Altar of the Succubus!

Furtive giggling can be heard echoing up from the cave entrance. Soft torchlight leads our gentle reader through a hidden doorway cut into the side of granite and down a long slippery spiral staircase. This stairway is definitely not ADA compliant and the owner has received several letters from the government, each carefully wadded up and lovingly placed in a trashcan bearing the label "Bite Me!"

Torches illuminate a large round antechamber. Several doors, each labeled lead off this room. One is labeled "Secret Laboratory" another "Forbidden Closet of Mysteries" and others that can not be discerned in the flickering torchlight. Ranting and giggling can be heard coming from a door casually left ajar and labeled "Altar of the Succubus!"

The reflective eyes of a cat startle you into nearly wetting yourself. A forlorn "meow" echoes across the antechamber.

"Mittens drag your sorry ass back in here!"

The cat silently obeys its dark Master.

Quietly the reader approaches the door and peers inside. A shadowy, hooded figure, dressed in a Pink robe can be seen placing large white candles on each point of a pentagram. Every time he bends over to set a candle an aneros falls out of his ass and clatters across the stone floor.

"Mother ... FUCKER!!!!" he shrieks before grabbing the slippery thing and ramming it back home. "Not too 'gloopy' She says ... what the holy hell does gloopy mean? DAMMIT!!!" as the aneros once again drops to the floor.

"That fucking jem! Always getting me in trouble with those evil assed boobs of hers. There I am, trying to help out, reminding her of the sensations she's given up in her devotion to Princess. 'Oh, I'll never cry for Her billy' sheesh. Now I've got to walk around with this fucking thing shoved up my ass. 'Do your runway model walk for Me billy! Prance for Me billy! Come on high-step you bitch-boi of Mine' and that infernal giggle of Hers as billy works it for Her.

Goddamned precum leaking all over the place staining the carpet, Her cock a slippery needy wreck! And then ... and then??!!! Everybody gets to cum but billy, jem and bankyboo! Bankyboo and jem are in cages so I can follow that for those two but billybear? WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?

What do I get for my good deeds? 'No cummies for you billybear! LMAO, LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'"

In his rage he grabs a candle and hurls it at the cat, missing it completely. The candle rolls to a stop at the base of the altar. A beautiful, buxom woman is tied to it. Her arms stretched tightly over her head, her spread legs tightly tied to each end of the altar. She's blindfolded with a pink bandanna, the words 'Princess Pet Forever' carefully written with a sharpie across it. Her moans of terror are muffled by the ball gag in her mouth, headphones cover her ears, its' cord leading to an iPod playing an MP3 on continuous loop. She's wearing a black, leather bra and panties. A bowl and razor sharp scissors are set at her side.

As the insane creature stoops down to pick up the candle the aneros once again falls from his ass.

"SHIIIIIIIITTTTT!!!!!" echoes from the walls causing the girl to flinch. She can hear his crazed shrieks over the MP3 blasting in her ears, slowly driving her into a catatonic state. She would do anything, absolutely anything to have that MP3 shut off. The ball gag reduces her pleas to helpless mumbles.

As the mad thing stands the reader gasps in horror as his hood falls away and his robe parts. He is red, not with rage though that contributes, but in skin tone. He is redder than a freshly cooked lobster, redder than red. He defines red. The whites of his crazed eyes skitter across the room as he bites his lower lip and once again sets the aneros back in its rightful place.

Muttering he says, "I've got to remember to clinch! 'Work it like a binky She says, a butt binkie! ::giggle::' If I get a ruined orgasm out of this I will be sooo pissed off!" He glares balefully at the cat causing it to retreat into the shadows. "Goddamned Florida sun! How was I to know you were suppose to wear sunscreen? All the warning signs were in Spanish for crying out loud!"

Lighting the candles he pulls his hood up and ties his robe. He turns his full attention to the woman tied to the altar. Her long blond hair cascades down off her shoulders. Her heaving 'D' cup breasts strain against her tight leather bra. She's beginning to loose it against the MP3.

"Enjoying the 'empty-three' my virginal treasure? It's quite delightful, a little ditty turned out by a band called 'Screech' Princess has employed it against me from time to time, when I have um misbehaved.

Now I'm in a bit of a pickle you see. Princess informed me between giggles that I can only enjoy a phone call with Her if She's 'not coughing up a lung'

So no lung coughing up for MsGrace! In order to assure that I shall summon a succubus who will do my bidding and restore my sweet Princess to full health! Even if She still can't to talk with me at least She'll be healthy!

In order to summon the succubus I need the pubic hair of a virgin which is why you're here, Friday. It was alarmingly easy to pick you up off that street corner standing in front of Mother Mary's School for Virgins. You hopped in the car muttering 'Hi I'm Friday, five dollah' before I hit you with the knock out gas. Didn't your mother teach you anything?

Now the Girl Scout manual doesn't say I can't remove your bra when summoning a succubus, so let's have a look-see here."

Picking up the scissors the hooded figure snips through the bra and jumps back when two large silicon bags fall out and bounce across the floor. Pert, almost 'B' boobs remain.

"No matter. Let's get those virginal pubes into this bowl here and get this done!"

The panties snap free as he cuts through the waist band, like an airbag going off a monstrous brunette bush of pubic hair flies free.

"OH MY GOD?! What an enormous bush you have my dear! I see the carpet doesn't match the drapes my little poptart. Hmmmmm, I simply must play! If I was to draw two eyes here and put a hat here I believe we would have a good representation of a Hasidic Jew. Why you almost resemble Billy Gibbons! Every girl's crazy about a sharp dressed bush!"

Snip, snip, snip fly the scissors across the enormous mound of pubic hair.

"Hahahahahahaha! It is complete! Behold a topiary of a woolly mammoth!"

Once again the scissors fly into action!

"The great state of Texas. Enough, I will wax the rest off and stuff the entire thing into this ten gallon hefty garbage bag. Whimper not, it will grow back!

Mittens come here! I shall demonstrate on my cat Mittens how painless the wax removal process can be. I slop on some hot wax, oh Mittens hush, and press in this thingy, let it harden. OK now here we go Mittens! I riiipppp the paper off!

See! Mittens has passed out from the pain, how bad can that be? You'll sleep through most of it!"

Even through the ball gag screams of pain can be heard echoing up the spiral staircase.

Sitting in the center of the pentagram billybear begins his dark incantations. Suddenly a blast furnace of sulfurous heat flows into the room and a gaping pit opens belching unholy flames. Shrieking his last incantation billybear grabs the hefty bag filled with virgin pubes and throws it into the pit which immediately closes up.

Standing before him is a creature of unnatural beauty. Perfection. Billybear feels himself grow even harder as he subconsciously works his aneros. In a voice that stirs him further she asks, "Would you like to fuck me?"

"No"

Looking somewhat flustered the creature replies, "Um why not? I can be anything you desire. Anything!"

"You can't be Princess."

"Can too"

"Not"

"Too"

"Then ::giggle:: for me bitch, let's hear it!"

"Well ...."

"Look I summoned you here to get rid of Princess's cough so that I can talk to Her tonight. I love talking with Her! I tossed in the virginal pubes so you must aid me as the book states!"

The low rumble of laughter fills the room as the succubus transforms into its' more demonic shape, still beautiful and feminine but with wings and cute horns.

"Foolish mortal! Those certainly were not the pubic hairs of a virgin! Friday is well known, everybody's fucked Friday except you I guess! So I am certainly not bound by your incantation!"

"Are too"

"I AM NOT!" roars the succubus, "Are you always this goddamned annoying?!"

"Maybe"

"I shall collect from you what you took from her! And by the way read the FUCKING manual next time, the pubes must come from a willing virgin - idiot!"

"Well I sorta skimmed it ... Would Mittens do? She's a virgin ... well except for the time I shoved my aneros up her ass ..."

A blinding flash practically lights the night sky. Billybear screams in sunburned enhanced pain when he suddenly realizes his pubic hair is burning. He frantically grabs Mittens in an attempt to smother the flames, setting the hapless cat on fire.

"It burns ... oh Mittens ... it buurrrnnnnssss!!!!"

Flash-burned, sunburned, horny and hairless as a ten year old billybear dumps an equally flash-burned naked Friday in the center of a park. He grabs a sharpie from his pocket wincing in pain as the pen presses against his fried flesh and scribbles something across her forehead.

"Well Mittens lets head home and take some aspirin, maybe watch some late night TV. I hope Princess feels better! At least we tried!"

"Meow"

"Oh Mittens, what is your fascination with my forbidden closet of mysteries?"

Thus begins TracerBulletBilly in the strange case of Who Shaved Friday's Pussy?!