IS tonydshrimp CAPTAIN TIGHTPANTS??!!

No. But who could pass up a headline like that? If you missed Princess's awesome TeaseTime Anniversary of Her Birthday Party then you missed a rare opportunity to see a shrimp blush and mutter, "I had no idea!" A lot. Don't worry, we took a pic for ya!

A mortified tonydshrimp on learning Captain Tightpants really exists!

PantySue's LIVING HELL

Again it was quite a party last night and we'll let jemmie do her job and recap it but we noticed before hand a lot of blogs lit up and there seemed to be some sort of group hug going on and forgiveness of pantysue's monstrous crimes. Of course we remained unmoved until we witnessed the true penalty for her actions!

Quality time with jbauling or however you spell that doofus's name. This one note wonder was placed in a darling blue dress, chained to pantysue and sent off to scrub all the castle floors with a toothbrush (one toothbrush, Princess said times were tight). Massive Shudders!

I guess Princess really is irked, pantysue. I thought she was going to merely cage you for a year or two but even ten minutes with jbauling would have me sharpening that toothbrush into a shiv and putting it to good use. If you decide to do so pantysue we'll look the other way and make sure the story that jbauling fell on the toothbrush forty-seven times is plausible. Probably due to his own self-destruction, we hear he's prone to that. Believe me no one is going to investigate this one too closely!

Does jbauling have a blog addy? Innocent look.

Lucky's Call

As we put The Assassin to bed yesterday lucky posted about his actual call so he wasn't that much of a teasing dick (still a bastard though). However the YouTube video was pulled or something. I'm certain lucky will fix it if he can - he has powers but that's a little teasy of him. You can kind of sorta make something out, even the x-ray goggles don't help. Anyway go read it and see how Princess and lucky understand each other!

Confrontation with the Vampire MsTara!

I had some time on my hands so went strolling through the chatrooms yesterday when I stumbled into the radio show room and who should be standing there in her full vampire glory but

MsTara!!!

And yes, yes, I might have screamed like a little girl and wet my pants a little before bolting from the room in blind terror (I was surprised!) but while I was taking a shower and changing into a fresh burka it occurred to me, "I AM a master of disguise!"

So I cautiously reentered the room as justSomeGuy to further study her habits. She immediately gave me some halfhearted backhand cuff (which really hurt) before heading off to her coffin. The poor dear having exhausted herself from examining penises all night long (somebody has to do it apparently - must be a union job), plus it was still twilight and she was groggy. You can tell when she's in her coffin because it looks like this:

MsTara - (On the phone)

I learned that magnus is one of her undead minions and Captain Tightpants (while he was Captain Tightpants) is not. Being the serious investigative reporter I am I managed to bring you this news and escape with my life!

How We Work

OK we can't say it enough. We don't work. We abhor work. If it doesn't fall into our laps well it can't interfere with us getting to the next level in Mario Super Galaxy can it? Maybe that headline should read, "How We Operate" but it's too much bother to go change it now.

Anyway when operating a newspaper of this magnitude you have to have something of a routine. We stumble in around 6AM, glare and tell each other to 'fuck off' until we get that first precious cup of coffee and then fire up google reader and check the blogs.

Then we sit down and make shit up kind of based off what we read, if it was interesting and have most of it done by 8AM when The Man shows up and makes us do our real jobs - the prick. Then we keep a IM window open for breaking news and an eye on google reader and if we have the time we make corrections or additions to The Assassin before setting its publication time to 10:01 PM Eastern and forget about it.

We will strive to keep that schedule, except for weekends, any listed holiday on the planet or if we just don't wanna! That's our commitment to YOU our nonpaying public!

For example we're stumbling through the blogs right now and lucky has made a couple, jem one and Princess is taking a breather (THANK GOD!) when we come across a comment lucky made over our banner name:

I have some suggestions:

The Intermittent Assasin
The Periodic Assasin
The Occasional Assassin
The Fitful Assassin
or
The Sporadic Assassin

Look up :-)