Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Electric Pink Kool-Aid Acid Test Lot 23b79

Oh MAN! How'd I end up back in the lab? Last thing I recall was hanging at this bar talking to this guy named Boris. Christ was he boring! 'Vould chew vike too meyt a pratty geeirl?' I wish Princess was there, she speaks fluent Russian. I got so fucking bored with his nonsense that I did a shot of the latest batch of Kool-Aid to see if it would improve matters. Mittens still isn't right from the previous test batch I made, she shaved her head, donned an orange robe and is running around the house meowing, "Hare Krishna Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna Hare Hare, Hare Rama Hare Rama, Rama Rama Hare Hare." I swear to God if she doesn't stop banging that motherFUCKING tambourine ... Anyway the last thing I recall is asking Boris, "Vhat dee hyeck ees a pratty geeirl?" Next thing I know I'm here on the floor.

What's this? An envelope? Wait! Why am I dressed like this?! Pictures???!!!

OH MY GAWWWDDDD!!!!

Princess I can 'splain EVERYTHING ... ummmmm ... I'm certain the pictures speak for themselves!


I'm so stoned and I feel so vulnerable in pink.
You really think I look pretty? Really, really pretty?!
Keep talking, I'm listening! Well that does make sense! Pictures!
How else will I treasure this memory? You're smart!
I like your nose too, it's worthy of Pinocchio


I'll do it as long as you PROMISE not to tell OK?? PROMISE!!!
Then this ONE TIME ONLY!
You still respect me! Right? I do look cute don't I!!
What's my motivation for holding the pink heart again?
Do I look like a dork in this shirt? I think it makes me look fat!
OK, OK I'll shut up. Quit yelling at me!


Ummmm, rubbing like this is making me horny!
Is that wrong? Is there something wrong with me?
I bet there's something wrong with me, isn't there?
Something very, very wrong with billybear!


Do I look like a freak? I bet I look like some sort of freak!
Hmmmm Where did you purchase these? I have um, a friend ...
Oh! Oh! This wittle piggy went to market ...

Princess, I'm so sorry! I got nuthin here, all I can say is I didn't cum, honest, and that Russians are BAD! yeah ... bad Russians, naughty Russians! You can tell from the pictures what a rotten time I was having! I guess lot 23b79 isn't for billybear. The things I do for science, for making a better tomorrow, who knew research could be so dangerous? Hey jemmie, Lucky and banky come over here and taste this batch! ...

What pink bow?! What the fuck are you talking about???

PS:
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4 comments:

  1. Lucky Pet5/09/2007 7:47 PM

    billyjeanbear,

    Did you call me a girl?

    Fate has a way of combating evil.

    ReplyDelete
  2. BillyBear5/10/2007 10:38 AM

    Did you call me a girl?

    I believe I asked exactly when you turned into one. You worry too much, settle down :-)

    Fate has a way of combating evil.

    Now I'm evil? What's jem gonna do then? She's the evil one! Now we'll have to take care of her panicked ass (no jem you're not being 'let go' you're far more evil than billy can ever hope to be - sheesh).

    A bunch of Russians take my intoxicated ass out for a photo shoot which happens all the time I'll have you know! And suddenly I'm the Prince(ss) of Fucking Darkness.

    Why so cranky? You mean to tell me you've never woken up inappropriately attired? What about that Halloween Party last October with that devil woman (which wasn't me BTW) Something about unspeakable perversions going on in the coat room. If I recall correctly you were left in a bit of a pickle there. Whom did you call a 'girl' to have such rough karmic justice delivered upon you?

    You seem awfully defensive about this girl thing ... hmmmmm

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lucky Pet5/10/2007 3:14 PM

    The only thing I can think of that would explain this behaviour in you billyjean, is PMS. I have a suggestion: Midol.

    ReplyDelete
  4. BillyBear5/10/2007 3:42 PM

    I have a suggestion: Midol.

    You seem to know a lot about this stuff, so if you think it will help where heroin and bourbon have failed. I'll try it!

    Thanks!

    Gosh we're almost galpals ...

    Where did you get those boots!!!???

    ReplyDelete

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