Clowntime is Over

I spoke with MsGrace tonight. It was a wonderful evening for Billy! I opened the conversation with, "MsGrace, can I come home?"

She said, "Maybe ..."

Yes! My slutty ways are at an end! I can get balance back in my life (more on this in a future posting)!

Um ... wait a minute ... Maybe?!

MsGrace then leads me through a very detailed interview. She wants to make absolutely sure that I understand exactly what we're getting into here. That there are rules and there are consequences for breaking them.

I'm non-plussed. I fill an entire blog to date with what a slut I've been and she's concerned about commitment issues on my end? ::soft smile:: I got the impression that MsGrace might have been burned once or twice by "pets" and She doesn't particularly enjoy it.

If you glance down in this blog to my first phone call with MsGrace. You'll see my realization that here is a real human being with real emotions on the other end of the telephone. MsGrace gives a little of herself in every call but I think she opens up even more to a pet. I trust her to frolic in that sandbox called my brain and as a pet she makes a much larger emotional commitment to me. MsGrace deals in emotional currency. These are my impressions, I've been a pet, what twelve minutes? I plan to explore exactly what this status means as our relationship grows in this blog.

So, the consequences if I were to ever fuck-up and resume my slutty ways would be that I would hurt Her. Who wants that? I don't and I'm certain She doesn't either. I don't play emotional games, I play other games but those are between MsGrace and I ... um ... sorry got a little distracted there.

So, you're probably wondering when we're getting married?

Never. Does never work for you gentle reader? It does for me. This is an interesting and unique type of relationship, professional (not to put too fine a point on it, MsGrace is getting paid - and she should be) but very, very personal. I kind of wish I had a compass, I've never been around these here parts before ::Billy looks around:: ...

We discuss my moniker "Billy" and decide to keep it that way (I'll put up another entry about that but if I don't shut up soon this entry will end up the size of War and Peace and no one will read it).

MsGrace then serves up a big heaping dose of confidence for poor Billy, pointing out her most recent blog entry titled, "Connections" That if she didn't find me interesting and fun we wouldn't be having this discussion. Cool beans.

So, there it sits between us, a big ol' promise to commit, particularly on my end. Slut that I was. I promise. I don't promise "to do my best," I just promise with all that word implies. I tell MsGrace, "Clowntime is Over" and I mean it. I'm oddly unconcerned about screwing up. With Her watching my back, what worries?

So, she says, "Yes" I can be a pet.

If I can take a moment to tease a tease ... ::Sandra Bullock voice::

I think MsGrace liiikes me ...
She wants to teeaase me ...
She wants to guiiide me ...

And I want that too.

I am so happy. I'm so nervous. Uncharted territory. I'm going to be a pet!

An Aimee Mann song snippet runs through my head that probably sums up where my life's been of late ...

So here I'm sittin' in my car at the same old stoplight
I keep waiting for a change, but I don't know what
So red turns into green, turning into yellow.
But I'm just frozen here on the same old spot.
And all I have to do is press the pedal.
But I'm not. No I'm not.

MsGrace giggles, reaches over and stomps on the gas ...