Chatroom Insanity

I thought I'd clue my gentle readers and increasingly hostile readers about what happened in the chatroom a few nights ago.

I have noticed that as Christmas approaches I spend more and more time with my hand on the horn in some store or mall parking lot. Don't these idiots know billy has stuff to do? Things to buy? (Happy Holidays you FUCKERS! - bllaaaaahhhhh of the car horn). ::sigh:: I'm just filled to overflowing with Holiday spirit! Anymore I've noticed that as I enter the parking lot I just immediately lay on the horn, give everyone a heads up that a serious shopper is now on the grounds.

Anyway ...

Jem and I were in the WOT room, hanging out and trying to liven things up, but not having a lot of luck, it's just dead. All of a sudden lbb pops into the room, I know this guy. I'm ecstatic, I've wanted to talk to him for a long time! I took a bullet for him in the An Hoa Basin on a LURP aways back and I've been trying to catch up. He's pretty much ignoring me babbling with some fellow Texan in the room exchanging addresses, phone numbers, kidneys and what not (I guess it's a Texan thing?) when Paxton enters the room.

I have issues with Paxton and walk over and shoot him in the knee with my forty-five to jar his memory a little. Now Paxton is babbling some pretty weird shit for Paxton. Stuff like, "Howdy pardners!" and "I swallow, I spit, I do it all."

When I last spoke with Paxton he sounded like some over educated Ivy League asshole. So I'm wondering if Paxton did call a Mistress, had his mind opened up a little. It seems to have done him good, Mistresses, electroshock and mescaline will do that to boy.

Well Paxton is riding lbb around the room like a horse or a pony or I don't know what when my old pal stove enters the room.

Am I loosing my mind??!! Has it finally happened? I didn't drop that much acid, sheesh what's going on?

Now I'm fairly suspicious about 'stove' since that wasn't the real guy's name. I'm figuring it's most likely a friend but I don't don't know who. He's begging me to shoot him ("Aren't you going to shoot me billy?") but I'm showing incredible restraint (you usually don't have to ask) because it's the Holidays. I tell stove he has to "earn" it.

Well while I'm pondering stove Paxton has come out of the closet and is confessing his deep love of wearing little girl dresses and panties. Sorta par for the course in the chatroom but Paxton has found a way to make it hot as hell and I find myself begging him to "come to daddy."

"Nope I think I'll stay seated on lbb's lap"

That lucky bastard, so I try my patented 'hypno-vision' on jem. Nada. Guess psychosis is billy's only endearing factor, not father figure. Drat!

The five of us are whirling around each other like paper in a dust devil and other folk are coming in and out of the room wondering what the heck is going on, trying to interject or join in. We're not being exclusive but we're not spending any time trying to bring them up to speed either, ketchup baby tomato.

It was fun as hell so if you're lucky enough to run into either the new and improved Paxton (version 2.0!) or lbb take some time and get to know them. They are a lot of fun!

Oh and stove finally managed to get shot. We don't tolerate trash talking Star Trek on our shift. Paxton just loves Star Trek, make sure to quiz him about it, what his favorite episode was, etc. He even managed to impress lbb which is hard to do when it comes to Kirk and crew.

The other thing you should know is don't let Paxton anywhere near a gun, he's a bit um too enthusiastic, not real concerned about the whole aiming thing ...