Severe Flooding Expected in Texas!

Billybear Emergency Network

This is not a test. The Texas National Guard has been placed at level one readiness for flooding throughout the Texas region and neighboring gulf states. FEMA has been notified and all hands are at the ready for this potential disaster.

"We're currently unsure of exactly how much flooding to expect," said a local man on the scene while piling sandbags around his home, "my understanding is it could be quite severe!"

Word escaped today that an individual named 'jem' has received a package most likely containing a key to Princess Grace's CB2000 and that her call with THE Motherfucking Princess is "imminent." Jem is forbidden to open the package until she has Princess on the phone.

Cord Walker stated, "Once that package is open we expect all Holy Hell to break loose" before delivering a series of rapid body punches and a nasty side kick to a nearby reporter for no apparent reason. "I'm a little tense," was all he would say.

"I'd dearly love to sit in on this call and pray," said Father Pestrackioakly, "but my repeated requests have been turned down. All I get back is, 'Call Her yourself!' So I will be praying at church that this potential disaster wont be too severe, but we're waaay over forty days here and we all know what happened that time!"

"Well jem could be denied," said an unidentified 'pet' from the Kool-Aid camp, "MsGrace is kinda moody about that sort of stuff, only She knows for sure! I just hope we don't have another Katrina on our hands! ... 'on our hands' eeeewwwwww!!!"

Another pet wasn't at all hopeful. He was frantically consulting the bible while gluing together an ark out of Popsicle sticks, "Ohhhh this is gonna be a bad one, I can feel it! How big is a cubit? Genesis 6:15 tells me to build an ark 300 X 50 X 30 cubits but I have no idea how big a cubit is, can anyone tell me??!!! I need to make sure it's big enough to hold all my porn and naughty stuff. Purging is expensive and fucking Allstate wont cover it."

Everyone in the gulf region is instructed to seek higher ground should severe flooding occur.

Princess Grace could not be reached for comment.