the wastelands riding my Fist of Fury for almost a year and bankyboo has needs!"
Both pets point in the direction of Princess' castle.
Hi-Ho Fist of Fury - AWAY!
And that boys and girls is how banky came back!
Crawling Through the Wreckage
Jem, who's not our fashion consultant (glares at way overdue on her deadline Teen Fashion Reporter V - hey where is she? Overslept? Again?!) reports on 'the look' that is now sweeping the nation. Jem informs us that this is "more difficult than it looks."
REALLY??!! Because honestly it already looks quite hellish!
To further reinforce her argument jem states, "I could walk a few more steps before collapsing and having to crawl the rest of the way to the kitchen or bathroom and back." Now we feel compelled to just jump right past jem on this one and go straight to mom.
Princess it would be so wonderful if jem would provide YouTube footage of jem doing this! Don't you think so too? It's been a long week for all of us and we (particularly cranky lucky) could use a good chuckle or even a chortle, and what better way then to watch jem careening around her house crashing into furniture while desperately trying to get to the potty in time? Visualize it Princess ... pleassssssseeeee!
Lucky's Big Hissy (Day 6)
Showing no signs of letting it go lucky continues to claim that jem and I are bigger perverts than he is. Showing an unauthorized porno I stared in back when I was in college innocuously singing, "C is for... copulation, that's good enough for me!" - look it was a more innocent age back then. Lucky struck a low blow accusing us, US! of censorship! At least we think so but we were only half reading, we kept getting distracted by his Wank Pic of the Moment. But he's right, we obfuscated by editing out a few details of our conversations with Princess because to let you read the unedited transcript would shatter your puny minds! Look, we're responsible adults here and no one wants to see some traumatized nimrod stumbling around the coffee station tomorrow with a wrecked mind, it's Friday for crying out loud! We wont let you lay that at our feet!
::shrug:: Anyway banky's back. We're all pikers next to that dude, I mean WOW!
The things I've seen, the things I've done... since coming here...
The horror ... the horror ...Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Princess Grace is a TROUBLEMAKER!
Well it's true. With just (we'd guess) no more than forty strokes of her 'refresh button' Princess Grace pushed The Occasional Assassin right over the edge last night.
We deeply regret the mess!
Sorry! Sorry everybody, we'll clean it up right after our much needed and well deserved nap!
Now we only have to see if jem's boobs fell off and lucky bastard has to change his name to limp bastard OR if bankyboo comes back rolls eyes.
In unrelated news not a roll of duct tape or a pill of Viagra can be found in town.
Princess Denies Class Asserts Confusion and Drug Abuse at Assassin
In an exchange in the comment section of this newspaper Princess Grace questioned her classiness. When confronted with the hard facts and harsh truth that no matter what she does 'class' is all over her like 'vampire' is all over MsTara and no number baths is ever going to wash it off, do you know what she did? She blushed! SHE DID, SHE DID - check it out!
"I am so NOT blushing!" says blushing Princess
Princess Seen Naked Cavorting in Jem's Blog!
Continuing to cause Trouble (yes with a capital 'T') Princess frolicked over in jem's blog doing a naked dance interpretation of Crank That (Soulja Boy). Which we caught on tape!
According to eye witnesses jem got so excited she ran smack into her blog causing her to black out and miss the whole thing! Awwwww Poor Baby!
Boobless jem could not be reached for comment.
Guess What? We're Getting Pissed Off!
There seems to be some coded exchange going on between the Trouble Making Princess and boobless jem. One will say, "guess what?" and a little while later the other reply, "Oh... guess what?" Well WHAT ALREADY? We're pretty sure there's some sort of coded message going on here and have assigned a decryption team to figure it out. We think it's in the inflection and is a cross between Mandarin and Navajo - which is realy quite crafty when you think about it.
Lucky Reports Morning Woodie
Uh huh, prove it - on webcam please. V, you look.
Lucky's 'Snit' Continues
After throwing a major hissy about accusations of being too pervy and sulking off lucky posted about his latest Princess call. Check it out and let's all back off him until he settles down a bit and gets back to posting like he should! Lucky's trying to make the case that we're just as pervy as he is. Dude! AS IF!
Careful - It's a Trap!
We noticed right before we went to press that Princess posted one of her games. She gives a great explination of it - and it is fun, particularly her replies. We've always been forthcoming in our replies but with Princess ANY reply will A) be remembered for all time and B) will be sprung on you at a time when it will produce the most fun for her in particular but you too. So keep it in mind and play balls out you pansies :-)
"So Billy tell me more about the naughty [DELETED] and why you want to call me [EXPUNGED] it does seem to excite you so, doesn't it you little [ERASED]! PUFF PUFF PUFF" evil evil wicked wicked giggles
We deeply regret the mess!
Sorry! Sorry everybody, we'll clean it up right after our much needed and well deserved nap!
Now we only have to see if jem's boobs fell off and lucky bastard has to change his name to limp bastard OR if bankyboo comes back rolls eyes.
In unrelated news not a roll of duct tape or a pill of Viagra can be found in town.
Princess Denies Class Asserts Confusion and Drug Abuse at Assassin
In an exchange in the comment section of this newspaper Princess Grace questioned her classiness. When confronted with the hard facts and harsh truth that no matter what she does 'class' is all over her like 'vampire' is all over MsTara and no number baths is ever going to wash it off, do you know what she did? She blushed! SHE DID, SHE DID - check it out!
"I am so NOT blushing!" says blushing PrincessPrincess Seen Naked Cavorting in Jem's Blog!
Continuing to cause Trouble (yes with a capital 'T') Princess frolicked over in jem's blog doing a naked dance interpretation of Crank That (Soulja Boy). Which we caught on tape!
According to eye witnesses jem got so excited she ran smack into her blog causing her to black out and miss the whole thing! Awwwww Poor Baby!
Boobless jem could not be reached for comment.
Guess What? We're Getting Pissed Off!
There seems to be some coded exchange going on between the Trouble Making Princess and boobless jem. One will say, "guess what?" and a little while later the other reply, "Oh... guess what?" Well WHAT ALREADY? We're pretty sure there's some sort of coded message going on here and have assigned a decryption team to figure it out. We think it's in the inflection and is a cross between Mandarin and Navajo - which is realy quite crafty when you think about it.
Lucky Reports Morning Woodie
Uh huh, prove it - on webcam please. V, you look.
Lucky's 'Snit' Continues
After throwing a major hissy about accusations of being too pervy and sulking off lucky posted about his latest Princess call. Check it out and let's all back off him until he settles down a bit and gets back to posting like he should! Lucky's trying to make the case that we're just as pervy as he is. Dude! AS IF!
Careful - It's a Trap!
We noticed right before we went to press that Princess posted one of her games. She gives a great explination of it - and it is fun, particularly her replies. We've always been forthcoming in our replies but with Princess ANY reply will A) be remembered for all time and B) will be sprung on you at a time when it will produce the most fun for her in particular but you too. So keep it in mind and play balls out you pansies :-)
"So Billy tell me more about the naughty [DELETED] and why you want to call me [EXPUNGED] it does seem to excite you so, doesn't it you little [ERASED]! PUFF PUFF PUFF" evil evil wicked wicked giggles
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
What Will Happen ... Next?
What will happen? I'm not sure...What do you mean you're not sure? You installed the damned thing!
Well it was awhile ago and I can't recall what the old gypsy woman said OK?! Google it, there has to be mention of it somewhere!
Nope, nothing under 'magical gypsy blog counters' except for this one dude's site who whacks off to them.
Sounds like a niche market to me.
Look, those outer two zeros are painted on with nail polish! What's going to happen if we actually hit 10,000? Armageddon? Will the counter simply null out or will life change as we know it?
I'm thinking more the latter.
WHY DIDN"T YOU GET THE EXTRA DIGITS?
LOOK I NEVER THOUGHT WE'D GET CLOSE TO 10,000 IN OUR LIFETIMES! And the extra digits cost more anyway.
How much more?
A dollar.
Well I guess it's all on you then huh captain cheap pants!
I feel bad, OK?! The gypsy said... oh it was ridiculous anyway...
What? What did the gypsy say?
She said if we ever hit 10,000 then jem's boobs would fall off and lucky wouldn't be able to get an erection or bankyboo would show up.
Poor lucky, poor jem. Uh oh - just ticked up again!
STOP READING US OK??!!! For the love of God!
Nervous giggle, wrings paws
Princess says 'Thankees': Well MsGrace posted a heartfelt thank you to everyone who celebrated her birthday. She also unzipped her trou making us hope (against our better judgment) that she intends to be very grateful indeed! Anyway that's just her being playful. Posting a nice thank you to all of us is just her being classy. So we'll be classy back, "You're welcome Princess!"
Monday, May 12, 2008
Settle Down You CRANKY Bastards!
So was your weekend filled with nebulous angst, screaming, smashed glassware, a knife fight and three visits from law enforcement... too? Mother's Day, it just gets better and better doesn't it?
Lucky threw up his hands Friday and accused everyone of murdering his character or something like that. AS IF! Look at our header lucky, we have nothing to do with mur... What is it GothGirl? No, you're saying it wrong - enunciate! Look it's not assassin, that's not even a word. Sound it out like they taught you in grade school, it's ass-ass-in that game like duck-duck-goose except for adults.
Really??? Huh. Well then I guess we do have something to do with murder but only occasionally.
Keep Trying MsTara!
Sounding more and more like a busted spouse starting to over explain things MsTara denies being a vampire here, and here, and a major comment hissy here when she starts to realize no one is buying it! Now, suddenly, her vacation is upon her and sadly she must depart. We hope she has fun, word on the street is she's going to this place called Dark Side of the Moon where it's perpetual night. One wonders why?
And yes MsTara an observation that only a vampire would make, care bears have no necks! It's part of our superior Darwinian design. It makes us particularly adept at what we do, which is... uh...
The Bogart PantySue
We don't know how these things get started but somehow lucky and jem are under the impression that it would be best for all (meaning lucky and jem) if pantysue was to pay for the next four calls for lucky and jem or buy Princess a Ferrari whichever is cheapest. PantySue seems nonplussed by this and is conducting a full investigation of her staff on who might have leaked this idea, in the meantime she's ducking and weaving in jem's blog.
But what caught our eye here at the Assassin was the comment pantysue made in her own blog:
YOU FORGOT ABOUT HER???!!! DUDE! er Dude-ess you might as well spot-weld that cage on, it isn't going anywhere.
Jem's Freedom
Jemmie posted in her blog about Princess's awesome birthday bash and yakked about her freedom from the cage stumbling around singing Born Free before breaking down in sobs of relief. It really was quite moving! Princess are you caging her soon? Please? We're all humming Back in the Saddle Again over here :-)
NEWSFLASH: Jem's Tragic Final Farewell???
We were hitting the bong pretty hard having just won our first race in Drunk, Stoned Mario Kart Wii when our IM window popped open with a message from jemmie, "just posted." OK, we be-bop over and check it out. Mittens (who's a fast reader) immediately disappeared once she realized jem was involved in a lengthy IM with Princess while we at The Occasional Assassin continue to suffer, poor forgotten wretches that we are, adrift in a blogosphere of loneliness and... yeah I don't think Princess is buying it either.
So we read with growing alarm that Princess has jem on some 'Cum Your Way to a Healthy Heart' program. Part of it sounds quite aerobic like her 'walking in a bra in Texas' regimen. I wonder how much walking she'll get to do, pondering the wonder of nature between panicked sprints while being chased by threatened blooks, er blokes. Jem can handle that. No, the alarming thing, the mysterious thing, the thing that will require the full speculative power of The Occasional Assassin (after we stake MsTara of course) is that another pet embarked on some heart healthy regimen of Princess's (almost to the day) and a month later...
GASP! Darn it V, stop goosing me!
Lucky threw up his hands Friday and accused everyone of murdering his character or something like that. AS IF! Look at our header lucky, we have nothing to do with mur... What is it GothGirl? No, you're saying it wrong - enunciate! Look it's not assassin, that's not even a word. Sound it out like they taught you in grade school, it's ass-ass-in that game like duck-duck-goose except for adults.
Really??? Huh. Well then I guess we do have something to do with murder but only occasionally.
Keep Trying MsTara!
Sounding more and more like a busted spouse starting to over explain things MsTara denies being a vampire here, and here, and a major comment hissy here when she starts to realize no one is buying it! Now, suddenly, her vacation is upon her and sadly she must depart. We hope she has fun, word on the street is she's going to this place called Dark Side of the Moon where it's perpetual night. One wonders why?
And yes MsTara an observation that only a vampire would make, care bears have no necks! It's part of our superior Darwinian design. It makes us particularly adept at what we do, which is... uh...
The Bogart PantySue
We don't know how these things get started but somehow lucky and jem are under the impression that it would be best for all (meaning lucky and jem) if pantysue was to pay for the next four calls for lucky and jem or buy Princess a Ferrari whichever is cheapest. PantySue seems nonplussed by this and is conducting a full investigation of her staff on who might have leaked this idea, in the meantime she's ducking and weaving in jem's blog.
But what caught our eye here at the Assassin was the comment pantysue made in her own blog:
just don't do what i did and forget about Her for 3 weeks!
YOU FORGOT ABOUT HER???!!! DUDE! er Dude-ess you might as well spot-weld that cage on, it isn't going anywhere.
Jem's Freedom
Jemmie posted in her blog about Princess's awesome birthday bash and yakked about her freedom from the cage stumbling around singing Born Free before breaking down in sobs of relief. It really was quite moving! Princess are you caging her soon? Please? We're all humming Back in the Saddle Again over here :-)
NEWSFLASH: Jem's Tragic Final Farewell???
We were hitting the bong pretty hard having just won our first race in Drunk, Stoned Mario Kart Wii when our IM window popped open with a message from jemmie, "just posted." OK, we be-bop over and check it out. Mittens (who's a fast reader) immediately disappeared once she realized jem was involved in a lengthy IM with Princess while we at The Occasional Assassin continue to suffer, poor forgotten wretches that we are, adrift in a blogosphere of loneliness and... yeah I don't think Princess is buying it either.
So we read with growing alarm that Princess has jem on some 'Cum Your Way to a Healthy Heart' program. Part of it sounds quite aerobic like her 'walking in a bra in Texas' regimen. I wonder how much walking she'll get to do, pondering the wonder of nature between panicked sprints while being chased by threatened blooks, er blokes. Jem can handle that. No, the alarming thing, the mysterious thing, the thing that will require the full speculative power of The Occasional Assassin (after we stake MsTara of course) is that another pet embarked on some heart healthy regimen of Princess's (almost to the day) and a month later...
GASP! Darn it V, stop goosing me!
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Friday, May 09, 2008
IS tonydshrimp CAPTAIN TIGHTPANTS??!!
No. But who could pass up a headline like that? If you missed Princess's awesome TeaseTime Anniversary of Her Birthday Party then you missed a rare opportunity to see a shrimp blush and mutter, "I had no idea!" A lot. Don't worry, we took a pic for ya!
A mortified tonydshrimp on learning Captain Tightpants really exists!
PantySue's LIVING HELL
Again it was quite a party last night and we'll let jemmie do her job and recap it but we noticed before hand a lot of blogs lit up and there seemed to be some sort of group hug going on and forgiveness of pantysue's monstrous crimes. Of course we remained unmoved until we witnessed the true penalty for her actions!
Quality time with jbauling or however you spell that doofus's name. This one note wonder was placed in a darling blue dress, chained to pantysue and sent off to scrub all the castle floors with a toothbrush (one toothbrush, Princess said times were tight). Massive Shudders!
I guess Princess really is irked, pantysue. I thought she was going to merely cage you for a year or two but even ten minutes with jbauling would have me sharpening that toothbrush into a shiv and putting it to good use. If you decide to do so pantysue we'll look the other way and make sure the story that jbauling fell on the toothbrush forty-seven times is plausible. Probably due to his own self-destruction, we hear he's prone to that. Believe me no one is going to investigate this one too closely!
Does jbauling have a blog addy? Innocent look.
Lucky's Call
As we put The Assassin to bed yesterday lucky posted about his actual call so he wasn't that much of a teasing dick (still a bastard though). However the YouTube video was pulled or something. I'm certain lucky will fix it if he can - he has powers but that's a little teasy of him. You can kind of sorta make something out, even the x-ray goggles don't help. Anyway go read it and see how Princess and lucky understand each other!
Confrontation with the Vampire MsTara!
I had some time on my hands so went strolling through the chatrooms yesterday when I stumbled into the radio show room and who should be standing there in her full vampire glory but
And yes, yes, I might have screamed like a little girl and wet my pants a little before bolting from the room in blind terror (I was surprised!) but while I was taking a shower and changing into a fresh burka it occurred to me, "I AM a master of disguise!"
So I cautiously reentered the room as justSomeGuy to further study her habits. She immediately gave me some halfhearted backhand cuff (which really hurt) before heading off to her coffin. The poor dear having exhausted herself from examining penises all night long (somebody has to do it apparently - must be a union job), plus it was still twilight and she was groggy. You can tell when she's in her coffin because it looks like this:
MsTara - (On the phone)
I learned that magnus is one of her undead minions and Captain Tightpants (while he was Captain Tightpants) is not. Being the serious investigative reporter I am I managed to bring you this news and escape with my life!
How We Work
OK we can't say it enough. We don't work. We abhor work. If it doesn't fall into our laps well it can't interfere with us getting to the next level in Mario Super Galaxy can it? Maybe that headline should read, "How We Operate" but it's too much bother to go change it now.
Anyway when operating a newspaper of this magnitude you have to have something of a routine. We stumble in around 6AM, glare and tell each other to 'fuck off' until we get that first precious cup of coffee and then fire up google reader and check the blogs.
Then we sit down and make shit up kind of based off what we read, if it was interesting and have most of it done by 8AM when The Man shows up and makes us do our real jobs - the prick. Then we keep a IM window open for breaking news and an eye on google reader and if we have the time we make corrections or additions to The Assassin before setting its publication time to 10:01 PM Eastern and forget about it.
We will strive to keep that schedule, except for weekends, any listed holiday on the planet or if we just don't wanna! That's our commitment to YOU our nonpaying public!
For example we're stumbling through the blogs right now and lucky has made a couple, jem one and Princess is taking a breather (THANK GOD!) when we come across a comment lucky made over our banner name:
I have some suggestions:
The Intermittent Assasin
The Periodic Assasin
The Occasional Assassin
The Fitful Assassin
or
The Sporadic Assassin
Look up :-)
A mortified tonydshrimp on learning Captain Tightpants really exists!PantySue's LIVING HELL
Again it was quite a party last night and we'll let jemmie do her job and recap it but we noticed before hand a lot of blogs lit up and there seemed to be some sort of group hug going on and forgiveness of pantysue's monstrous crimes. Of course we remained unmoved until we witnessed the true penalty for her actions!
Quality time with jbauling or however you spell that doofus's name. This one note wonder was placed in a darling blue dress, chained to pantysue and sent off to scrub all the castle floors with a toothbrush (one toothbrush, Princess said times were tight). Massive Shudders!
I guess Princess really is irked, pantysue. I thought she was going to merely cage you for a year or two but even ten minutes with jbauling would have me sharpening that toothbrush into a shiv and putting it to good use. If you decide to do so pantysue we'll look the other way and make sure the story that jbauling fell on the toothbrush forty-seven times is plausible. Probably due to his own self-destruction, we hear he's prone to that. Believe me no one is going to investigate this one too closely!
Does jbauling have a blog addy? Innocent look.
Lucky's Call
As we put The Assassin to bed yesterday lucky posted about his actual call so he wasn't that much of a teasing dick (still a bastard though). However the YouTube video was pulled or something. I'm certain lucky will fix it if he can - he has powers but that's a little teasy of him. You can kind of sorta make something out, even the x-ray goggles don't help. Anyway go read it and see how Princess and lucky understand each other!
Confrontation with the Vampire MsTara!
I had some time on my hands so went strolling through the chatrooms yesterday when I stumbled into the radio show room and who should be standing there in her full vampire glory but
MsTara!!!
And yes, yes, I might have screamed like a little girl and wet my pants a little before bolting from the room in blind terror (I was surprised!) but while I was taking a shower and changing into a fresh burka it occurred to me, "I AM a master of disguise!"
So I cautiously reentered the room as justSomeGuy to further study her habits. She immediately gave me some halfhearted backhand cuff (which really hurt) before heading off to her coffin. The poor dear having exhausted herself from examining penises all night long (somebody has to do it apparently - must be a union job), plus it was still twilight and she was groggy. You can tell when she's in her coffin because it looks like this:
MsTara - (On the phone)
I learned that magnus is one of her undead minions and Captain Tightpants (while he was Captain Tightpants) is not. Being the serious investigative reporter I am I managed to bring you this news and escape with my life!
How We Work
OK we can't say it enough. We don't work. We abhor work. If it doesn't fall into our laps well it can't interfere with us getting to the next level in Mario Super Galaxy can it? Maybe that headline should read, "How We Operate" but it's too much bother to go change it now.
Anyway when operating a newspaper of this magnitude you have to have something of a routine. We stumble in around 6AM, glare and tell each other to 'fuck off' until we get that first precious cup of coffee and then fire up google reader and check the blogs.
Then we sit down and make shit up kind of based off what we read, if it was interesting and have most of it done by 8AM when The Man shows up and makes us do our real jobs - the prick. Then we keep a IM window open for breaking news and an eye on google reader and if we have the time we make corrections or additions to The Assassin before setting its publication time to 10:01 PM Eastern and forget about it.
We will strive to keep that schedule, except for weekends, any listed holiday on the planet or if we just don't wanna! That's our commitment to YOU our nonpaying public!
For example we're stumbling through the blogs right now and lucky has made a couple, jem one and Princess is taking a breather (THANK GOD!) when we come across a comment lucky made over our banner name:
I have some suggestions:
The Intermittent Assasin
The Periodic Assasin
The Occasional Assassin
The Fitful Assassin
or
The Sporadic Assassin
Look up :-)
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