Keys sound in the lock and a door somewhere in the house creaks open.
A furtive "shit" escapes a panicked billybear's lips. He's in quite a pickle! What started as a harmless prank as escalated into something that will most likely require serious explanation and high priced attorneys. MsGrace isn't gonna like this.
billybear carefully picks up the keyboard he's glued his hands to and a mewling mittens equally stuck to the keyboard. His frantic eyes dart around the office. As he hears footsteps approach he crouches under the desk, still as death.
Bankyboo strolls by without a glance, taking off his sports coat on his way to his bedroom. Various noises can be heard, then the sound of one of MsGrace's MP3s comes softly from the bedroom followed by scrabbling noises and frustrated grunts.
A box of Q-Tips slams into the hallway wall causing mittens to bury her claws into billybear's paws! billybear screams in pain. The unmistakable sound of a shotgun being chambered can be heard.
A robed bankyboo, shotgun aimed squarely at billybear appears in the office doorway.
"Banky! It's me billybear! I can explain everything!!!"
A quiet southern drawl, "I'm listening."
"It was ace's and jem's idea!!!"
nervous giggle, can't wring paws ...
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ace and jemmie, eh? i think about this for a moment.
ReplyDeleteHmmm (sound of thinking)
why would billybear try to sabotage my computer just before the Midnight Madness quiz??? he won't even be there.
But ace and jemmie??? they'll be there!
it all begins to make sense. ace and jem have tricked billybear into gluing his paws to my keyboard so i can't type in answers to the quiz.
poor billybear
Well, they won't get away with this!
i spring into action, tossing the shotgun aside and grabbing some nail polish remover - there's always some here, i don't know why - and using the dexterity gained from my double q-tip training, i go to work freeing billy and mittens.
i should have started first with billy because mittens scratched the hell out of me as i freed each little claw-filled paw.
damn cat!
now billy, help me think of a way to get back at those two rascals.
Bankyboo - your genius is showing! I'm sooo glad you figured this out. Me the hapless patsy, nothing but a pawn in jem's and ace's wicked, wicked game!
ReplyDeletenow billy, help me think of a way to get back at those two rascals.
Yes their evil is boundless! Let's see ...
jem really hates being stabbed in the knee. That always distracts her. She's also afraid of hairdressers - go figure.
ace seems to have developed this pathological hatred for mittens, probably jealousy. Not sure how that would help though ...
Well ace hates Pepto Bismol. OH! I'll dust the floors of the chatroom with catnip! He'll be incoherent!
With jem just dangle something shiny that always works! Maybe a bright shiny key?
Hope this helps! And THANKS!
BANKY!!!!
ReplyDeletePut some Viagra in jem's milk!!!!
That will keep her distracted through Midnight Madness!!!
oh thanks, disinterested individual not billy. but where the hell i'm i gonna get milk?
ReplyDeleteAnd billy, dangling some shiny keys would surely distract jem.
KEYS? did somebody say KEYS?
Unfortunately, it would distract me too.
ace dials the phone in a panic... 1-555-BTCHASS...
ReplyDelete"Hello?"
"Hi, jem. It's ace."
"Oh, hey there. I was just studying up for midnight madness. What's up?"
"You know that trick superglue we put on billy's desk?"
"That test formula that attracts wild dingos when combined with nail polish? I told you that was a dumb idea!"
In the distance, a dog howls.
"Jem, my sources tell me there's a bounty on our heads. I suggest we arrive at Midnight Madness seperately and with altered identities."
"I'm scared, ace!"
"We're all scared, jem. We're all scared."
I dont even know what to say to this! LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOO
ReplyDeletebut where the hell i'm i gonna get milk?
ReplyDeleteYou own a goat don't ya? Heck everybody owns a goat
baaaa
Look jem's always drinking something, juice, kool-aid, bong water, it doesn't matter. Whatever she's nursing on put it in there.
bankyboo prepares refreshments for all the strokers and sissies at the Midnight Madness chat.
ReplyDelete- sound of dingos barking in the distance -
But which one will jemmie take? Better put the viagra in all of them.
Ha! like Princess Grace and Ms Kate need any help from little blue pills to turn guys into squirming little pets.
- howling, closer this time -
bankyboo smiles, thinking what howling does to Princess. oh, this is gonna be so good.
"- howling, closer this time -
ReplyDeletebankyboo smiles, thinking what howling does to Princess. oh, this is gonna be so good."
Oh goodnes...I hear it too....Oh My...what to do....
*runs and puts on My red cloak*
Oh I am ready.....
LOL
I am happy that I was not implicated THIS time!
ReplyDelete**runs and puts on My red cloak*
ReplyDeleteOh I am ready.....*
Princess, if you let me out and let me cum, you better have that cloak handy too, because there may be some serious howling...
little bitchass
P.S. I've been watching this Viagra plot with interest... I'm not drinkin' nuttin' from now until my call.
I'm not drinkin' nuttin' from now until my call.
ReplyDeleteI wonder what banky was dipping your Q-Tips in last night?
Wouldn't it SUCK if it was saltpeter? Or even a more powerful anaphrodisiac such as cyproterone or medroxyprogesterone in conjunction with an SSRI? OUCH!
What circle of Dantonian Hell would one find oneself if he or she had The Motherfucking Princess Grace, pressing ALL your buttons, on the line and was unable to function? Particularly after so very many days caged, only to be caged again after the call?
One can only ponder the blog entries both of you would write.
If I were you I'd pop about 100mgs of Viagra say thirty minutes before the call (just to be safe about the Q-Tips). I'm certain with the raging Ginsu carving knife boner you'll be sporting trapped in that CB2000 that you'll be more than convincing in talking Princess into letting you out. Maybe. She has a quirky sense of humor.
But I digress.
I'm sure everything is fine. Enjoy your call!
jem is safe from me, there was no drinking of viagra-laced refreshments at last night's chat.
ReplyDeletei was heading over there in lawnmower, errr, car while balancing the drinks in one hand and holding a big fork in the other, steering with my knees.
Had to swerve to avoid hitting some lunatic dingo-dog that was chasing a kitten. i hit a tree, spilled the drinks, and stabbed myself in the leg with the fork.
Now that an innocent (me!) has been hurt in this feud, i've come to my senses and decided it has to end.
let's all concentrate on Princess in Her little red cape.