Settle Down You CRANKY Bastards!

So was your weekend filled with nebulous angst, screaming, smashed glassware, a knife fight and three visits from law enforcement... too? Mother's Day, it just gets better and better doesn't it?

Lucky threw up his hands Friday and accused everyone of murdering his character or something like that. AS IF! Look at our header lucky, we have nothing to do with mur... What is it GothGirl? No, you're saying it wrong - enunciate! Look it's not assassin, that's not even a word. Sound it out like they taught you in grade school, it's ass-ass-in that game like duck-duck-goose except for adults.

Really??? Huh. Well then I guess we do have something to do with murder but only occasionally.

Keep Trying MsTara!

Sounding more and more like a busted spouse starting to over explain things MsTara denies being a vampire here, and here, and a major comment hissy here when she starts to realize no one is buying it! Now, suddenly, her vacation is upon her and sadly she must depart. We hope she has fun, word on the street is she's going to this place called Dark Side of the Moon where it's perpetual night. One wonders why?

And yes MsTara an observation that only a vampire would make, care bears have no necks! It's part of our superior Darwinian design. It makes us particularly adept at what we do, which is... uh...

The Bogart PantySue

We don't know how these things get started but somehow lucky and jem are under the impression that it would be best for all (meaning lucky and jem) if pantysue was to pay for the next four calls for lucky and jem or buy Princess a Ferrari whichever is cheapest. PantySue seems nonplussed by this and is conducting a full investigation of her staff on who might have leaked this idea, in the meantime she's ducking and weaving in jem's blog.

But what caught our eye here at the Assassin was the comment pantysue made in her own blog:

just don't do what i did and forget about Her for 3 weeks!

YOU FORGOT ABOUT HER???!!! DUDE! er Dude-ess you might as well spot-weld that cage on, it isn't going anywhere.

Jem's Freedom

Jemmie posted in her blog about Princess's awesome birthday bash and yakked about her freedom from the cage stumbling around singing Born Free before breaking down in sobs of relief. It really was quite moving! Princess are you caging her soon? Please? We're all humming Back in the Saddle Again over here :-)

NEWSFLASH: Jem's Tragic Final Farewell???

We were hitting the bong pretty hard having just won our first race in Drunk, Stoned Mario Kart Wii when our IM window popped open with a message from jemmie, "just posted." OK, we be-bop over and check it out. Mittens (who's a fast reader) immediately disappeared once she realized jem was involved in a lengthy IM with Princess while we at The Occasional Assassin continue to suffer, poor forgotten wretches that we are, adrift in a blogosphere of loneliness and... yeah I don't think Princess is buying it either.

So we read with growing alarm that Princess has jem on some 'Cum Your Way to a Healthy Heart' program. Part of it sounds quite aerobic like her 'walking in a bra in Texas' regimen. I wonder how much walking she'll get to do, pondering the wonder of nature between panicked sprints while being chased by threatened blooks, er blokes. Jem can handle that. No, the alarming thing, the mysterious thing, the thing that will require the full speculative power of The Occasional Assassin (after we stake MsTara of course) is that another pet embarked on some heart healthy regimen of Princess's (almost to the day) and a month later...

DISAPPEARED!!!

GASP! Darn it V, stop goosing me!