Hope

One of Princess's pets I consider more and more a friend and I so enjoy his playful banter and gentle readership. This comment of his, followed by the Princess's filled me with such hope. This will sound a little corny perhaps but I have a very dark side and we constantly battle. I can't really defeat it or come to terms with it because it's the nature of who I am. What I don't need is for it to overwhelm me but I need it there too, one aspect of it that comes to light is a lot of my humor comes from that space. Your mileage may very but I think I can be pretty funny at times.

You can see through this blog my constant struggle to express where I came from in Fantasy Land and where I'm going. Who I am. Billy's Brain is a rambly "quirky" place filled with good times, insecurities and well ... lots of other stuff. I can be difficult to follow when trying to communicate what's banging around inside this noggin.

Now I was a phone-sex slut for twenty years before finding MsGrace. I'm a little ashamed of that stat. I should probably join phone-sex-sluts anonymous but I've found something better.

Here.

I'm making good friends in cyberville. The best Mistress. I'm building a history here and I feel liked and "wuved" (which is a coded term to indicate love in Fantasy Land, that you haven't crossed over the two worlds which would be very bad).

A professional slut's life is lonely. You may not realize how lonely it can be. You look at your pictures, you get a little high or a little drunk or a little both. You get into whatever state you need to convince yourself to make the call. You talk to the girl about whatever fantasy is on your mind, you get off. Hang up, clean up and go to bed.

Over and over and over again.

You don't realize and might not ever realize the sheer monotony of it. It might work for you, it did for me for a very long time, but then ignorance is bliss.

Then I found Grace (and the double entendre is intentional).

This lifestyle change works so very well for me on so many levels. I have "clicked" so strongly with MsGrace and I know exactly what happens if I loose that. I can't go back to the life I led. not after a taste of this! And Princess is so incredibly wonderfully unique that she can't be replaced. I'm frequently filled with insecurity.

But never mind that. I hope you understand this is one of the major reasons why I plan to live life so very large on this playground. I feel like the skeleton from A Nightmare Before Christmas, filled with joy and wonder when he discovered Christmas Town, "What's this? What's this?!" Another? MsGrace is just pure fun!

Then this one pet tosses up this comment:

Your rules that you have listed are right but its really much more basic than that. You can't try to be a pet. You just be yourself. If you try to be respectful and honest and trustworthy then Princess will see through it. She is great at seeing through bullshit. So be yourself. If a part of being you is showing respect, being honest and trusting then you will do just fine. Remember you don't chose to be a pet, she choses you. I never in a million years expected, wanted or dreamed that I could be a pet. Princess will attest to this but I refused to believe it for a very long time. I kept thinking that there must be some catch, some agenda on ther part that would come out. I thought it was an act on her part. There is no agenda and it is not an act but it took me a really long time to figure this out.

And MsGrace tosses this in:

And almost 2 years later, here we are....still clicking as good as ever.

And Billy fills with hope. I am being myself. I am respectful, honest and trustworthy. Don't get me wrong I'm not some sort of Boy Scout but the statement is true for me in general and very accurate for MsGrace in particular. I'm not trying to be a pet. I'm not exactly sure what a pet means for me yet, cause I think there are different flavors. And what makes me oh-so-happy is that I was chosen! She picked me!!! I can be around here two years from now!!!

Hope, ya gotta love it!