Is that a serious question? It's a news paper you dolt! A great man once said, "The truth is out there," and then stumbled around for nine years or so trying to find it. Waaaayyyy too much work for us! We decided that near-truth and flat out fabrication will suit everyone just fine.
Near-truth?
Here's an example. It's been fifty seven point five three eight days since Princess Grace last posted. Not that anyone is counting. That's just math, a fact. Where we come in is WHY hasn't she posted since the dawn of man? Has she lost her battle with the bottle, again?! Been traded into white slavery? Abducted by space aliens? If you think any of those answers are true then you would be WRONG! We at The Assassin know exactly why Princess Grace hasn't posted in fifty seven point five three eight days!
Why hasn't Princess Grace posted in fifty seven point five three eight days?
It's so easy, the answer is staring you right in the face! All we did was fire up Yahoo Messenger and ask her! The answer came back in seconds!
And what was the answer?
Nothing.
Nothing?
Yeah, don't you see! Princess Grace has forgotten how to type! She's incapable of replying!!! She can't IM, she can't post and it's the reason she was a no show at her own hosted chat last week! We've heard rumors that she's flying in an administrative assistant who actually CAN type, goes by the name of 'Ming' whether or not Ming makes it in time for tonight is a real nail-biter but we shall see, oh yes, we shall see!
What?
Exactly! You see the fifty seven point five three eight days since she's posted is truth, the she's forgotten how to type, well who knows? I don't, I just made it up on the spot. Mix the two together and you get a 'near-truth' which is a whole lot easier on everybody then banging on doors and trying to get to the bottom of things and acting like an asshole with a chip on his shoulder on some quest for 'truth' at some press conference.
What is the format of The Assassin?
Well it's not exactly formalized. They'll be stories that GothGirl, mittens and myself dig up filled with near truths and fabrications. Currently we're eying MsTara's blog. We're pretty sure she's using a ghost writer. I mean nobody in this biz is THAT lucid! Something is rotten in the state of Tea Time and we'll get to the bottom of it or pretend to when we get bored with her stonewalling. I'm also thinking of book and movie reviews the kind of fluff that keeps the females reading... how to crochet... you know that kind of crap.
Your slogan No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. Please help stop global whining! are... what?
Well they're bumper stickers and seem to fit the mission of The Assassin. If you don't take things too seriously we wont either and everyone knows what a real issue global whining has become.
GothGirl ponders the Global Whining crises!
GothGirl needs Chanix
ReplyDelete*A great man once said, "The truth is out there"*
ReplyDeleteIs he the same great guy who said that there was a sucker born every minute?
*she's flying in an administrative assistant who actually CAN type, goes by the name of 'Ming'*
After receiving no replies to my inquiries to the new administative assistant regarding whether or not Tease Time was gonna happen, I was relieved to see that Ming's flight was merely delayed. Since Princess attended Tease Time anyway, Ming's life will be spared for at least another week.
*Currently we're eying MsTara's blog. We're pretty sure she's using a ghost writer*
I heard that Miss Tara is installing one of those chairs with the metal seats that you can put hot coals under, and plans to use it on nosy newspaper reporters.
Have an oh so wonderful day...
little bitchass
GothGirl needs Chanix
ReplyDeleteIf she took that she might quit smoking which doesn't interest her since, as we all know, smoking is cool. It's really difficult to have that hard, edgy look when you're stuffing another nicorette into your mouth instead of casually lighting a Marlboro. You always end up looking pensive and those dudes get beat up - A LOT. Chewing tobacco is even worse because you look ridiculous in a bib. Yes, even you!
Have an oh so wonderful day...
No. I've been let down so many times by almost having a wonderful day that I just gave up on that 'sunny side of life' shtick. It's pointless Billy stares deeply into the abyss.
The last time I almost had a wonderful day MsTara & MsGrace plugged me. bitter sigh
I heard that Miss Tara is installing
pssssst She's a vampire you know!