A comment in jem's blog by the mysterious, murky lbb fired off a mass of synapses (both of them!) in my head causing me to write some monster War and Peace type of comment which I deleted without even a glance.The nature of the conversation spun around the fact that more and more of us are noticing that our orgasms are not as much fun without MsGrace's involvement in some manner.
lbb said, "The intense feelings of pure pleasure are not there when she doesn't give permission to cum." To which I replied, "Yeah, how does She do that?" and idly speculated that it might also have something to do with Her Obedience post.
How does She do that? That's easy in my case. I let Her or let's say I'm willing and want to let Her in to work that special magic that is just Hers on little ol' me.
But for me it's a little different. MsGrace has given me effectively permission to cum anytime I need to. Regular readers of this blog will know why. The thing is that I'm to the point now where I will wait for Her anyway anymore. Another thing that seems to be happening to me is that the conversation is becoming more important than the play. It's a different sort of play I guess. I very much have grown to love the talk. It makes me feel closer to Her and I like that.
I get confused. How can I give? I want to give to Her ...
Recently well ten days or so ago I had a wonderful call with Princess. I purchased a gift for Her. She had no idea that was going to happen, not till I told Her to check Her wish list.
So why did I do it?
Well one reason is the obvious one, to please Her. I think I accomplished that. The other one might be pure billybear. I'm afraid I don't have a lot of discretionary cash and must operate under a budget. The gift I purchased for Her effectively sealed my fate with regards to future calls for awhile.
There will be no more calls until May. OK mid April ... I think I can make mid April
That was the gift. I have deliberately sacrificed my pleasure in the hopes of giving well something. LMAOOOOO Super! Now I'm not even sure what the point was in this harsh daylight. I mean, we sacrifice our orgasms for Her, our pleasure. My hope was that I wanted to give something to Her that had significance to me. It wasn't the thing I purchased it was the calls denied.
Now I think I messed up.
I get confused.
Now I'm thinking that Princess would have preferred the calls. She of course had no idea what her nutty bear had in mind until it was all over. Princess Grace is a very good person which is why I adore Her!
Had She known (the lost calls) She would have stopped me but I had structured the "game" in such a way She could not know. In my misguided gesture to please Her I think I've done just the opposite.
So I've meandered down a different path then the original intent of the blog entry.
What I hope She takes away from this post is that I did that gift thing with the best of intentions! I hate disappointing Her, more than anything I hate that. I try hard to please Her and not so She'll keep me around as Her pet or anything like that. I try hard to please Her because of one simple fact.
MsGrace is worth pleasing because of who She is, which is much much more than I will ever fathom. She is complex and contradictory. One possible way to describe one of Her myriad facets is to say She's an incredibly bright, intelligent bubble head. She'll come at you sideways with that so heads up, not that it will matter - LOL. There is so much about Her to know and more importantly to me, worth knowing. I hope I can continue to hang out with Her. I do like and wuv Her so.
I hope she enjoys the gift too! The one I purchased. I hope when She looks at it from time to time She gets a chuckle at Her goofy dingy billybear and his misguided attempts to please. Even though he frequently fucks up he does truly mean well.
In this fun, tumultuous daycare called Princess Grace's Playground I must be fitting the role of that one toddler Princess always has to keep an eye on. Of course She can't, there are so many to watch and we well intentioned trouble makers have a way of slipping under the radar, waddling off to hurt ourselves in some manner.
lbb who is legend to this humble fruitcake assures me that "all will be ok." I think he's right, as long as my screw ups are well intentioned and not malicious, Princess will forgive my mistakes.
Well I did this to myself and I'm one of those actions have consequences nerds (billy savagely kicks at Mittens who tauntingly keeps just out of reach mocking him in his latest folly). I will endeavor to keep in touch with MsGrace through this blog or email, be at TeaseTimes and play that wonderful wonderful call in my head over and over again. And before you know it, it will be tomorrow ... sigh. I gotta say truthfully though, that the call and the surprise gift that whole time on the phone, that whole scene was so worth it for me, and like She said when I went on my little trip to boob mountain, She'll be here, waiting for me.
With best, if misguided intentions
Your billybear
nervous giggle, wrings paws
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Sigh... Oh, billy. *hug*
ReplyDeleteCouldn't say it any better, Ace.
ReplyDelete::gives Billy a big hug, sneaks Mittens a little farther out of reach:: You're a good carebear and your friends appreciate you:)
*I did that gift thing with the best of intentions*
ReplyDeletebillybear... you made the decision by following what was in your heart, so you shouldn't say it was a fuck-up. Having good intentions counts for a lot.
We may all have to chip in and buy you a toddler harness though. We don't want you to go wandering off and getting into trouble. If you do, you could get spanked, and you know how you hate that!
::Gives poor Mittens a big hug, sneaks billybear a little farther out of reach::
wuv ya billybear!
little bitchass
Ok I am heading off to doctors apt, and dont wanna miss it. So cant type for long, but have to say something here. *soft smile*
ReplyDeleteYou did not fuck up My darling billybear. You did something very special for Me, you surprised Me, made My wish come true...it was magic. :-)
Now on the other hand...if been given a "choice" over the calls and talking to you, or the sunglasses...do you really even have to ask which I would have picked?? No you dont. As pretty as the glass's are....I treasure our time together more. Always have, always will.
As for being a toddler crawling out.....it happens to the best of us at times. There are times I think a blankie and a binky would not feel so bad.
But no, you did not fuck up and you wanted it to be special. Buttttt you have to stop letting those little hands and feet crawl you out faster then you can see. Sometimes your crawling along....and we dont want you to get hurt!!!!
Ok I would say more, but Im late!!!! EEEK!
Wuv you My sweet billybear
Kissies
Princess
Ok I am heading off to doctors apt, and dont wanna miss it.
ReplyDeleteYou know that these sorts of comments inspire me to dash off about 753 emails voicing my alarm. I shall resist such impulses but know I am concerned and that I hope this is simply some trivial matter!
Now on the other hand...if been given a "choice" over the calls and talking to you, or the sunglasses...do you really even have to ask which I would have picked??
::rueful grin:: But I didn't ask did I? That would have ruined the surprise! And I'll tell you true Princess Grace, if I had to do it all over again knowing what I know now, in this case I would do it again. That call was a take to my grave call. You were there, You have, I think, some inkling of what it meant to me ::soft smile::
As for being a toddler crawling out.....it happens to the best of us at times.
Well I seem to have made something of a career out of it ::smile::
Since You've entered my life I've become such a boy particularly when You're about. I blush. I kick the sand. I do goofy shit like blow my budget. I send You pics that would kill my mother. I strive to please You. I vie for Your attention and giggle like a girl when I get it. I think you sorta like that about me ::soft smile:: when I 'behave.'
You're a girl and I'm Your boy, 'nuff said. The dance is timeless and we both know the boundaries of this dance floor.
Boys like me tend to think of the consequences of their actions 'tomorrow.' Well tomorrow is today and I have but one regret, one thing I will definitely keep in mind in the future should the stars align and I have a similar opportunity to witness magic. It's this:
I treasure our time together more. Always have, always will.
I feel bad about depriving You of any pleasure!
Buttttt you have to stop letting those little hands and feet crawl you out faster then you can see.
I look at the comments in this blog and get misty. With friends like You, jem, ace, MsTara and lbb I can get through this. What I'm truly grateful for is that there are folk out there who actually care that I do. Thank you all! How can I not love you all for such kindness?
::a panicked look crosses Princess's face, where's billybear?! jem it was your turn to watch him! The soft 'click' of a CB2000 locking comes from the adjoining room. "Awwww billybear that unit doesn't have a key! It will take four to six weeks to get one."
billybear kisses his friend MsGrace on the cheek and whispers in Her ear, "You sure do look pretty in those sunglasses MsGrace!" He stares at the ground, scuffs his shoes and blushes - hard.::
Wuv you my precious Princess