Showdown in Philly!

A new candidate entered the ring in a last minute effort to win the Democratic National Convention crashing last night's debate and stunning both Clinton and current front runner Obama.

Mostly he remained quiet, just staring into the camera (see picture) while the two candidates tore into each other like rabid dogs. When asked later he said, "Well I got stage fright! Who knew? And the camera girl was wearing a cotton diaper with frilly pink rubber panties, no bra and a binky tied around her neck. She was what? 23? That was distracting as all get out let me tell ya. I had to keep an eye on her to see if she was gonna make wee-wee right? I mean you don't see a 23 year old hottie wet her diaper as much as you want to - not even wearing these puppies, 63 year old not so hotties, yeah, all the time." he proudly pats his x-ray goggles, "You would not BELIEVE what passes for underwear in this nation! Next debate I had better not wear my specs. I couldn't, COULD NOT look at either Hillary or Obama, sometimes you just DON'T want to know, ya know?"

Before turning into a member of the legume family and just staring into the camera a brief glimpse of the new candidate's personality could be seen. Running out, flashing his credentials BillyBear said, "Where's my podium? Huh? Why don't I get a podium? I thought you liberals were all about height equality, now I look short! If this hurts my candidacy ..." before staring stupidly into the blinking red light of camera two.

He seemed to break out of his trance twice before resuming his vapid stare, once when Mrs. Clinton was asked about her erroneous statement that she had braved sniper fire during a landing in Bosnia as first lady in 1996, Clinton issued a first-ever public apology for the error.

"What are you apologizing for? I can sooooo identify with that Hillary! I mean you would NOT believe the shit that goes on in my head, it's perfectly normal to make stuff up so you look better! Your only mistake was getting caught! Boy is it embarrassing when THAT happens! What did you think, no one would check? Ask Dan Rather about that!"

The other time was when Obama commented on the “bitter” remark, he said he was attempting to say that because voters feel ignored by government on economic issues, “they end up being much more concerned about votes around things like guns where traditions have been passed on from generation to generation. And those are incredibly important to them.”

"Are you shitting me? How do you get that out of, 'It's not surprising, then, they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them, or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.' I'm am so sick and tired of you candidates ducking and weaving on this bullshit. We're not idiots either and this happy crap has got to stop! You hate guns, you loathe religion and by golly you despise farmers living in fly over country who believe in both! Give me a break with this 'attempting to say' stuff. Sheesh! Both of you should grow a pair!"

Both candidates ignored him since his current delegate count is zero.

It's Time for Change!

Within hours he heard the cry, the forlorn cry of a nation, "Will no one lead us back to greatness? Will no one speak for us?"

One bear arose amid the desperate sobs of a lost people tired of effete, rich, spoiled brat cry baby Senators. A simple bear from a poor share cropping family, yes a simple bear with a simple plan.


A BillyBear with a vision!

Whatever you do Don't Get in the Way - Vote BillyBear!

paid for by a secret society of pissed off hippies, MsTara chairmistress.

Pass the Salt was The Wastelands - Revisited

Ever walk into a room where it's a little TOO quiet? I'm beginning to think that's what's going on here. What's going on? The only one saying anything at all that I find interesting at the moment is MsTara. Lucky, jem's, ace's and Princess's blogs have apparently shut down entirely.

I was going to post my deep deep thoughts on the last BSG but what's the point?

I was going to throw this Wastelands thing up as a separate post but I guess I don't want to now.

Did I miss a memo? A fight? This thing has a really weird vibe to it where the dinner conversation consists of "Pass the salt" and "Thank you" while everyone glares at each other over the squash. Does a boil need to be lanced? I don't know but I'll never run out of metaphors or mixing them.

Maybe I'm a dinosaur? And everyone is using wikis and CommunityKink now and the blog is passe and obsolete like fifty year old care bears.

Well I'll continue my self-assumed role as the crazy grandpa Southern families keep locked upstairs muttering to himself - for as long as I can.

::shrug:: If something needs to be said would someone PLEASE say it? LMAO I'd much rather go out with a bang instead of a whimper! Wouldn't you???

Be Well
BillyBear

The Wastelands

About a year ago a bunch of us banded together and rushed off into the desert to have visions - not sure WHO'S idea that was but it seemed like a good idea a the time so uncock that eyebrow. There were four of us, originally five but one couldn't make it and like Stuart Sutcliffe dropped out of that gig but had the good taste of not dying of a brain hemorrhage afterwards.

As always when you're stumbling around the desert, something weird happened. We all began riffing off of each other's posts and something of a tale emerged. I doubt it will ever be duplicated because it was so organic but a lot of people seemed to enjoy it.

Then lucky pet got flaky and blew his blog away and one-fourth of the story was gone. I was getting cranky IMs from folk saying, "I wish lucky hadn't done that." Well lucky did. This is pure conjecture on my part but you know how cross-dressers periodically 'purge' all their stuff in an effort to well, I don't know, update their wardrobes? I think lucky does the same type of thing for whatever reasons motivate him. He's done it twice now and is starting to have its own rhythm. I always get concerned that this might be 'the big one' and he'll be gone gone. I hope that never happens he writes a great blog :-) But like ace says on his blog, "Lucky Bastard - See it while you can!!!"

I was in an IM with Princess awhile back and somehow mentioned this loss to her and she said, "It's probably in google reader." OK, she actually said, "It's probably in goooogle reader." but she drawls in IM - betcha didn't know THAT! She checked and confirmed, so I peeped out mine and yep it was there. In a separate IM I mentioned this to lucky and he gave me permission to put it in my blog. Which I did with hopefully the right comments in the right places appended to each post.

So I present to you and in particular - jem, lucky, and bankyboo, digitally remastered, The Wastelands. Enjoy! :-)

A Pack of Lies

Teenaged Angst Ridden Goth wolverBilly pulls his knees further into his chest and screams. Images swirl in his mind as he slowly rolls on his hands and knees before emitting another scream of agony. He notices V back further away into the shadows, paler than normal. She suddenly turns and is gone.

The images dance and swirl. Corruptrix standing in a pentagram. Poor GothGirl. V quietly watching from the shadows. And mostly the demon, the smirking demon. Wolver's close to vomiting. He looses himself in another scream.

A cold voice comes from the darkness, "Hurts, don't it?"

Corruptrix, that cunt.


He's beginning to reason again. Fiona Apple skips through his head at an oblique angle ...

Heaven help me for the way I am.
Save me from these evil deeds.
Before I get them done.
I know tomorrow brings the consequence at hand.
But I keep livin this day like
The next will never come.

Another wave of pain ... another scream. Something was wrong ... something was definitely wrong. It's on him now, he's in the full grip of it.

He'd followed Corruptrix's instructions to the letter, dressed in his finest goth outfit (with majestic cape I'll have you know!) he approached the entrance to the abandoned subway tunnel promptly at 11:30. A voice called from the shadows, "Where's your little pal?"

"I don't know. She was upset with me the last time I saw her."

A match flares and wolverBilly can see Corruptrix lighting a bone white candle. She's in a black mini with matching hose and heels. Billy's eyes drift to the anklet she's wearing laced with charms. Frankly she looks hot, then he shudders figuring this is not an ordinary charm bracelet.

Corruptrix bares her teeth in what passes in some cultures as a smile, others' insolence, cocks her head and says, "Follow me."

Wolver follows the flickering light into darkness.

About twenty yards behind him V cautiously peeks around a bush. She sees Wolver heading into the tunnel. Ever since she caught him whacking off she's kept her distance from that sick phreak. She's not sure how she feels about him, she's not sure how she feels about anything! Her mom said it's because she hasn't had enough 'life experience.' Her mom's an asshole but if anyone other than V thought that aloud she'd claw their eyes out. Anyway she planned on loading up on a little life experience tonight! She's quite curious to see what was going to happen next.

Wolver is hurrying to catch up with Corruptrix. He doesn't know how V could have lived down here, alone in the darkness. That's some girl! he thinks to himself. Corruptrix makes a right into a hole carved in the tunnel, right behind her Wolver follows.

V is almost as creeped out as she was when she saw Wolver shoot a wad of cum all over her undies. It's so dark she can't see her hand in front of her face. Suddenly the faint flicker of the candle is gone! V places her hand on the right wall and inches forward.

Wolver has the sense that area he's been lead into is huge. Corruptrix mutters, "Wait here," and heads further into the chamber where she lights a candle on a desk. There's a large open book on the table, she runs her finger down a page muttering, "I'm pretty sure this is it. Stoopid Latin!"

He can hear faint sobbing coming from off to his right. Corruptrix is lighting various candles around the chamber. It's way too huge to fully light but WolverBilly can see a young girl in a cage, tears running down her face. She's nude, well sort of. She has lace gloves on and a cowboy hat. Wolver's never 'gotten' fashion.

"GothGirl?"

"DearBillyPleaseGodHelpMeShePlansToUseMeAsATemporary..."

"Shut your yap!" screams Corruptix, "Or I'll sew BOTH pairs of your lips shut!" GothGirl sits back in the cage, tears running down her face.

Wolver is startled by the sheer vitriol, the blackness of her hatred, "Uh, look, this might not be..."

Corruptrix plucks a tuft of hair from him and lays it before a unlit candle at the point of a pentagram. She then lights the three candles in a counter clockwise manner before placing both her feet at a crossing of the pentagram. She smiles that weird smile of hers and spats, "Oh it is over for you BillyBear!"

Raising her arms in exultation Corruptrix says, "Rhombus!" A shimmery half-bubble of energy encases her, running the circumference of the summoning circle.

Smiling with satisfaction she calls out, "Nikpmalomor, I summon thee in personam."

From the shadows of where she's crouching V watches in fascination as wisps of red smoke slowly congeal into the shape of a man wearing an Armani suit. As this was occurring Corruptrix laughs and says to Wolver, "Immobolis... ium? um Nomovus..oty? SHIT, immobilizeway imhay!"

Wolver is moving across the floor intent on freeing GothGirl when he hears a cultured Irish brogue, "Pig Latin my dear? Really! Allow me." He makes a weird gesture with his hands, whispers something in Latin and suddenly WolverBilly can't move a muscle.

The demon studies Wolver with his goat eyes, the eyeballs entirely black, the horizontal pupils blood red. Then he turns to Corruptrix, a pair of sunglasses appearing in his hand, as he dons them he says in a bright voice, "Edith Wednesday Brookside, why am I here? Have you summoned me to repay your debt?"

Involuntarily Corruptrix touches a circular mark at the base of her neck. It is a 'demon mark' a small circle of raised skin with a slash through it. She's managed to hide it from her Aunt Ava but she knows her aunt would be appalled (if not a little frightened) to learn Corruptrix had been playing with such fires. "Don't fuck with the demons!" she'd bore on and on. Corruptrix knows what she's doing, her skills though unpolished are formidable - she can handle this. This mark she got when she requested help with a spell to make BillyBear's head a bullet magnet was a small price to pay to off that little fucker. Too bad she butchered the Latin invocation making lucky's wrist the magnet. Latin is bullshit!

She addresses the demon in a tone just shy of contempt, "Kill him! Kill him while he dies in terror!" She'll never forgive BillyBear for grounding her.

The demon smiles, "You know that's not possible. The cost is too high. Neca eos omnes, deus suos agnoscet. You have no idea how often I get that one."

"I offer my soul!" says Corruptrix impulsively, not believing she has one.

Nikpmalomor sighs, "Look this creature is packed full of healing factor-x and has an adamantium skeleton to boot. He simply can't be killed. Not in his current state."

"Can that be changed?"

The demon smiles, "That might be arranged but it will cost."

"What?"

"Two demon marks and I'm not taking the imbalance."

Corruptrix laughs, she knows what happens if she gets that third mark, she's read that much of the boring Latin text. The demon will own her and drag her off to eons of servitude as his familiar, "No. One demon mark and she takes the imbalance." Corruptrix nods towards GothGirl.

"If she can't handle the imbalance and dies then you are forfeit."

Corruptrix pauses, almost thinking and then nods, "Fine."

"Then we have a bargain," the demon sweeps low in a bow.

The candles in the pentagram begin going out in a clockwise manner as the spell forms, finally stopping at the twelve o'clock position. Corruptrix smirks and picks up the tuft of hair and says, "We need a focal point on who to cast the spell on," before dropping it on the candle. It briefly flares before going out.

Nikpmalomor makes a weird hand motion, mutters something in Latin of which Wolver could only catch 'locus deperditus' and a bright blue ball of energy forms in his palm. He examines it closely before gently blowing on it.

Unable to move, Wolver watches the ball drift slowly towards him before gently impacting his chest and spreading through his body, slowly sinking in like a root in soil. He feels the immobilization spell lift as one spell is replaced by another. Suddenly the pain is all over him. Falling to the cold floor he starts to scream. GothGirl goes pale and whispers, "Oh God..." before vomiting all over the floor as she begins to take the imbalance.

Corruptrix can't stop laughing. This was better than she could have hoped! She manages to choke it off and in a cold voice taunts the little blue fuck on the floor, "Hurts, don't it?" as he screams again.

She's about to have more fun when she notices the demon pull down his shades and stare questioningly over them with those freaky eyes of his.

"What?!" She snarls.

"Edith Wednesday Brookside, you must complete the spell. It's only partially formed. Say the appropriate phrases."

"Well if it isn't Rest in Pieces BillyBear I don't know what the fuck you're talking about! You say 'em! I ain't got time for that bullshit!"

"I cannot, it's clear in the spell book. You must speak the words." A leather tome forms in Nikpmalomor's hand. He seems distracted, peering off into the shadows muttering, "Things are not as they seem..."

V is frozen. Things are getting way out of hand. Wovler screaming in agony, that poor girl in the cage vomiting between sobs. She's come to the realization that this isn't a parlor game. She sees the demon swing its head her way and inadvertently she locks eyes with it.

She has no defenses. In moments all her secrets, her ugly little secrets are laid bare. Still the demon probes, leave no neuron unturned as they say she hears in her head. She wants to scream, to run, but she can't. This rape must be endured. Tears roll down her face.

Awwww smile sweetie, you know you like it. You've yearned to be understood!

The puppet V smiles. She starts to hear some tune being idly sung in her head.

Getting to know you,
Getting to know all about you.
Getting to like you,
Getting to hope you like me.

Getting to know you,
Putting it my way,
But nicely,
You are precisely,
My cup of tea.

Oh I could so help you with that bitch Stacy Marginelli! I can give you the breasts you desire, the breasts you deserve! You'll be too cool for school! And all you have to do is ask. Just keep in mind that nothings for free... ever!

An image fills Vs head of her being so popular and pretty. The envy of everyone! Why she's even smart without having to crack a book! Her boobs perfectly proportioned and feminine. Not these boy boobs she currently sports. Everything coming to her so easily!

Wouldn't you like that? And the cost, really, so small.

V is sorely tempted. Imagine being the best of the best and never even having to lift a finger for it. What kind of person she'd be... what kind of person... everything gratis, never having to work for it... expecting the constant feeding from the silver spoon... what kind of person...

I'll package it all up and for only two marks my dear. I'll wrap it all up in a nice pack...

"Of lies. It's all lies," she whispers. Her breasts will develop in their own time. She'll work things out with Stacy in her own way. 'The Easy Road' will rob her of... her, her individuality, her potential. She'll become just a spoiled thing. She shudders at the subtlety of it. But she's weakening. She might just say yes to get this THING out of her head.

All of this happens in seconds of real time. Corruptrix is trying to get a better look Wolver's agony. Her foot accidentally touches the outer ring of the summoning circle, breaking it. She cries out in alarm.

The demon cocks his head. You best go now my love, I think things might get a tad ugly for your tastes. Be a dear and scoot along. We'll talk soon V...

V is gone. She's running as fast as she can back out of the tunnel. She hasn't noticed she's lost her sandals, her bare feet slapping against the concrete floor. One thought runs through her head over and over, "It knows my full name!" But she's young. By the morning she'll begin to doubt it even happened. I mean a demon? Come on!

Nikpmalomor is on Corruptrix faster than the eye can follow. He's pinned her against a wall and is holding Latin for Dummies in front of her face. He begins to bitch slap her with the book with rising fury and tempo.

"You simply must learn your manners my dear!"

Blood flows down Corruptrix's chin as the beating continues.

"And you had better master Latin - tools of the trade - DARLING!"

The final blow breaks Corrutrix's nose. Dropping the book Nikpmalomor whispers to himself, "Fuck it." He lifts Corruptrix by her throat his hand tightening. With his other hand he traces a mark at the base of her neck.

Corruptrix starts to cum. The heat inside her building in intensity as waves of orgasm wash over. She's confused, she's being throttled, she's both terrified and turned on. Her broken nose is filling with blood and she can't breath. Things are starting to go dark but she just can't stop cumming!

Nikpmalomor smiles, "My oh my. Who knew my little witchy witch would enjoy her second mark so very much? I was going to rip your fucking throat out you little moron but I think I'll let this run its course instead. I will enjoy carrying you off to hell and having you warm my bed, act as my familiar for a millennium. You best fight it! When you break, and you will break, it will be so much better! I'd kill you now except for your natural talents."

He casually drops her to the floor and starts to pace, "I have no idea what's going to happen to yon bear but let's find out my idiot friend. Do not harm a hair on him, not until we've seen what this malformed spell has done. Agreed?"

Sucking in air, her face covered in blood, Corruptrix nods in agreement.

Nikpmalomor rapidly transforms into a carbon copy of Corruptrix except her jaw is slack, eyes vapid with idiocy, "Well best be get crackin on that there book then!" comes her voice from the lobotomized thing before reverting to the Irish brogue. "Dismiss me. NOW!"

Rubbing her throat Corruptrix croaks, "Go."

The demon is gone.

Wolver can feel the changes running through him. He's helpless before them. He rises to all fours as a particularly nasty wave comes on. Corruptrix staggers to her feet, as she passes him she delivers a savage kick to his head. Blackness.

He awakes to quiet sobbing. The candles have burned down some but not a lot. He has no idea how much time as passed. He staggers to his feet and heads towards the cage containing GothGirl. He extends his claws to cut through the cage. Nothing happens. He peers at his paws, which have a few gray hairs in them. He kneels down and begins working the rope holding the cage closed.

"I'm all ucky," moans GothGirl.

"Nothing a shower wont fix."

"No, I'm dirty. Somethings been done to me."

BillyBear pulls open the cage door and extends his paw.

"I don't fuck old dudes."

"Will you work for one?"

She takes the paw and stands quietly while he drapes the cape over her, "Let's get you home."

He awakens with sunlight streaming through his bedroom window. Groaning he rolls out of bed. He must have pulled every muscle in his body. Ruefully he thinks, "I'm getting old."

He heads into the kitchen and flips on the coffee pot. A roboMittens approaches, its screen reads, "The labs have been completed. Now proceeding with the house."

"How much money do we have left?"

The screen flashes, "$14,738,250.32"

"Well we tore through that twenty billion of ace's didn't we?" chuckles BillyBear. "That must be some lab!"

He goes outside, a team of roboMittens are starting to work on sprucing up the house. He's thinking about ace. He knows that ace would have given him the money, twenty bil was nothing to that guy. But it was so much fun blackmailing him as payback for that 'Save Mittens' campaign he ran awhile back. No one fucks with mittens, ask MsTara.

He misses ace. Ace ran off with Mistress Sassa on some Magical Perversion Trip or something. Billy gets the occasional postcard but he doubts that ace will ever be back. Not like he was anyway. Still it's nice to hear how he's getting on and it's all on him anyway, there's nothing Billy can do about it.

As he stoops to pick up The Daily Assassin a minivan whizzes past.


V? He sees the car turn a corner and catches, "A Proud Parent of a Paradise High Honor Student!" plastered on the back. Nah, it couldn't be.

He unfolds the paper and stares at the headline:

Princess Grace Feared Abducted by Space Aliens!!!
Tracer vows to bring 'the alien scum' down with death ray

Oh boy thinks BillyBear. The last time Tracer got a hold of a death ray... He shudders recalling the screams. Under the fold he notes another story:

Teenage bucktooth runaway claims he's 'Lucky Bastard' demands nickels!

Hmmmmm, seems GothGirl has some work to do on her device. As he passes a roboMittens on the way to the house he says, "Please place all the death rays under level nine security."

He grabs a cup of coffee and sits at the dinette. As he starts reading the paper he reaches for a pack of cigs before remembering he quit. The Chantix seems to be helping, maybe this time it will stick. A quiet knock on the screen door disturbs his ruminations.

"You sure do clean up pretty!" smiles BillyBear as he approaches the door.

GothGirl blushes furiously, "Were you serious about that job or just trying to get in my pants?"

"A little of both."

"Good answer," and she hands him something as he opens the door, "I thought this might help with my interview. Try them on!"

BillyBear stares down at a pair of X-Ray Goggles, "I haven't had a pair of these since I was a kid."

"Would you try them on?!"

He puts them on. GothGirl steps back from the door and strikes a pose, her jeans and t-shirt suddenly gone. She's wearing the cutest pair of pink low-rider panties and matching bra you ever did see. BillyBear feels his wookie start to stir and somewhat reluctantly takes the glasses off. He hands them back to her, "Nice."

"You can keep 'em! They really do work!" she exclaims lifting her top to show him her bra, "See? If you wanna you can twist that little dial on the side and see um everything."

"No thanks. I like a little mystery."

He senses her smile is full of sincerity as she says, "Another good answer. You're batting a thousand mister!"

He holds open the door. A roboMittens approaches. GothGirl studies it intently.

"A cyborg huh? I bet I can make all sorts of improvements to..."

"No."

"No?"

"This little unit has saved my life more times than I can count. It is what it is. I know it freaks a lot of people out but I've always dug it. In my weaker moments I believe it has a soul, I know it thinks."

"A.I. huh? Wow." GothGirl smiles and waves back to roboMittens 'hello.'

"roboMittens take GothGirl..."

"GG ... please."

"Take GG down to the labs and give her a tour."

"Aren't you coming?"

"Nah. Take a gander and if you like what you see then we can discuss the job. I've never had an employee before. I'm just going to sit on the porch and you can decide if you're interested or not. I'm looking for a chief research scientist."

She stares at him, "OK" before following roboMittens towards the back of the house.

BillyBear smiles as he sits on a rocker on the front porch and turns on the radio. He places the x-ray glasses on the top of his head and simply watches the day go by. As the sun climbs higher he moves out onto the stoop. The sun feels good, it feels healing.

The screen door slams and GG comes out wearing a lab coat. Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail and she's wearing a pair of glasses.

BillyBear flips down the x-ray specs, gives a wolf whistle and says, "Looking good!" as he watches her pink pantied butt sashay over to the rocker where he was sitting awhile ago. She grins over her shoulder and flips him the bird.

"I accept."

"Thought you might."

She flips open a laptop and says, "That's an amazing lab! I got to see everything except one area behind a vault. The roboMittens wouldn't let me near it."

"It's where we keep the death rays."

"Oh. What do you want to work on first?"

"We might consider getting lucky out of the jam he's in."

She laughs, "You boys and your dicks. It's like fish in a barrel. WOW! Those roboMittens really know how to spruce up a place!"

BillyBear's thoughts are elsewhere. It's quiet. Too quiet. He'll have to drop by jemmie's later and catch up. He's been gone since November 29th when MsGrace and MsTara (who's changed her URL - the sneak!) put a bullet in his head in a fit of mongoloid reasoning. He knows, even though he continually fights it, that he can't be what he's not. "I yam what I yam said Popeye the sailor man." Yuck, yuck, yuck. He also knows he'll do it again, reengage his personal demon, fight it, lose. Then again, maybe not, maybe he'll win this time. He doesn't really care.

We are what we are, to say anything else would be a pack of lies.

A tune comes on the radio. He instantly recognizes the famous intro, "Turn that up, please!"

He gets excited, dropping the x-ray specs back over his eyes, "GG, go strut up and down the sidewalk!"

"No."

"Please!!!"

"Dork."

He sits back feeling the sun on his face and listens to the music.

Pretty woman, walking down the street
Pretty woman, the kind I like to meet
Pretty woman I don't believe you, you're not the truth
No one could look as good as you
Mercy

finis

Princess Refuses to Cross Union Lines!

Word on Princess's lack of blog entries since March 5th, 2008 began to leak out from behind her castle walls as well placed moles began dishing to your only paper of fact, The Daily Assassin.

A source close to the mysterious Princess said in a wavering falsetto, "Um, yeah, Her Pulitzer winning Fun Sexy Trip! might be it. She's on strike. Someone slipped her a copy of Norma Rae."

"What strike?" asked our intrepid reporter.

"The writers strike."

"The writers strike that ended on February 10th?"

"Yeah."

There's a long pause on the tape before 'the source' (call me 'deep throat' even though I gag) followed up, "We don't know how to tell Her. She can get so cranky about that stuff. I know, YOU tell Her!"

"Fuck that!"

And there you have it. Until someone grows a pair and tells MsGrace that the writers strike is over, her blog embargo will continue!

BSG: He That Believeth In Me

You can get a far better plot summary etc on the Battlestar Wiki.

Some random thoughts.

• This was a building episode, they're laying the groundwork for all that's to come.
• I am SO GLAD Baltar shaved!
• Charles Manson had a cult of hot horny chicks too!
• I hope they tone down some of the Jesus imagery mainly because I find it heavy handed although I'm curious on where they're going with it.
• Kara is not going to ice Roslin. I shrugged over that one.
• This is going to be a 'dark arc' I think. Although this episode had humor in it too mostly around Baltar - the praying Jesus - the 'feeling the Lord.'
• I'm not sure what's up with the Cylons. This is at least the second time they've had the fleet and inexplicably broke off. I hope the writers can explain it. I mean what was their game plan here? "Hey let's attack the humans with overwhelming force, destroy as many of their ships as possible UNTIL Anders flies out and we can give him a case of pink eye!" Stunned silence from the Cylon brainiacs followed by awed applause on that plan!
• OK there are five (the fab five) unknown Cylon models (we the loyal viewers know four of them) but no one in the BSG universe does including the Cylons running the show. Who put them there, in the heart of a Battlestar that was in the process of being retired? Anyway, it seems like a chicken/egg thing.
• I think I saw the Lucy Lawless (number 3 - D'Anna Biers) model nope - I was wrong - it's a number six model called Natalie - in the teaser for next week talking about no longer lobotomizing the raiders and some pissed off Centurions next to her while she threatened the Dean Stockwell (Cavil) model. Hmmm I love that they have their own problems and their own politics.
• Next week's episode Six of One. Princess should like this one - it appears to be a Six episode.
  
• I missed this series and I'm so glad it's back!
  

Well SHIT!

Did you see the Carolina/Kansas game?

Carolina came out and Kansas said, "Have you been looking for this?" and promptly handed my beloved Tarheels their collective ass.

Carolina battled back to four points down and a brief glimmer of hope arose in my broken, shattered heart. But that was the high water mark and you could feel it crest and break along with a lot of dreams.

Kansas came to play, Carolina didn't - pure and simple.

Luck with the Memphis Mutants Kc!

Princess says, "I QUIT! I Want to be a Fifties Housewife!"

Princess Grace shocked the phone-sex industry today, finally coming clean on her 'dark secret.'

"It's true. I am so sick of dominating men and getting paid for it! I mean how much sperm can you spill in one lifetime? A LOT let me tell you!" said a slightly harried Princess Grace frantically dusting her living room before the rest of her guests arrived.

Grace, or Gwacie Wacie to her friends (of which she assured this reporter he was NOT) has spent the last few weeks redoing her image for "my man if I'm lucky enough to land the right one!" She now sports a much shorter hairdo and a total makeover. Fussily adjusting the big white bow on her apron and smoothing the pleats in her skirt she sets a stack of waffles in front of her first arrival, MsTara.

"Waffles are fine for an afternoon get together with the girls aren't they Tara? I'm sorta new to this," asks Princess Grace pensively.

Shoveling in the waffles MsTara replies around mouthfuls, "Waffles are good anytime Gwacie Wacie! These are delightful!"

Giggling Princess turns to the reporter, "There comes a time in a young lady's life where she needs to settle down and start a family. I want kids, a Man and most of all I want to be told what to do!" she suddenly pouts.

"I hear that sister," chimes in MsTara from the couch, "You have no idea how many times I wish some dork in the chatroom would just take me, just bend me over a bench, deliver a savage spanking and take me! I so want to be some Man's bitch!"

"Me too," whispers Princess Grace, "and I want to be made love to missionary style while making a baby. I've always wondered what missionary felt like."

Both girls dab tears from their eyes.

As the rest of her guests started to arrive Grace escorted this reporter to the door. Curtsying she says, "I hope there's a Man out there who will marry me, get me preggers and take care of me. I'll be a good wife, I'll keep a clean house, I promise! Surly there's someone for me, someone to tell me what to do. It's all I've ever really wanted, just someone to tell me what to do..."

In other news LDW announced a new site, "Fifties PhoneSex, you better believe you can shock us!"

The new Princess Grace!

Mecca

I got the call a few weeks ago. At the time I thought nothing of it but now, now it just feels right. Convergence. Nature aligning in harmony, it all coming together.

This Thursday I leave for the holy land. No, not San Antonio you sillies - Chapel Hill! Mecca. From there me and my fellow Carolinians will beam good karma and strong manly three pointers into the Carolina team while sapping the will to live from first Kansas and then whoever won the Memphis/UCLA game (most likely those Memphis mutants - I was agog (yes, agog!) at how they dismantled hapless Texas. Kansas wrists shall go limp(er) and their eyes shall cross while they become vexed by the Carolina defense and offense before kowtowing to the wrath of Hansbrough, He Who Shall NOT Be Denied! There shall be much wailing and gnashing of beaks from the Kansas bench. If the unthinkable happens and we lose then we go over to Duke and riot (we don't shit in our own backyard). If we win we go over to Duke and start riots by asking innocuously, "Who won?" and "How'd you do in the tourney?" all innocent like. It's a mutual loathing so don't worry about it.

Normally I would look to MsGrace for Carolina's overall chances in the tourney but she appears to be on one of her legendary three week benders after UConn's ignominious defeat in the first round to USD and is reportedly inconsolable. She was last seen heading towards Storrs with an overinflated basketball muttering, "I'm gonna ram this up Calhoun's ass and make him bounce on it till it pops!" Maybe it hasn't popped yet, who knows? She might be in the slammer, uh, has anybody checked? Anyway most of all I hope she's gotten over the Huskies spanking and is happy and well.

I like to wear my x-ray specs during the game. First of all people tend to leave you alone in the sports bars but mainly because I look cool as hell in them. Now that Carolina has done so well it's become part of 'the ritual' along with eating three oranges during the game so that the Heels can tap extra energy should they need it. They rarely do and I grow plumper.

They're also nifty for checking out the cheerleaders on TV! Oh my those girls are bouncy - yum yum!

Yesterday, during the Davidson/Kansas game I glanced up at the ceiling while rolling my eyes at Bill Self's constant lamentations as Curry lofted another three from Nebraska. He sounded remarkably like I imagine a Princess Grace call sounds, "Dear sweet Lord I'll do ANYTHING to get into a Final Four!"

Normally my ceiling looks like this:


But through my awesome x-ray specs it looked like this!

An omen? No, probably too much mescaline again. I've been struggling with the proper dosage of late. My gaze turns westward and not just because that hot chick bent over to pick up a pencil in the hallway. San Antonio ... looking forward to it from the heart of Carolina's Mecca.

BSG: The Final Cylon Revealed?

I detect certain religious overtones in this pic that I just can't place. What's it mean??? Does it mean that the final cylon might have been inadvertently revealed in this photograph (look closely, it's subtle)? As we all know (right?!) the final season of BattleStar Galactica starts Friday, April 4th at 10PM Eastern on the SciFi channel.

For those of you not up to speed on the series (MsTara, jem) go here for a higher quality recap of the previous three seasons of what you see below. I mean surely you have eight minutes and it's funny! "Helo tells Kara he has a bun in the toaster" LMAO.

NCAA Basketball

As I gaze at the burned out ruin that was Kc's Coffee House I wonder if he's still about. About this time last year he and I were trading banter over the NCAA's - both of us fanatical about our teams. If Carolina wins one more game and Kansas wins two we'll finally get to square off and let the healing begin.

Carolina has to win two more times and Lucky's Texas three more times to face off in the finals.

A long way to go, for all of us.

I hope it happens and naturally I hope Carolina wins it all. They definitely have a shot at it, they're playing quite well but I don't trash talk other teams. All you need is one bad night and it's over. Mainly I hope.

I hope Carolina hits their opening basket.
I hope they play the best team each step of the way.
I hope they play Kansas
I hope they play Texas
and I hope they hand their asses to them - lmao

Good luck guys - up to a point :-)

Jem's Trailer Trash Love

Yeah OK I'm old. I was goofing around with jem in IM this morning and reminiscing and jem will never pass on an opportunity to lift my spirits started calling me grandpa.

It's true well except I'm not literally a grandpa but I was thinking about weird shit that runs down the damaged neural highway that comprises the ruins of what could have been a fine mind and I was bitching to jem over the little things (It's the little things that get you when you weren't paying attention) that suddenly bitch slap you into awareness, the fucking clock is running nimrod. And for all you youngsters out there, are you starting to notice that the clock is running faster and faster? If not, you will.

Do you realize that 1968 was forty years ago? That the Stones and Beatles are now in that classification of 'Golden Rock' along with Bill Hailey and that you can't (or shouldn't) hear the Beatles on any of those 80's 90's now stations?

I remember 1968 ... clearly. In 1968 I use to talk to one of my uncles about the War in the Pacific which was one of my interests and he actually fought in it. In 1968 WWII had ended only 23 years ago, His mother, my grandmother, was directly related to, and KNEW a Civil War veteran who fought at Gettysburg, for the South.

Someday some doofus will be staring at me with wide, wide, eyes, "You actually knew someone who was in the Battle of the Coral Sea?"

That's why jem wants to fuck Britney Spears more than hang with Keith Richards. OK that's not exactly true, jem finds Britney 'better looking.' Because she's young I guess. But of course jem is wrong, jem is blinded by Britney's trailer trash ways, seduced by the twinkie as they say in the porn and fetish sites jem must frequent.

So I ask you, my gentle readers, who's better looking and to be kind to Mr. Richards I'll use a picture from the sixties when he was of a similar age as Ms. Spears.
Whatcha think?

Some might argue that Keith is the better musician (I'm in that camp) than Britney. I've posted a comparison of the two artists playing their instruments. As you can see the years have been hard on Keith, but harder on Britney I fear. I love this pic of Keith playing that blonde Telly tuned to open G (you can tell by the five strings instead of six) a tuning he might not have invented but did popularize.
So I remain unconvinced that Britney is better looking than Keith, AT ANY AGE. Even this one:
Since I know I won't have time later - Happy Easter everyone!!!

You're old (you're old...)
Groaning like a geezer
Yourself a-crackin' like an old has-been
Look at yourself, old man, you've got multiple chins
'Cause you're old
Mmm...

You're old (you're old...)
A wheezing, decrepit windbag
Where you once had muscle, you've got jelly rolls
Buddy, you're as ancient as the Dead Sea Scrolls
Man, you're old
Mm-hmm...
(You're old...)
You're old

ARTIST: Spongebob Squarepants
TITLE: You're Old

Weird Scenes Inside the Bedroom

"I'm so HORNY!" screams teenaged angst ridden wolverBilly as he slams close the front door to his house.

It had been a bad, bad night for Wolver who had started the evening off with high hopes of finally seducing V in a local graveyard. On their way to the graveyard, V's nipples pointing upward like light switches, this weird chick hung herself right in front of them from Bairn's Tree before springing back to life. Wolver shudders at the memory of that girl. V got kinda weird when asked a few simple questions and went running off sobbing... again. Wolver looked for her in some of her usual hangouts but couldn't find her. He did find this pretty cool girl's bicycle in the bushes. It was spray painted black, even the basket on the handlebars, the reflectors, all of it, but a pretty pink peeked out where the spray paint had chipped off. He decided to leave it there, it looked well taken care of.

His wookie demanded attention so he decided to drop by gothGirl's apartment. Maybe she would be in the mood for him even though he'd blown her off in pursuit of V. As he approached he saw an eerie blue light coming from one of the windows. Peering in he saw gothGirl lift the device from a badly twitching cock. It was that weird old man who sicked his dog on wolverBilly when he was lying helpless in jem's bushes! Wolver barely has time to duck below the window before she activates the device, a bright flash filling the room. A moan comes from the room. When Wolver cautiously peers over the windowsill he sees a naked, buck toothed teenager standing at the foot of the couch.

"Now may I stroke for you?" he asks, his voice cracking.

GothGirl lays back on the couch, fully clothed and smiles at the eighteen year old kid, "Sure fortunate guy but no cumming!"

"My name is lucky!"

"No, I believe you said you were Princess's naughty whore. Now stroke and then fuck me before I send you naked into the night to tell your Pretty Princess what a naughty, bad pet you've been but that you didn't cum in my nineteen year old pussy!" She checks her watch, "You've got about two hours before you revert back to that quirky old guy. I've made some modifications to my device after my first experiment went a little wrong. Now stroke it and tell me what a whore you are!"

Pathetic moans and whimpers come from the room as gothGirl laughs and taunts the dude frantically whacking off in front of her before she looks out the window and sends Wolver a pretty clear message on his chances with her tonight.


Having just slammed to door to his house in frustration Wolver doesn't notice V duck back into the shadows of the foyer, his cry of horniness making her nervous. The last thing she wants to deal with is a horny Wolver, she wanted to see what he thought of her poem, Now that you're gone ... Wolver trudges past on his way to the master bedroom, so occupied with that bulge in his pants he doesn't even notice her!

Wolver's wookie is inflamed, straining against his leather pants. He's completely consumed with want and need. He simply must cum but not alone, not again. He wants to be with someone, anyone. Well not anyone - quickly adjusting his thoughts down those lines. Someone young maybe, like V but a whole lot naughtier! Naked, he sits on his bed and does google search on 'phonesex.' About a billion hit results come back. "This is going to be tougher than I thought," he thinks.

V cautiously peers around the door seeing Wolver sitting on the end of the bed with a cordless phone next to him, looking at his laptop. His wookie both fascinates and grosses her out at the same time. She sees him pick up the phone and jab in a bunch of numbers. She creeps back to the kitchen and picks up a cordless phone there. She presses the talk button, followed by the mute button before heading back to the bedroom, the phone plastered to her ear.

"Strict but Nice Teenage Trailerpark Mommy Denial Submissive Mistress Babysitters from London Who Need an A From Teacher After Going to the Bondage Principal Will Do ANYTHING to Make You Cum!" says a bored female voice, "What is your credit card number?"

"uh"

"In order to place a call you have to give me your credit card number."

"How much is it?"

"You purchase in blocks of time, a minimum of thirty minutes for $75. What is your name?"

"Ace Papadopolis"

"And the name as it appears on the credit card?"

"If I tell you that you'll know who I am!"

Reluctantly Wolver gives out the needed billing information including his home number.

"A girl will call you back in five minutes," and the line went dead.

About ten minutes later the phone rings. Wolver answers, "Hello."

"Hello," answers a cigarette, whiskey soaked voice. A TV can be heard in the background.

"Um, who's this?"

"Stacy from the service."

"Oh! How old are you Stacy? I asked for a young girl." wolver asks suspiciously.

"Eighteen."

"Mmmhmm and what are you wearing?"

"I just got out of the shower. I'm naked and I'm so wet for you baby! Fuck my hot teenage pussy!" rasps the voice sounding more and more like Mrs. Karbunkle the town librarian.

"Well I was hoping that we could talk about ..."

"Ohhh yeah baby! Give it to me hard!"

"Wait a second would ya? I was really hoping to fuck you in your ass!"

"Ohhhhh baby, that's it ohhhh baby baby cum in my teenage pussy. Oh yeah" suddenly the phone goes quiet, Wolver can hear the TV. It sounds like some cop show.

"So, yeah I was hoping that maybe we could do this fantasy where you're my girlfriend and you really want me to fuck your virgin ass before cumming all over your face!" says Wolver in a flood of anxious embarrassment.

Silence.

"So maybe your name could be um 'U' instead of Stacy and you just can't stop yourself from wanting me!"

Silence.

"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME OR WATCHING CSI?!"

Startled the voice starts droning, "Oh yeah baby! That's it fuck my pussy you big strong manly man! Cum, cum right now! Cum! Cum! Cum!"

Five minutes into his seventy-five dollar call Wolver quietly hangs the phone up on ,"Ohhhhh that's it baby! Cum for me cowboy!"

V watches Wolver sigh. He goes back to his laptop and almost at random picks a site, reads a bit about it and then calls 877-518-3575. A voice, sounding a lot like sunshine answers, "Hellooooo"

"Look, I'm not really interested in having an orgasm denied or my cock controlled at the moment!"

"Bad day huh? I'll need some information from you and then you can tell me all about, okay?"

Groaning Wolver spats into the phone, "I suppose I'm going to have to buy a block of time?"

"Well it's a ten minute minimum at $1.99 a minute but after that you can talk as long or as little as you like!"

There's something in her tone or attitude that relaxes Wolver. He idly pulls up a hidden pic on his hard drive, one of his 'little helpers' and says, "So we can talk about um anything?"

"If your credit card clears, sure!"

Feeling his wookie stir with renewed interest Wolver gives out his billing information. A few minutes later she comes back on the line and says, "OK, we're good to go! The clock starts now. Why don't you tell me a little about your bad day Wolver?"

Without realizing it Wolver opens up and tells this stranger all about his crappy day. Finally he asks, "What's your name?"

"Grace."

"That's a pretty name, what are you wearing?"

"Right now I'm in my nightie sitting in my office, it's late on the east coast. I hope you don't mind me saying this Wolver but your girlfriend sounds like a real twat!"

"No she isn't, but she wont have sex with me!"

"Wont take care of her man huh? You know what you should do Wolvee..."

"What?"

"The next time you see her you should bend her over your bed, yank her pants and panties down and fuck her ass!"

"Fuck her naughty teenaged virgin ass?" echoes Wolver the words seeming to come from nowhere his fist suddenly wet with precum.

"She soooooo deserves it!"

"Ohhhhhhh yeah, I would love to do that!"

"Then do it!"

"You want me to really fuck her ass?"

There's a pause on the line and then Grace says, "Honey, this is a phone sex line. No, I don't want you to grab your girlfriend and fuck her in her ass if she doesn't want you to. What we're talking about here is fantasy. You know what that means... right?"

"Yes."

"Good, tell me what you're doing!"

"I'm bending her over the bed. She's complaining about it but not doing anything really. I can smell her pussy, her excitement through her jeans."

"What color are they?"

"Black."

"Go on."

Starting to pant, Wolver continues while staring at some girl getting nailed in the ass off the internet, "I unbuckle her pants and pull them down around her ankles!"

"Is she wearing panties?"

"Yes."

"What do they look like?"

"They're cotton and have little duckies on them." says Wolver taking a pair of V's panties from his pocket and them on the bed where he can see them, "I tug them to her knees because she's such a naughty slut!"

Grace bursts out laughing, "Duckies?! How old is your girlfriend Wolvee?"

"Eighteen."

"OK. Duckies like rubber duckies?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well they actually sound cute. I bet you slide that cock right up that virgin ass don't you?"

"Wookie."

"Wookie? Oh my god ... you're a carebear?"

"Yes ..." says wolver tentatively. He's heard of the carebear invasion but can't remember it. Some people look at him oddly making him feel like a freak.

"I love carebears! I hope you don't addict her with that wookie of yours! You have the head pressed right against that tight pink asshole don't you? Is it covered in lube?"

"Oh god yes! Right against it! So slippery... she's clinching, fighting it - the little tramp!" whispers Wolver whacking even harder.

"She is a slut isn't she, Wolvee? But she can't fight that wookie, can she? No, the head is starting to slide right in isn't it? She wants it Wolvee, GIVE IT TO HER!"

Moaning, Wolver can actually feel his wookie sliding deeper into V's ass, "OH! OH! She likes it!"

"Of course she does! Girls love and need a serious cornholing from time to time, it's a well kept secret. Fuck her faster but don't cum!"

"Ohhhhh I'm a naughty nasty carebear! UNNNGGGGGHHHHHHHH"

"Whoa! Slow down there cupcake!" she giggles and then her voice grows increasingly stern, "Let it go. LET IT GO!"

Wolver's head is swimming in perverted images all involving V. He's right on the edge, he forces himself to let it go.

Grace giggles, she can tell by his breathing that he's obeyed, "Mmhmm such a good boy for me. Now listen. You're with a woman now, not some pimple faced girl and women always take care of their boys. You will cum tonight but you want to come so very hard don't you?"

"yes" whispers Wolver, surprised at how submissive his voice sounds.

"And you want to be such a naughty boy for me don't you, Wolvee?"

"Yes."

"Do you have a pair of your girlfriend's panties?"

Wolver pauses.

"Oh! Oh! You doooooo have a pair! I bet you stole them, didn't you?!" she taunts.

"Well actually she came over one day in this black sweater. She said something about being late because she had to do her laundry but rushed right over once it was done. I guess the duckie panties had stuck to the back of her sweater from static cling... so I just sort of plucked them off and stuck them in my pocket."

V is mortified. She remembers that day clearly and had run many errands before dropping by Wolver's house and nobody said a word about her ducky panties being plastered across her back?! Those are her favorite pair!

Grace erupts in laughter, "Oh my god Wolvee this is such a fun call! I'm laughing so hard! I can't imagine how she'd feel if she ever found out. Put on her panties."

"I can't they're too small."

Giggling she says, "Well that wasn't a 'no' was it you panty pervert."

Wolver blushes.

"Lay them out in front of you and start stroking just the way I tell you to"

Wolver listens intently to her instructions. Soon he's panting hard as she wraps a fantasy about V around the stroking.

"That's right Wolvee she's just laying in front of you in those cute panties watching you stroke for her. Encouraging you to cum all over the crotch of those cute cotton panties you nasty little pervert. She wants you to shoot doesn't she? Get her all sticky down there because if you dooooo..."

Wolvers hand is flying, he's rapidly approaching the point of no return. His voice in stitches he gasps, "Wha? Wha happens if I cum???"

"She's gonna slide that pretty pink strapon she hides in her panty drawer right up you butt!" giggles Grace, "And you want her to, dontcha Wolvee?"

"Unnnngggghhhhhhhhhh"

"Say it honey bunny and then cum all over her panties! Say, 'fuck my carebear bottom! fuck it HARD"

"OH! OH! FUCK MY HOT CAREBEAR BUTT! FUCK IT HARD YOU STUCK UP TEENAGE TEASE!!!!!!"

Wolver looses it. He grunts in pure pleasure as he watches a huge wad of cum smack squarely into the crotch of V's panties. This is followed by a wave of unanticipated embarrassment.

At that moment V has had enough of this weird bullshit. When did sex get so yucky? It's just kisses and hugs right? She walks around the corner of the bedroom door and in a mature voice says, "Wolver, give me my panties back and..." before seeing a monster load of sperm splash on her panties. She screams, "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" before dropping the phone and fleeing down the hallway.

Upon hearing V's voice Wolver releases his wookie, ruining the orgasm. Face filled with shame he turns towards V his mind an utter blank on what to say and watches her run out of the bedroom.

He stares down at the coated panties and breathes into the phone, "I'm sorry, I've got to go." before disconnecting the line.

What a perfect day!

In the Pale Moonlight ...

Corruptrix sits high in a tree hidden by leaves. She watches the two idiots approaching, overhearing their banal conversation. Soon they'll be in range of her little surprise. She smiles at the voodoo doll clenched in her fist. Soon chaos shall reign.

"Oh Wolver! Hanging out at the cemetery smoking cigs and writing dark poetry is just so goth! I'm excited!"

Glancing down, Teenage Angst Ridden Goth WolverBilly can see V's nipples rise from her wife beater like the first shoots of spring flowers. V might not have much of a chest but she has nipples to die for and WolverBilly is hoping for a taste like no tomorrow and maybe even ... third base? Having scouted out the graveyard earlier he knows where there's one recently dug. He could care less about her weird fascination with death - if it gets her worked up then it's fine by him. He licks his lips and fights the urge to batten on her boob like a starved infant.

Watching, Corruptrix couldn't be more disgusted. She raises the voodoo doll, takes its arm and makes a slapping motion. Her expectant chortle doesn't cross her lips when WolverBilly fails to slap V. What's wrong? Maybe it's out of range or something. Corruptrix repeats the motion with the doll. They're close enough now that it should work. Peering like a vulture she watches wolverBilly intently.

Across town pantySue marches up to Princess Grace and bitch slaps her.

"pantySue??!!!" cries out MsGrace in surprise.

"Princess I have no idea what just happened!" sputters an equally surprised pantySue.

Rubbing her cheek and eying pantySue distrustfully Princess Grace says, "What has come over you? Just don't let ..."

PantySue slaps Princess Grace again and stares at her hand in horror, "Princess I really have no idea what's going on!"

Grinning, her teeth red with blood Princess Grace rubs her jaw thoughtfully and says, "Awwww it's OK ..." before clocking pantySue with a roundhouse that sits her firmly on her ass, "You wanna play? Well fucking bring it bitch!" Princess screams while launching herself at a cowering pantySue, her manicured fingernails extending like Wolverine's claws.

Corruptrix stares at the voodoo doll in frustration once again promising herself that she really must master Latin before dropping the useless thing to the ground. She watches the love struck teens approach and decides on a different course of action. Her foot slips off of a branch as she starts her descent sending her crashing through the tree until the bow in her dress catches on a branch arresting her fall with a loud crack as one branch snaps under the weight and another takes it. The sudden stop knocks the wind out of Corruptrix causing her to black out, her long dark hair flowing downward like a shroud.


"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKK! Oh my God Wolver that girl just hung herself right in front of us!" shrieks V, her nipples growing harder if that was possible, "We should so do that! End it you know, end our pain! We can title the poem we tie around our broken necks, Death Tree!"

"Uh ..." mumbles Wolver staring up at the hung girl, her body gently swaying, the creak of the rope against the branch. Suddenly it's very still as if 'quiet' will hide others from Death's notice.

"Well you should cut her down and fuck her while she's still warm anyway! How goth is that?!" whispers V excitedly while clutching Wolver's arm.

"V!!!"

"What Wolver? I keep teling you, you're not tapping this and I don't mind if you fuck a dead girl, that's not threatening to me ... much. Just don't cum in her OK? Cum on her so I can tell if you enjoyed it too much or not." As her excitement increases V looks around for a branch to poke the girl with, "Why isn't she peeing Wolver? I read that dead people's bladders let go. Do you think that she peed right before she hung herself? That's what I would do! Who wants to go into the eternal void wearing yucky panties?"

"I am NOT fucking a dead girl V!" sputters Wolver, "The whole idea freaks me out! We have to get out of here, we're probably busted anyway when they call in a CSI team. We should just go ahead and report it so we're not suspects in her murder or anything."

V visibly blanches at that, "Uh ... you gotta keep me out of this Wolver!"

"Why? You told me that you're living in that abandoned subway tunnel and have been since your parents kicked you out when you were eighteen, what will the authorities care? You're an adult. And when are you going to let me see your cool goth abode anyway?"

"Uh ... I lied."

"You lied? You lied to me? Oh V! I might as well just hang myself right now! How could you lie to me V? I thought you loved me! I thought our dark, brooding love actually meant something! God I am such a fool!"

Eyes darting everywhere V looks for a way out of the grave she's dug, "Look Wolver, I robbed a bank, OK??!! Now fuck off! I'm not proud of it, theft is soooo not goth but there are warrants and I don't want to go to jail, but I needed the money! And you'll never see my abode, you'll probably just try to fuck me in it anyway and to think I was maybe going to let you go to third base tonight and now you've ruined EVERYTHING!"

"What bank?"

"Banks."

"Banks?"

"Yes Wolver, banks! And I can't recall. I've been so alone for so very long and then I found you ... or so I thought!"

"V ... I'm sorry, it must have been dreadful for you my dark darling raven of the night."

Having come to awhile back but listening to the two goth posers, Corruptrix can take no more. She quietly slides a razor sharp carpet knife from her boot. She knows the girl is lying through her teeth, 'bank robber my ass' and thinks the idiot wolverBilly could figure it out if all of his blood wasn't pooled in his dick. She might be able to use this to her advantage. Reaching behind her she flicks her knife and cuts herself free. Floating down she lands softly next to the two bickering imbeciles now arguing over if wolverBilly is going to get to third base tonight or not. Smiling her best smile, she says, "Hi there, what did I miss?"

Her barely hidden sneer is lost on the two. One utters a small 'eeep' the other just stares.

Billy unconsciously takes V's hand while staring at the girl. She's not a girl really, more of a woman, maybe in her mid twenties. He thinks she's quite beautiful but the harder he stares at her the more undefined she seems to become. He thinks she has long, dark hair that appears to move from a gently blowing breeze that isn't there on this still night. If he doesn't look directly at her he can see her better. She's quite beautiful, with large eyes and a pale complexion. A small but well proportioned bust. She's wearing a pale, ragged dress of some sort with army boots. A wounded malevolence dances with a chip on its shoulder behind her eyes making him look away. It's almost like the sea on the cusp of a storm, nothing to fear unless you enter its waters.

In wolverBilly's eyes she defines goth. V hates her instantly and clutches Wolver's hand tightly, "My boyfriend can kick your ass, you weird fucking zombie chick and I totally own him! Don't I Wolver? We're going to third base tonight!"

Corruptrix smiles, "Do I look like I give a shit if you get finger fucked?"

"Wolver, if you fuck her when she's alive I am so dumping you!" sputters V, tears welling in her eyes.

"V ..." trails off wolverBilly his head starting to spin.

"Fucking relax poser suburban goth chick wanna be!" mutters Corruptrix, her eyes blazing with anger. "I'm a witch, a powerful one and I can cast a spell on your boyfriend that will forever make him young, you too if you wanna. Continue to bitch and I will place the Curse of the Bukakke upon you! Your face covered with heaping mounds of gooey boy cum at the worst times... like your wedding when you husband lifts the veil to kiss his bride."

"Ewww, yuck, gag me with a shovel, that is so GROSS" says V managing to look both grossed out and intrigued at the same time, "Could you cast it on Stacy Marginelli? She's this bitch in my honors maaaa ... never mind."

Corruptrix just smiles, saying nothing, deciding not to press... yet. She turns to Wolver, "So, you wanna? This spell is a freebie."

WolverBilly rubs his chin trying to look adult. He can see nothing wrong with the offer and to be forever young, immortal, would be pretty cool! He nods his head, hoping he looks sage, while V whispers in his ear, "Don't do it Wolver, it's a trap!" because this Corruptrix person is a bitch of the highest order - how dare she come on to her man, the 'C' cup whore with her big, big boobies! Even though it's kinda yucky V realizes she might actually have to jerk Wolver off tonight if she's gonna keep him around. Eeeewwww! Maybe she can just watch him do it himself. She wonders, why are men like this? It's so grossiness and messy! What's the point?

Corruptrix is about fed up with both of them and is considering gutting them with the carpet knife, "You must say 'Yes' or 'No' wolverThing for us to have a pact. Rules is rules."

Without thinking Billy replies, "Yes."

"Good! Meet me at the entrance of the abandoned subway tomorrow at 11:30 PM!" says Corruptrix, springing the first of her many traps.

"Where V lives?"

"Yep."

"Now wait a minute, why there?" asks a surprised V.

"There is a very powerful ley line there and I need it to summon a demon for this spell to work." says Corruptrix who's also quite capable of lying through her teeth, "So we'll have to crash your pad, so sorry!"

"Oh V I'll get to see your gothly goth home!" says a happy wolverBilly, wondering if he can ditch Corruptrix quickly and get V in the sack!

"I moved."

"Moved?"

"A gang of stinky winos moved in and tried to rape me Wolver! I barely escaped after beating them with a baseball bat, not that YOU CARE!"

shing - wolverBilly's claws extend of their own volition. Staring at them in wonder he eyes V with a newfound menace, "Point them out and they die tonight. I forgot I could do this!" He holds his clawed hand before his face.

Hoping to distract wolverBilly from remembering more, like their past encounter, Corruptrix chimes in, "Who's Stacy Marginelli?"

"NONE OF YOUR BEESWAX!"

"V, I will clear those guys out for you and you can move back in!" chimes in wolverBilly excitedly.

"Wolver it's OK... I found this..."

"How many banks did you rob?" asks Corruptrix, starting to press. She hates both of them and wants them to spend an eternity in misery. She doesn't like people in general but posers and fake wanna bes particularly get under her skin.

"Yeah V I would think you could afford a better place with the money, what happened to the money?" wonders wolverBilly.

Continuing to press, hoping to expose what she percieves V to be which is a poor liar Corruptrix shifts again, "This Stacy Marginelli, I'll need to find her to place the Bukakke Curse. You said sumtin about 'Honors maaaa' what's that?" Corruptrix smiles as she notices wolverBilly's claws retract in confusion.

V looks back and forth between them, her lower lip trembling and tears welling in her eyes. She cries out, "I thought you understood me Wolver... I THOUGHT YOU CARED! WELL FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU BOTH!!!"

Burying her face in her hands V runs off into the night, sobbing.

"See ya tomorrow night..."

WolverBilly stops taking the half step towards V and turns to Corruptrix. Nothing is there. He turns back towards V, both of them are gone.

While My Rectum Gently Weeps

I look at the Colyte and see it needs drinking
While my rectum gently weeps
I look at the toilet and see it needs flushing
Still my rectum gently weeps

I don't know why nobody told me
how nasty this Colyte was
I don't know how I could control you
you keep me shitting here

I look at the nurse and I notice she's grinning
While my rectum gently weeps
She pumps me full of Demerol till the room it's spinning
Still my rectum gently weeps

I don't know what they did or inserted
but I was perverted sure
I don't know if anything squirted
no one alerted me

They rammed a pipe up my bottom for a look-see
While my rectum gently seeped
I look at you all
Still my rectum gently weeps

Oh, oh, oh
oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah

PS: For those that care - I'm good :-)

As Tears Go By ....

There is a a hidden addiction darkening the land. Stealing our souls, destroying our children. At first I only heard whispering from the cockroach infested corners of our land, relayed from the places Tracer frequents. I refused to believe it. That our deepest secret had gotten out. Now I've seen proof, the rumors are true. Lucky has posted the graphic truth and now we, all of us must face it full on.

Wookie addiction.

The power of the carebear wookie is beyond the comprehension of your puny minds! It is not to be trifled with, it's healing powers are legendary. Its ability to induce continual, intense, ungodly orgasms in females was once a well guarded secret, but now the secret is out.

Once again I must rise to defend a persecuted people. Once again I must lead a people to dignity. Once again I shall bear the burden proudly but I ask, no I beg for your help.

Now in his post lucky identifies this poor bear as billyPrincess. He's wrong. I know we carebears all look the same to people. I've taken many a beating in the chatroom for the crimes of others but I digress. That's not billyPrincess, that's poofyBear, my college roommate.

As this horrific still shows, we see a female in the grips of wookie addiction. She's already worn down poofyBear's once majestic wookie to a nub of it's former glory. Poor poofyBear is so totally stoned, so thoroughly drugged that she even has to 'fluff' his wondrous wookie before feeding her dark demonic desires. At times she even resorts to beating the pitiful poofyBear and forcing him to 'eat her pussy' so completely enslaved she's become to the wookie. Now that she's hooked she'll spend the rest of her life in search of more wookie, never satisfied, consumed, enthralled by the wookie. She might have been a brain surgeon, but no more. Her mind has been shattered.


Please help me help my people. Send whatever cash you can to BillyBear c/o BillyBear Labs and I'll make certain it gets into the proper hands! This terrible addiction can be stopped in its tracks. Send as much money, car titles, free phonesex minutes or nude photos of Princess Grace as you possibly can! Every little bit helps and you can write it off your taxes.

Please help me protect the wookie and in doing so protect yourselves!!!

Remember ...

A wookie is a terrible thing to waste! Please help!!!

Be My Valentine - DAMMIT!!!

Now that we got that out of the way maybe one of you bastards can help me get down from this contraption! I seem to have gotten myself stuck - DAG NABBIT!

Hey ... HEY!!! Don't walk away from me ... PLEASE ...

Special Valentines wishes to all my friends out there (you know who you are ::blush::)

And a little extra sugar for Princess Grace -

psst Be my Valentine Princess Grace You know you wanna :-)